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Jeanette, I totally get where you are coming from. Do you think our brothers purposefully piss us off knowing full well we will eventually stop asking? When they don't even respond to a voicemail saying I need to go to ER because I'm having chest pain? They win. I gave up years ago. Me and the crickets are on our own...they provide the background music to my life.
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Jeanette, I am glad that you are getting so much more help finally. Hospice doesn't hasten things, but makes things easier if you can get hospice. I have a hospital bed the doctor at the last hospital ordered upon release for my Mom, and it makes things so much easier as she is bedridden. I couldn't do without that bed at this point!
This morning I feel like doctors are telling us what is wrong with both my Mom and then also my husband's recurring heart problem...and then they never get back to us. Yesterday the heart doctor's office called to set my husband up with an appointment on tuesday and then she said she didn't know where the doc would be on tuesday and would call back.....never did. What?? It is like everyone is saying "You have a terrible problem....too bad....see ya...bye!!" No one wants to help but they sure want the money. This feeling of abandonment has always made me try to do everything myself. I have been told that I would probably take out my own appendix if I had appendicitis! I wouldn't go that far, but it probably would cross my mind as I am so used to not getting help I need. I am still fuming that the gp wants to send Mom first to an" infectious disease specialist" because of her UTI and now that that is cleared up but there is some yeast issues from the antibiotic his nurse says he wants to send her to urologist because she has a catheter. Old people get UTIs...it is not hard to write a script. A doctor that can't handle a patient having a catheter??? Unreal.
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Jeanette, when mom was coming home from the hospital bedridden, our home was inspected by the home care team and the fire department. Due to Medicare requirements, we had to have in place for the hospital release her - emergency lights, fire extinguishers in 2 different locations and her hospital bed cannot go into their bedroom. The fire dept said that if there's an emergency, their gurney would not be able to reach mom due to the narrow hallway and the narrow bedroom door. So mom's hospital bed was placed in the livingroom. Something to think about if you have plans of calling the ambulance....

Boni, a lesson well-learned. Now you know first hand that your mom can no longer live with you - since your brothers were not willing to help you more with her care. No guilt - now. You proved it, her doctor reconfirmed it. And now you both will benefit with her going back to her new home.
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Jeanette.. I also don;t know whether to say yea or I', so sorry.. so many of us on a bad/good roll right now, Boni.. good luck to you too. Dee.. take care of yourself. I'm off to work the next 3 days.. and dreading get a phone call from Mom or the MC...
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Wow, this has been a big time for AC people. Jeanette, I am so happy for you that you have help coming in. I am so happy that you are going to get a break. And Boni, I agree 110% with what you did. I think your mother and you will both be happier. Hugs all around.
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(((hugs))) Boni.... My words are limited these days. I want to say YAY!!!... then I feel bad for mom going back.

Sent an SOS to my oldest bro... help please taking mom's bed apart and moving it.. Crickets... Sound of silence. F**k it. I will do it myself in the morning. Sorry.... I am very tired. They can still go f**k themselves... I might get a great night sleep :)
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Thanks Pam. You were right all along. I'll still be her caregiver and visit often and bring her anything she wants or needs, but when we are one on one together I just can't handle the meanness and the worry because she can't remember her limitations. I made the right decision this time.
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Boni, so glad she is going back. You saved two lives: hers and yours.
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J, I am happy you are getting hospice in. Your Mom suffers so much at night and I think she will be so much more comfortable. I'm happy to know you will be getting the sleep you desperately need. It doesn't mean you are going to lose her any sooner, just that you will both me more comfortable until her time comes.
I took Mom to her GP today and he pulled me aside and said..."What are you all crazy???? Mom was doing great in the home, why would you take her out now?" His support helped a lot in convincing my brothers that we had made a mistake. She's going "home" as soon as we can arrange it. These last 6 days with her home I saw that her dementia was SO much worse, and that there was NO way I could do it myself anymore. Lots of tears, a little bit of yelling, but the decision is made and I am very relieved. These last 6 days have already taken a toll on my health. We can love, help and support them in many ways besides 24/7 hands on. It's all good GF.
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the pain I had was in my upper stomach, more like an ulcer. I have had ovarian cysts before, and I do feel that I have them again but that was not the pain that I was having. Yes it was that sweating and feel like you're going to pass out kind of pain. So glad it went away! Well, I took my mom to her doctors appointment tonight. He suggested this estrogen cream to help protect against & avoid the number of urinary tract infections she has been getting. I was thinking a topical cream that you just kind of put on the outside, so I agreed to it. Then he tells me I have to apply intravaginally. well the smile immediately left my face and I was like wait, what??? I thought you said it was topical? He laughs and says he pulled the old bait and switch on me and didn't fully disclose. I was half tempted to tell him to show me how to do it right then and there. he told me that a lot of his patients who have frequent UTIs are finding that using this cream helps them reduce the number of infections and often eliminates them altogether. So I guess I'm going to go "there". I'm going to have mom try it herself. I'm praying she can do it every day. Rectal suppositories are bad enough. I don't know how i'm going to do this, you guys!
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jeanette ,
i think you should refer to the hospice people as " home care " around your mother . everybody in the world has an idea that hospice means end of life care . i aint one to softsoap reality but she doesnt need steadily reminded of her prognosis imo .
i s'pect for the next few weeks and months youll have wild emotions that heretofore were unheard of . anxiety , relief , loss , sadness , fear , empathy , rage , etc .
glad you have help though ..
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Jeanette, I'm happy and sad for you at the same time. Big hug, honey. Take care.
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WOW! What a day!!

Just as soon as I posted about hospice not calling, they called. Within 2 hours the nurse was here. Turns out mom's doc gave the OK for hospice, not just the evaluation ... the whole 9 yards. Meds are on the way, UTI meds will be here tomorrow as well as a hospital bed, bedside commode... plus, everything else I could imagine. Lisa, my carer was thankfully here today with me... she took 2 pages of notes!! If I forgot something to ask, she asked. Good grief you'd of thought we'd won the damn lotto with all the great helpful things hospice left for us!! Wait... the RN asked me when I'd last had a break, especially since my dad passed 2 years ago... uh, 2 years 5 months ago. She got on the phone called "Hospice House" asked if beds were available and and and... said I basically had to take the 5 days. She went on to tell me that the primary carer has to be cared for as well. Yes, don't we all know that one? HA! I came apart like a gumball watch....

Oh oh... OH, she's also going to get the OK from whomever they get it from to see if Lisa (my carer) can get additional hours from the State, ore even hospice. Is it Christmas? Why am I so happy for something so sad? Ugh!!!

dee, my mom did the same exact comatose thing with her first UTI... I thought she'd had a d*mn stroke or something.

Darn, .... I have to get up super early, get mom up dressed and comfy because I do not want that hospital bed in the middle of the living room. She's comfortable in her room... no reason to change things on her, just her bed and that awesomely comfortable cushiony thing rolled up ... I was told not to unroll because it POOFS up :)) Scoooooch over mom, I'm sleeping with you!
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Dee, is the pain further down in the belly or area of your bladder? I had such anxiety years ago and after many months of pain they finally found in an ultrasound that my bladder walls were thickened from stress. The pain was so bad that some days I could not walk more than 10 feet. I was put on an anti anxiety medication and the pain began to subside. The urologist told me that this can be common in women when they experience stress. A friend of mine in another state had this kind of pain and always thought her appendix was acting up under stress....it also turned out to be bladder pain from stress. I still get it a little once in awhile and find those over the counter urinary pain relief pills help. It does stain the urine orange for a few hours though.
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Katie and Jeanette..oh oh oh.....I just can't imagine not having hospice at this point...I know I have whined in the past about them popping in, but right now I am mighty glad we have them for sure. I think Mama has a UTI and I called the office and told them my concerns because if we get 3" snow, let alone 6 to 8" like they are talking about I will be stuck on this hill and unable to get anywhere for a couple of days and UTI's in our elderly folks can take a bad toll fast so I am waiting as we speak to run and get her script...I talked to the nurse, she agreed with me she, said she would talk to the doctor (hospice doctor) and it was not long til our regualr nurse called me and said they had it called in...I just can't imagine you two couldn't get hospice given your current situations of your Mom's health..I will pray over it...I remember when I first called them I came apart like a two dollar watch and maybe they knew I was gong down for the third time....maybe that would help...not angry but as in I was sending the white flag in .....I finally called the pharmacy as it usually doesn't take long to get her scripts filled and they had it just had not filled it because they said they put it on hold because her insurance would not pay for it. After a few questions they didn't even have the correct insurance on her account..even though I had just been in there last week..so I guess they were just going to wait til I came looking for them...amazing..oh well, just thankful to be getting it...so hoping yall can get on hospice...you know, thinking back when we got on it, I called the hospice PROVIDER...not the doctor...THEY got the ball rolling..maybe you should try that??
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Ok. I give up. She's 98. She's HEALTHY! But she's so Freakin Ungrateful! NC. Needless to say lots of snow, Ice and not able to leave the house. She's almost deaf. Has miracle ear hearing ades. Now she's complaining to Everyone from Florida to England that i won't take her to her appts. Complains that i will not relay msgs to her. Throws tantrums in public. I will not take her out unless i have to. She wanted something to do. So she's been feeding the 3 cats and 2 dogs. All small. But im so fed up today i fed the animals. Turns out she's giving the cats dog food so i will feed them myself from now on.
I started Yoga!!!!!
I had a massage! !!!!
I have to remember i have to take care of me.
God......i need a vacation.
She's not my mother!
My mother died 10 yrs ago. She was only 59!
And she's Bitter that she's still alive!!
She's my MIL. But I'm so done!
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Maybe we could start a caregiver swap. You come back fresh to your own loved one and and see what a mess the other person has made of your house and eventually find Mom hiding in the attic!
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I get the occasional panic attack ... no ulcer symptoms so far. god we all are hot messes sometimes. :( Maybe we should open a rehab for caregivers? At least we would all get away for a few days? But we would still be stressed worrying about what was going on..
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dee1963, your tummy issue sounded like what I have decades ago... turned out I was lactose intolerant... use to get terrible stomach aches after eating ice cream, took me years to see the pattern.

Now I get similar issues if I eat too many peanuts. Pop corn sometimes does it, too.

I think I am getting an ulcer because of the stress :(
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you guys are cracking me up! Thank you!!! I had a friend in college who would get pains like that.. turned out she had a cyst on an ovary. Just acted up sometimes.. same symptoms. Just another thought. We used to take her to the ER.. which she hated! And Katie.. Mom and I tend to put our PJs on (or at least the pants in my case) as soon as we are "in for the evening". Used to freak Hubs out.. I just ask him if we are expecting company? Plus then he gets to walk the grand dog in the cold weather... evil laugh!
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Dee wait till they pat you on the shoulder and say" We have to expect these things as we get older" like hell I do if I have a problem I decide if I want it treated not you
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Did someone mention bon-bons? Mmmmm...
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Oh, Jeanette! Maybe your DIL to be and your son will take over for you for a few days so you can take a mini-vaca before the wedding haha! Once my mom had a UTI and I couldn't move her a bit, couldn't wake her up, etc. Had to call an ambulance. She didn't wake up until she was in the ER and the doctors got her awake. Really freaked me out! Anyway, she can't pee on demand so if they fail to get a sample I always tell them to cath her quick. So, I'm wondering if I have an ulcer - I was googling my symptoms the other night, while I laid on the floor in agony, trying to keep my mom calm. But this has happened to me before, when I was a little kid and a few times as an adult, so I wonder? I've also had a pericardial effusion with pain (pericarditis) at least once, probably more. This did not feel like that. The pericarditis subsided on it's own, so I didn't have to have it drained. It felt like squeezing pains in my chest - kinda like labor pains. First time it happened I was a teenager - we ignored it because we thought it was "growing pains". Then it happened a few times in my early twenties - went through all kinds of heart tests - I get occasional palpitations so they thought I might have mitral valve prolapse. Then when I was diagnosed with anxiety/depression, every time I went for a check on chest pains or whatever, I was told it was anxiety. Now when I get those pains I try to rest more and try to stress less. I can't afford to pay someone to tell me it's stress. It's really amazing what stress does to us.
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I wonder if dee's stomach pain could be an ulcer? I think this stress is giving me one...
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Katie, just scoot over and share those bon bon's !! I agree 100% on the UTI's. I did a home test on mom and of course, it's positive. Her doc won't call it in, he can't see her until late Friday and suggested we just up and go to Urgent Care. Really? Just up and go huh... I couldn't get her into my car on my own if the entire world depended on it. She's barely eating, barely walking if at all... it's not right. Just not right at all. We do our best on a constant basis to help our loved ones and now it seems faced with an almost impossible task of getting them to a Dr for antibiotics. Last time I took her to Urgent Care she wouldn't pee in that d*mn hat thing so they never even got a sample... but yet I got the antibiotics, why can't her doc just DO IT!?!? Haven't heard back from the hospice people either. Some days I just can't... today is one of em but I have to get her started on antibiotics to hopefully make her feel better.

Veronica, if I wasn't so tired and upset I would be doubled over with laughter at your post!! LOL!! I haven't quite wrapped my feeble head at our conversation last night... why don't she just move to FL where he already has a d*mn job? I'm tired of saving everyone.... no one saves me except me and I am not doing a great job of even that lately.

I have a plan.... mom's carer will be here in a few minutes, I think I am going to take the test strip I have over to her doc's office and show it to them and demand antibiotics and an answer to my hospice evaluation. Grrr.

hope... it was nice that you had a great conversation with the chaplain. We need human interaction at times ya know? I get lonely talking to the dogs... even if my brothers would stop by to talk and NOT HELP it would be nice. I think.
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Hope, my Mom is not in hospice and whenever I asked about this when she was in the hospital I got nothing but blank looks. Her home nurse is going to see if she can get someone to come in an evaluate for my Mom's needs by the end of the week...I am so disappointed in our family doctor for what I think is shoving her off onto a urologist for her UTI's. Seems ridiculous to me. UTIs are so common in older people!
Dee, I am glad you are feeling better. I put on my pj's and fluffy robe today now too already. My way of keeping the world at bay a little bit after this rough morning. Nothing beats the feeling of a fluffy robe and cup of herbal tea.
Jeanette...did the bride just inform you the wedding was in your yard and not even ask you if it was ok? I hope she doesn't put all the work for it on you to do alone! Sometimes I feel people put things on me because they think I have nothing better to do because I am, after all..."just sitting around tethered to my house eating bonbons and just taking care of my Mom all day". They just don't realize the work that goes into caregiving.
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Jeanette I think your only deffense is offence. you know all the signs and symptoms of dementia let the bride to be see how far gone you are and she will not want to have her wedding in your back yard. "Now dear what did you say your name was again" repeat ten times. "Sorry ( insert wrong name) I have to put the phone down a minute" take it to the bathroom and flush twice but dont say anything till you get back then make the pibble bark. "Bad dog that's dirty one put it back in the bathroom I will mop the floor later." if she is still there ask her name againthen say "Oh you are the dumpling that want to marry my little pumpkin in the back yard. maybe i can get someone to brush hog all those nasty burdocks. poor sidney gets them in his ears all the time." now throw in all the crazy things mom likes to say and add "Oh dear I think I am begining to sound like just like mom, nice to tlk to you (insert wrong name) give my pumpkin a big kiss from his Momma"
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Katie..bless your heart...are you on hospice? I know that our hospice physician prescribes whatever Mama needs and also comes to the home...If you don't have it you ought to check on getting it...if your Mom is bedridden too, and you're not on it, it could provide you some invaluable assistance....

dee, so glad you're feeling better...I know that feeling of looking forward to getting everything done and that sweet moment of putting on the pj's and getting cozy again.

One of our chaplains came this morning, and I let him. Probably a good idea. I ended up talking a lot more than I thought I needed to, but it was helpful for me. Kind of like letting the steam off a pressure cooker...I was not upset or angry about anything, just needing to talk I think...It helped...
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Thanks everyone! Pain's gone, just nausea at this point. And of course, the unrelenting fatigue I've had since my early 20s. I'm going to take everyone's suggestions and see what helps. Had an eye dr appt today but I cancelled...really don't feel like getting those eye drops that make me dizzy and unable to see, on top of already feeling rotten. Plus, Ma has a dr appt at 5:30 tonite so I gotta get her to that. Really looking forward to my pjs, pups on my lap, mom fed, and a hot cup of herbal tea tonite.
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My whine today is that, after finding out this morning that my husband is going to need another heart procedure, that Mom's doctor is farming her off to a urologist when she is pretty bedridden, only because she has a foley catheter and gets UTIs....old people get UTIs and I don't know what his problem is with him not prescribing any more antibotics for infections. I suppose he wants her in full blown delirium someday or for me to send her to a nursing home. I feel he has failed us. I am going to see about getting a home doctor to come in...her nurse is looking into that. I feel that with all that is avalanching on me that he is leaving us in the lurch. Been having chest pain myself from stress the last 2 days. This has just been an awful past week. The constant deep freeze does not help either. I keep wishing things would get better for all of us...
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