I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Jude, you too! I love the whimsical way you write!
I checked with our hospice folks this morning re my cousin and learned there is in house hospice not too far away if that becomes necessary for my cousin. That is a relief. I will keep this info handy just in case. I'm so relieved to know it would be available for her if the need does arise. ...i have finally settled in my spirit that i have to make a choice. ..if i choose to be there more for the cousin, it will take me away from my Mama. .and i am not going to do that. I will do what i can within reason, but i also know she would not do it for me either. .I'm not going to feel guilty...........im not going to feel guilty. ...im not going to feel guilty
The other day, as I was feeling a tad bad about this, my husband walked into the kitchen, where I was cleaning up, and made himself a cup of tea. I must ask him 5-6 times a day if he would like a cup of tea. He did not ask me. And he is a nice guy. He just assumed that if I wanted tea, I would make it myself.
That is the reward for being capable.
And that is my whine for the day.
Jude, what a fabulous idea having your Mom sort the papers! My Mom also worked in a bank years ago and maybe this would work for her too.
BUT
I have 2 filing cabinets with zillions of bits in them - the equivalent of a junk closet really. So yesterday I got the big table out and a perch stool for mum and emptied the entire contents onto the table and asked her to sort it for me. I din't tell her how to.... I left it up to her. It took her about 3 hours but she just kept at it.....normally shes bored after about 10 minutes. At the end of the morning she had thrown nothing away but it was all in neat little piles: all the papers in one pile for me to go through. Pens in a box she found, screwdrivers somewhere else - it was marvellous. now all I need to do is find a zillion more drawers!!!! Wondering now how good she would be at packing - perhaps the towels? hmm food for thought
Today has sucked. I am so worn out, beat up, and done.
My husband made a comment about an acquaintance who divorced his first wife because she didn't want his Alzheimer's Mama living with them anymore. Mama or wife? That didn't settle well. I need a vacation!
But its true. Soft-hearted people quite often get stuck holding the bag. You do enough as it is. There is a limit. Quit being so hard on yourself. You are not a bad person if you don't always drop everything to help others.
Next time someone asked you to do something thats above and beyond what you are reasonably able to do given your circumstances just say "its not in my job description" All tongue in cheek of course :)
Stand firm Hope tell her once again that you are sorry for her condition but there is no way you can or are prepared to take responsibility for her. Hugs
Hugs to you and your sweet mama
Jeanette - If you are not on the CC then you are not responsible/liable for the debt. If there is an estate then it gets paid out of the estate.
Your POA ended at her death.
If she didn't care I guess I should of just let her face the music. But I guess I want my Mom's memorial to be not buzzing with undercurrents of tension. Its going to be painful enough. But I hear what you are saying CM. Any other time and I would of just left it alone.
As far as paperwork goes Susan. I hear that too. It will be a year before the will is out of probate and I am still getting Mom's bills sent to me that were paid already but because there are so many incompetent losers out there their records are not accurate.
Dishes piling up!! I hear that too. I think the forks and knives multiply like rabbits.