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ARGH! I would post about that nasty b*tch my son loves but I am too tired... she sent me a a thousand messages last night all un provoked I don't talk to her!! One small snipet of her vile messages was this "I'm waiting for your son to land in FT. Lauderdale" and you're doing what?... or doing whatever it is you do". OMG!

This is why I choose to not speak to idiots. My mother is more important than that stupid bitch and my 33 year old son best grow up cuz he just lost his biggest cheerleader.

silence is my new best friend
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Countrymouse
Does mom have dementia?
If so no telling. I cared for my aunt she had alzheimers she would rub area of her skin and say what is this. There was never amything there. I would say oh yeah I see it let me get my bottle of magic lotion it will fix that up
It woulld apease her
And thanks I now setting bountries or house rules
I cared for my Aunt for years while she was in hospice my dad had a cerbal hemorage mom got hit by a car.when my wonderful aunt pasded I had to move here sp the rehab told Ma she couldnt care for dad alone
I was staying only til Sept
However I still here I have 2 brothers that never help
This week I got an edler lawyer and said we need help Ma has to hire someone cause I want to go back to workThanks again for your comment
Maybe my magic lotion yrick will work for you
I
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Countrymouse, could it be a scratchy throat from a cold or perhaps indigestion? Right now that is where I am feeling my own scratchiness from a bad cold....
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Mother is saying she "needs to get something" and stroking one finger up and down the very top of her sternum, just below that salt cellar bit between the collar bones. Anyone any ideas? I've rephrased 'what are you talking about' all the ways I can think of and she just stares at me, looking mildly annoyed if anything. There's nothing to see, no rash, no insect bite, nothing.
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I don't know -- I thought it a clever way to get a little respite in. In the scheme of the age of the universe, a few hours is a short time. Maybe she meant "See ya in a few hours." I hope she didn't mean days or months. :)
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Sovery - fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Don't let her get away with that one again. Time out, time back, stick to it or NO GO. Cheeky monkey! - but hope she gets home okay anyway..!
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My whine
My mom again has taken advantage of me again.. My dad cant be left alone. She pulled I am running to the market see ya in a few.That was at 10 its now 4.
Dad keeping me hopping
I whine here my complaints to her fall on deaf ears.
Dad finally napping
Needed to whine
Now I will pour some WINE and suck it up
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Hello Irish. Glad to have you. "just left..'. Is this permanently or just a breather?
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Thank God I found this site. I am in a hotel room. Just left miserable 86 year old Mom. I am 60. I do not know how to transition between loving and hating her. She is a beeeattch.
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I hear that, Pam....and I sympathize. It took Medicaid 6 months to approve Dad's retroactive app (which I was told wasn't required - until after he died and I found out he didn't have coverage for the first 3 months he was qualified) - so for a year and a half after his death, I was dealing with the medical bills, collection calls, etc, because Medicaid took so long to approve him and then to pay the bills. For that whole year and a half, I had an entire section of my desk hutch (with storage cubbies) dedicated to Dad's bills.

I *still* get credit card "pre-approved" mailers in his name - I have contacted the companies repeatedly, but they keep on coming.
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Constant cool and rain and gloom. I am nervous about the future too....what is going to happen when Mom gets through the rehab and returns. Back to continual incontinence and worrying about UTIs and the battle to get antibiotics every couple of weeks. I guess I should not take things beyond one day at a time and we still have a few weeks to go.
Pam, I dread checking the mailbox and the phone answering machine most days too. Got a message to call back about the back brace on TV Mom called about. I know for sure that Mom never called for a back brace! They try to trick us into calling numbers by acting like things are already so when we didn't even call them. This preditory atmosphere doesn't help the caregiver's anxiety.
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Oh I do get the mail.. but mom is still pretty sharp and wants to open/file her own mail. I do throw out all the junk mail in his name!
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Pam don't let it get to you. Just get the mail and open it before Mom sees it
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Jessie can you lower the dose and see how she does (or half for Mom and half for you)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Ok, file this under unbelievable but true.. I expected to get mail in dad's name for awhile, junk mail. He passed on 2/28 and we are in the middle of the paperwork jungle.. but carving our way through with our machetes. Today I got a letter from Prudential to my dad.. telling him they processed and mailed HIS DEATH BENEFIT to my mother, and to call if there was any problem or discrepancey.... WHAT!!! And how is that going to happen??? I get possible fraud.. but really?? And do they have any idea what this feels like to the family? I mailed a copy of the freaking death certificate... And now I see I can expect many more of these... It;s just creepy and heartbreaking
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Yikers. My mother is talking and talking. I may have to take her off this new antidepressant myself. It may be making her manic. Her talking has a real pressure behind it that makes me think of mania. She seems happy enough with it, but it is wearing ME out.
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Susan, I am finding that more and more people will tell you that something is ok or one way just because they want to handle the call and be done with us quickly. I wonder sometimes if younger people are not busy watching something on their phones and just telling us what they think we want to hear so they can go back to whatever it is they are doing. Scary. Or they will tell us something is fact when they know nothing about it. I had cable go out once after a technician came to move the outlet...I called the cable company after he left and the young woman said the cable was out in the area and that is why I was not getting a picture. Somehow I got suspicious and then I found the tech's cell phone number on the statement and called that. He was still in the area and came back and corrected the problem. When I told him what the young woman said...he was not surprised that she lied to get rid of me...said they do that all the time...just say something to get the customer off the phone. I am surprised that these people can keep their jobs and that anything works at all anymore.
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My sister has decided to retire this summer. Her health is really suffering from the demands of her job. Once she retires, everyone, especially my mom, will expect her to bring our mom to live with her and care for her. It'll fall on deaf ears that it's not feasible for her to do what 3 shifts of staff are currently doing to care for our mom in a fully handicap accessible facility. Dang, I'd sure love some boring in life right now.....the gyroscope just keeps getting kicked over.
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Oh, and yes, all is well now - mom's new underwear are on the way. LOL
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Oh my goodness, I think I'm losing my mind. Needed to order a few things from Amazon, selected the card to pay with, card got declined. I was confused, because I *knew* what the available balance was on that card. Tried again. Declined again. Attempted to purchase something small on another site, just to check it - declined again. Now I'm really irritated. Call the card company - and here's the really interesting part - they tell me how much is available on that card after confirming name, birthdate, last 4 of SSN and the last 4 digits of the card number. They say there's nothing wrong with the card, try again. So I do - declined again. I wait a few hours, try again. Same result. Now I'm wondering about identity theft, etc.

So this morning, I try again -declined again. I call the company, really ticked off, and give them my information. They tell me there's an available balance, but far less than I thought there was, so I'm wondering what the heck is going on - then they tell me a crucial detail that the other rep left out - they ask for the last 4 digits on the card number, and say they are incorrect. That's when I realize I've been trying to use the wrong card all along. No wonder it was declined. (This is the card I put a freeze on several months ago so I could pay it off and close it, and not accidentally use it - like I almost did.)

Now here's what I have a problem with - when I called the company last night, they claimed I had given them all the correct information - including the last 4 of the card number. I was actually giving them the wrong card information, because I had the wrong card in my hand, but they accessed the account and assured me all was well and that I had given them the right info. Now THAT'S scary.

I already feel like I'm losing my mind, I don't need help to push me further!
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My dad complains that he's so itchy everywhere - head down to the toes. I told him that he's allergic to something - most likely his herbal supplements. He refuses to go to the clinic or quit his pills. But, because he's getting forgetful, we have drastically cut down his different variety of pills from 10 to 5. Sis opened a new bottle of pills that I know causes him to itch. I confiscated that and hid it.

He has rashes. It could also be that the gov't caregivers, when sponge bathing him, are not washing off the body wash well. When they used to do this with mom, she would break out with rashes. When I would wipe her back or legs, it was soooo slippery and became foamy. I got mad, showed dad, and told him that he must tell the caregiver to wash mom better. She still has the body wash on her skin - hence the rashes. I've tested dad with this, but he has no slippery skin. So, it's back to the herbal pills.

JessieBelle, great that your mom was in a good mood today. Don't hesitate to share the good stuff! Too many bad stuff just sends me to depression. Some good news helps to even out the bad ones.

Pressure sores. Mom got her bad one from the month stay in the hospital. She never got any other. Dad has had 2 in the 3 years of being bedridden. It's all his fault. He spends 24/7 on his back. The only time he turns on his side - is when we're changing his pamper. Can't force him, can't reason with him.
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Susan, my mother went through the scratching stage. We went to the dermatologist twice because she said something was wrong. He said it was self inflicted and she needed to quit scratching. He prescribed a hydrocortisone cream that helped her stop the itch-scratch cycle. She was mostly mentally there, but thought there was something the doctor was missing. She would call me over to show me the "rash," but I could never see anything. I don't know what she was seeing. Fortunately, whatever it was cleared on its own.
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Oh boy ...the "poop artist" stage. That's a rough one. You thought it was bad when your toddler did it - it's far worse when an adult does. It seems every elderly adult that I've ever had to deal with has done this at some point, when the dementia gets to an advanced stage. Fortunately, I wasn't there for most of them - they were in a nursing home and it was taken care of, but noted on their day sheet, and soon enough, mittens and such were introduced to stop them both playing in the poo and scratching their skin raw.

Mom is already in the absent-minded scratching stage, though she is still mostly "there" in her mind, just has memory issues. I'm always seeing spots on her arm, her nose, her chin - where she's scratched raw, it's scabbed over, and she's scratched it open again and again, until there's a scar. Constant battle to get her to stop.
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It'll be us next with the pressure sores, Jeanette - I keep telling mother she's got to put weight on around her coccyx, there's so little covering the bone that there's an almost perfectly round bit of skin, the size of the blunt end of a pencil, which is just wearing away. I've slapped an alginate dressing on it and am praying that will cushion it for long enough for the skin to plump up and recover. Though I must admit this dressing's big advantage is that you're supposed to leave it alone for three to five days, which means I can close my eyes to it while I do the praying. If this goes nasty on me we're in big trouble.

Your mother's on an alternating air bed already, isn't she? But it's true - eventually everything breaks down. Your poor mother, there's only so much roly-polying you can take before it stops being fun.
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With all the bad things happening Jessie, I thin good news is needed. Unfortunately, this group has been together for awhile now and in that great scope of life.... bad will eventually catch up. :( Whatever is cheering your mom up I hope it continues.... yes it means listening to weird stores ;p sometimes they chatter away to make up or us not talking to them. Long ago I found it hard to converse with my mom... she made up chatter for me, so another lesson I learned, go ahead and talk nonsense .. it eases their minds.

Oh Jesus Katie ((((Hugs)))) I am not sure what to say except grab your hubby and get the hell outta there!

Thanks for your kind words about those pressure sores.... I'm still trying to understand how it happened so quickly. Poor thing has been flipped around so much she probably thinks she's a damn pancake
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With all the bad things going on in the group, I'm almost reluctant to say anything good. My mother is having some good days. Today we went to the doctor, then out to eat. When we got home, she went for a walk. She hasn't done that in about two years. I don't know if it is the new antidepressant. Or maybe she felt upbeat in her new outfit. Whatever it is has helped so much.

Now the downside -- she is talking a lot. This sounds like a good thing, and it is. The only problem is that it is the same stories I've heard a million times. And she is confabulating big time. She is talking about things I did that I never did -- in fact, never even considered doing. These are right out of the clear blue. I just keep my mouth closed, but it is hard to hear. They are harmless things like I wanted to give the power scooter to a woman at the church. Huh?? Where did that even come from. She is convinced that it happened, though.
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My husband got through his heart procedure well, and is now resting at home.
I was very sad though as while he was in the ICU unit overnite for observation, three persons died in there last night. Then while I was waiting for my husband's discharge papers this morning, I heard a woman crying and someone had died at that moment a couple of rooms away. A nurse took the woman to find the priest and he came back with them. This brings back sad memories of losing loved ones and worry about what is to come. I feel so bad for her and hope everyone will send out a prayer for her and the families of the other patients that passed on. This has me feeling sad and the rain and gloomy weather don't help.
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Jeanette, please don't feel guilty. These sores can happen within hours or faster.Sometimes they are worse in people with diabetes but I am not sure if your Mom has that. You are doing everything you can to avoid or keep them at a minimum and taking care of it fast when it begins, before it becomes a stage 4. My Mom developed a stage 4 while in rehab at a nursing home last summer and it is just now really starting to heal. It had progressed to a stage 4 and this first nursing facility didn't even tell me about it...it was pointed out by the nurse at the hospital when she was taken there with a very bad UTI. This was supposed to be a 5 star medicare rated facility. I never sent her back there for rehab again! It does sound like you caught that sore in it's early stages and I am glad for that! Please do not beat yourself up over this.
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And now the woes of pressure sores begin... I was devastated, almost inconsolable yesterday. It's like they appear with a vengeance over night...even though I'm constantly fluffing, turning, propping, changing, cleaning, powdering, butt balming... there they were, right in the most delicate area... the butt. I felt so defeated and depleted. Thank God the bathers are very professional and knowledgeable or I would have probably jumped off the proverbial cliff.

The nurse came by and put a clear non padded (padding holds moisture) barrier band aid on her back side. Seems it doesn't matter how hard I tried to avoid this it was inevitable? As the body winds down and their nutritional intake changes with needs or in this case non needs so does certain area's of the skin. The nurse suggested if by Friday it's not looking better we put a catheter in until we can get it to heal up.... or at least not look so frightening. This all within 2 days... doesn't matter how hard I try to save her and make her all better it's just not going to happen and yes, I do hate this.

Book.... buy him some mittens and Velcro them together, playing with poop is a NO NO! OhmaGod...
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Oh Book. Any idea at all of why he's started doing this? How absolutely ghastly for you - and pretty risky for him, too. Could you belt his slacks and put the buckle at the back so that it's harder for him to undo? But at least ask your nursing advisers or social worker - I'm sure they'll have dealt with something similar before and might have some helpful suggestions.

I actually came on to whine about my mother's infuriating and time-wasting belief that she can manage her dinner by herself - no she can't. We just sit there for hours while she fannies around with it without getting a morsel anywhere near her mouth - but I've put myself off the whole idea reading about Book's Dad. Hugs to you Book, hope there's a good answer very soon.
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