Follow
Share
Read More
Find Care & Housing
Jeanette you could try slitting Mom's nightgown up the back as far as the waist. If you can sew hem the raw sdges or buy some of the double sided tape and just iron the edge over. That way Mom will feel she is wearing her regular clothes but you get easy access. How is mom doing with the hospital bed?
(0)
Report

oh dee, sorry about your back! Is it feeling any better?

LOL on calling the brothers for help. By the time all this is said and done, we will be wearing helmets listening to crickets living inside our heads :) although, last summer I did fracture 2 ribs and punctured a lung (don't ask) I HAD HAD HAD to call them. By the time I'd made it home from my bicycling trip, sat down on the couch for a few hours my entire body seized up in excruciating pain. One brother had to watch mom and the other had to take me to the ER. Just don't let it get too bad on you, call them if you have to. Besides, you get good drugs for back pain! just kidding ;)
(0)
Report

Hey all ! It's a glorious day in the PNW but I'm too tired to enjoy it! bummer.

All this hoopla the past several days is seriously overwhelming. Trying to find an out of the way home for all the "equipment" they brought is... another task in itself. Still no word on the UTI. I've been giving her some OTC stuff... hoping it alleviates at least some of her discomfort.

Agreed, hope. AD is like living in the here and now. Spares them some dignity in a world of indignant living. Of course, none of it is spared on the CG! grrr thank you for the excellent advice on how to clean mom up in the mornings... I think wearing one of those gowns that close in the back would be best at night vs her regular fluffy jammies. I've washed all the cute frog faces off of them lately and now they look like green blobs.

Still working on finding an easier way to get mom cleaned up in the mornings, keep from doing mass laundry and the smell of urine down to a bearable breath. That intense smell is proof enough for me that she has a UTI, not to mention she's peeing more than ever. Anywho... met with the Social Worker and RN Case Manager yesterday.... lovely ladies but still... haha, RN lady told me she's the one who will order more meds when needed and feel free to use when needed. Why did I get the impression that some of those are meant for the carer? Like the xananx? LOL!! No I've not dipped (yet) I'm too chicken for things like that. Least for now. Oh yeah... I decided to just be me when they got here, so since it wasn't a "break day" for me and I wasn't leaving the house, it was cold windy and raining like crazy, I kept MY warm fuzzys on. heh, least I brushed my hair and dabbed on some perfume :)

Jessie, mom wouldn't let me listen to music either when she was able to go for rides. I happen to love taking long drives, music playing and windows open, weather permitting of course. What I ended up doing is buying some inexpensive CD Books, popped a story in and quiet ride time ensued. Ahhh.

Oh, my 5 days of respite has been moved to Wednesday, I was feeling very rushed and still worried about her UTI. I know eventually I will get more rest than I will ever need so no need to rush this.

ff, I AM in denial about my age. There is NO WAY I can feel so old, beat up and worn out at 51. Your mom is the opposite bless her heart. She's still young at heart :)
(0)
Report

The other day I got a large package from an Elder Law attorney which contained all the paperwork for my parents... their Will, POA's, yada, yada, yada.

A few minutes ago I dropped the package off with my parents. I had already opened it to see what was in there and I knew this might be too much for them to handle, over 100 pages of stuff to read. Dad seemed ok with it all, he's ready to sign. Mom wants to read what she can. Then she asked "what's a Power of Attorney".... oh my, how does one explain to a 97 year old what that document represent, especially when that 97 year old is almost deaf, and can barely see. Mom had a scowl on her face like she doesn't want any part of this.

Why on earth didn't my parents pay attention to this 10 years ago.

Where is my helmet?

Oh, Mom did say something good that she wants to give some things to her two Godchildren [who are 68 and 75] before she dies and she doesn't want it in the Will.... great idea, but what is she waiting for? Do it now so she can still enjoy seeing them like whatever it is. Mom must be in denial about her age.
(3)
Report

Let's face it, dee. Some of us and our crickets live for the convenience of others. (chirp, chirp, chirp) Sometimes the little child in me cries out, "When's it going to be about me???" I just tell her to hush, because it's not about her at the moment. (sob)
(3)
Report

Fabulous. My back went out yesterday at work. Can barely get up from bed/chair/floor/wherever without excruciating pain. Not going to bother calling bros for help with mom - it's just me and the crickets - at least I can depend on them. My character is getting quite a workout lately.
(2)
Report

Another day, another wedding out of town. Traveling with my mother is always a dread. I worry about what would I do if the car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I can't listen to music to pass the time. And there is the retelling of all the tales I've heard so often. Instead of feeling joy for the new couple, all I can think is "This too shall pass."
(0)
Report

I believe our elders frame of time is different from ours... a week for us is one day for them.

Dad will say such and such happened couple days ago when in fact it was a couple of weeks ago. There's just not a lot of variety in their week, which is their choice not mine. I can't be Julie McCoy, cruise director, for them. If only they would have moved to that retirement village where is a lot of stuff going on all week. That way Monday is bridge, Tuesday is swimming, Wednesday is bingo, etc.
(0)
Report

Twin....so jealous of your time in NO but so glad you got to enjoy it...I love that town...so much to see and do and the cuisine is the best...

I am no expert by any means, but I do think their time frame is different. I don't know, but it seems they remember things a long time ago, or the here and now, but things that happened recently...like a day or so..or a week ago, it's almost like once it's over, it's over....I am anxious to hear what others say about this. I know I was worried about my Mama the time I put her in respite for those five days when I had to move my belongings from my former home and I was so afraid she would be irritated at me for leaving her..but she seemed totally content and none worse for the time away...I'm wondering if AD is just kind of living in the here and now most all the time and maybe that is a good thing for them....sounds like he did just fine...but I understand the whole can't help but worry thing..i do it too...
(0)
Report

Thoughts please. Got back late last night from a trip to New Orleans. First vacation in a 18 months. Was sort of concerned about Dad though he is in AL it was the longest stretch of time not seeing him. So this morning I stopped in gave him a couple souvenirs, showed him the photos and did walking club with time (20 laps). I do not think he was aware of how long I was gone. I will have to check with the Activities director and the head of the aides to see how he was but as they did not mention anything he must have been ok. He seemed in a good mood. I think he does not process time the way we do so this is normal?
(1)
Report

BTW...Jeanette, yes, our snow is still so pretty on the ground. The roads are clear now, but the snow is still pretty and I turned Mama's bed so she can see it through the den doors..She seems to be enjoying herself...and has been laughing all morning..I am so anxious to know you and Katie have your Mom's on the cipro if they have UTI's...you know, the thing here with me is, Mama's doctor has gotten to where they don't even put her through the test, I KNOW it is a uti and they just called it in..thank God....maybe they will do the same for yall ..sure hope so...
(2)
Report

Oh Jeanette...yes a trip down memory lane for sure...I remember those people in and out and on the way and just "dropping by for a few minutes"..back in those days I was always trying to keep the house totally spotless, keep myself fully dressed and makeup on, hair fixed, etc...it didn't take long for me to realize they didn't care about that stuff....it's hard for me to not keep this house spotless ..Mama always did and so I feel kind of bound to do it as well, but as some of my aunts, her sisters have reminded me, she didn't have someone to take care of all day long either so ease up on yourself. And somehow I knew she would tell me to not worry about it, so I started trying to not worry. I always try to keep it "clean" as in sanitary, but it is going to be cluttered for as long as this goes on because there is just no where you can put potty chairs, wheelchairs, rollators, etc...and even though we don't use those anymore...I feel like I need to keep them handy in the event of an emergency as I think I could manage to at least get her in or on one of those and get her out of the house if I had to ..you hope you would never have a household emergency but just to be on the safe side there...and then of course is the endless hoard of supplies, that, thankfully are covered by hospice. Our home is pretty roomy, but we also have all her things, and now we have all my things and so adding on all these medical supplies and such I feel like I live in a medical supply warehouse sometimes...

Sounds like you handled the future bride situation well...I can't imagine throwing a wedding into the mix of what is already going on here.

Last night, my cousin, who has been abandoned by everyone ..same one as who came here and did nothing but sit and let me wait on her recently, anyway, she started texting me last night wanting to know where I was with finding her a car. She is paying for it of course, but I had found one that due to my vehicles breaking down, Mama getting worse, not having a sitter, etc. etc. etc., I have been unable to go up and drive it and make sure it is as good of a deal as it sounds and looks..anyway she knows all this and began bugging the holy crapola out of me and to be honest I just got fed up with it. She even said...I have got to do something, I have had to cancel more doctors appointments and I am going crazy..well, you know what then??? get up and find your own car friendo...I did not say that to her, but I did tell her...look, you know my situation and that is my priority...I figure she can fill in the blanks...good grief...people are unbelievable....and so selfish
(1)
Report

Katie, so sorry you've got yet one more crisis to handle. Same thing happened to my mom as glad's. I HAD to call 911, I thought she'd had a stroke. Just unresponsive, wouldn't open her eyes, just scarily out of it. That was my first trip down UTI lane. They had to use a catheter to get the urine sample... she didn't flinch when they put it in or the IV. Several of the docs around these parts do not like to use catheters because they do cause UTI's. Just an all around bad situation... I sure hope your mom gets some relief... thus giving you some relief.

Sally, ohmahgod it's not funny but I did have to chuckle at your mom and the dogs. That was my mom a few years ago as well. She thought my littlest dog was her "doll baby" She'd pack him around all day, sometimes upside down, she'd bring him water in the palm of her hands.... now, none of that would have been too bad but the little dog is older than the hills and has been blind/deaf for a year and a half now. LOL!!! I was constantly rescuing him... hehe, our parent's sure can be a trip at times!

hope. YES I do remember how the constant flow of people drove you batty! It's a bit overwhelming in the beginning isn't it? Jeepers man, I've got the Social Worker and now moms permanent Nurse both coming today, at the same time. I think next in line will be the chaplin and the bather's. Sure hope they aren't expecting a spotless house and me to remember everyone's name and job title. Not happening. I was up late into the night cleaning someones messy bottom, showering them and getting them back to bed, oh, and arguing with my son and his "fiance". That is another entire story. I finally told both of them to just do whatever it is they felt they had to do, just don't expect to move here and don't expect me to save them.

hope, thank you for the valuable info regarding hospice..... is the snow still there? Spring left us and winter returned :/
(1)
Report

I also discovered it's not uncommon for an issue to get lost somewhere especially at the first...you might want to just gently remind them about the cipro...that part is frustrating to the part it makes you very angry when your loved one needs a script and they won't seem to write it....probably a lot going on getting her set up in the system, but stay on them about that...forgive me for being nosy...just remembering how it was when we first started with them...

I decided to turn Mama's bed towards the big french doors so she could see the pretty snow..she seemed to enjoy it and has now fallen asleep. After I did it, I worried it might confuse her, I forget any little change can do that..but right now she is sleepy and has had a good bath and a good breakfast..all her UTI symptoms are gone, thank God, still got to finish the course of treatment, but unbelievable what a difference a couple of days makes....
(1)
Report

Jeanette...that, as you remember, is one thing that almost drove me out of my mind when they first started coming..someone popping in all the time...it does settle down and you get used to it and I finally just had a chat with them on down the road, let them know I didn't need the social worker regularly and that unless there was some reason they had to come if I could just call them that would be preferable...Right now, she most likely HAS to come just to get all the various information that they need to help coordinate all your care...at first it can get aggravating, frustrating, feels like they're taking over, but then it calms down and you get into that routine and now I don't know what I'd do without them....hang in there, it definitely gets better...I remember all too well the literal "flood" of people in and out those first few days...
(1)
Report

And the ER is also an option if delerium becomes an issue. With my Mom she had an ER visit because of stroke symptoms, EMT's, ER Staff and me thought it was a stroke, but it was a UTI and led to a three day hospitalization.
(0)
Report

Katie, you may be right. It is just that the urogyno did wonders for my Mom. And if there is a referral to a specialist, they usually try to get someone in immediately if there is a current concern. I can see where if he is bedridden it would be very difficult to get him out to the doc. Has he had recurrent UTI's?
(0)
Report

gladimhere, I will look into this, and also see what the home nurse comes up with. Mom is very bedridden and 92. I am surprised he wouldn't prescribe an antibiotic first to prevent sepsis, and even then send her to the urologist. UTIs progress fast and I can't take her to a urologist weeks from now if that happens, or in delirium because he refuses a simple antibiotic. He always waits for the specialist to prescribe anything. I think it is time for a new doctor.
(0)
Report

Katie,
My Mom started seeing a urogynecologist a year ago which she was referred to by the gerontologist. The urogyncologist did a couple of tests one looked at her bladder through a camera, the other measured intake and output. The camera test showed how very inflamed Mom's bladder was which indicated what medications to put her on. The uro added a number of meds to Mom's regimen and she has not had a UTI since. I am with your Mom's doctor, specialists are often necessary fo recurring UTI's to get to the root of the problem and to try to stop the infections if left untreated can lead to sepsis and death. One of the meds is a very low dose antibiotic that in combination with the others has done the job. Get Mom to the urogynecologist, if you have one, otherwise a urologist would work as well.
(3)
Report

Well it looks like my Mom's GP bailed on us. He won't prescribe anything that has to do with urinary tract infections unless she goes to a urologist, according to his nurse. He doesn't want to handle the catheter situation. Unreal. Not easy for a mainly bedridden person to be dragged out constantly in subzero weather. He was so understanding before and I don't understand what happened. I am still waiting for the in home medical personnel that our home nurse sent a referral to, to contact me. Nothing like being kicked to the curb. This doctor should be getting news about my husband's recurrance of afib now too. That ought to send the good doctor running for the hills. By the time Mom can get dragged out to a specialist just for an antibiotic, any future UTI may have progressed to delirium. Guess that makes them more money and that seems to come before patient health.
(0)
Report

Hospice House was lovely. Too lovely.

While I was there doing my tour I couldn't help but notice that there was only ONE person in the unit. This is a big facility... and they made me feel like if I didn't make a decision within 5 seconds I would lose bed space :/ One thought kept running through my mind, it was the title to a post "Do you think hospice rushed your loved ones death"? Needless to say I got instantly tired... had to leave with stomach cramps and came home.

Re-thinking it all on more time.

Social Worker is coming tomorrow. Good Lord there's been too many people in and out lately.

PamZ, hand in there honey, .... it is hard when it gets to this part.

I pray they send a scrip for Cipro tomorrow for mom... my poor li'l muffin really isn't feeling well, and she grabs herself when she has to go potty. Asshats! She still ate her ice cream bar though.... ahhhh
(0)
Report

Here we go again with my parents thinking someone is stealing their mail. Dad is still waiting for some 1099's to come in so he can get everything ready for income taxes. Those documents should have been mailed ages ago, so I wouldn't be surprised if those envelopes are buried somewhere on Dad's desk which is an unorganized mess.

Nope, Dad said he saw someone suspicious when he was going out to the mailbox, and when the guy saw Dad he turned around and started walking the opposite direction. We live in a very safe neighborhood, and the street my parents live on is a mile long circle, and lot of people walk the circle for exercise and walking their dogs. I told Dad the guy maybe can't walk the whole circle so when he gets to your house he turns around and walks back to his house, not unusual to see people doing that. But I couldn't convince Dad of that.

So I told Dad he can have mail sent c/o of my name and address... I live in the same subdivision right off the circle. Never had any mail taken from my mailbox. Or we could get one of those locked curbside mailboxes.
(1)
Report

dee, yes, the cipro really knocked it out quickly...she is feeling so much better. With the big snow we got we actually got to enjoy these past couple of days. Kinda felt like back when i was a little kid...
I wanted to build a really big snowman, shaped like a cat, it was the perfect kind of snow for it..but it did get really cold and my coffee pot was calling me...I got all m y walking and taking pictures out of my system and then I got me a good hot bath and just got cozy and snug with Mama and we enjoyed the day so much. I know I had a LOT of stuff I needed to do, but it will be here tomorrow, so today was for us... :) kind of sad seeing the snow go now....but once it starts melting and gets messy, time to go....
(0)
Report

pamz...bless your heart...I know you are going through so much right now...My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
(1)
Report

Jessie....girl...I am in Gadsden!!! so we're only about 45 miles apart!!! Who knew!
(2)
Report

My whine for today is I'm tired of the smell. I loved and appreciated fresh air before, but gosh do I do so more now. Just a few minutes...
(3)
Report

Right there with you, Sally77.

Mom has started repeating things at different times of the day because she's forgotten that she said them earlier in the day. I have been trying desperately to get some household projects done, which she insists are better done during the daylight hours. No idea why - we have lights! It's not like the sun has to be shining for me to hang a shelf or do something else inside the house. Yet, for the past 2 nights, when I finish my work for the day and start on projects, and its dark outside, she reminds me - "I thought you were going to do that when it was still daylight?" She's done this about 3 or 4 times now.

Right, Mom. Yes, Mom. I KNOW, MOM. What I really want to say is, "Excuse me, but I was busy working 12 hours a day for my clients, which keeps our heads above water financially, feeds and clothes you and pays for the never ending projects and repairs on this house and the vehicle. Sorry that I couldn't find a spare hour while the sun was shining to do these projects because that's how YOU think it should be done!"

Grrrrrr. ...
(2)
Report

No feeding tube or PIC lines.. he would just pull them out and we don;t want anything invasive ( although I did allow fluids) or really "misery prolonging" Thank you all for your support and private hugs.... It is just sort of hard dealing with older family members who think hospice equals "putting to death"
(3)
Report

I wish I had the time to read everyone's "whines" and participate more in the discussions. Please forgive me...seems I only have time today to whine and run...!!!
I am ready to hang myself if my mom asks me one more time where her dogs are when they are right next to her!!! I am so frustrated that I can't get any work done! I know that it's not good if she naps for too long, but honestly, it's the only peace I get! She gets in these moods where she just wants to follow the dogs and let them in and out of the house all afternoon. She lets them out, then asks where they are! I know she can't help it and one day all these irritations will fade away and I will just be sad not to have her around. But sheesh....why does it have to be so annoying!! Uh-oh....gotta run....dogs are barking again!! Love to all....
(3)
Report

Never too early to call hospice even if you and your loved one are not ready At least you have all the information and know what kind of people you will be interacting with. makes it much easier when the time is right.

Pam this is such a hard time for you. thoughts prayers and hugs comming your way. Are they considering a stomach tube or is he too far declined to even think about that. if he can tolerate it he will feel much better.
(1)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter