I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
The article gave ideas on how to reach that 100 mark if you are still in your 50's, such as good veggie/fish diet, exercise, etc..... but not once did the article even mention serious memory issues which none of us have any control over.
With so many of us in that 50-70 range who are dealing with the stress of helping elderly parents or a sick spouse, I doubt many of us here would even reach a 100.... I doubt I would even reach 90 or even 80.
If your mother has the means or outside caregiving, then she needs to use them, or YOU need to use them for her/you. Even with assets she may qualify for services through Senior Aging and disabilities. Use all help you can get....
There are way too many of us that DO walk in your shoes everyday, some are filled with more muck than others.... so, if you thought I was judging you, I apologize. From your words I felt you were/are very close to burning that proverbial candle on both ends.
I could tell the people who understood where that post was coming from....not once in my post did I say I "hated" my mother....I have been carrying for her for almost 9 years. Like I said it has only been since 6 months ago that my siblings stepped in on a regular basis....and that being because she basically needs 24/7 care. During this time I have also been a single mother of 2. It wasn't until 3 years ago that I took on a full-time, career job. Before that I gave up several jobs in order to care for her. My siblings take turns being with her while I am at work, which I go to at 4 AM and work until 1230 PM. I am in nursing and work with Spinal Cord Injury patients. I am then with her for the rest of the day and night. My mother is chronically ill with a respiratory disease. She will eventually die due to her lungs shutting down, her heart giving out or her body just getting tired. She is not demented and is in her right mind. There is a lot she could do, but she CHOOSES not to do. She has assets so she does not qualify for Medicaid which would pay for home health, nursing home, respite, adult day care. Medicare and her private insurance does not pay for these things except for skilled care.
So, with just a brief overview, there are many things coming at me on any given day. Some days emotions/feelings get overwhelming and one just needs to let them out....
Jeanette...I agree that there are other chapters in life ahead. I try to not lose sight of that thought while I am caregiving now and tell myself that right now this is what I must do. I try to keep a balance this way saying it is this way now but later there are other chapters.i think about different phases of my life and how things never stayed the same. This gets me through each day no matter how difficult it often gets and makes me appreciate the time I have with my Mom right now. You are right to not start that next chapter when it happens with a bad attitude, and can feel good evermore for all you have done for your Mom.
a year and a half after my mom passed away i can tell you the ordeal has made me just a little bit more patient . there have been many times since that i recognized and appreciated that patience .
my renter continues to put me thru some paces . i may ask her to leave eventually but im not flipping out and making an ass of myself over her silliness . im still a d*ck but more calm and calculating and less sporatic . im semi erect instead of a blue vein throbber .
They've both gone now. Sigh. I miss them terribly, but oh the peace...
Yes Katie, a year ago would be nice... I remember back then how resentful of everything and everyone I was. People coming and going, packing for camping trips, fishing, hiking, VACATIONS...then I realized several things. This isn't moms fault and this isn't the end of my life (hopefully) I read several insightful books on AD/Dementia as well as Hospice end of life books. It made such a huge difference in how I perceive her actions and my own. I know what's not far from now, I've been preparing mentally for it as I know I will surely fall apart... but the death of my mother shouldn't mean end of life for me, I have did everything I could to make my mother as comfortable and loved as I possibly could. There HAS to be several more chapters ahead in my life, there just has to be and I don't want to start it with a crappy attitude on life.
Veronica, thank you for the hugs...
Jeanette all I can do is send you a big hug. Mom is probably enjoying those visits with those who have gone before. Those who can still describe unworldy visits are in no way disturbed by them
I'd love to sleep in! I'd love to spend my time off sleeping and gardening instead of shopping for mother. Where is my little pile of fragrant new paperbacks? - and why do I nowadays find What Commode? magazine such compulsive reading instead?
But I meant just to drive by to ask - how does toothpaste get on the bathroom *ceiling*? Never mind the why, for now. But ***how***?
My mother wasn't the best most caring mother, she actually devoted more to my dad than any of us kids. I left when I was 17 and never went home. I guess I am more on the empathetic side ... we all do what we have to do, but if we are doing something that carries that much negativity and hatred maybe we shouldn't be doing it? Just an observation.... like, the more we hate our job the less likely we will do our best.
A lot of the times they become manipulative in order ( in their mind) to make up for all the functions they've lost.
This seems to be different.... lots of moaning and yes, the hallucinating. Plus she calls me by my name most of the time instead of referring to me as "she".
You are so good to your Aunt Edna.... it is so nice to see a mature man take such good care of their ladies.
as horrifying as late dementia is i still have the feeling that the patient ( altho visibly agitated ) still exists in a state of bliss and disconnect . hallucinations could be natures way of deadening the reality of end of life .
i took my aunt a root beer two days ago and she said it hit the spot and if she sipped at it gently it'd probly last her for a month . i asked the nh to check for uti cause thats pretty similar to when she told me she was over 300 years old . a uti was the culprit back then .
this is my second elder in as many years to suffer terminal dementia and i honestly believe they are in less trauma and pain while hallucinating than they were beforehand .
I got up around 5:00 A.M. this morning and flopped on the couch so I could be closer to mom and listen in on whatever it was she was chatting about. She was talking to her Aunt Emma... Emma passed a good 40 plus years ago. Then she said something to daddy. None of it was decipherable except for the names, those I understood. Her Nurse came by today and thought mom was more "alert" than normal, still chatty but non understandable. She's also been more agitated than normal *gulp* I just want to wrap my arms around her and hold her...
I hate that I have spent my vacation time off from work caring for my mother,
I hate that during this vacation time and my days off I cant sleep as late as I want to because if I don't get her up by a certain time, she will have an "accident" which is even more work OR she will ring the call bell freakishly early.
I hate that I am the only one out of my siblings that bath her.
I hate that I have spent my whole vacation wiping her butt and feeding her.
I hate that I am the only one who buys food and plans all her meals for her.
I hate how she sits there looking all lost and pitiful with me, but as soon as my brother's come around she perks up and is full of conversation.
I hate how every moment of my life has to be planned and/or schedule.
I hate that I cannot go to bed when I want or if I fall asleep I have to wake up and put her in bed.
I hate that it is 70 degrees out and she has the heater going in her room and I can barely breath when I am in there.
I hate thatI have "lost" me
I hate how tired I am. In my mind I want to do so much but am just so tired.
I hate that I can't do anything spontaneous
I hate being resentful towards her and how manipulative she has become.
I hate that when I look at her I no longer see the mother that was so close years ago.
I hate that I became so depressed I had to rely on prescription pills to help. But then I didn't like how it was making my body feel so I stopped taking them. I am not one to take medicine.
I hate the fact that I want a relationship, but just don't have the energy to be pulled in yet another direction. Tried it and it was just too much.
I hate feeling this way......
Thank you for letting me vent (whine).....
I look back a lot to the "good old days" when life seemed like such a breeze compared to now in so many ways. And yet, I still have my mom so for that I am really grateful.