I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Then press send, swear to the four walls and have a glass of something you like - it doesnt have to be alcohol (in fact wouldnt be in my case)
as far of the bank id concerned send the cheque book back with a sticky note on it that says "What part of my Mum is dead don't you understand?"
as far as the rest of the family is concerned they prpbably feel that as you cared for Mum for so long you would feel left out if they don't include you.
ight now i can see you just want to be left alone and don't want to think about anything. PTSD big time. maybe you should take up residence in the hen house they will never find you there. hugs
As everyone has said this is the hardest time. try not to spend all your time just sitting there and counting her breaths. Leave for a few minutes every so often. Go get coffee, but some flowers, walk around outside. do not be afraid that as soon as you leave she will pass and you won't be there. that may be exactly what she wants. Many people feel that the loved one has waited to make the transition alone because they have half crossed the bridge and want to joint the others who are waiting. It is OK whatever you do, you have siad your goodbyes so many times already. i don't believe death is lonely there are already angels at the bedside holding her hands ready to lift her up and carry her over. you can't see them but she knows they are there just as she knows you are there. The moment of death is usually very peaceful almost tangible, You feel as though a great weight has been lifted. you may feel the spirit or soul or whatever you think remains still in the room. Some people open a window to give the spirit a way to leave. You need your strength for the days to come. Blessings
My lovely cousin stayed two nights, not one. Yesterday she announced that her next hostess had mixed up the dates so she'd be staying another night if that was okay. I wailed internally, but what could I say? "God no!"???
I had a card from another family member saying how much she was looking forward to sharing reminiscences with us all at mother's funeral. She is a very nice woman but she does not know us very well. QED. One reminiscence too many from a smiling sibling and I won't be answerable. And on reflection on my reflections, I really do begin to think it would be better if I sent apologies for absence and a taratiddle about a car breakdown.
I am being asked to provide a photograph for the order of service. My scanner has stopped working. Ex SO's scanner works fine, but he is away until Tuesday, his computer is on standby, and he sent me the wrong password, twice. Once we sorted that out, I found I need another password for his email so that I can forward the scanned image. ExSO is touring with his vintage car buddies and not responding to messages. I have emailed brother and said that frankly I have had enough of this and surely to God he has his own favourite photograph of our mother somewhere? I can only assume they are intentionally including me in the arrangements from some kind of misguided warm fuzziness. I am sure that if they knew how purple with rage my internal face is right now they would leave me in peace.
And they may be about to find that out, because I now find a voicemail from my brother asking me to sort out some music from mother's CD collection. Two words. First word, one syllable, rhymes with duck. Second word, one syllable, rhymes with -
Oh. And mother's bank, in response to my POA/Executor sister's informing them about her demise, have sent mother a new cheque book this morning.
You couldn't make it up.
Hugs to you, you are doing a brave, brave job there.
As for counselling post trauma - I would advise anyone to get grief counselling hun and as soon as possible. This type of lingering is so draining it can make care look like a walk in the park. My heart goes out to you hun xxxxxx
Something happened at the hospital today that has upset me so much.
My Mom who has been on comfort care for the last 5 days is still lingering which in itself is astounding to me.
They say she is unaware because of morphine etc. And she is unresponsive of course. Not getting any fluids now for 5 days.But today when I visited her when I put a wet sponge on her lips, her mouth moved as if to accept the water. The only physical movement we have seen out of her in days.
My question is, is this a body's automatic reflex gesture? I sure hope so cause it has upset me so much to think that my mom is still in there somewhere aware of whats happening and dying of thirst.
I really am frightened that I am going to need some major counselling after this cause I am feeling severely traumatized by this whole experience.
One day at a time girl... one day at a time.
Things seem to change so quickly that you almost wish you had that other stuff to whine about :)
So what did Dad to today? He climbed up the ladder and replaced the light bulb... now he can't get the heavy globe back onto the light.... [me banging head against wall].
My sig other said to me that he will go down to my parents house tomorrow and see what he can do.... NO.... do not enable my parents... they need to learn that they will need to start paying people to help them since they refused to move to that fantastic retirement village just down the road. Heck, my sig other doesn't change burned out bulbs here at our house :P
Usually I can wake my mother to give her medicine and get a bit of toast in her but had not been able to wake her at all. I had been trying to tell the physicians and nurses at hospitals and NH's that my mother just doesn't act like that but was told she probably just has her sleep pattern mixed up. NH physician treated me like a child with his 'listen to me I'm going to tell you a story about how adults sleeping patterns change as they get older' crap. Finally, at her last hospital stay in March they saw what I had been seeing for months. Her heart rate had been dipping into the low 40's and a couple times 30's. So the doctors that said it was her 'sleep pattern being off' was wrong. Also, the attending physician that told me it was her Alzheimer's was also wrong. I can't stand that man. Several time I have considered changing doctors because of the attending physician. I only found out by accident that my mother has pancreatitis. The attending did not tell me. I went so far as to get referrals from her cardiologist. In March, the attending and her cardiologist could not agree on medicines to control the bp or heart rate and whether she needed a pacemaker. The cardiologist monitored her condition for several days before making the decision of no pacemaker for now. Her heart rate issue is caused by agitation. To shorten the long story, NH = agitation = uncontrolled heart rate. A pacemaker wouldn't help this situation.
Susan - I am thinking of you and praying for both of you. If you can, ask someone at the hospital for a different bed. I spent one night on a recliner chair and hurt all over. I asked everyone that walked in the room until I got one if I could get a pullout bed. I hurt too much to care that I was begging.
I am praying we never have to go back to the hospital...I know they are praying that as well. The last time we were there and meds were not being given to my Mama because the DOCTOR goofed and forgot to prescribe them so we would have to wait til the morning because the pharmacy was closed for the night (this was around midnight)....thank God that night I had brought Mama's meds from home, and I told them I was about to give her one of the Cipro's and I stood there while I made dang sure they put a note in her chart and I told them I was about to wake up everybody on the 7th floor if they didn't get off their butts and get it straigtened out...soon after they sent some sort of director over the nurses and some other person as a witness, apologizing profusely and asking me if I needed anything...I told them I did not need anything other than to make sure they were doing their d#*$ job and taking care of Mama...
Why on earth when we are so overwhelmed, so exhausted, so everything you can imagine, are we constantly put in the position of having to have a come to Jesus meeting to make folks in the medical profession do their job...
I used to have a huge amount of respect for doctors but with so much of mess Mama has had to endure at the hands of seemingly incompetent people, I am not above calling them out on their ineptitude. And I don't give a flying fart who likes it...or me....
Last night was ROUGH. Mom was very confused and kept trying to get out of bed - I ran home at 9pm to let the dog out, came back to find that she had tried to get out of bed. Thank goodness they have a bed exit alarm on her bed. Throughout the night, while I was here *trying* to sleep, she did it 5 more times, plus the nurses coming in all through the night to reposition her (about 8 times), mom shifting her legs around in the bed, which kept waking me because I thought she was trying to get out of bed, so I'd wake up to check on her....plus being in a recliner that kept folding back into the upright position...it was like an episode of the 3 stooges.
I wish this new doctor wasn't a hospitalist - I wish she was a regular doctor and could take mom as a patient. She's awesome.
Now you see this is where for me litigation should step in and I am not litigious at all by nature but here is Susan (((((HUGE HUGS BY THE WAY)))))) desperately trying to do right by her mum and what happens the flaming doctor has clearly decided thats it her mums life is over. He had no right to behave in that way (Hippocratic oath...... first do no harm) - that for me is negligence - but hey what do I know? Well I know what it is like to be pulled every which way, to have to fill out myriads of stupid forms that all ask the same damned thing and require the same damned documents to be supplied/photocopied. I know what it is to not sleep nights to be constantly answering the same question, to be tired beyond belief and still have to get out of bed when that bell rings. I know what it is like to make the dozens of phone calls the visits to hospitals/doctors/clinics and I know what it is like to wrestle with everyone any flaming time you need something..... And you know what - I think that makes me qualified to have my voice heard
As I see it you have two choices in this world - make euthenasia legal via a joint review - doctors and family or dont make it legal. At the moment it is not legel so that doctor should be severeley reprimanded for not listening to Susan (at the least)