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Geez it is educational but depressing to want your parents to live a long time and then realize I'll be coping with stories like yours. This week was the depressing visit to Dad only to get home and hear my mother weak from UTI #4. So do those antibiotics that do so much damage to the body, actually do any good? Did research and consulted my Naturopath friend who suggested to take probiotics (at least a few hours apart from the antibiotics) to keep the body supplied with good flora and fauna that fight infections. And also to drink unsweetened cranberry juice every 3-4 hours to flush the toxins, bacteria out. If it's not the bacteria, he said parasites and flukes, from mold, have similar effects. The loopy and sloppy thinking, psycho self-pity babble go along with the disease, bringing out the kinds of behaviors Mom has had since birth.

I get so weary of dealing with her! Learned to put the phone down and walk away from her rants and go do something else. She doesn't even notice I am not listening to her drama queen crap and I spare my own sanity.
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Hi everyone, just reading through the posts and catching up.
CM - hope your mother is doing ok. A few others have posted on "to replace batteries in pacemaker, or to NOT." I guess depending on the case, it can be an ordeal, but you cross that bridge when you come to it. I hope this doesn't sound callous, it's really intended to be compassionate -- we need to remember that elderly means having lived a long life, and sad though it may be, no one is immortal.
Captain - enjoying the heat? :)
Katie - glad your mother wasn't injured.
Mallory -- I get the impression that my brother is hanging around waiting for a windfall. At least he's not making any worse trouble though.
So, after February and March being consumed with mom stuff, April has been eerily quiet! I record all my tasks, and this month, there hasn't been much. It's been nice, but it feels like the calm before the storm :).
My mother has been obsessing for several months about her various insurance policies. Homeowners, car insurance (which she doesn't have anymore since she doesn't drive, but don't tell her that because she'll freak out) and so on. I've been dealing with her repeated questions by answering the same way every time: "It's all up to date, it's all paid up, you don't have to do a thing." Tuesday evening she called me -- she NEVER calls me unless she's worried about something pertaining to her -- and asked me again. I told her again, and then she said, "Well, I mailed a few checks to them....." Ok, so I've been keeping an eye out on her bank accounts, and will request a refund if/when they clear.
Then, yesterday morning at 7:00 a.m., she called me again. I'm up anyway by then, but come on! Same question , same answer. Today, quiet again. Hope it stays that way.
I have another vacation day scheduled in the next few weeks to go over and check things out while her caregiver takes her to her annual checkup. My husband suggested that I just ask the caregiver to do this, and I was kind of exasperated, but explained that it's impossible to do anything with my mother around. She hovers and assumes you're snooping (that's projection -- SHE's the snoop). I need to look at her clothes and stuff and see what needs replacing, check her fridge and freezer, the outside of the house to make sure it's maintained ok, etc. Can't do any of that while she's around.
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So youre planning on being a stinky decadent hairy soul ....hmmm perhaps we should rename you SHREK
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Jude, I laughed so hard at the decadent hairy soul!! Thanks...I really needed a good laugh and I am still laughing when I think of this!! I will be afraid though, to take those leisurely showers from now on...
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Now listen you decadent hairy soul (chuckling) you know as well as I do they DO have an inbuilt radar......it goes like this .....bet she's having a good old time now Im not there ....I'll teach her.

Well I know they dont do it deliberately but hang it all it sure feels like that sometimes
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I guess the best thing is to put the rails up, and mats and bed down and hope they won't slide out. I know this particular place is doing the best they can. I may have to get some mats for home...I am so nervous about always walking on ice...guess these things just happen and I better get used to it. I was for once taking a longer than usual leisurely shower yesterday when they called to tell me she had slid out of bed the night before....Couldn't get through one shower...it is like there is radar to stop you from doing anything..I guess deciding to take my time shaving my legs in the shower was just too decadent an activity!!
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re: the falls in hospitals...sometimes the best of care can't prevent someone from falling (or climbing!) out of bed. My dad was 6'2" and 465 lbs. when he went into the hospital, and at one point, he was so weak from infections that he tried to turn on his side in bed, and his legs just slid over the edge of the bed and the rest of him followed - he landed on the floor. He just didn't have control or strength enough to stop it from happening. One day when we walked in, he was laying way far down in the bed and saying, "help.....help.....help me....help...." he didn't have the strength or awareness to push the nurse call button to get someone to help him get back into the right position in bed. They ended up putting mats on the floor around his bed to at least cushion it if he fell again.
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Countrymouse, I hope things work out with the pacemaker. My friends dad had one and she said it was not a big deal to replace. I hope that is the case with your Mom and that things go smoothly for you.

Jude, Mom does have a hospital bed that the doctor ordered last Sept. and it has rails and goes up and down. The mats are a good idea too. The bed she slid out of at the rehab luckily was down all the way and they had mats down which is probably why she didn't hurt herself. Some people push heavy dining chairs around the bed I have heard.
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Katie if you are concerned about falls then you need to talk to someone about getting low beds and crash mats. Older people cannot get up from the low beds though so it means that if continence is going to be an issue you will have to tackle that but if it stops falls thats a small price to pay I have mentioned in a previous post somewhere about pressure seats that beep when the person gets off them. So a futon height bed with a mattress and even a range of pillows in case she rolls off would be a great idea BUT you have to have help to get her off that in the morning so nothing is simple I am afraid. I have a rail at mums head to help her in and out of bed but it wouldnt stop her rolling out. If that comes to be a problem Im not sure what I am going to do short of buying an adjustable bed which is pricy but less than paying for a carer in about 8 weeks so I will just have to cost it out later I guess.
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Oh CM another worry. Has Mum actually marked her next stroke on the calender? What is the life expectancy of her pacemaker and how close to it's demise is it. I have no experience with them so is it a big deal to replace. Give Mum a hug at least she does not really know whats going on anymore. Try not to waste energy on worrying, you need it for other things or you will end up having to talk to a chatty councillor.
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Jude, I guess these moments are to be expected from here on in from time to time. They did get there right away...but I worry this may happen when she returns home in a couple of weeks....Last summer she did try to climb over the bed rails when this happened to her in the hospital. Later she did not remember any of it.
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And I will need the helmet, because they always blame me for anything that isn't as they expect it to be.
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I think I'm gonna get me a helmet, for when the sibs come looking for their inheritance. It might be several years away, who knows. But in their minds, all their lives they have been looking forward to their Big Inheritance -- silly people, don't they think, oh, yes it costs something to live and mom's nest egg has been dwindling for a few decades.
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Well at least her skin is incredible for a woman of her age LOL!! My Mom has been through almost all of the above. When we were in the midst of that I would of been incredulous if they had told me her skin is nice.????
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Katie have my helmet hun I have just been through this while Mum was in hospital. She had a chest infection low sodium levels accompanied by delirium which started after the antibiotics were being administered. In an effort to raise her sodium they dripped her and reduce fluid intake - it worked but she then got a UTI. More delirium and it was the worst I had seen her. Her consultant said this. Your mum is 92 (like I didnt know that) She has vascular dementia and alzheimers (see previous bracketed comment) this is a condition she is going to get from time to time and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Your care of her is brilliant, her skin is incredible for a woman of her age but when she gets like this she doesn't know what she is doing hence her trying to stand (and at one point DID climb over the safety rails of her bed) She is likely to have more TIAs and may eventually have a stroke or further seizures. Now none of that sounds like good news but it does mean I am not beating myself up any more. Even in hospital she had falls - they can't be there 100% of the time and the moment they turned their back off she went again trying to stand trying to take a swing at the doctor. Unfortunately old age and ill health go hand in hand and delirium sets in incredibly quickly be it mild moderate or severe. She may just have had 'a moment' sweetheart xxx
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My drama of the day...rehab called this morning and said Mom slid out of bed but they were not sure why. Luckily no injury but I am wondering what is going on as this is what started everything nearly a year ago with the UTIs etc. She is getting antibiotic so it may not be that. Always worrying and always guessing just like everyone on here...wonder what the new day will hit us with...I guess that is what the helmets are for...I need a thicker one!!
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im floating on a cloud . the renter is leaving and ive decided to move upstairs after all . the house is so pretty i feel out of place in it but wth ? if a sow can live there surely i can get accustomed to it .
renter tried to claw back a 200 $ water deposit that shed made in return for a months rent . water company had made note of it and refused to give it back to her . thats the kind of person ive been dealing with for 2 years . i will never rent to someone again -- never wanted to from the start , the house was just empty and vulnerable and i saw it as a solution at the time . i wont get final months rent or my firewood money so the best i can do her is see if i can burn 2 - 3 hundred dollars worth of electricity between now and apr 1 st . im not such a vindictive person but when somebody is cheating me the best i can do is spread the pain around a little .
so screw firewood , im gonna heat with the oven element for a few days .
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Cm, these conversation are always very difficult. Will be thinking of you and Mom.
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Whine whine whine - just back from the hospital, where mother had a chest x-ray and a pacemaker check up. Our local ambulance service collected us and got us there two minutes early - smooth timing or what? The driver and his female colleague couldn't have been kinder or sweeter. But we ended up being in her company for a full four hours and I swear that she did not stop talking for ten seconds together. By the time we were on the way home I thought I was going to cry. And among other things I discovered about her - many, many, many things - this girl wants to train as a counsellor. How will she ever get to hear what her clients are upset about?

More of a genuine worry, the time has come to lay our bets on whether mother's pacemaker will conk out before she has another stroke. The technicians have done their very best for her, and now it's back to Cardiology for an uncomfortable conversation.
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Sharon, there is a CD made by Peggy Cappy called "Yoga for the Rest of Us, Back Care Basics" that may help. I used to use it when I was having the recurrent sciatica. I can't say for sure that it helped, but there are some healthy stretches that are not difficult.

You have a tough job for someone with sciatica. I used to do two things that helped a lot -- bending whichever leg was affected and pressing up on a counter and also squatting down. For some reason these moves helped with the pain, especially when I was walking on slab floors. Ouch! Anyone with sciatic problems knows what I mean about slab floors. I learned to dread Lowe's and Wal-Mart with those long walks over those floors.
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Katie~Thank you, I was thinking of massage therapy, my Chiropractor has not suggested physical therapy but did say that I would most likely have issues again. I am researching more stretches and exercises to strengthen my lower back. I will look for the stretches you suggested.
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Linda, you did the right thing by advising your colleague - whether he takes your advice or not is up to him. You did your due diligence and now Helpful Hannah can rest knowing she said her piece. You never know, his MIL may be that rare elderly angel that simply ages in place peacefully, never going into deep dementia, spreading poo all over the house, leaving puddles of urine around for the unsuspecting barefoot early riser to step in, or raging that she's being abused/neglected/robbed. For his sake, let's hope that's the case....but it's not very likely.
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veronica , its a fun reference to a musician named steve earle . copperhead road is a hair raising classic on the album as is the devils right hand . check it out , its country ballad enough to appeal to a h*ll of a cross section of people .
my **cking renter is getting out of here , this is one of the best days of my life . if i never see pathalogical , west va , 60 iq , ignorance in my life ill be forever grateful .
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I know, but he acted a bit peevish (great word BTW) and dismissive when I told him that while she's 77 and doing great, things can and will change with her health. That I've been there, done that. Letting MIL decide where she wants to live, without realizing that there are three people in the drama.......
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Linda I think you did him a service. We all know how this will end.
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No no no - give Helpful Hannah her head! The man must have taken leave of his senses. Tell him it is his uxorial duty to stop his wife getting guilted into this if at all possible, and if it isn't then his eyes will be opened "by experience, Sir! By experience!"
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I just had a conversation with a business colleague about his looking to upsize because his MIL doesn't want to live alone. The alarm went off in my head when he said he gets along with her better than his wife does.....and that he was going to leave it up to MIL to decide. Silly person that I am, I told him that perhaps they needed to give this some serious thought from all angles, including the Queen Bee syndrome. He seems to think it'll be fine because she's healthy, active, still drives. I really need to pull in my Helpful Hannah mode in the future.....
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Susan our days are in symmetry - Mum is coming home today....the docs have said there was only one reason for the problem then decided two a chest infection accompanied by low sodium - tablets reduced from 10 a day to 2 so I wait with bated breath
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Susan keep on ranting it does you good and we are not forced to read it.
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Mom is having a more "aware" day than she's had all week, so no whines from me! (I bet everyone is breathing a sigh of relief - sorry for being such a ranter!)

I'm multi-tasking since she's having a relatively good day, catching up on laundry, dishes, housework and putting up shelves that have been off the walls since last summer when we had the walls painted. Mom is happy to have her "stuff" back on the walls. Spending a couple of hours doing client work, then 30 minutes or so working on the house stuff, then back to client work, etc. No lack of exercise in my day today.
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