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I monitor my mother's email account (she's not online anymore) to make sure she hasn't somehow done something I might need to know about (scheduled a dr's appt, ordered something, or become a target of a scam). This morning, there was a confirmation email about an upcoming Passover eve dinner that her synagogue was coordinating. I spoke to the person organizing this event LAST YEAR, and informed her that my mother has dementia, cannot drive, and so on, so if transportation was provided, that would be great -- otherwise, my mother is not able to attend events anymore. I hoped someone might volunteer to drive her, but it didn't happen, and my mother didn't seem to remember anyway, so that was that.
But now, I have to call this person AGAIN, explain again, and expect that no one will volunteer to drive her.
I don't really expect a whole lot -- my mother was never particularly involved -- but organizations like these are supposed to make you feel a little LESS ignored and isolated, right? Oh-- and the kicker was that right after that email, came another one from the synagogue with an invoice for annual member dues. They must be joking.
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Day 10 of this rotten cold. No rest this weekend as I had to clean up the yard and the house. Saturday was Mom's 76th birthday. Sister and hubby and their youngest came out to visit with Mom for a while...my little sis has MS and it's hard on her. They live 40 minutes away so I was glad for Mom they came, but sis looked done in. My brother who is also Mom's POA and lives 1/2 mile away stopped in with his girlfriend for an hour and brought Mom dinner. I took advantage of that hour to clean the front yard. Got all the beds uncovered and the driveway cleaned up, then it snowed 4" this morning. I couldn't find the darn snow shovel so I had to leave it and will try to run home on my lunch break to get it shoveled. For Mom's birthday I repainted her bedroom in a robin's egg blue to match a bedspread my daughter bought her last year. Got Mom some new sheets, mattress pad and pillow for her bed. Had to take down a wallpaper border, scrub off the glue, etc. It looks really nice, but now the trim looks shabby so I'll have to touch that up. I'm going to get some pretty farm prints to hang in there and a nice rubber backed rug. I'm glad I got a lot done, but really could have used some rest to get over this rotten cold. I was so overtired I kept waking up last night - weird, huh? I'm falling asleep at my desk at work. Muscles I haven't used in a long time are letting me know they worked overtime. Feels good to get outside and work, but goodness I'm tired.
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Things with my mom went as I anticipated, despite my request on the way to my house to please keep things positve and upbeat. The litany of woes started when I was busy in the kitchen, but I caught words and interrupted before she went full drama. It was still a lovely birthday brunch for my FIL, and I was able to shake it off by taking the new pooch for a walk while venting to my sister on the phone. I'm sure my husband is pleased I'm over it and he didn't have to listen to me kvetch,
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It's only negative IF you let it be.
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I've been busy shining up my helmet... practicing laying my ears back... and gathering blankets for my indoor fort.

Will be taking my parents to the Elder Law attorney's office to sign much needed updated paperwork, I just hope my parents won't dig in their heels and not want to sign... so far as of today my parents will be ready when we pick them up tomorrow afternoon, Dad has been busy recharging the battery on their car.

I know I have to think positive but with this elder journey the road has been littered with negative signs :P
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Took Dad with me saturday for an errand run. Target, Aldi's, to work to empty outdoor planters, lunch then grocery store. He held the garbage bags for me while I put evergreenboughs in, pushed shopping carts and got some jelly beans, decor for his door and room refreshner he needs fresh air in his room!
Not eating as much as a year ago but finished his beer, ate 1/2 burger and the other half with less bun and only some of fries. Still a good appetite for being 85. Did ask several times about when are we driving back and explained why he is living close to me now.
It was a good time for both of us.
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They don't bother me during the day? Why is that?? Only at night, right after I fall asleep. ITCH!!! For sure will try the blow dryer trick tonight :) Thanks!

Veronica.... uhm no thank you ;) I can't believe there's still snow out there! Oregon didn't even open up their ski resorts due to NO SNOW!
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Mosquiot bite itching, what I do is use a hair dryer on the bite, as hot as you can stand it.... bingo, it will stop the itch for most of the day :) Also works great on poison ivy itch.
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Jeanette cure for mosquito bites. Come to my house and walk barefoot in the snow!
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Linda, how about you give her the "Don't make me reach across this table and kick your messy butt" look? :) or sit across from her and kick her in the shins if she starts?

Just gonna whine about the mosquito's ... they're here and have managed to get both ankles. My feet kept taking turns all night on which ankle to viciously scratch :/
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Do you have anyone else in the family who likes to dominate any conversation and would just talk over her? When she starts just have them but in with "Gee that reminds me of' and proceed to tell a story that has nothing to do with cancer. if it is upsetting to your Aunt or sons let them handle it as adults. "Please grandma you are spoiling my dinner can be talk about something more cheerful" You are not responsible for everyone elses feels just your own. If this is in a public place just tell her the whole reseraunt does not want to hear about you cancer.
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Linda, Is there anything you can do to distract from the line of conversation? Maybe you could set the table differently or put an interesting centerpiece welcoming Spring on the table and steer the conversation toward that and the dishes served and on to weather and then news and local news etc. I know with some people this is difficult to do as they always try to come back to the topic they insist on discussing. If not outright tell her this discussion is not appropriate and it would upset one of your children so the subject is not to be brought up. I hope all goes well for your family.
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My cousins have been calling my mom with all sorts of info and details about a couple people with cancer. They have her so wound up and immersed in the drama that i know she'll be discussing to tomorrow at our family dinner. I have to request that she refrain from any mention of these people, as my husbands wonderful aunt just lost her 60 yo son to cancer recently. It'll hit one of my kids, who's a cancer survivor, It seems like commen sense and kindness, but I'm afraid she'll do it anyhow, just to spite me because she's so ticked at me. Send support vibes into the cosmos, folks. My guts already reeling.
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Too be honest, my mother has been saying similar things to me lately. It hurts her when I mover her about to "change' or "clean" her. Sorry, but I do not give her morphine just to move her about.... for two days now she's been able to help me transfer her from wherever.... plus has an appetite. I realize she's tired, I understand her reasoning...I still provide happy times, silliness and I try and include her in everything we do here.... my back will testify. Until then....
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Sorry cap... I haven't checked my email in months now. ? Why is that?
I feel more peaceful just dealing with my mother. Period.

I do believe one day they will figure out AD/Dementia. Until then...
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i inadvertently learned something from aunt edna this week . shes not in much pain , a little rheumatiz in her hip and leg . she isnt miserable , shes just knows that life is not going to spring many pleasant surprises for her at 91 yrs old . she
confided in me , and not for the first time , that she'll be glad when " this " is over .
what i derived from it ? today is the s**t . do something nice for yourself and your loved ones .
im doing fine veronica , thank you . possibly the busiest year of my life . not several small jobs but one incredibly large job that will likely end in me working at this location for the rest of my life . i dont want to work fulltime and that looks attractive to the angus rancher looking for intermittant help thruout the year .
hes already given me enough block , lumber and steel roofing to build the root cellar i want . of course firewood is never ending what with his penchant for keeping the forest looking like a city park .
its a good gig but im thorough , honest and reliable . it isnt charity , we both benefit . jeanette , you oughtta check your email every now and then . i sent you a pic of some pretty cool looking stonework .
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freqflyer, Even my own back felt better just reading this about the Boy Scouts putting down the mulch. What a great relief that is!!
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Jeanette, I hope your Mom continues to feel better!
The article is certainly interesting,(as is the add for the flying car..I could really use one of those in our traffic here!). It would be so wonderful if this Alzheimers treatment works and they have found an effective breakthrough for Alzheimers...so many many people would benefit from this!
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This isn't a whine but a bravo... my Dad ordered mulch from the Boy Scouts and had over 20 bags sitting in his driveway. Dad said that the Boy Scouts will come and put down the mulch... I never knew they would do that, so it was a wait and see for me. Bravo, the Boy Scouts came today and the mulch has been placed.

OH THANK YOU... I was dreading this spring and Dad asking me to go get mulch for him.... we went around and around almost every other week last year me saying I can't do that any more and Dad asking me to get the bags.
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Anybody read this news?
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Captain, Good for the lady to keep the money for herself that she worked so hard for all her life! I am so glad to hear that she didn't let this place bamboozle her!
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Heh, I'd spend most of my money on personal comfort as well. The rest would go to.... listening cap?... to an animal rescue! That's just my personal belief.

It's amazing what a good BM will do. Seriously. Mom is UP watching TV, ate a decent dinner, had an ice cream bar and now a banana. Plus a bunch of liquids. No, I don't limit her liquids, she needs them more than I detest wet depends. Go Mom!

Maybe this should be posted in "You know your a caregiver if"... I talk about BM's. hehe
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Wondered where you had got to Capt. How are you?
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re ; religion and money .
i worked for an old gal ( actually a few times ) who has worked incessantly all her life and has a good bit of money .
she once joined up with a christian church in our town . as time passed the church board kept getting more and more adamant about her transferring her financial holdings to their accounts .
it had a happy ending -- she told em to climb inside each other and started spending her money on personal comfort instead .
a shocking but not surprising tale ..
i get the creeps when i drive past the place to this day .
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Yes, Katie222, thank you. I agree about mixing religion and $. Not always a great combo.
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Veronica, that is exactly what I told the nurse on the phone last night! I gave her half a halidol just to calm her down. I was livid .... livid last night. Had to call my carer over to come help me with mom, she's not able to hold herself up while I transfer her to bed commode and back and she wasn't about to just go wherever..... that nurse had the gall to tell me not to let his happen again, EXCUSE ME? I DID NOT let this happen, they sent her home from hospice without a BM in 3 days, I sent her there after having a BM within 15 minutes of leaving home. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
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Jeanette if the liquid pain med is morphine it will only make the constipation worse. Any narcotics unfortunately have this side effect so there is the need to use stool softeners at the same time.
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Tillie, I am glad to hear your Mom has found another apartment. As for the Christian Charity, I have had bad experiences where anything church driven is more out for the buck than caring about people. I don't trust anything mixing business and religion, and there seems to be a lot of that anymore. Once they wouldn't accept my Mom in a church owned nursing home because they claimed they didn't want to pay for a week's worth of antibiotics even though I offered to pay for them myself. I am glad to not have to deal with them anymore ever!!!
I think once your Mom gets settled into this new apartment, things will be much better!
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The rents would be on both apartments at non subsidized rates, equaling about $3,000, and given how little $ she or we have, it's not an option. Patience is one of the virtues I am learning is an exhaustible resource, though can be renewed with a little break.
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Oh, I would be tempted to bite the financial bullet on this one and pay both rents. So glad to hear the good news about the subsidized apartment. I hope that she likes it.
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