I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
I know I will be relieved when Mom is gone and I imagine many people that know the long, slow decline of dementia feel the same. Mom's decline is very difficult on all of us. She has had a fairly significant decline in the last couple of months. We are preparing to move her to a memory care community which I hope will work, but her agitation has increased significantly and may require she be in a nursing home. And I am just plain tuckered out, nearly four years I have been providing for her care now. Hopefully, I do not have a hard time reclaiming my life, finding work, etc...
CM dont be too harsh on those who said relieved they probably didnt even know how much it hurt and wanted to comfort you. I wasnt relieved when Dad died I wasnt glad it was all over and he was at peace. I was sort of numb really not feeling anything except that I wouldnt speak to him again or see him again see his eye twinkle or hear his laughter, the odd swear word when he was in the workshop and hit his thumb. I suppose if anything I was at peace knwoing he was at peace - it was a sort of weird calm before the storm of grief arrived some 6 months later. So be at peace Country Mouse xxxxx
Countrymouse, "relieved" is not a word to describe this... how utterly insensitive!
Of all the things that could cheer me up in a small, tactful way, she's picked exactly the right one. I'm so touched I could cry.
if you have the opportunity you should talk to your mom even though she seems knocked out. i identified myself to my mom after she was out on morphine and told her we loved and appreciated her . ive been ill with phsycosis before on a wicked hepc treatment and i know for a fact when someone is in a phsycotic state they have an enhanced sense of hearing . in fact its almost superhuman . once i had said that goodbye i went on to work and left mom with my sister . we brought moms parrot into moms room where she sat on moms chest and catnapped for bout an hour . she was by no means napping she was just contemplating moms passing . mom was the second elder that bird has outlived and she knew exactly what was going on . moms final few days was spent worrying if us kids were going to be ok without her . she would have wanted me to go to work . i got pretty plastered that day at work tho . the day after i couldnt locate a trowel and heather said id dropped all three of them down inside the flu . d'oh . had to go inside , raise the damper and get em .. the stonework is beautiful tho . a person is most creative at .07 according to recent scientific studies .
I managed to keep it pretty much together the whole night. But when that arrogant piece of s**t doctor got all in my face that was the last straw for me.
I've been crying all afternoon.
I've talked to different siblings throughout the day. Everyone has a different outlook on my Mom. (to be expected) but they have started administering morphine and are slowly taking her off other medicines etc.
I don't know how much longer she will hang on. She is and has always been a real fighter. But she does have a living will and I know this is what she wants.
I''m too much of a wreck to go back there tonight. No sleep, hardly any food for three days now. If I went there now they may have to resucitate me.
If she hangs on through the night I will go back there tomorrow and say good-bye for the umpteenth time.
Thank-you all again for your kind words!!!
cooking a bag and a half of beans in the pressure canner so as to get the most meals prepared for the lowest amount of electricity .
burley may be back here to sleep tonight and ill have beans for him . he can choose between the teaspoon or the tablespoon -- i have one each .
this is fun living in my own house after an 8 + yr absence . everything has more of an air of permanence about it . when you have a house with a full effeciency in the basement anything could happen . i could rent the bunker out to the perfect woman -- a blind , deaf , and dumb nymph three feet tall who owns a liquor store .
My Mom is in the hospital dying right now. I have spent the last three days at her bedside holding her hand, listening to her gasp for each breath.
She looks like she is dead already. The horrible thoughts that went through my head all night. My Mom deserves a peaceful death. She has been a saint all her life. What I have witnessed thus far has been anything but peaceful.
I discussed end of life care with the attending physician. He was soooo brutal and rough with her. He roughly pulled her eyelids up and said "there is no life here" Then he said "listen to her breath. We call that a death rattle.
When we settled what was involved with comfort care and I agreed. I told him I needed to go home cause I haven't slept for three days, he looked at me aghast and said "But its such a honor to be here with them at this time.The family needs to gather round and say good bye. My five siblings have visited very intermittently at best. I told him I have been here all night saying good bye to her.
My sister who just got back from the Caribean this morning stayed with her for an hour and then e-mailed me and said "I spent quite a bit of time with her, it calms her down when you hold her hand" When I've been holding her hand and stroking her forehead for the last three days.
I am so tired and yet I can't sleep. I can't go back to the hospital now or I will
collapse. If I'm not there I feel so guilty. I don't know if she even knows I'm there anyways.
I think I am going to have a nervous breakdown over all this. What can I do?
i always thought life would reach a plateau at some point but na, i can see that a person may as well remain openminded and flexible because the craziness aint going to let up .
i wrote to PIA while ago and told her im back in my house and would like to bring edna ( home ) occasionally . i told her that cuz terry and i can attest that 24 hours in incarceration can sometimes feel like a lifetime . i may be wasting my breath talking to pia but edna is hurting from cabin fever at nh and i owe it to her and myself to keep trying to enhance her QOL . i wont quit trying as long as shes alive .
certainly there are aging ramifications with burley but at 84 his mind is incredibly sharp . he only takes 10 - 12 meds a day -- beers . oh youll never see burley stoned , he just doesnt care for water .
all jokin aside id probably rent him the bunker . his daughters are a mess . they play tug of war with him between indiana and W VA . i think hes tired of drowning in their hopelessness . the one in W VA has lost custody of her baby . that doesnt happen except in extreme cases of neglect . the indiana daughter pretty much drinks to blackout status every 12 hours . no wonder burley still considers me and this home a refuge .