My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Oh you didnt do that right did you first you tell them you dont have a computer that is working and cant afford to get it fixed because you dont get paid for looking after mum. Ok OK so its a lie - do you think they dont lie to you?
As you missed that trick (bet you remember it next time though) you tell them that you cannot understand the myriad of informaiton that is posted there and can they guide you through it so you can bookmark it for ease of reference next time you need it. Ask them what physical support emotional support and financial support is out there and are there any grants or charities that support your particular area - if you dont ask .....you wont get that is for sure.

If she/he is offish with you ask for an appointment to speak with someone who is more knowledgable about your needs or who is more confident in guiding you - it's a bit like saying listen you moron I am more than capable of looking at a website if was arranged in any intelligble order but given what you've told me I imagine you devised it - but without actually being that rude.

Above all be persistent we use a term called cracked record over here I imagine you may too - it's like when you are listen to your fave record and it starts Goodbye Norma Jean I never knew I never knew I never knew - just keep repeating exactly the same words - NEVER say sorry I dont understand say you are not being clear I dont understand - ALWAYS put the blame in their court.

You can always ask to speak to a complaints manager or ask them how you go about registering a formal complaint regarding the service you are receiving - that means they will have a host of paperwork to do reports etc on why they left you unsupported....in the end they give in because it is quicker to actually give you the information you need.

Remember this ...I use it now and again and it is effective - I know you use it regularly so it may be simple FOR YOU but I am struggling and my mother's support needs are so great I dont have time to go into every tab/link/external link/advert so please help me, before I just walk out of the door and leave it all to you while I write to the (name the biggest most influential local press office) telling them exactly how difficult YOU make it for ME to care for my mum's complex needs

I have just phoned social services to see what help might be available for my Mum, who has been living with us for the last 8 months. After being on hold just long enough to raise my blood pressure, I was told everything is on the web-site go and look at that. I politely said I had already done that without adding I found it excruciating in it's abysmal layout and infuriating, in it's lack of information and self congratulatory tone. Wish I had spent the time having a quiet coffee, even repeatedly poking myself in the eye would have been less annoying.
Sorry more of a rant than a whine. Normal service resumed.
Just dried Mum's tears and settled her back to bed for an afternoon nap.

:-(

I really, really hate this time of life for our elders.

While Mom was in the hospital, I discovered that an old neighbor of mine was in the next room in the ICU unit. I talked with his son, and found out that his mom was in another hospital about 40 miles away, and the kids were spending all day, every day running back and forth between hospitals. When my mom was moved to the NH for therapy, I discovered that both the husband and wife had been moved to the same NH and were in the same room - right next to Mom! So I visit them for a few minutes whenever I go see Mom now.

I knew when I stopped by their room last night that the wife didn't have long...she was in very bad shape. This morning when I arrived, she was gone. :-(

Jeanette we need a pool forum now so we can all sit in, have cocktails brought to us by wonderful people of our preferred gender (notice how politically correct I was? - makes a change for me!), and natter about the good things in life.

The doctors at the hospitals were really helpful today (not) they said I needed to be more positive and that I should say something positive every day.

Foolish man asked me to try it there and then - I am positive that I hate caring for Mum - dont think that was quite what he had in mind but he couldnt control the smirk from minorly appearing

Jeanette, I loved reading about your pool. I appreciate professionals so much. They make life so much easier. Hiring them is also a good way to keep cash flowing. People need the work. Since they need the work and we need a break, it is a win-win.

Your pool to me is like a bright spot. We all need those bright spots to keep us from falling into despair. I hope they can get it up quickly so you can enjoy.

Jeanette, My Mom has had almost continual UTIs lately, but she had them even before the catheter. It is possible that for her scar tissue in the bladder from past radiation may be a problem with this. When she gets the UTIs there is often dark blood and sediment in the foley bag. Then there are behavioral changes...she has had delirium several times in the past year. Cranberry juice doesn't seem to do a thing for her.
I hope your Mom is less prone to UTIs. I would watch the urine and any possible behavioral changes, but the first clue I get is blood in the tube and bag. Some people don't get these as much and I hope your Mom does not!

Hi girls!! and of couse, cap'n :) How is everyone?... hopefully hanging in there for all the happier stuff that is still in store for us. positive thought now! hehe, yeah right, one more infomercial on positive thinking I may just chuck my tv out the window!

Susan, awesome on growing that backbone!! LOL! Seriously, the nerve at that guy to rip the bags open?... hmmm, wonder who he is caring for at home ;) Every time I read about your mother my heart breaks a little more... poor dear, she wants to go home... yes I know this is what's best for her but I'm a big woosie lately. Good thing you caught your relative in time and explained to her how hard leaving/returning to the NH it would be for your mom.

Jessie... uhm, I am guilty of using both liquid softener and the sheets. They smell heavenly and seem to keep the old dying scent away. Yeah, I know that may have sounded harsh but there is a certain smell....

Gershun, I hope you are feeling a bit better and coming to terms with the loss of your mother :)

Katie, since your mother has had that catheter does she get more UTI's? I'm kind of worried about that... how can you tell? Ugh...

Veronica, you say such the kindest things at time... you have a wonderful way of explaining some of this awfulness :) I really appreciate it...

So, mom has been sleeping for days now it seems... I'm not sure how to handle this? I take a warm cloth in the mornings and lay it over her face to warm it up
( and loosen eye goobers) which wakes her for a tiny bit... at that time I attempt to get some ensure/water/applesauce/icecream/jello .... just whatever form of nutrients into her... then off to sleep she goes. She doesn't wake when I shift positions on her, or when my crazy old dog barks at a leaf falling... nothing. Just peaceful snoring which is giving me a false sense of everything being OK. Deep down though, I know it isn't ok, not in the way I'd like it to be...I've been struggling to keep the loneliness and depression at bay... days of silence will definitely have you flapping your lips. Weird how mom's mood/day/abilities affect my day... I really think it's affecting my older dog as well. Her and mom where buddies for 2 years, Daphne slept with mom every night and was her guardian... Daphne has turned into a stressed out barking annoying girl!... errrr... or maybe I've turned into that and the dog is acting on my moods? AACK!!

Jude, sometimes I feel it is ok to have a pitty party and sink into a dark oblivion for awhile. Not too long though, just long enough to make you appreciate everything you have once again and start living life.

Oh oh... found a contractor to complete the entire pool process at a very reasonable rate! YAYAYAYAYAY!! I almost cried when he quoted me the price... I've got to stop trying to take on the world man, and just let others have a job helping.

No word from my son... last we spoke was a brief/strained conversation on Mother's Day in which he informed me he was moving to New Mexico?... that new girlfriend of his is frightening. I have never seen him act like he is... he's a grown man though and right now my hands are full with my mother.

No wonder some people run away and disappear!

capn, your thinking runs a lot like mine. I had some bad things happen back in my livelier youth. I am really surprised that I lived through it all. There were a few times that I must have had a guardian angel with me, and once that a policeman came along at just the right time. Strange how these things happen. I would have probably been killed if the policeman hadn't chanced by.

bout 3 years ago my mom was trying to educate me about fabric softeners . it took me a couple attempts to get her to hear me properly that i use fabric hardeners . then i got the treasured grimace out of her that she was so adept with . " oh yes , of course " she says ..
jude ,
my secret to keeping the blues at bay ;
i check the local newspaper online each evening . if my name isnt in the jail bookings i go check the obituaries . if it isnt there either i figure 'WTH , i guess im doing ok ' ..

Can you tell me please why it is that when your heart is heavy and the darkness seems to envelop you that you do something stupid like listening to the most sad yet inspirational muisic you can find? My choice for today has been Josh Groban's you raise me up.

I have been sitting here bawling my eyes out - it is so so beautiful and although he is long passed, tonight my dad has been to sit a while with me. Love you dad xxx

Jessie, regarding the fabric softener sheets, buy the store brand and hide the Bounce for yourself.... I found with the store brand one has to use 2 to 3 sheets to equal the same softness of one Bounce.

I stopped using the liquid stuff a couple of years ago. An appliance company repairman said the softeners will gum up everything in the washer.

Another idea, try the non-scented Bounce to keep down the flowery smell... maybe your Mom likes the smell of the scented sheets... maybe if there is no scent she might not use them, or will use the whole box :P

Susan take care hun or you're going to burn out sweetheart xxxxxx

Saw dementia first hand today in action. i went to the thrift store and purchased small bag of clothing in their bag sale for $2 and six plates a t 50 cents each. I got out my $5 and 24 cents tax. The lady said that will be $6.43 so i said i had six plates and that is $3 plus the bag so she crossed out her calculation and and counted the plates and indeed there really were six all matching . So after much addition and another volunteer coming over to help she told me $4.24. No I told her now you are shorting yourself. the other lady finally said it was $3 for the plates and $2 for the bag and that's 24 cents tax. "Oh dear" said the first lady who looked well over 80 "my math is not too good today" I guess this must happen a lot because the second volunteer was very patient with her. Not wanting to complicate matters further I handed over the correct change.

Ugh. So much for having a half-decent day. Poor Mom just called me again, crying and saying she has to get out of the NH and come home, it's driving her crazy to be there. I keep reminding her that she needs to stay long enough to get stronger and be able to walk inside the house, or she will fall again and end up right back in the NH again. She's been there 9 days as of today, and the therapy program is 20 days or longer. God help us.

To top it off, both the dog and cat have been barfing today and I have no idea why. So between running to the NH this morning, trying to do my regular work, catch up on dishes and laundry, dealing with Mom's phone calls and convincing her to stay in NH for therapy, cleaning up dog/cat barf, more computer work, and trying to get back up to the NH tonight to see Mom again, I'm about to start flapping my lips with my finger and singing, "I'm a nut!"

Katie no probs hun while we in Britain can see all your wonderful election events, I know the same cant be said for our tiny little country in your fast paced tv slots.
And yes there were pensioners arrested for the raid. ...they took about $390 millions worth of stuff but in realityit could be far far more or less depending on whether you're a cynic or not. Far far more than the estimate would mean someone had stolen good there and didnt want to declare them or has overestimated in order to claim on the insurance - Hatton Garden is the absolute centre of London's diamond trade... Three of the men were deffo too old to even attempt this - 67, 74 and 76. Now I always said I would look for a man who was old and had a weak ticker but rethinking this ... old man with gazillions and unable to spend it and pretty jewellery to wear too ....hmmm tempting

My personal stance is that the 3 pensioners all have been diagnosed with alzheimers and have opted for their end of life care to be in prison. Think about it - they will be safe from harm, free medical treatment, tv in their rooms, no bills to pay and food provided 3 times a day whereas in a nursing home they have lights out at 9 and have to pay for everything. I wonder who gets the best deal out of that sometimes!!!!

BTW, she totally does not grasp that high efficiency washers don't need as much detergent and fabric softener. I gave up trying to get that idea through to her.

Vicky, my mother overdoes the fabric softener, too. She uses both my liquid and her Bounce sheets. When she's doing the wash, the laundry room reeks of fabric softener. She must pour a whole cup in! Then she uses 3 Bounty sheets for every wash. I guess she figured if one is good, then 3 must be better. In my mother's case, I don't think she understands the chemistry. More is always better in her mind. And I think her sense of smell must be gone when it comes to fabric softener.

I love that there is a place to whine. That's exactly what I need to do.Quick background my mother is in-between able to care for herself and not. We both have been diagnosed with MS by at least one doctor. So to make our lives easier I moved my family in to her house. The generation gap is painful. Today its excessive amounts of fabric softer (face has residue after using one towel) and running the dryer on supper high heat for way too long. I wont even get started on what I found in the recycling bin.

Jude, thanks for the refresher course about the Houses of Parliament. I had learned this years ago when I went to London on some college trips and had forgotten so much of it. I really enjoyed visiting England years ago, and hope to go again someday, though that likely won't be anytime soon. Mom is having another UTI issue in the nh where she is for rehab, and I am worried once again.
I also heard today of a large gem heist where millions were stolen in London and that 3 senior citizens interestingly were part of this ring....

Susan, it is always something we don't need with all else going on but you handled that well....I do like the idea of making him put on a tux and dust, vacuum and do laundry, and attending to Mom, that Jude had....afterall he asked didn't he?!!! :)

I was just enjoying his annoyed expression as he had to clean up the mess he made. :-)

I think you did badly Susan what a waste hun. You said and I quote madam (grins) He told me - without smiling - that he'd do whatever I wanted - Oh I would have kept him busy all afternoon and then some!!!!!! he could have carried your mum out into the garden and then carried her back in again, done the washing up, put the vaccuum round, dusted, cleaned the drains, trimmed the lawns, done the laundry, cleaned the swindows, made you a cuppa, given you a massage, made dinner, served it to you wearing a tux (him that is not you) - oh for shame woman, what a missed opportunity!

darn it. I clicked post too soon.

anyway, long story short, I didn't know the dirt was in there because I'm too busy dealing with mom and her stuff right now. So I called the DPW manager this morning and let him know what happened. I didn't expect to hear back from him, just figured I'd have to clean it up myself. Lo and behold, about 3pm today, here comes a front end loader, driven by the very worker that ripped my yard waste bags open and dumped them on the curb! I wouldn't have known he was out there, but He was looking decidedly unhappy...LOL. Obviously my phone call had some effect and he got ripped a new one by his supervisor. I went out and asked him *nicely* if I could dump my wheelbarrow full of dirt clods into the front end loader bucket, since he was obviously there to pick up the mess. He told me - without smiling - that he'd do whatever I wanted. So I dumped the wheelbarrow into the front end loader and went back in the house.

For not being a confrontational person, I think I did pretty good. LOL

Score one for this totally non-confrontational person in the backbone department.

I hired a teenager a few weeks ago (right after Mom took her fall) to do some yard work that I didn't have time (or the allergy tolerance) to do. Our small town has yard waste pickup with specific requirements- must be only plant matter and must be in biodegradable paper bags at curbside for pickup on a certain day of the week by 8am. Ok - no problem. I instructed my teen handyman to NOT put anything in the bags but grass, leaves, small twigs, etc. No dirt, no rocks, no dog poo, nothing like that. He acknowledged those instructions, and by the end of the day, I had 15 bags of yard waste at the curb. Cool!

Ok, not so cool. Apparently he filled 2 of those bags with dirt clods. When the city came to pick all the bags up, the city worker got a really ticked off look on his face and ripped the bags to shreds, leaving two large piles of dirt clods on the curb, and drove away. I went out this morning and filled my wheelbarrow with dirt clods, before I happened to think that it might be wise to inform the DPW manager in charge of this worker that he had left such a mess - they ahve tags that they put on unacceptable trash and yard waste - why was MY yard waste singled out to be dumped out for me to clean up? It could have been left in the bags and tagged so I knew there was something wrong - I had no idea my worker had put

Veronica tell him he has lost his marbles and you will get him sectioned !. Within 6 hours of the new government gaining the majority in the House of commons they decided to drastically reduce funding that supports people with disabilities back into work - so a really caring government - NOT

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Just for anyone who doesnt understand the weird way we do things across the pond and wants to - we work on a first past the post system for The Lower House (The House of Commons)

The House of Commons is elected by the people of the communities - hence its name. There is theoretically a limitless number of parties that can stand but in reality only a handful do but there are some independents that stand and some do get elected to become members of parliament (MPS). The party with the largest number of MP forms the government. They have to get 326 MPs or make up that number with a second party of their choosing as happened last time (called a coalition)

All MPs debate the wider political issues and propose new laws.The Commons is responsible for making decisions on financial Bills eg new taxes.

The House of Lords (HoL) is not elected and since reform consists of hereditary peers, life peers, and bishops:

Only about 90 of the 6-700 hereditary peers can sit in HoL/ Life peers are those with exceptional experience that enables them to offer guidance in governmental concerns and they can and do come from a wide background and the bishops are their to strengthen the morality of law

The Lords can consider Bills but cannot block or amend them but they can send them back to the commons for amendment, so effectively they can influence the content significantly

They investigate public policy and report on their findings

They also question the government's work and they MUST have a response to their questions from the government ministers

CM and my hubby thinks we might be better off returning to the UK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cm, I saw something on the news about your elections, but I don't really know much about British political parties. The pendulum always swings one way, then the other, and so on. You just hope that not too much real damage is done.
Your question about brother's wife maybe being drunk -- I am suspicious of that. Brother and wife are supposedly long term recovering alcoholics, but they don't seem to have healthy or resilient personalities. I really don't know much about their lives, and the longer I'm involved with family stuff, the less I want anything to do with them. I've been doing a lot of studying, for my own personal understanding, of issues such as personality disorders, codependency, addiction, and now, in my brother's case, traits of being a "dry drunk", which I think he is--if he's not drinking or using drugs again. All this reading is helping me detach from the b.s. more and more.

My whine moment for today: I despair of my beloved country. Having just gleefully thrown out around 40 of the most able and honourable members of the House of Commons for the crime of belonging to the junior party of the last, Coalition government, the electorate now appears to have realised that it was a joke taken too far. Membership of that junior party has soared - 7296 people have joined them in the last twelve days. There's nothing we find more endearing than spectacular failure.

Looloo, do you think she might have been drunk when she emailed you? She might have woken up with a stinker of a headache thinking ohgodohgodohgod please don't let me have hit send…

Huge relief that the culprit dog owners are reasonable people. Some get extremely defensive, big mistake that can lead to real nightmares. Are you going to get a cat like that YouTube hero-cat to protect her from further incursions?!