My "whine moment today." What's yours?

How funny yall...I catch myself grabbing a bite of whatever while standing at the kitchen counter...must be another caregiver trait..lol...now I am sitting here wishing I had some crab legs and lemon pie....

Good on you, Katie! It's pretty bad when we have to sneak food in order to have a moment to eat in peace without having to jump up and get something for someone else, fix them something special, get them another drink, and "oh can I have some of yours?" - ugh.

Susan, while you were indulging in the crab legs I was scarfing down some lemon pie...also standing at my kitchen counter! (I did save a piece for Mom...) You are right...it does make a person feel better...heehee.

I feel a little better. I just (selfishly?) ate a small bunch of king crab legs I picked up at the store last weekend. Mom doesn't like them anyway, but I still felt a little guilty and sneaky doing it while she was sleeping...but it felt GOOD to eat that luxurious little item, dripping with butter, while she snored in the other room. No one bugged to know what I was eating...what I was doing in the kitchen...if they could have some of what I was eating...or if I could make them something else. Ate them standing up at the kitchen counter, and devoured them like I was a starving person on a deserted island. LOL

It wasn't much. A $4.91 bunch of crab legs - you can just about figure how much that was. But it was enough for me. 3 little legs and 1 larger one with a small claw on it. But ohh.....it was NICE.

I've always been easy to please. It's nice to see I can still make myself happy with something so small from time to time. ;-)

This day nothing seems to be going right, all small stuff but it adds up to creating an obnoxious day. More BMs than usual, leaky disposer under kitchen sink, husband's doctor won't call back, printer runs out of ink in the middle of a job....I am putting on the pj's and forgetting the work stuff, and just attending to Mom till bedtime!!
I was just thinking about the grocery store being the big outing for me.....maybe I can check out the one in the next town that just opened as my spring break vacation.....

I hear that, Hope!! Being able to take time to actually go to another town to grocery shop, 15 miles away, is like an exotic vacation to me. Maybe I can sneak in a stop at Goodwill....maybe the health food store....maybe the other 2nd hand store in town...oooh, the exciting life I lead...I must be the envy of celebrities and high government officials with my fast-paced life....

I agree - my siblings wouldn't know what to think if they had to confine themselves to the house pretty much 24/7 all week to keep an eye on Mom (and to work, since I work from home), spend about 3/4 of their income on things that aren't for their own benefit (bills, extra food, clothing, incontinence pads, more laundry supplies than normal to keep up with her laundry...not to mention her prescription co-pays, which she can no longer afford).....

crap. she's up *again*. (sigh) Another round of me just trying to keep my mouth shut, because if I laugh at something on the TV, sigh too loudly, or say anything at all, it's "WHAT? What's going on?" (Because she was sleeping in her chair and only the sound I made woke her....)

In all honesty, I could sit down and literally draw out exactly where everything is and about how many of each item they normally keep on the shelves in both the grocery and dollar stores...because it is honestly the only two places I ever get to go....back about one month ago I actually did get to go to a small shoe store and you'd have thought I just got back from a cruise.....ah... a rare and exotic occurrence...

Oh wow Susan and CM..don't I know it....what is it with the whole "grocery trip" deal??? that is usually my ONLY outing...good grief what I wouldn't give to just get out for the afternoon and go for a drive or actually go and sit down with a friend and have a normal lunch and know Mama was being looked after properly. It is almost comical that people seem to think if I am able to go to the grocery now and then then that is my outing for a while...really??? since when does anyone actually enjoy the grocery store??? ugh...it's almost like as soon as we become caregivers, we get trademarked with the things we are now "allowed" to do...I just sometimes sit and think, I wonder what my sibling would do if they knew their only outing for the week was going to be the dollar store or the grocery....??? really???? omg

I'm with CM, Hope - I think we're entitled to a grouchy day now and then, even if it makes us feel guilty when we do.

My big issue right now is not being able to get out or do much other than get groceries. Being stuck in the house day after day after day....ugh. She doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything anymore, even though she's capable of it. If I insist on it, I can *maybe* get her out for a ride every month or so....

Hope… Eh???

Could you name any other job which is for the large part boring, repetitive, physically tiring and often faintly repulsive which you would also feel duty-bound to ***enjoy***? I think you've done your bit if you roll your sleeves up and get it done. Expecting yourself not to get pretty cheesed off with it all, every so often, is too much.

It is one of the most frustrating things about this whole situation to me...While I am always totally thankful to have Mama here with me...and while I KNOW she cannot help the things she does anymore....especially since, God bless her, she's totally bedfast and so I KNOW she can't help the peeing, pooing, etc...so what is so strange to me is WHY does it at times affect me so negatively??? I'm not angry at her...I'm more frustrated at myself for not being better able to deal with it...

I can't help shake the feeling of never ending guilt for being so tired of all the changing and cleaning and repetitve living even thought I KNOW she cannot do one thing for herself now...I KNOW that...KNOW IT...so what on earth is wrong with ME...that I can't handle it better...I feel so ashamed when I get that way...most of the time I'm ok..more than OK even...but I I am so ashamed during those moments or even days when I just seem to not be able to deal with it..

I understand Susan...hope your day gets better..

OK....I have to find some humor in this situation. Got up feeling grouchy, frustrated, and just overall irritated and tired of life in general. Threw myself into my work and cooking, made two lovely LC quiche for breakfast - one with NO VEGGIES for Mom, since she won't eat them, and one loaded with meat, cheese and broccoli for me. Mom ate a huge piece, all the way down to the crust, then proclaimed, "I don't like this. Not my thing." Then said a few minutes later, "It was ok, but not something I'd want to eat every day." A few minutes later still, "I really didn't like that." And yet a few more minutes after that, "That was good, it had good flavor!"

I don't think she knows what she wants or likes anymore! Ahhh, Mom.....

I think if I sit here and shake my head any harder, it will fall right off my shoulders...

Threw myself into some good Low Carb cooking...it's helping. Always does. :-) I'll be better in a bit. I've got a list of household projects I need to get done - that will help too. I'll feed her and she'll pop back into bed (again) and maybe I'll have some time to catch up on things. Just feeling pulled in a million directions today.

Ha! A friend of mine just said, "why don't you take a day off and just pamper yourself and do nothing?" Riiiiiight. (sigh)

Grrrr...ok, back to whining. I'm having one of those days where everything is annoying. I want to strangle my pet birds for the noise they're making - which I normally find pleasant. Mom is playing ping-pong ball already this morning (down for a nap, up 10 mins later, sit for 20 mins staring out the window, back down again) - and her "wake me when you make breakfast" after she's just eaten a banana and an orange just set my teeth on edge, laid my ears back and raised my hackles, all at once. My God, she's like a bottomless pit, always eating. I'm not even hungry yet - but I have to interrupt my work to make sure she has something to eat, when she's already had fruit this morning that could technically BE breakfast - but she wants more.

I know, I know....I should be grateful she's still here. I will regret it when she's gone. There will come a day when I will have to beg her to eat. I know, trust me.

I guess it's just one of those days. It'll get better. Just tired of life in general and the incessant demands of someone who could still be doing things for herself - but won't - right now. She's past the point of being able to do a lot for herself now, because she's let herself go to the point where she can barely walk through the house without getting winded or having to sit down. Standing to do dishes, walking around in the yard, or anything like that is completely beyond her now. I REFUSE to let myself get like that because of my own actions - or inaction, as the case may be. My mother is only 74 years old - an age when most people are still fairly vital and able to do for themselves. But for the past 15 years, she has let herself slide downhill through her refusal to do things to keep active and in relatively good shape. Her own mistreatment of her well-being is going to be her death. Some days it just feels like there's no point continuing with all the work of trying to get her to eat better, move more, etc.

Gah, I'm so frustrated. Sorry for the vent.

Jeanette, Even if you stay home for the respite, just think how great it would be to sleep in in the morning and through the night, then you can go see your Mom when you are well rested.

poor daffodils...

Jeanette, I totally understand your not wanting to do the respite thing..but thinking you NEED to do the respite thing....

" shitzenflinger "
as a guy whos ( warily ) being introduced to agriculture as a side - gig -- that is freakin gold and sums up my opinion of every aspect of farming . i tell em " just keep those filthy cows away from my pretty stonework and we'll get along just fine " .
seed drill , cultipacker , broadcast seeder , round baler , etc . all shitzenflingers to me .
indiana ended up with oregons winter mess . its raining ice balls right now . slickernschitzen .

Should I feel guilty about whining? I moved back in with my dad to care for him this July. My husband does most of the cooking, but I do practically everything else. My dad is elderly (85 in May), but mostly okay. He has heart issues and we've just discovered that he has emphysema. My husband also has health issues, so I've got double duty. On the one hand, I'm thrilled to have a steady home, and being able to spend time with my dad. On the other, his short term memory is starting to go and I find myself losing patience with him when he forgets what the doctor told him yesterday, or forgetting other minor things. Then, on top of that, I have to deal with my husband "egg-shell" days. He has a myriad of physical problems, but also has rapid cycle bi-polar disorder that is barely controlled with medication. I feel like, sometimes, that I have to tip-toe around him, and then walk into another room and make all happy happy for my dad. I feel sometimes like I'm hanging on by a very fine thread! There's really nothing about the situation that can change, which explains why I'm in therapy, but I really feel a lot better just getting it off my chest, and thank you for your posts, letting me know that I'm not as horrible a person as I thought I might be.

CM could you fabricate something for the few hours Mum has to wait for the laundry. Even an old cotton blanket under the undersheet should do the job.
Daffodils hmm did crazy SIL send her a bunch or something? She will probably love them when you take her out for a nice walk in her W/C with the dog. Just make sure the local farmer is not coming down your lane with his shitzenflinger. Do you have a narrow lane or is that my SIL? No I think you met a herd of cows one day or was it sheep. poor Mum just as well i am not taking care of her. I would probably make a harness for the dog and send them out for a drive while I took a nap.

Don't make me come up there! Grrrrrr

Jeanette!!!! Have you learned nothing from me!! Was my heart attack in vane? Take respite while you can! Please!

daffodils are everywhere here.... verily. Tree's are pink n yellow with blooms. Oregon skipped winter and sent it apparently everywhere else. Sorry ;)

Susan, you should be whining about "SNOW" cream.

Eating homemade (low carb, sugar free) blueberry snow cream. No whines for me at the moment. :-)

After spending 1/2 of yesterday and all morning I think I have all the phone calls made.. even had to call courthouse and get a copy of thier marriage lic for the SS visit in April. Unbelievably every call went very well.. now to wait for various forms and such to arrive in the mail, and be filled out and returned. I am sure things will pop up.. but Mom is not as stressed now. Nor am I. Didn;t get to pick dad up today, so I guess they will call tomorrow. we are going to have a memorial service in his hometown in the spring/early summer. And I can't believe they are calling for 8 inches of snow AGAIN .
Jeanette, take some respite time. If you don;t go away you can still visit, but you can also reclaim some of "you". Mom is planning to go visit Aunt in a few weeks.. it will be about the third time in 2 years hubs and I will have alone time.. and I surely plan to spend some of it in my PJs in front of crap TV !

fk daffodils , verily !!
lol

I am bummed out today from the constant gloomy weather and asking myself what the heck happened to life? I will never take a free moment for granted again, ever!
Mom seems kind of crabby too today. At least this day is almost done...maybe if I get Mom her dinner and quickly wash my hair I will feel better....I am finding little things are so important right now...the entire World has shrunken to my home, the grocery, and drug store. Thank God for the library, though I am finding I get books out and then either don't have time to read or just have no more interest.

JeanettB, please don't cancel your respite. Read the article about FOG, Fear, Obligation, Guilt. You need time away, I learned this the hard way (depression, sadness) will hit you without warning. Take care of yourself!!

Hit her, I think. But it could have been bit. It was a while back. I remember thinking it certainly made a point at the time.

I have an uneasy feeling that mother's GP thinks we're on the same page only he's actually several pages ahead of me and I've missed something. He decided to stop mother's diuretic today and see how she gets on; I'm to call him on Friday to report in, and resume the diuretic if I get worried - he knows I know what oedema looks like, but even so I think he's got more confidence in my diagnostic skills than I have. I'm also not quite sure why we're doing this and didn't really like to ask. Getting rid of unnecessary meds, cool; but how is the diuretic unnecessary? I'm a little bit nervous about what he might be thinking.

Mother is as mad as a snake, and there are no infection markers at all. Bummer. Today, to my horror, she demanded to know "who's that awful man?" when the man in question was the very helpful technician from our medical equipment suppliers who was going to a great deal of trouble to sort out some glitches for us - and he was standing approximately three feet in front of her at the time. Fortunately he's very familiar with his customer base and is used to not taking things to heart; but it's so out of character for her to be so rude. I didn't know where to look.

She's taken against daffodils, too. Bit of a problem in rural England in early March, because in a week or so there will be hordes of them whichever way you turn. Besides, what have the daffodils done?

And the evening HHA turned up half an hour early. For goodness' sake. The whole point of changing to an evening visit is so's they can give mother her supper, and how's that going to work if they turn up early without warning? I'm not going to start leaving it to keep warm on the off chance that that might happen. Not the HHA's fault, but then later on she had to come and find me because mother had asked her where I was three times running and refused to hear the answer - this aide is new, so again it's not her fault that she doesn't know what answers mother will accept; but the fact is that this "help" is of very limited help right now.

And I have found out why the NHS is so broke. It's because they don't trust us to unzip a mattress cover and put it in the washing machine without doing something stupid and dangerous, so they instruct the OT's only to offer replacement mattresses for the air bed, they're not allowed to order spare covers full stop. The air mattress is £500, the cover is £100, as I found out when I rang the manufacturers direct because I couldn't believe this bureaucratic nonsense, and was told I wasn't allowed to buy a spare cover because they only supply official health professionals - I would have to request one from the OTs… groan, here we go round the mulberry bush....

Problem is, a hot wash takes an hour and a half, a cool tumble dry takes a further hour, then you've got to get the wretched thing zipped back on straight, and the bed remade, and mother is only supposed to sit up out of bed for an hour max at a time. Which is why she is now completely zonked, albeit very grateful to be back in her nice comfy (and now fragrant) bed. She spent the whole afternoon in her riser-recliner with me darting in and out of the room like a little firefly panicking that she might have listed too heavily to the right and toppled out of it.

Done whining! Now yawning, long day.