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Veronica, I did that once, hired an off-duty cop to provide security for an event which had been plagued with ugly drunks the prior year. Best ever use of $100, as I didn't even know there'd been an "incident" at the gate until I went out at the end of the evening to pay the officer.
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Jude, I would have died laughing at your Mom's choice of words. That's just hilarious. She and my dad were similar - Dad was always screwing something down, screwing something to the wall (shelves were never just "hung" in our house, but fastened so damned tight to the wall you'd never get them off there without ripping a hole in the wall) - and he didn't just screw things down, he put glue or something IN THE HOLE to hold the screw even tighter.

Hope, I'm hoping you're ok! My lovely big monsterdog has flipped me off my feet more than once in his lifetime. Once, before I learned about using a headcollar on him to control him, he bolted after two loose dogs in the neighborhood while I was walking him. He yanked me right off my feet and face down on the ground and DRAGGED ME about 30 feet on my stomach before I was able to stop him. And I'm not a small person, but he was determined to get to those dogs. Another time, some loose dogs (seeing a pattern here?) came into our yard while my dog was out on his lead. I was outside with him at the time, and the dogs came right into the yard and challenged him - he bolted right at them, wrapping the lead around my legs and jerking me off my feet and slamming into the side of the van. I need a fenced yard - badly. Once I was able to get back up, I had to try and reel him back in because the other dogs were attacking him. I still have to call the cops on those same dogs at least once or twice a summer, because their owners don't bother fixing their kennel to make sure they can't get out of it.

Been kind of in the dumps the past couple of days, busy with work and feeling like I was just spinning my wheels in terms of the housework and such. Finally got out of that today and started putting things away. Feels good to get things done. Going to try to put the new grill together tonight and get that outside. I put up the new patio umbrella on our patio table and continued treating the weeds and unwanted grass with the vinegar solution - it's working! Everything I sprayed so far has started dying off. Ordered a water and salt delivery (drinking water and salt for our softener). Starting to make progress on posting things for sale on the FB yard sale group - need to get rid of the excess junk. I have SO much stuff in my storage unit that I need to make a decision on - sell, donate or keep. Time to start shedding the excess stuff that I can't use now.

Had a long discussion today with the home nurse about how badly the Medicare system and the system of assistance provided to our elders is broken. Not that it made any difference, but it felt good to talk to someone who totally understands how bad things are.
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Here's an idea for you Gershun. Tell all the boozers there will be no drunkards at mom's memorial service and you will be hiring a cop with a breathalizer to make sure no one comes in drunk and when they leave they had better not have smuggled in any contraband because same cop will be in his car at the end of the road to pick off likely offenders.
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Jude I think you and all the gals being bouncers at my Mom's memorial is a superb idea!! I would be laughing too much to get mad. Fly on over Jude.

Speaking of falling. I was on the treadmill once and fell, got my shoe caught in the treadmill and couldn't get it out. The safety thing you attach to yourself in case you fall is supposed to pull off and automatically turn the machine off but it didn't. So there I was. Most of the skin on both my knees scraped right off. All I was able to do finally was reach over and pull my shoe off.

It sounds ghastly but it was really quite funny and years later I still have the scars to prove it.

Anyhow thx all for your well wishes for Saturday!!!
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As for Dad's clothes bearing in mind he died in 98 I couldnt deal with them at all so in the end (2012) I gave them to someone I knew who was taking clothes abroad....what I didnt want to happen was that i would be walking down the road and see someone wearing his favourite jacket ....no.no.too much
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Jessie I did smile about you having an Intact male during your teens - I hadn't read back far enough or forward far enough to realise we were talking about cats!!!!!!

Country you will be fine and if they don't ring they will have missed the best worker for none is better than a person with a good heart me dear. Failing that I hear the military are looking for interrogators - with those waterboarding skills you might be eligible

Jeanette I have Mum on the case - one drawer at a time - she isn't throwing much away but at least its tidy, I can saran wrap it ready for the move (we call it cling film over here - because it is film and it does cling!) I just want a magician to go puff and it's all done....wonder if David Copperfield is available. We are hiring a skip but I can see her going in it after tonight's fiasco - We had a little issue with screws today mum was sorting some and then decided to put them all back in the same bag again duh! So tonight she is back on the almost OCD focus that is so predominant from time to time and it is now quarter before eleven (quarter to eleven CM for us Brits) and she is demanding to have the bag of screws back.

I did give up in the end basically because of the language she was using. nothing really vulgar to her mind but I am clearly on a different planet right now. All she would say is give the screws back. I need them. What do you need them for mum?

I have to screw something. I used to screw everything....if it moved I would screw it.

Well you see I was in fits thinking what anybody who heard that would say....the only thing is I know why she said it...during the war she was employed as part of the call up laying decks on ships and yes if it moved she did screw it down!!!!!!!
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Jeannette the part that worked with moving out my moms clothes was donating them to a charity that she volunteered at through her church. Homeless shelter that also helps battered women with nothing for self and kids. The idea that she was hugging all those people with fabric helped. Her books were given to library so it felt like she would keep sharing thoughts. No money but her ideals carried on
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We'll be sending you positive vibes Gershun!! We are also reuniting mom with dad on Saturday as well. Original plan was Father's Day but my brothers are working nights and well, Sunday evening is actually Monday morning for them.

Hope, hehehe.... that was too funny!! I have done that several times myself!! or tripped over a dog, especially my old blind/deaf fellow. Yesterday, while trying not to squish him, I ended up breaking my middle toe! It's a lovely blackish blue color this morning.

Confession time. I have did absolutely the bare minimum of house work since mom passed. Just not in the mood, I'd rather be puttering around outside than anything inside but now I have to pay the price. We are coming back to my house after we celebrate mom...which means, I need to get off my a** and clean or strategically hide things in the bedrooms :))) I guess my SIL is going to help me clear out moms things...not looking forward to that either... heck, I sill have some of daddy's shirts hanging in his closet and his hats. It's all just so d*mn final ya know?

Jude, did I mention how much I detest moving? To me, it's the ultimate punishment! LOL I get to the point that I'd just like to sweep it all into a giant trash bin.
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Haha....oh it's ok....im the worlds worst at laughing. ..even at my own self. .once I know no one is hurt. This could have been really funny had I fallen just a few inches over. .I keep a kiddie pool full of clean fresh water for my kittiesand almost landed right in it. .lol
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Hope as long as there's nothing broken or too bruised, is it okay to laugh? As consolation, I once waterboarded myself in the shower by putting a washcloth over my face and turning into the stream.
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I got out early today to weed and water because our heat is blistering hot already during the day. I did not notice the house was wrapped around my ankles and i jerked on it and pulled my own legs out from under me. It hurts to fall now and it is very embarrassing. ..im ok...but one day im going to do that and break something
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I know that some neutered males will in fact roam but this one has not except for the time the UNneautered Tom came around and then he was gone for three days. .but did return. I heard the Tom in the woods the night before mine disappeared so i know it's a possibility, the thing that worries me is during the early morning i heard that sound of something grappling with something in the leaves and by the time i got out there all the dogs in the neighborhood were barking and i heard something running down through the woods towards the mountains. ...that is why I'm nervous. ..my brother was encouraging, so I'm trying to not give up..i know he could still come home so I'm believing he will. I wish everyone would have their pets spayed and neutered. .all of mine are and they don't leave the yard. .until an errant Tom comes over and jumps on em
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ff, you're so right. I had an intact male when I was a teen. One day he just walked away. The call of the females was too strong. He took up with a band of feral cats that hung out at a neighbor's house and became totally feral himself. He was a sweet kitten, but we didn't think about neutering back then. His biology took over.
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Scared scared scared… I've just uploaded my CV to a jobs forum. The phone isn't ringing off the hook, I notice. Funny that.

Gershun, if things kick off go and sit somewhere quietly, put your head in your hands and remember that your mother knows your family just as well as you do and will understand. Don't forget, you choose your friends… (and we'll all be thinking of you x).
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Hope, male cats like to roam [fixed or not] and for some reason in their noodle brain of theirs they like to take vacations. It's not unusual for a male indoor/outdoor cat to escape for awhile. Keeping my fingers crossed he will be home soon.

Do you have a wildlife camera? It would be interesting to see if he shows up at night then at the crack of dawn he's roaming again.
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Gershun, You and your Mom will be in my thoughts and prayers on Saturday.

Hope, You are doing the right thing by saying you are there for Mama and Mama only...she comes first...and so do You! It sounds like your cousin is the manipulative sort. I have some inlaws like this....

Jude, I hope you get that freezer cleaned out. When we moved to our new home the previous owner had a freezer in the garage full of meat that they left behind...the freezer was turned off and when I went to clean it out it looked like something from a horror movie....ended up getting rid of the whole freezer and its contents!

Globetrotter, I use a meat marinade and soak the steaks for a couple hours in that in the fridge before cooking and that helps keep them more tender. Steak can be so tricky!
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Gershun we are not going to synchronise we are going to be the bouncers for you! All of us! Can you imagine how funny it would be if we were all there frisking them for bottles of booze and breathalizing them before they're let in. It is good to think the worst hun - the day can then only be better than your fears (at least I hope so)

Hope Im glad that it isnt just her words - very happy about that hun xxxx

You know its gonna be a bad day when......you go to clean out the garage and realise that 4 days earlier before a blisteringly hot last 4 day I might add you accidentally turned the electricity off in the garage and opening the freezer is something you dont want to do but you know you have do - yuk yuk yuk luckily I was running iut down to clean - now I dont have to defrost it!!! but the smell is as bad as...well you know the answer to that one dont you
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Shilo...repeating that over and over. .because for sure, spending this time with Mama is what matters to me. ..and yes, Mama absolutely picks up on the negative vibes. .i noticed that this weekend when my cousin was here whining all weekend..it kept Mama in a state. .much more so than normal. .i won't be having overnight guests anymore.

Jude, i do know they dont care for me. But i doubt it is the forefront of all their thought processes. .to be honest she doesn't want them to like me. .ridiculous sounding i know. The reason i don't like them though is they disrespected both my parents as long as i can remember. .THAT is why i don't like em.

Gershun, bless your heart. .i will indeed be thinking of you and praying all goes well. Such a pity to have to feel stressed at such a time. (((Hugs)))
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Globetrotter, the trick to getting meat to come out tender is "low and slow". Lower cooking temperature, longer cooking time. Works regardless of what cooking method you use. Other things I find helpful for a tougher piece of meat are marinading in citrus juice & sprinkling with sea salt. Or put the marinade and the meat in the crock pot before you leave, assuming she'll leave it alone during the day.
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Well speaking of family drama theres always a lot of that going around.

We are having the memorial for my Mom on Saturday and there is already so many undercurrents happening around my family.

I feel so stressed out at the very thought of it. I want so much for this to be about my Mom and nothing else. If I had my way it would just be me and the pastor.

Please send loving thoughts my way on Saturday around 2 pm. I live in Canada so you can all synchronize your watches. Just kidding.
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Just to play devils advocate Hope and in NO WAY MUST THIS CHANGE YOUR MIND, - you do realise that her comments about you being despised might just have been done to isolate you from them don't you. This is a game I know well, my mum used it all the time. I know you don't give a hoot about them and that's absolutely fine as long as it is not done for the reason that you were TOLD they despised you
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Hope, this is your conscience reminding you...

I, 'Hope'
will not take my cousin to any doctor appointments
will not run errands for my cousin
will not be my cousin's EMERGENCY CONTACT
will not let my cousin take precious time away from me spending it with my Mama

I, 'Hope' will rest so I have strength physically and mentally to take care of my Mama and enjoy this time with her as much as I possibly can.


Hope, have you thought about taking a few days off from txting and answering your phone? At the very least, txt a reply once about a subject but no more...take an asked and answered approach. Your cousin may or may not realize how many times she has asked you the same question. Her repetitiveness seems to be agitating you. I would hate to see this effecting you caring for your mom. {{hugs}}
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Oh..btw.twin thanks for asking....sadly no...my sweet baby has not returned. I dreamed this morning that all of a sudden there he was and i was so happy. .then woje up and knew it was a dream. ..my brother told me not to give up..he was very positive...i like that. .i will have to keep remembering God sees him as we speak and He knows what is best. I will trust Him to take care of my baby. .i hope that means he will come home safely. Nonetheless i will trust. ..thanks again for asking..my heart is so sad. ..
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I just noticed i was about to let a lot of ugly words fly and my ADHD Kicked in and oh well. ......i guess i said enough. .thanks again everybody
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Thanks twin..i agree. ..i am tired of telling her. .hard headed and selfish. .i know she is scared but she also seems to relish the drama of having all these issues as horrible as that sounds. She has been telling me. .i know it must be something really bad or they would not be insisting that someone come with me. .they are stressing that. .that someone come with me. ..AAAAAARGHHHHH.........shut it...i heard you the first time. ...
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Emjo and book..thank you so much. .those words of wisdom are 100% on target...the more i think on the the angrier i get because she sat here this pad weekend, SAW that i was having my own trouble walking and yet her concern is my cousin who already drives her to her appt, he just can't get his butt out of the car to go inside and let the doctor talk to him. And why? ??he doesn't want to deal with it either. She has made a life long issue of telling me how despised i am among all my other cousins. I cease to give a flying toot about them a long time ago, but now i am seeing she does not care about me because if she did she wouldn't constantly choose to remind me how much no one likes me up there. .well..whoop tee freakin doodie...just get one of them to go with you. ..another amazing and sad thing is that i notice just about all my front is not about my sweet Mama, who is the priority here. .so why again do i not plan on doing this? . I hope I dont get banned here. .but i didn't move home to be my cousins caregiver. .i am here for Mama. End of story. ..
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Jeannette, I hear you! My mother and I go through some kind of power struggle with food. She insists I shop every week for the groceries and I end up spending so much money and throwing so much spoiled and uneaten food out. No matter what the amount, it is never right - too much or not enough. I have had to do more of the cooking lately because of her cognitive decline and hygiene/sanitation issues. I like to take a short rest after I come home from work before starting on dinner, and she complains that it is too late. She will often start on it before I get home, and ask me to take over because she feels too weak and can't stand up long enough. The meat is never cooked properly according to mom, and is often tough (I am not the greatest cook, but I don't think I'm the worst either, although I'll be darned if I can figure out how to cook tender steak). After all the preparation and asking, "Is that supper ready yet; I'm starving", we sit down to eat and she says, "I'm not a bit hungry." Then she snacks throughout the evening/night.
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Hope, if it was me I would call my cellphone provider and get her number blocked so she cannot text you. Bad I know. She is stressing you out and your mother may be able to sense this.
Even though she is a relative and you may feel bad about her health concerns her own family needs to step up and help not you.
She seems quite selfish wanting to put her needs in front of your caregiving of your mother.
Stand firm and ignore her to the best of your ability.
I would ask her what part of No does she not understand.
No need to explain yourself as I agree with the others as she is waiting for a crack to open, an opportunity and will seize it and mark your life a living nightmare.
Maybe you need to show her all these posts!
You take care of your mother and yourself and no one else ( except the pets of course). Did your kitty show up?
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FeelingLost, my mother was a refusenik for decades when it came to anything "psychological" too; but about two years - was it? I'm so at sea with dates, now - before she died she got talked into trying a low dose SSRI by doctor granddaughter, me and her GP combined; and they did take the edge off. I'm trying to remember how we phrased it - I think we explained that her illnesses had affected the level of hormones in her brain (which was true) and that the SSRI would correct it. I think having something "real" to treat made her more receptive - she was so low in mood she wouldn't have been capable of agreeing simply because they'd make her feel better.
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Hi All and Katie222,
I confess, I bought the fancy paper plates for quick clean ups and mom giggled and didn't object. She never even allowed paper napkins growing up. Anyway, I like to simplify as much as possible. The burdens of running their home, finances, healthcare, and visits, is draining my energy. Paper plates! Ha!
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