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FF,, try some slip on shoes.. clog style. I have a great pair of them by Bass, and they make sneakers like that too. As for the new shirts..maybe you can put your arm under your boobs in the sling and call it cleavage...
Shilo8, my ENT also suggested the vaseline in the nose.. really works for me!
we are having my Dad's memorial service this weekend, and have to leave for my Aunts in Pa tomorrow early. Spend the day making salads and such to take. Started the day dropping a jar of Mayo on my toe.. trying to keep Mom from getting too stressed (about Everything).. She is now getting things mixed up.. please let this be stress or I am gonna do myself in...
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ARGH, Shilo. That would drive me flipping bonkers. I'm afraid I would have moved out to a tent in the backyard where I couldn't hear her. I do wonder if they lose any sense of us being people with needs to live and sleep.
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My mother has kept me up the past two nights constantly calling out for help, a glass of water, she needs changing, she wants company, something to drink but not water, she can't sleep, turn the tv off, light from the computer which has her music on is too bright, don't be mad at me, please help me, needs changing again, and again 5 minutes later, etc. I wonder if I will get any sleep tonight?
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JB - I agree about those meds that can cause more problems then they are worth. Sometimes the side effects are not worth taking the medication. My mother can not take Remeron as it increases her blood pressure. I have learned that with those meds higher doses can cause more problems. The ENT my mother went to once suggested putting vaseline on a q-tip and rub inside the nostrils to moisten. We live in an area where it is dry and that leads to nose bleeds, especially if my mother picks at a dry nose.
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Grumble, whine, more grumbling. Well looks like my right broken shoulder will be a 2 month healing process.... i am right handed so now i am trying to do things left handed... forget about eating soup :P... still trying to learn to brush my teeth....and trying to control the Mouse, typing is easier then i had thought but real tiring.

Had to order new specially tops as i can't move my arm to put it in a shirt sleeve... oops looks like i will need to go barefoot, too, can't tie my shoes.

i am just thankful i don't need to do hands on care for my parents. They are still grumbling about not going to doctor appts etc. Heck i can't drive for 2 months. And sig other now has this hands full doing all my chores here at home... that man must had been in the wrong line when common sense was handed out !!... like handing me a bottle of pills that has a child proof cap without opening it first.... HELLO.
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I should mention that this is the third doctor appointment in two weeks. Plus there was the plumber appointment after she clogged the sink washing coins, on top of a day spent getting the car serviced. And Sunday taking her to church and having my brother visit. And my brother visiting a week ago from out of state. And nonstop talking about her childhood. I no longer have time to breathe my own air.
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I am so tired. The Remeron has helped my mother to feel more alert. That's a good thing. It has also resurrected her hypochondria. She made a doctor appointment for today to look for a mysterious cancer that is inside her nose. She knows it's there. I know what the results are going to be.

I hate it when she goes into the bouts of hypochondria, because she gets so angry and abusive. She had an ENT check her nose not long ago and he gave her an all-clear. I know it is because she is making it sore by having her finger up it all the time.

I wish she weren't such a bully. If she doesn't get her way, there is hell to pay. But my foot is down. No more doctor appointments unless I make them myself.

Seriously, I'm starting to wonder if she has a touch of bipolar in her. It seems when something eases her depression, it sends her into obsessions. It is so tempting to cut down on the Remeron in order to increase my own quality of life. It shouldn't be this way -- her feeling better making my life unbearable to live.
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I really I want to say to my Mom "No breakfast, lunch or supper" and "don't get dressed today" "I don't wanna do it"!!

That's what you say all the time!!! " How's it feel when I'm the one complaing"!! UGH!

But I won't!!
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Gershun, I think your Mom would want you to go on and live life and enjoy things again. That is what people want so much for their children. You are still grieving but will bit by bit begin to do things. This does not mean you don't love or miss your Mom, but that life goes on and she would want that for her daughter. Take care of yourself right now and get extra rest. Take time to meditate and also begin to think about all the good times you had with your Mom and the good things she had in her life. It takes time to process everything that has happened and is normal to feel not focused for awhile.
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Absolutely, Gershun. Especially this rush to get back to "normal." My exSO was away for the weekend, thank God, because he couldn't open his mouth without unintentionally saying something that trod on my corns.

The other thing was people ringing up to make sure I was okay (I wasn't, was I meant to be?), which was sweet of them, but also to make sure I wasn't alone. Sheesh! - I was desperate to be alone just to sit still and think.

Give yourself time. In a daze is exactly right, you need time for it to clear a little. Sit tight, huge hugs to you - and by all means keep talking to her. Who's to say she doesn't know? And even if she doesn't, if it makes you feel better go to it. Hugs again.
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Hi Friends,

Well its been 4 days since my Mom has passed. I am very fearful of the future and what it holds. I'm holding my own so far but to be honest I am in a daze and not really focusing too well. Once the realization sets in and life gets routine again I don't know how I am going to handle things.

I find myself talking to my Mom still. Don't worry, I am not losing my mind. I wonder if she can still hear me. I say things like "I love you Mom" and "i miss you Mom"

My husband talks about "normal" things and I can't blame him for this but I just don't want to do that cause then I'll have to admit she is really gone.

I hope I don't sound weird. Can anyone out there relate?
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Hey All.

Just thought I would check in with you.

My Mom had written her wishes in a letter that she did not want any kind of funeral or memorial service. We have a dedicated bench in a park near where my Mom lived with a plague honoring my late brother. We are going to add my Mom's name to this bench and have a little gathering there.

I walked there today and sat on this bench for a while. It felt perfect and just what my Mom would of wanted. :)

Thanks again everyone for all your heartfelt wishes.

Jeanette, Susan, Countrymouse, special wishes for you. Hang in there!!!
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Susan - What a difference a day can make. I am sure it takes a few days to get the medicines from the surgery completely out of her system too. As most of us are well aware (and hate) some meds can inflame the dementia for a time. I am glad to hear she is ready for her therapy.
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I did email the prospective client back and let her know that I am just not in a position to take on the amount of hours she needs right now, and I told her why. I asked her to please keep me in mind for the future.

Mom is in better spirits this morning and was up and dressed by the time I got there for my a.m. visit - she's excited to get started and seems raring to go today. I'm just glad to see her in a better frame of mind after yesterday.
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Country Mouse, re: funeral services....I am guessing you are in the UK? In the western US we are probably thought of as crass and pragmatic, but here goes...some, not all, think that a funeral is not only a memorial but a chance to give hope, uplift and comfort to those left on earth. In our clan, there is an argument as to if somethings said and done is attributed to dementia or just plain mean spiritedness and darkness. I have asked if our service can be a bit about forgiveness, hope and faith. ...Just as much for the living as the deceased.
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Jeanette, I think it is brave to do and say what needs to be done in our loved ones best interests. Especially when we know someone will not like it. I'm sure in my case it has alienated some people but only the ones who have no idea what is involved. I wonder if they don't think I'm "nice" anymore because I no longer have the same amount of time to spend on them.
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Jeanette and Susan big hugs to both of you. You can only do what you can do and be the person you are. God's opinion is the only one that matters.
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Jeanette, who are these numbskulls?
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Susan, go and meet her - you can be frank about how things are right now but it'll be a useful discussion for future reference, and at the very least you can have an enjoyable conversation entirely unrelated to caregiving. Don't forget the recruitment industry maxim that an interview is only "a conversation with purpose." It's not a final judgement that you have to time just right. Go! Enjoy!
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Awhhh Susan, my heart broke into another thousand pieces for your mother (and you). Perhaps you can be honest with the new prospect? I he/she really desires your experience it would be worth their effort to give you a week or so.

Things here continue on... about the same yet worse. God forgive me but I can't help wonder why He allows such suffering and heartache and secretly wish he'd just go ahead and take her. It's is downright cruel to watch my mother suffer so, yet my hands are tied. Not only am losing my mother but I have lost so many people I loved... they said I've changed and no longer a nice person and opinions have been made concerning me. Never in my life have I felt entirely alone and disliked by so many. How I WISH I could get a hold of the "I don't give a f-ck" attitude and let this just roll off and away... can't seem to do it though. Sigh... if only I could be as evil, mean and whatever else it is they seem to think I am.

Oh... A special Happy 80th Birthday to my mother :))) I wish I could give her the present of peace, freedom, memories and lack of pain. God, only you can do that and she has suffered enough already.

Hang in there all.... these are the hardest days of them all.
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If you weren't you, Susan, I would say go for it. But I know where your heart is. I just wish that both things could happen for you. I understand the way you feel, since you wouldn't be able to devote the time needed.
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..and the hits just keeeep on comin'.

Just got an email from a very successful financial coach who is interested in me as an assistant and wants to interview me next week. I not at all sure I can take on any additonal work at this point, because I'm quite certain Mom's situation is going to interfere even more in the future. She has the potential to be a major client for me, financially, and that's very hard to pass up, especially right now - but I've never been one to take work on when I know I can't perform it up to my standards.

(Sigh). I think I'm going to have to pass it up. I just can't see me bringing anyone else on board at this point. Frustrated.
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elders dont get over the longing for home . my aunt told me today she was tempted to go ' home ' and not return to NH after our ride . of course her home is in disrepair and no longer an option . im hoping to build a ramp at my back door asap and bring edna to my home as often as possible . she would have a wonderful time peeling apples with me . shes an american pioneer and a homesteader and i hope to restore as much of that to her as possible .
she was sitting at nh today watching foot traffic at the front doors with a few other old women . that aint right -- such a capable person being warehoused ..
i have nothing good to say about nh . they literally cram the elders from place to place to suit their own needs all day . the ones with no family watching out for them are ignored and neglected . i know one old bipolar gal who has 1/2 inch long toenails that have curled into talons and must hurt like h*ll . nobody cares , she has no family advocating for her .
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Am sitting in the ER with my mom, going on 3 hours, they've done blood work & EKG but doc still has to come back with plan. Mom has both legs swollen from knee down so bad she can hardly walk. Really crazy edema. Hope they can get her some meds to alleviate this, soon, I have things to do. Sort of hoping they will admit her in hospital so she is taken care of (I cannot drop everything and take care of her all day).
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Tugs at your heart, doesn't it? I have spent many, many, many nights trying to sleep on cold and dirty linoleum nursing home floors that probably hadn't been properly cleaned in decades because my mom was scared.
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Think I got mom settled down tonight...at least I hope so. She so desperately wanted to come home, she said, "I can manage, I just need your help to walk!" - I had to explain (again) the walking is the big issue here - she is too weak to even walk to the bathroom on her own right now, and simply can't stay awake 24/7 to be sure she's safe. She understands that - for the moment - but keeps forgetting that she has to have therapy before she can come home. She's so unhappy. The CNA took her down to the library within the nursing home today and she picked up a book - Zane Grey of all things - which really shows me just how far her dementia has progressed. She's never read Zane Grey in her life - ever. The fall or the heart issue (or both) have kicked her dementia a notch or two higher.

She's not out of the woods by a long shot. We have a very long road ahead.
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Hang in there Susan! I would be doing the same thing you are. I have taken my mothers favorite music and played it for her in the NH.
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finally got to take my aunt out of nh for a truck ride today . its been nearly ten months , shes only been out with pia one time . i dont know why pia had the change of heart . maybe i just wore her down by not giving her the confrontation she wanted .
i hope the elder laws are finetuned to prevent poa's from bullying elders in the future . nobody should tell a dignified 91 yr old person what they can or cant do . my sons wouldnt try it , id beat knots on their heads with my dying breath . they'll have a helluva a time taking my keys someday too . i can hotwire a 747 and they know it .
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Just got a call from mom at the nursing home, in tears and feeling so lonely and scared that she won't get out of there. I'm packing up my laptop to head over there so I can still work but be with her too.

This is killing me.
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CM - I wonder how much time they have set aside for you to 'share' your thoughts? ... now I am thinking ... your wonderful precious thoughts ... ((hugs))
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