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I've been having problem today on getting on the Internet Explorer (IE). It's a good thing that my gmail had problems with IE and insisted that I download the Chrome. Unfortunately, most of my bills and other favorite saved sites are on IE. I just googled why IE is down. Seems that Windows have been hacked a day or two ago. Since I'm now down to Chrome, I'm wondering if I should download FireFox as a backup browser.... just in case Chrome gets hacked and shuts down.

I guess since most of you are still posting, that you don't use IE.
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Thanks Babalou and everyone who has provided their opinion and concern. I finally called the on call hospice nurse and explained what was going on and he wanted to come on out and check her out good. He brought a nurse with him who apparently is also learning the hospice ropes but he checked her out really good and no fluid in her lungs, no fever, everything checked out ok other than the ragged coughing, which he assured me was NOT the "death rattle" ..not even close..he told me that since this was his first time being in our home they always get a feel for the person who is being cared for and he assured me that Mama appeared extremely comfortable and happy and I did not need to worry and that since I knew what was going on that these things were going to happen, but that for now, she is doing well and just encouraged me to keep doing what I'm doing....she has been better tonight, still coughing but not nearly as much...so i think we're ok for now..she has even been smiling again and has talked a little...I never made it to get my plants but my brother is supposed to come tomorrow so that will give me time to look around and just get out for a bit and I fully intend on doing it too...thanks again everyone... :)
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I love that video, especially Danny aka Tony. Ms Daisy's response is perfect. She is worthy of caring for someone with dementia. :)
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Jessie, I just watched that Horror Daycare, even though stuff like that tends to freak me out, I found the comic timing pretty good.... and oh my gosh, those red eyes !!
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Veronica91, my parents had one of those fleece things on the seatbelt but it cause my acid reflux to go into overdrive as it had put more pressure on my neck My parents had that thing for many years, I was so happy when it finally fell off the seatbelt :P
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Hope, the day before my husband went into very dangerous open heart surgery I had a choice of going to a friend's home to have tea or getting my hair cut and colored. I chose the latter, as I told my mom later "because if he died I didn't want to have roots and shabby hair at the funeral;and if he didn't die, I wanted to look nice for him". My mom approved of my choice. You are NOT crazy. You are practical.
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Hope being prepared is absolutely the right thing to do. mama would be proud of you. She would want you to look your best when that sad time comes. She is a rpoud lady from what you have written.

Jessie my MIL was like that too and hubby inherited it. When I feel ill I always make sure I am situated like get to bed first becaus as soon as I mention something he immediately comes down with something worse. My now retired PMD who was also married to a Dr remarked one day that Drs make the worst nurses.
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Hope, do not feel bad about buying the coat or being prepared with clothes, etc. I have that "girlscout" mentality sometimes too, to be prepared for anything. I think it may be something that is even hardwired into most women to be prepared and take care of things. It is part of problem solving in our minds. If something did happen I was always glad I prepared for it somewhat.
JessieBelle, There seems to be a lot of colds going around from the strange weather most of the country has had this last month. My Dad was like that though....he was always having imaginary ailments. One day I asked him if he had PMS too...and he insisted he did...until I told him what it was and he and I had a good laugh. Haha...caught!! My MIL is like this and is always exaggerating her condition or telling us she has this or that ailment. It is difficult on my husband as he never knows if she is really sick or making something up for attention as she is often doing.
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The video is called Horror Show Daycare. Here's a link. I don't know how long it will stay up, but maybe...
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Yesterday was one of those days. Mom woke up with an earache. She talks about having earaches a lot. The doctors can't find anything wrong, so we assume it is her sinuses. She had an earache all morning. In the afternoon, she clutched her throat and said she still had a sore throat. She said it was probably strep, so she needed to see a doctor. I asked her if she had a sore throat or an earache and she looked confused. After that she switched back to an earache.

I don't react to my mother's symptoms anymore. After five years of one symptom after another, I've learned not to react. She has had five years of earaches, sore throats, "cancer," skin ailments, tummy problems, and I don't remember what all. I'd be crazy by now if I reacted to all of them. Still I have that naggy feeling each day, what if this time it really is something.

I wish I had taken notes about caregiving. I could write a good book on caring for someone who looks like a sweet lady on the outside, but is possessed by demons. Have you guys seen the college video about the school for horror show kids? Great video. Google it if you want a chuckle. That is a bit what I feel like here.
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Fear not, there is no way I am going to go a feeding tube or any kind of invasive thing like that at this point...Mama has made me promise her that all her life...and that is a promise I will keep....
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Veronica..you know, I did not even think about that...since she was drinking one of her ensures when it happened it is very possible she aspirated some of it into her lungs...oh dear....yes, I do have her sitting upright whenever she drinks anything and she always uses a straw...like you said, I never force anything on her and try to let her make the calls on when she wants to drink (eat) and when she does not....While she is still coughing it does not seem as bad as it did yesterday, so maybe that is what it was...of course not that it is a good thing because I know it can cause pneumonia...

What to do what to do...yes, such a fine balance...so many emotions. Thing is I had already prepared myself as much as anyone is able to prepare themselves...I am almost ashamed to confess I even went ahead and made sure I had my clothes and her suit where I could easily find them because I don't want to be in a frenzy when that sad day arrives...I also needed a heavy coat at the time it all began because during the winters it gets so cold...what a horrible purchase to make that was...why does all that make me feel so ugly? It's stuff that will be necessary...and I guess in my head I am thinking best to do it while my head is at least a little clear but it makes me feel like a greasy monkey sitting there in the corner wringing my tiny nasty little hands ......what is wrong with me?? I think I am crazy.....

I did go in my room and just sat down a bit ago and looked really hard at "me"...yes, I look tired and yes I have let myself go ....too much so...but, I'm not gone yet...and I literally MADE myself smile and really look and see that I am still in there somewhere...and I pulled myself up by my bootlaces again and decided that right now it is about Mama and so she had a good breakfast and she is all ready for the day and now is snoozing. I am able to pull her up in the bed so that she can rest at an angle where she is elevated and that helps her breathe easily..she looks very comfortable right now...

It is a pretty sunny day and I think I saw at wallyworld the bulbs are here and they are popping up so I may just drift over and buy a few and make some more pots so we can watch them grow and bloom. it's still sad...but life goes on..and it will go on then and this is always what it is headed to for us all..... *sigh*
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Hope it sounds as though Mama may have inhaled some of her drink for it to come on so suddenly. NOW IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT so put that thought right out of your mind. If this happens can you turn her on her side with the bed head down and foot up. Very gently pat her with both hands on either side of her chest and let gravity drain it out. The reason she said she thought she was not going to make it is because she felt she could not breath and she was terrified. This can happen to anyone and when you can't breath you immediately panic.
This kind of gurgling can happen in the last days of life because lung secretions may increase. The loved one is usually unconscious at this time but there are medications hospice can use to dry up the secretions.
There is a difference between aspiration which can cause pneumonia and terminal secretions. These conditions happen even with the best of loving care and it is never the fault of the caregiver. Talk to your hospice RN about it. Don't be afraid to call the On-call RN it is their job and often a phone call can tell you what to do without a visit. When terminal secretions occur it may help to turn the loved on to one side or the other and simply put a towel under the head and wipe up the secretions which may be quite copious. Using suction is not a good idea because it irriates the throat just makes matters worse. If you are not already give only small amounts of thickened liquids for each mouthful. Have Mama sitting as upright as possible when you feed her. I don't know how you feed her but a sippy cup may help or a straw or a dropper or small syringe without a needle. Again hospice will advise. The other alternative is a gastric tube but at this stage of Mamas' life this would not be a good idea. If she says "No" respect that and try again later. The advice to give a lot of water is of course correct for the reasons it is being given but may not be the kindest thing for a dying person as it may cause organ over load. it is a fine balence which is the reason you have the folks from hospice to advice you. Bless you Hope as you go along this very difficult pathway
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Sally, I don't think it's a cold, but then it could be. But it happened suddenly...I was sitting right bedside her, feeding her her lunch, and she just started gurgling and then coughing and then said I'm not going to make it....I wondered if she had a small stroke or something..I don't know...I'm going to call hospice as soon as they open..I know I can call them all the time but the on call folks always seem rushed and I just need to talk to someone and explain what is going on with her....I have tired all the usual things I had done in the past to no avail....her lungs have been clear it is just that horrible gurgling in her throat....I have heard that gurgling too many times before....
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Well, after a restless night...again...forgive me but every bone in my body feels like it is cracking and I just look like total hell. sorry for the ugly language...I am just totally exhausted....just when I let my emotional guard down a bit and thought Mama had gotten to where she could enjoy life for a bit, kaput...she just takes a downhill turn..won't eat, awake off an on, won't talk, nods that she's hungry, I get her something, she shakes her head violently to say NO, not having it...This past year and two months has been like this over and over and over again....I can't bear to lose her..I don't want to lose her, but the toll this is taking on me is literally killing me...I can almost FEEL it happening. sorry...just hoped I'd wake up to something different.
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Barbara51 it sounds like you really have your hands full. I'm so sorry about your daughter's husband. I also feel guilty going out and leaving my mom at home with my brother for any length of time. I feel nervous so much of the time when I am not here.
Hope, do you think maybe your mom caught a cold? My mom had a bad cough and cold about a month ago. At their ages, this scares me. I hope your mom feels better soon!!
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Well, I have had such a good week...Mama came back to me, seemed happy and alert, even told me she loved me...so thankful for that....and now, in the blink of an eye, it seems like she has left me again...I am in shock....I feel like someone kicked me in the stomach....so much hope, then all of a sudden, she is gone...again....did she have a stroke? how could this have changed so quickly....maybe she just doesn't feel well...I am in total and utter shock....
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Sorry about my ranting but my heart is breaking for both my daughter and my situation at home. My husband has to deal with those problems, feeding them, cleaning up after them and working at the same time.
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Purplerain. From experience you need to take some time for yourself. I too go to the grocery and spend as much time thdre as I can. It is my escape. My husband and I go out so infrequently that our friends have stopped calling us. We feel guilty leaving my mom and brother and when we do go out, there is always a problem at home. Unfortunately I have had to leave the house for a while and travel across country. My daughters husband passed away leaving her with two teenagers, no job and lots of bills. Now I am torn between two major situations and feel guilty leaving each one. I am not sure how Much more I can handle. Everyond thinks I am a rock but I AM NOT.
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Oh I know, Sally...I do feel blessed and I am so thankful that Mama has become lucid again the past week as we have gotten to spend some real quality time together...this evening is one of those where I am at my wit's end. She has a lot of those secretions in her throat..sorry folks....she will not spit...there is nothing you can do to make her understand. I am trying to make sure she drinks plenty of water since her doctor has told me to do that for that and for the UTI's...but she is coughing and coughing and coughing that stuff and I have used different things as advised, includiing oscimin and none of it is working apparently....she scared me to death at one point today when she was coughing and all of a sudden yelled very loudly "Im not going to make it"...and she really looked bad and when those things happen I am afraid she has a small stroke or something...but we have been through this so much this year and I am so worn out from it all. When she is just sleeping, she does not make the gurgle sound at all, there is no rattling in the lungs either...it is like she will just start coughing and do it over and over and over and over...sometimes she laughs when she is done...is she doing it to drive me crazy or what? I know surely she is not...but it is yet another one of those things that while I know she can't help it, I feel like I'm going nuts because nothing I am doing is working....

I did get on ebay tonight and thought I'd won a pair of beautiful opal drop earrings (my favorite stone) and was watching and waiting to bid at the last second if I had to and it got down to one second..ONE SECOND and there were two bids at the last minute and it happened so fast I didn't even increase my bid...shoot! oh well...I don't guess I needed those..where would I wear them???? the dollar store...grocery....pharmacy....woo woo
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Oh Hope, I know what you are saying! I have thought so often lately of the life I used to have! I used to go out so often. I love going to the movies. I can't tell you the last movie I saw in an actual movie theatre!
Today my sister graced us with her presence after not seeing my mom since the holidays. She only lives about a 15 minute drive away! She told me I needed to "carve out some time for myself". Gee, I would love to do that, but tell me how?? She can't help out..too busy and has absolutely not one bit of patience for my poor mom. If my mom asks her the same thing twice she snaps at her. How about answering the same question 15 times inside of 30 minutes?
Anyway, I never thought my life would go this direction either, but here it is and here we are. I think sometimes that we are very blessed and I feel so honored. Other times, all I want to do is whine!! I hope you all have a good weekend wherever you are and whatever you are doing! xoxoxo
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Does anyone remember that old cartoon...I think it was Deputy Dawg or something...anyway the entire cartoon kind of centered around him clocking in at work, doing the same thing day in day out, clocking out then clocking in, and on and on and on it went and he always spoke in a very monotone voice...THAT has become who I am
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Well, here we are again. Another Friday night, remembering all those Friday nights years before when all my friends were, and still are, out having dinner together, shopping together, just getting together at someone's house and enjoying some spirited conversation...talking about our plans, our dreams, what happened at work today, and now fast forwarding to what my life is now...not complaining really, just every now and then I catch myself thinking about life and how I had all those plans and nowhere in them did I ever envision my career, my plans, my life, being confined to this house, this town, all my friends have moved away long ago..and the biggest moment of my day is running an errand to either the Dollar Store, the pharmacy, or the grocery...sometimes by dang I do all three, now that's a big time!!!
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Veronica, that comment about getting trapped in the car made me bust out laughing.... :)
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FF you can get fleece sleeves that close with velcro to go on the seat belts and prevent them rubbing on your neck.

CM How about a nice cactus for Mum?
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I hope that I have enough room for my "whine moment but here it goes:.. Today started out as usual she had a nurse visit and pt came out to check on her ok good some one to talk to for a moment that is not complaining about " I dont know what is wrong with me ( she is 96 ) got to cook meals change depends and I look forward to going to the store getting groceries ect it gets me out the house for a least 2 hrs ....i look at myself what happend to me did I make the right choice on taking care of her all these years and its been some years at least 12 from the last count my support system seems to be getting smaller no body wants to hear me whine about the running of the house. For my friends that do come around I try to not just talk about my "mom" all the time they are doing diffrent things with their lives and will not be doing this with their parent when the time comes for them. I am looking for a place to take her for about 10 days for some much needed RESPITE FOR THE DAUGHTER.......the last time I did respite was July of 2014 and I had a good time I tried to make the best of the time and wished I had a little more but it was good for me. My son does not come around or call us that much and I dont like it if he wants something he will call but we stopped giving him money a while back god help him and be safe. we will love you from a distance since thats the way you seem to like it. I am going to get my respite asap and take some time for just me.. The job of a caregiver is a hard one and I trying to hang in their for her and enjoy her after all she is 96 with some health issues. Right now she is watching t.v. and wants her night time meds she will want to go to bed soon and I will be having me a glass of White Zinfendale and go to bed myself.....and start all over again .... i guess this is my "whine moment" for tonight stay tuned there may more of these moments coming.....God Bless all of you :) good night.
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Ah. That's a no-go, then. What about adding extra ones? - do you have a good local body shop that could maybe handle that? I know you can get clips for seat belts that keep them more across your chest but I must admit I've always thought them a bad idea - I don't see how they can not interfere with the inertia reel process. Stumped. Trade in???

Mother's gone off chrysanthemums now. It might be quicker for her to admit she's not one for flowers in general and I can just chuck them all out and stick a penguin on her dressing table instead.
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FF get your gripe about the parents car.. I drive an SUV, smallish one. Folks sweet ride is a CTS.. seems so small, and it;s hard for me to see out of. Seats are small... (ok, I am not fat... but I;m not small either) No back up camera .. and so low to the ground. I just feel very compressed in it! I tend to take my truck, and Mom is always after me to take the car.. she thinks we should just love it like she does. Hubs drives her in it... makes her happy!
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Countrymouse, those side view mirrors would have to be physically removed and placed elsewhere for them to work, thus leaving holes in the body of car and would need to be rewired to adjust.... even the seatbelt is uncomfortable as it cuts across my neck, if I was 6 foot tall it would be ok. I don't know why on earth my parents bought that car years ago because both of them are also short. Guess they never test drove it before buying. But they thought the neighbors would be impressed. The neighbors never knew whenever my parents had a new car because all their cars for the past 40 years have been the same brand and in white.

Veronica, thanks for the update on the Volt, didn't realize they are too close to the ground. I had to laugh when you said "getting to the dr's office and all three of you trapped in the car." :)
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FF I wouldn't advise your Dad to get a Volt. they are too close to the ground, worthless in the snow and the seats are dreadfully uncomfortable. I think it would scare you too it is so silent you don't know if it has stalled or not. Hubby has one and has been driving my Subaru all winter. the only thing i like about that nasty little car is the big display for the speed. You Mom might be able to get into a Volt but she would probably not be able to get up out of it and probably you and dad wouldn't either. Can you imagine getting to the dr's office and all three of you trapped in the car. At least your prehistoric cell phone will be able to call 911.
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