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yeah my husband is following around all day long and takes things of mine and has hiding place h im taking care of him 24/7 its driving me crazy and yes he will not let me talk to anyone on the phone so goes by social connection I have to text everyone and yes last nite he fell out of bed scared me and I woke up from a deep sleep and yes he has tantrums and wants my attention every min and yells if I don't thx for letting me vent
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Pay no attention to me any my opinions. I truly hate women being called such callous names though. Cap and I just share our thoughts as do many of us and we do not hold judgement. We are all dealing with loss. Different forms, different scenarios and of course, different ways we deal with it.

Made mom roasted cornish hens, mashed potatoes/gravy/ green beans and yes, cranberry sauce. 3 bites later she had enough..... however, she just plowed through her peanut butter n jelly sandwich plus is hoping for her ice cream bar which she'll have with her night meds. Guess my whine moment will never again be what's for dinner :( buying stock in creamy jiffy seems to be the way to go.
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I guess no whines today, we had a pretty good day except Mama continues to go in and out of the feverish mode and more and more just looks so sad all the time. My brother came and he was able to make her smile and oh how I love her smile. He sat with her a long time and was trying to get her to respond to him. Other than the smile, she really didn't respond much at all. He started getting more and more emotional and of course it is hard, this is how I live every single day of my life and being here all the time does NOT make it any easier...But I could tell it was tearing him up..But that is also what makes me think..how does he think I am here all the time..this is my life..I am not griping or whining about it, just saying that this is my life, 24/7, watching the person on this earth who means more than my own life to me...I would gladly change places with her if I could and she would be happy and well again...does he ever stop and think how hard it is to be the one here all the time and see her like this.??? just wondering...he brought me lunch, and it was really good, again so not complaining, he just needs to maybe give a little thought to how much my heart is breaking over it all....then tonight I hear Tim McGraw sing the song Glen Campbell wrote...."I'm not gonna miss you"...and the words hit really hard....just feeling emotional tonight now reliving it all....
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Find someone else that won't cause so much stress. You've earned your slice of the pie, cap. Just do it. I think you are really a nice person.... who likes to b*tch. Hey, b*tching is great for the soul, almost like whining ;) ahhhhh..... does a body good.

I'd like you to be happy. How is Edna? I have a 60 year old coffee cup that says this caffeine belongs to "Edna". My grandmother. Spicy lady indeed!

thick thick people.... hmmm?
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be nice and take a 300 dollar loss for someone elses negligence . no thanks .
these people inhale beer all summer long and go into winter without a stick of firewood . im tired of stressing over their childishness , much less cleaning up after them .
our bunker is nice now . im saying we started out sacrificing and appreciating what we had .
this rental arrangement is like tossing pearls to the swine . thick , thick people .
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Like I said.... timely notice. No need to be mean bud.

God knows I wanted rescued from my son when he came to visit a few weeks ago. Sigh. He just reiterated why I left. It's been 3 weeks since I've spoke to him and it is ME that chooses to not answer my phone.

cap, I admire your tenacity, your work ethic and the love you have for your elderly. I bow down to you on that. However, if you had me s**tting in a bucket, wiping with cold water and sleeping on a concrete floor softened by rags?... b*tch you'd be dead and I would be wearing your socks cuz you didn't allow me to have any! JK!!! Yes dude....I will say s**t to you, unless you find a frozen cave woman you'll become that old man up the hill from you.

Be nice!
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Suzann, you must feel so hurt. It's awful.

Your aunt needs to know more about dementia. I realise how hard it would be, but try to remember that her (current) opinion of you is based on out and out lies, probably pretty technicolor lies at that, and it's that which needs correcting. Were you and your aunt on good terms before all this?

What's your opinion of your mother's mental state? Has she been doing or saying anything else that's completely nuts?
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shes a despicable old cow in ever aspect ive encountered so far . she HAD a beautiful handbuilt shower , free washer / dryer / cheap firewood fronted to her and delivered to her door . she ran herself out of wood so she could be rescued by her son and go visit her remaining dog for a few days .
actions have repercussions . she can bathe with a washrag , take her ass to the laundry and suffer a reduction in her standard of living for her negligence .
my son and i lived here for years , crapping in a bucket , only cold water , no kitchen sink , sleeping on a pile of rags on a concrete floor . dont need to say s**t to me about modern conveniences .
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Hopefully Suzann kept a back up copy. feelings get trampled on during the first stages, or even if they've not got dementia, old age sometimes rears it's head and tramples. Same goes for nasty aunty. Keep your head about you Suzann...

Cap, oh good lord man, for 200 bucks a month I'd kick out those people that give me such anxiety and LIVE IN MY DREAM HOME. I love you dude, but you are becoming a crabby a** old man. Never EVER call a woman a despicable old cow. Shame on you for depriving her of water. Just give her a timely notice and be done with it, don't be mean.
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i type with one finger . so much for capitalization , punctuation , and even proper spelling . i just dont care , im a stone mason , not a businessperson .
cracky and i have been working on the renters plumbing all day . she let it freeze and bust by running herself out of wood even tho the wood was here on the property and fronted to her indefinately .
i wont take this loss alone . she lost her kitchen sprayer , shower , ( my ) washing machine and she will forevermore fill her toilet tank with buckets of water . shes a despicable sow , she can live like a sow . if she holds up the rent i throw her out .
i dont need to berate people , i speak nowadays with actions instead .
shes living in my dream home for 200 bucks a month and doesnt care enough to take care of it .
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Suzann, our parents can really put us through it when they get older. I would have just said that she was free to change the will. Did your aunt think your mom should have left things to her? Leaving things to you is the only thing that made sense. I hope your mother continues to like her new place so that you can get a well-earned rest. What happened with you reminds me of some of the confabulation my mother does. She will be talking to someone and make something up. Then if I say something about it, what she made up will become the new "truth."

We often hear that old age is not for sissies. What they should add is taking care of the elders is only for people with the spirit of a warrior and the calmness of Dahli Lama.
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Suzann, I feel for you, and wish you the best - the things we caregivers put up with sometimes is pretty amazing. You are making the right move for your mom. She's obviously not happy where she's at, so the only thing you can do is get her into a facility so she can be cared for by someone else.
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Oh Suzann, how awful is that! No only your mom mad at you but your Aunt not getting what's going on. I agree, get her into the best facility you can that will take her with a year of private pay and let them guide you through the Medicaid process . This may end up being a blessing in disguise if mom is happy there!
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Suzann, don't worry about what your Mom thinks about being forced to sign a Will, I know that is easier said then done. No attorney worth their salt will have anyone sign a legal document if they feel that person was being forced to sign or if they feel that person doesn't understand what is going on.

And try to brush off what your Aunt said, she could be afraid of HER OWN demise as she is getting old. It is good news that your Mom likes the facilities that you had visited, as so many of us getting one's parent to even visit one could need to tow truck to get them there. And if the facility takes Medicaid, start the process now to get your Mom qualified. After 10 years, it's time to get your life back :)
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Suzann, that is terrible. Has your mother been diagnosed with dementia or Alzhiemer's? If so, that might help your aunt understand what is going on with her. BTW, was that the only copy of the will or does the lawyer who wrote it up have a copy?

With your mother only have enough money to last her a year in a nursing home, would she at that point qualify for medicaid? If so, it would be best to select a place for her to go to that will one day take medicaid. Those types of nursing homes will often help you with the application process.

Contrary to what your aunt thinks, you are not the devil incarnate. Actually, that's a rather demonic comment and attack on her part. If you aren't able to calm your anxiety down over this yourself, then go see a therapist about it. You might need some anti anxiety medicine.

Good luck.
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My whine may be more of a rant. Two years ago my mother made a will naming me sole beneficiary because I a m an only child and have been soul caregiver for the last 10 years. This last week she has started telling people I forced her to sign this will and had even threatened her. When my aunt told me I confronted my mom and she swears it's all true. I was so upset I gave her the will and tore it up. I felt so betrayed, I said if she wasn't happy here I would find somewhere else for her to go. Today we visited several facilities and she's so happy it's almost like she thinks she's going to Disney. My concern is that she only has enough money to last her for a year. She says it doesn't matter she will die before then. There is no one I can talk to about this, my aunt is convinced I am the devil incarnate and I feel so anxious. Any advice?
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It's been below zero for almost a week with the windchill factored in. Today is like a heatwave - it's 18 degrees with a windchill of 7 above zero - so we are just about ready to break out the grass skirts and coconut bras and start dancing a hula. :-)

Mom's latest funny - which wasn't so funny at the time: I had a pretty rough day with her yesterday. She was supposed to get up and get showered so she could attend her grandson's birthday party. She insisted she was going, and that she would shower..when she was ready. Never happened. I finally got so frustrated with her that I gave up and told her if she didn't shower, she wasn't going. She decided then and there she wasn't going, so I lost the battle of wills on that one. Went to the party by myself and dealt with a more dysfunctional family than my own, if that's even possible. LOL The sisters were fighting, one of them insisted on complete silence when the birthday boy opened HER gift and expected everyone to oooh and aah over it. She actually "shushed" grown adults in front of everyone else. My mood was worse than ever when I left that party and went to the pharmacy to get Mom's meds, and saw they had her incontinence pads on sale for a really good price - so by the time I was done there, I was out $120 out of my own pocket. Mood continues to darken....

So I get home, and the dog is bugging to go out, then back in, then wanting to eat, then back out again, then wanting treats, then back out again....I finally told the dog, "you know, today is NOT the day to do this....I'm REALLY not in the mood..." Mom looks at me and says, "Is there EVER a better day for you??" in a sarcastic tone. Oh lady....don't go there. You don't want me to answer that question.

Thanks, Mom. I can laugh about it today - a little - but it wasn't so funny yesterday.

Today I'm trying to get her in the shower. Again. Dangled a nice long ride in the van in front of her nose like a carrot in front of a donkey - but she had to shower to get the ride. It's darn near 3pm and she still hasn't showered. I might as well give up, because if she doesn't shower in the morning, it won't happen.
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Just noticed the number of "whines" on this discussion. Sometimes, I guess, there is alot to whine about and, for me, just this little place to do that lets off a little steam. One of the things that happens to caregivers is burnout resulting in little self-care. Some days I can barely deal with my own mental and physical downs. I would love to just tend to myself but I can't. It's also hard when you feel so down yourself and have to try to motivate or 'entertain' someone who can do so little for herself physically but who has absolutely NO desire to do anything that other people do to busy themselves. The only distant light is that I am trying to ready the paperwork for veteran's benefits that will allow my mother to go to a board and care home. But the process for approval is sooooooo long. She is in adult day care 3 times a week but the rest of the week and weekends are torture. Wondering how long I can I stand it. Thanks for the breath.
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Jessie, I was wondering about that. I know at work once in a while I would get an email or a text that looked like a cat had walked across the keyboard because of the lack of commas and periods... the one letter abbreviations and acronyms for words... and the lack of proof-reading. I could see one or two oops, but a whole email full is just crazy. No wonder there is so much misunderstanding communications among people today.
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It might be because there are two extra "keypunches" on iphones needed to add punctuation. I don't know why the simplest punctuation (periods, commas) is not at the bottom of both letter and number panels. Punctuation would be the most handy if it were on the letter panel, but nope -- it is on the numbers panel of iphones.
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Good grief, I just read a posting that had a 290+ word run-on sentence. It was so very confusing because it could be read in many different ways. Why are so many writers no longer using punctuation when they write? Makes me wonder if these are teenagers writing because that is how some teens talk :0
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Veronica...two great minds a single thought.. :) that is exactly what I am going to use too! I think I have definitely decided on the pretty bird fabric...all kinds of birds on a background of lush greenery...I think it will make it look like a garden in there. I am going to get one of those pretty ficus trees and put the clear lights in it to make it look starry at night....bring the outdoors indoors....

Well, I got to go for a ride in my truck again...and as always loved every minute of it...putting the feet up for a hopefully relaxing evening....brother called and talked a long time tonight. he and I seem on the same page these days..I have given up on expecting anything major but for me, I have decided it is ok to just have a brother back...I have been angry at him a long time and I have missed him to be honest. I know and think he should have done a lot of things differently, but I guess I'm going to give him a pass for the sake of my Mama. I know that all that matters to her in this world at this point is knowing her kids are ok with one another...I can do that for her...what is going to be hard is getting past the behavior of the SIL...I'm not sure how I will ever be able to do that....
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ive figured out how to deal with the renter . i hauled wood and conferred with my customer today and ( accidently ) didnt get around to fixing her water . when cracky and i replace the pipes tomorrow im simply going to cap off her shower , rendering it useless . normally this would be unacceptable living conditions but at her age ( 61 ) and with her dad 82 i know damm well they dont shower 3 times a year , the old man , probably not at all . im freakin livid here . all summer long ive tried to get firewood in here and they absurdly proclaim they may already have enough with the appr 3 rick the old man obtained somewhere . they used a good ten rick last year . im going to put a price on their stupidity by knocking their shower in the head . if they want that luxury back they can pay me this 100 dollar loss . i looked the pipes over today and saw three everclear bottles lying in the dining room . i asked her if we still had a blackout drinking problem up there .
as far as tennants go i could find a hundreds time worse so i dont really want them to leave , just want em to act responsibly .
had a great conference with the customer this am . i sketched four items as i envision them . at the end of our meeting he liked all four of them . mike and i are both quite creative and as a teem we always come up with some pretty astounding stuff . after the porches are poured were going to use giant one piece natural granite rock slabs for the stoops . the stratosphere is the limit with mike . this home rocks in the million dollar bracket , we plan to give it shock value as opposed to curb appeal .
jesse ,
re ; " stories "
if theres a heaven , my mom is probably sitting somewhere listening to g - pa tell his ( literally ) never ending stories to my dad ( who hated the stories ) and bustin to tell em about the time her church books were audited and a ten cent mistake was found in her favor . thats about the only fun ill poke at mom though . she was the teacher in my upbringing . dad was more the "scratch his ass and sniff his fingers " type by ( intellectual ) comparison .
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Ditto Susan.... mom's pension's USED to cover everything.... now add part time carer, depends, loads of ensure, special foods, transport chairs.
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Sorry friends for your weather catastrophe... however, it has helped us Oregonian tremendously :) Ahhh.... sunny warm days, big puffy clouds and... oh, wait.... yes, snow... bummer dude! :))) be safe ya'll

Veronica, it's mom. I make her favorite foods, she takes 3 bites and is done. give her a pb&j...she eats it, that and her apple sauce. Now ... if she's swinging her sandwich around in mid air, I cannot say that at least one of my pups hasn't grabbed it! Truly they are awesome lap cleaners.

ff... your parents are amazing. Really. I need their energy!!
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Hope I am so glad you have a sewing machine and can sew. None of my biological children have taken that up I am sorry to say. The fabric sounds very pretty hope the curtains turn out well. I often use thrift store sheets as liners. I have some .similar wallpaper in my 1/2 bath and everyone notices it
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Major whine for tonight: nothing like going to the pharmacy to pick up prescriptions, seeing that they have Mom's pads on sale, loading up on those, and walking out of the pharmacy $120 later.....ugh.

Glad for the sale prices, don't get me wrong...but damn.....
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Jeanette is it Mom or Sidney who is existing on PB&J sandwiches and bananas?

Yup FF you were expected to ski round and shovel Dad's drive. Better get it done so the ambulance can get there for Dad's heart attack.
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FF, we have all huddled in today.. got to watch crap on TV.. horray for me!! Hubs is holding off on the snowblower until tomorrow, and then he will have to go to his folks house and do it too!! At least it is short.. ours is about 1/4 mile long! I;m just glad I'm not working today.. I feel like I have worked all the snows! Stay in and stay warm while you can...
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Well,today here in the Washington DC area we got dumped with a foot of snow... first major storm for us.... I tried to shovel the driveway and front porch but it was too much, gave up after 20 minutes. I'm too old for this !!

Spoke to Dad,he said he was going out to shovel, my parents live just around the corner... is he crazy?... must be he feels it's his responsibility to take care of the house even if it kills him :P Maybe he's trying to get me to shovel, but I am not 20 years old any more, that ship sailed almost 50 years ago !!
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