I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
I just hopped on board though to hide in my study and escape from exSO's clarinet practice. We're on to "Daisy Daisy give me your answer do" and it is hysterically terrible. I haven't laughed so hard, or had to do it so silently, since my daughter's school's string quartet ground to a screeching halt part way through Pachelbel's Canon one Open Day. Like I could do any better, I know - but I'm not making anyone listen to me.
Definitely take Veronica's advice or else you'll end up doing this all over again and somewhere along this road, there has to be an EXIT to the new road of "Our Turn".
Go get some brightly colored poster paper, neon green is my fav. In big black block letter's say "This paper is for my mother whom is on her death bed", Please do not steal it again.
People really do not understand what we "carer;s" go through nor the emotional toll this is. I honestly just want to be left the hell alone for awhile. Just me n mah dogs... oh oh and the pool of course. Other that, the outside world can stay there... outside!
She definitely needs someone to take charge (NOT YOU) is there anyone in the family you could reach out to to be able to help her. Does she have money for care?
One thing you can do if you have time is look up MS, ALS,and Parkinsons and make a list of all the symptoms for them. Send her the list and tell her to check off everything she has and give that list to any Dr she sees.
Talk to your own hospice social worker and ask her how to get someone to help. There should be a social worker at cousin's local health dept who can get the supervision going. he brother may be fine for driving may be fine but he should not be POA. I know you feel guilty but Mama is you first responsibility and cousin is going to be probably a bigger job so put the guilt away, once there is someone in place, end of responsibility. Is she old enough for elder care to become involved.? I have been think about this a lot and all i can say is the neurologist needs to get off his butt and make a diagnosis. Hope this helps, it is all you can do and if she does not co-operate then she is on her own.
Gershun its only an afterthought that thankfully Katie's comment reminded me of (thanks for that one Katie). If they want to drink they could be plastered on arrival so any lack of alcohol would be honoured but they might still be idiots.
In your place I think I might choose somehwere that has a 5 mile walk first (so they can wear off the drink and so that it is miles from alcohol!) Actually in your place I wouldnt have one. Just to be sure I was not going to have any bad memories.
Then when you send out invites be specific. Say something like non alcoholic refreshments will be provided at the funeral reception but we feel alcohol is inappropriate, the premises do not permit its usage and we respectfully request that you honour this on this solemn occasion.
Hopefully you don't have Irish roots for they may want alcohol as, for some Irish groups, it does form part of their celebrations (not all Irish people, I hasten to add)
if they persist then make sure you have someone big enough to bounce them out of there. it wouldn't be the first driunken brawl I have witnessed and it is so inappropriate.
The only other alternative would be to have a quiet service for family only and not to have a recpetion but a meal for those who you can trust to honour the moment
Hope, I don't know why some people think if we are caregiver to one person, that we can be caregiver to all. You have enough to do taking care of your Mom and don't need a second person to care for. You need all the energy you can get to care for your Mom well and not spread that energy thin.
Nothing is set in stone yet. This may not even happen. It wouldn't even be a problem if we were talking about people who could drink without being belligerent idiots. I just don't want what is supposed to be a respectful get together to become a drunken free for all.
Don't mean to be negative but you better nip that in the bud right away. You can still help her but in your circumstances that you have described you cannot carry all that on.
Talking about Mama's clothes have you thought of selling them on ebay? not this minute but when you feel able to part with them and that may be some time and many tears later.
Hope the kitty comes home tonight.