My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Thanks, Jeanette. The problem is that my daughter *is* in dire straits - yes, she put herself there, but that doesn't change the fact that her stupid decisions have put her children in a bad situation right along with her. That's my major concern.

I've had to put it aside for now, though, because she is insistent on doing this her way instead of taking a chance to get a leg up in life, and she's dragging her kids with her. Instead of getting herself back on her feet, she's staying right in the gutter where she's been for years already. I finally just stopped talking and told her to let me know where she lands. I offered help, she rejected it - all I can do is hope she doesn't put her children in a worse situation than they already are.

Good luck tomorrow Babalou!! I guess the only good thing from having a colonoscopy done is the drugs. Of course getting great results is a plus also!! Yes, Cap, I know you disagree ;)

Susan, as much as we want to help our grown kids, we can't. Especially now that we take care of our mother's. It's just too much at times. Lately, I've decided to devote ALL my time towards mom and not worry about what my son is doing. He's a grown man. Yes if he's in dire straights I will help, other than that. Just can't do it anymore.

Nice to see so many people would rather be cremated and sprinkled in the lovely outdoors. Even a green burial is asking to let nature take it's course. I'd like to be near a river ... the water is so relaxing to me, dad isn't too far from a river but not sure if I can float that far or not as a spirit? haha, guess I can float wherever I want by that time eh?

Downloaded this nifty a** app for my Geocaching! What! So much easier now using your phone vs the way we did it 10 years ago. There must be a hundred just around my small area.... I'm excited to give it a try tomorrow! Today however, was spent using my new/used mini rototiller!... wow but it's a strong little beast. It even cultivates.... just switch the blades around and voila`, instant weed be gone! It was supposed to be a bit rainy this afternoon but the sun came out around 1:00 and it's been gorgeous ever since. Low 60's... I even burned some brush in the fire pit. We didn't have any marshmellows in stock or mom would be a sticky mess!!

Let me guess on the colonoscopy prep - they have you drink magnesium citrate, and once you do, you better not be more than 5' from the nearest bathroom. In fact, you should probably put a "do not disturb" sign on the door and camp out in there for a while. Right?

Never had a colonoscopy, but had more delicate surgery done in a nearby area and they wanted my colon to be "flat and empty" so that it wouldn't be in the way. Trust me....it was.

Oh, I've had a colonoscopy before, did my first at 51 and this is ten years later. Lovely outpatient surg, center that I go to takes very good care! Thanks for all the encouragement.

I've been putting off the scope but was informed by my PCP that under the new healthcare regs, I have to have a scope, mammogram, BMI and flu shot. And fill out a bunch of new paperwork. Apparently, having not seen the doc in three years because one is healthy is now frowned upon ...... I admit while I watch my husband's health stuff, I tend to back burner mine.

Susan.. every night is beer night for me... LOL Enjoy that wine!
Babaloo.. good luck with the scope, I keep avoiding that and I am 56.. I know my time is coming soon...
Both dad and I want to be cremated. A friend of my MIL passed with those wishes, and we buried her at our place at the river as she requested. With a simple wooden cross. I guess if we ever sell the place we will just take the cross down. I would not mind being there also!

Babaloo, Hope all goes well. It will be nice to have that overwith! Make sure they give you some juice afterward so you feel better after all that prep.

Veronica91, I feel the same way about the colonoscopy I had....been there done that. They got what they wanted all was clear so I am so done. The prep was awful, but even worse after I woke up from the procedure my blood pressure dropped so low I thought all was over. The nurse kept telling me to sit up and I had to fight off the feeling of passing out from low BP. The feeling finally went away but it was a scary thing to go through just for a test. They should have given me some juice or something upon waking up.

Babalou, hope all goes well tomorrow and the bathroom holds up.
never doing that again. 1st and last time. No more anti freeze for me too poisonous. 2 episodes of A fib and 4 migraines during and after.
You should be fine, it's just me being a bloody minded old woman.

the last colonoscopy i checked in for , the desk nurse exchanged some information with me then smiled and told me where the restroom was located . evidently that is everyones next question after checking in .
i have an endoscopy on march 10 . ( the other end )

Colonoscopy tomorrow...need I say more?

Hope, I guess I am not alone in thinking that maybe it best if wild animals just eat my remains and I would truly go back to nature...I was thinking of how fast huge alligators would eat one.(of course this would have to happen after a few shots of booze I suppose, if I were still alive and wanted to speed things up!) I too get strange looks where the person does not know if I am kidding or not.
I like the idea of green burials, as long as there is someone there to do the work of fulfilling one's wishes. I have also heard of something called the Neptune Project, I believe, where a person's ashes are scattered over a coral reef and become part of the reef. As for running around the house with no clothes...it is way too cold here for that, but I have forgotten my robe before and done this. I hear it is to be even colder tomorrow and we are in the minus digits....I have an extra warm night gown on Mom tonite!

I have seriously just HAD IT. One son won't speak to me because I insist on him being a responsible adult and taking care of his responsibilities. So he just cuts all of us off entirely because of that. Now my daughter is refusing all offers of help and dragging her kids with her into yet another unpredictable situation where I have no idea if they will be safe or not, instead of accepting help to get on her feet the RIGHT way and not jumping into living with someone she barely knows, just to get out of the situation she's in right now, which isn't good.

Add that to the technological challenges I've faced in my work today (websites not working properly, emails not going out on time because of it), plus Mom's memory issues (yes, Mom - the birds were covered last night - no, Mom - I didn't leave the electric fireplace on last night - yes, Mom - you have to shower right now - MOM, you need to get out of the shower, you can't sleep in there - Mom, you need to put underwear on....)

I have a splitting headache. I celebrated "National Drink Wine Day" last night with a single glass of Moscato. I think I will be celebrating again tonight.

take care of yourself captain...I have learned if you don't know one else is going to for sure....I feel for ya re the cold..freezing here too

ive been sick with stress for nearly a week knowing that since its too cold to work cracky ( my helper ) would be attacking me for money about any time . wants a hundred bucks , wants me to bring it to her . its 11 below zero wind chill outside and im not going to rip the starter out of my truck for something that could wait till tomorrow . when she started that guilt / shaming me sh*t i decided i could keep stressing myself sick or tell her to cram it till tomorrow . i told her to cram it till tomorrow . im the one allowing this stress to happen and im the one who has to stop it . i worked 3 days last week , she worked 5 , now wants my wages too . " has to pick up her kid from school " . thats freakin malarkey , we have school buses .

Susan the games are indeed fun. I was thinking this morning how Mama will lie here and look at me like she is either not knowing who I am or she is ignoring me altogether..and when the doctor was here, she shook her head either in agreement or disagreement with all his questions..so she understood him well enough...it is so maddening that she just looks at me...I have gotten to where when it starts I just go on about my business and then in a bit come back and try again and then she will usually comply...it truly is like she's playing a game of wits....

looloo...isn't all that paperwork and red tape mind boggling??? If you're not sick before you start it you will be before it's all over with....our insurance system is such a mess anyway..all kinds....I spent most of my career dealing with it and it always felt like as much as they loved taking your money, they enjoyed even more ways of keeping you from getting what you needed when you needed it..same with all this doctor stuff...what we went through back when Mama needed her tooth pulled, also when we were trying to get her meds approved...the insanity they put me through...and they would tell me this one had not done this, and so you would call this one and then they would say that one had not done that...so you called them back..and on and on it went..it felt like in reality they just wanted me to give up....I think of the hell we went through for almost four months with all that tooth stuff and then in reality, it took all of 45 minutes from the time she left the house til she was back home and it was DONE...and all the while she had to endure all those abcesses etc...it just infuriates me.

My attitude was so good 2 weeks ago. Now I'm beyond frustrated. The referral authorizations I've been waiting for, for my mother's supposedly STAT medical issue? I've been on the phone with her health ins and the doctors for 2 weeks now, trying to expedite the process. It didn't do any good. I finally got the paperwork in the mail yesterday, so first thing this morning, I started calling to make appointments. I called the surgeon first, as it seems the most urgent. They told me they couldn't do anything, since the diagnosis code on the form is incorrect. They said they would follow up with the health insurance, but I went ahead and called them too. I also had a question with Referral #2. There was either a problem with the printout, or maybe it's a duplicate of a service that will be provided by Referral #1, but it didn't provide all the details of the service -- only a few numbers that are the same as a service on Referral #1. I asked them about that, and they had no answer whatsoever, so they will...guess what???? Call me BACK! My husband suggested I call the doctor's office that submitted the referral requests in the first place to see if they could use their muscle, so I called them too. They told me that they only submit the requests, they don't receive any other paperwork after that, so it's on me to follow up. Which I DID, obviously.
Knowing that I'll have to face my mother again in person is something I'm dreading. I've been scrambling at work trying to make sure I'm all caught up every day, just in case I have to take a few days off with no notice. All other plans are non-existent--I just want to FACE this, and get it over with. Now, I fear that another week will go by, and I won't have any idea what's in store, where I need to go, what I need to coordinate. Guess it's a good thing my husband and I decided not to travel to visit his parents in a few weeks :( I HATE being unable to plan.

Thinking of the funeral thing....Dad was cremated and we released his ashes at his favorite fishing spot, where it flowed into his and Mom's favorite of the Great Lakes. I made sure to take the metal tag identifying the ashes out before we dumped them - though to be honest, I wouldn't care if the DNR was standing there watching and hit me with a $500 fine or jail time for dumping them - I'd gladly pay it. In my mind, there is nothing wrong with returning biological, human remains back to the earth.

Mom has always told us kids that if we don't spread her ashes in that same lake, she will come back and haunt every one of us. I believe her. She's just stubborn enough to do it.

Today we're playing the shower game. I tell her it's time for a shower, she looks at her bed (and I *know* what that look means) and says, "No, I'm going to lay down now." Lays down for 10 minutes, then gets up and showers. It's a power game...that's all it is. She is not *truly* tired. She just doesn't want to shower because I asked her to. It's like dealing with a 2 year old some days. Love her to pieces, but .....sheesh.....

Maybe it's just that those of us here live our entire lives surrounded by illness, frailty, dying and ultimately, death...it's just a normal topic....I may be a little mean but sometimes I actually enjoy the looks of horror that some people exhibit when I am telling them what I want....

Re the funeral thing...I know you all may think I'm crazy..and who knows maybe I am..but to me, it seems somehow fitting for me to disappear from this earth via coyotes taking me back to their den for their pups...ashes to ashes...I would much rather that be my final epitaph than being buried under the ground....seems to me it would be kind of freeing...that or the indian way of being put on a wooden platform in a blanket over a bonfire...again, freeing....and why on earth I think on this stuff so much these days I don't know..but I think about it so much that it doesn't bother me one bit to talk openly about it...but I find it creeps everyone else out...a LOT

hahahah.....I also am bad about running to the basement to get something out of the dryer and the other day I almost tripped and fell (same basement stairs Mama fell down three plus years ago) and it dawned on me the horror of not only falling but being found like that...a horror for me and whoever found me...so now I put something on...

Jeanette the doctor said he felt like it was most likely a bug or virus as there are still a lot of them going around...told me I was doing exactly what I needed to do and to let the nurse know if it continued and they could prescribe something for the nausea ...he asked me did she take pills well and of course she does not any longer so he said he could write a script for the suppository type thing of phenargan or however that stuff is spelled or if that's even it...

I'm so excited about my little truck being "home"...I think I'm going to drive it to the grocery and get the stuff to make a big tub of chili...it's supposed to be really really bone chilling tomorrow and it is cold enough today...10 degrees out there in the sun..wow...that's cold for the south....

I love my truck...I think I love it so much because it was the last little truck Daddy bought and he took such good care of it..looked new until my nephews got hold of it and almost destroyed it..but little by little I'm getting it back to the way it was..it's kind of a journey I'm making with Daddy...and it rides so good and drives like a dream....can't wait to go for a spin..short though it will be...but so far today Mama has kept her breakfast down and is continuing to drink her water well...

bahahaha Hope!! I have to admit, I've done that more than once. Our bathroom door opens out into the hallway and directly faces the front door, with a wide open window (no curtains, because I sit next to that door at my desk and like to see out) - so more than once, I've left the bathroom while mom was sleeping and snuck down the hall to my room to grab some forgotten item....only to come back down the hall and hear knocking at that front door just as my girlie parts were about to enter the doorway where they could be seen.

I have visions of the cute UPS man doing his own "scampering"....down the sidewalk at full sprint back to his truck in sheer horror. LOL

Well, Mama's doctor almost got a shock this morning...He usually comes to see her around noon. I had plenty of time to get a nice hot bath..or so I thought. I was running the bath, so did not hear him knock or come in (yes I forgot and left it unlocked) anywho...I was about to get in the tub and remembered I needed something from my room so I started down the hall...au naturale......and suddenly heard someone talking to Mama...I scampered back and threw on my clothes and sure enough there he was.....boy he about got more than he bargained for.....dodged a bullet.....

CM, I went through that very same dilemma. When mom started the up all night pacing/falling I installed a motion detection camera in her room. If she got up it would send a text to my phone alerting me. I put up with it for about a month, getting upwards of 20 texts a night took it's toll on me. It's still in there but the text alert has been DISABLED!

Ah Ha! That's what it is. We've all been shelving our emotions while we care for our loved one. I can just imagine the damn breaking when all is said and done. Not gonna be pretty that's for sure. With my daddy's death it was much quicker than this is.... he passed just over 5 months after I arrived here. He had excellent mental capacity but the cancer destroyed his body. He knew he had it but never saw a Dr until the seizure's started and I had the paramedics here taking him to the ER. It took 2 trips to the ER before they saw the cancer in his last remaining kidney. They at first said it was his heart. Nope. If I hadn't of told the ER docs that dad confided in me and told me he could feel a huge lump in his lower abdomen, they'd probably still say it was his heart. He was so emaciated by then that you almost could see it from the outside. What a strong stubborn man he was and yes, when my brothers tell me I am just like him, I take it as a compliment. Thinking on it, again, I don't think one can be prepared for the death of a parent. It's surreal... , I had my SIL help me clean daddy up, change his clothes to his favorite jeans and western shirt and put his favorite hunting cap on. I loved that man and I love my mother but I am taking care of mom because dad asked me to. I know how hard this is on a somewhat healthy person, can you imagine having advanced cancer and doing it? Mom was still pretty okay(ish) back then, but still.... she'd get lost going for a walk so dad would tell her she had to stay in view of the big windows here so he could see her.

This particular funeral home is the ONLY one in this small town and it's been here forever, so I tend to think they do cremations right there. This chimney I see is not a normal looking chimney, it's a big tubular shaped metal(ish) chimney and when I say it billows out smoke I mean it's shooting out at a high speed and you can see the heat monkeys dancing, plus you can hear it. Since it's the only cremation place here I would have to assume what it means when I drive by and see that happening.

Cap, I don't plan on dying none to soon either, but I do need to get my affairs in order. They can just sprinkle me up there with daddy. I'd better get this all put down in writing and paid for or else I might end up swept up in a dustpan and tossed out the door.

Yeah, I'm not leaving my mother alone for any extended amount of time either. I will still take my 3 hours 3 times a week but after that, I get a feeling that it's time to start mentally preparing. Not that it's going to happen right away but I do see another decline. Sleeping a lot more, drinking less and less, and eating less. She still is up half the night but not pacing around since she can't get up from the bed by herself any longer. Now she sits up and talks talks talks... I have to get up and lay her back down because she doesn't know how to lay down on the pillow and stretch out, she will just lay straight back with her feet off the edge which causes them to swell....

Let us know how it went with your mama hope. It would be nice if the doc can give you some good news, either way it goes.

oh wow Captain..I did not know that ..re the hospice nurses...in all states??? that's almost frightening to me....they don't do it on their own volition I hope...

Yeah, all the ceremonial hoo ha after someone passes is irritating to me...all the hoopla, all the crying of people who, as I said, I had not seen in years, or at all...THEN, when whoever passed could care less, THEN they come, all dressed up, bearing gifts of casseroles, paper cups and plates and all kinds of good wishes...and requests to "let them know if there is anything they can do"....I think I must be a horrid person...but when people pass whom I hardly knew I usually do not go to the funeral home...if the person is someone who was a beloved family member of someone I am close to, I go of course, but then I was there throughout the illness too...I always felt it was shameful to avoid someone who was sick and then after they pass, show up and tell the family they wanted to come sooner but could not bear to see "them" like "that"...that happened to me a LOT of times with Daddy...one of them a lifelong childhood friend whom my Daddy literally treated her like a niece...I would say a daughter but I was his daughter and he always let me know how much he loved me.. :) but this jerk never came to see my Daddy whatsoever...she is one of those big shots who married money, is lazy as the day is long and never had to work in her life...but she's a fancy butt big shot..anyway, that's kind of the behind the scenes joke..the way she and her mother always show up at everyones funeral in their finery and a lot of times they don't even know the people that way..it's a social event to shine for them...I just wanted to slap the crap out of her when this "friend" told me she wanted to come see Daddy but it just hurt too much to see him like that.... what a selfish b*tch...

Mama's bug is still lingering...one of the stomach ones...I am managing to keep her hydrated and am glad the doctor comes today for her recertification. Maybe he can give us some insight . I was just about to try another respite session for me so I can get her to safety while I allow myself to have a nervous breakdown, then comb my hair and get ready for her to come home...now this....I can't put her in respite when she is frail...I'm too fearful of losing her while she 's in there..and I don't know if I could ever get beyond that....so I'll have to shelve my nervous breakdown for later....

i dont plan on dying for a while but moms death shows me that there are things i need to get arranged . the va might pay for cremation for me , a green burial might be a possibility but it would have to be arranged and finances in place for it . i frankly dont care about ceremonies or remains either but dont want to leave the sons a legal mess . no one knows the future . we have a good local attorney who could walk me thru any scenario . he only charged mom about 250 . 00 to prepare a will but needed 2500.00 more to execute the will . not unreasonable imo but i dont mind calling it a " necessary racket " . property has to be legally transferred and requests made with the courts . im not very interested in a nh , institutionalized living is my idea of captivity . id rather die at home and if they dont watch me carefully i might expedite it a bit . its going to be legal to medicate yourself " out " in just a matter of time . as it stands now only a hospice nurse can make the decision to medicate you out . thats as stupid as it sounds .

dee...I have always said that.. i have always been a pretty private person, and I know that were it not for the fact that my brother does call to check on Mama, were it not for her, it might be weeks before anyone would notice I was gone...my brother mentioned that too and I told him, who cares...the cats can eat til someone finds me and I have a list of folks who will help rehome them. Actually that is my main thing I hope in life, that I am able to live long enough to take care of Mama and that I would not just drop dead because I hope I am able to place my kids in homes where they will be loved and cared for. Other than that, I'm pretty good to go whenever.

Jeanette, I feel like I have spent most of my life watching people I love pass. I began losing my grandparents when I was very very young...all I seem to remember was a lot of people coming around who I had never seen in my life and a lot of casseroles...aka chicken and pie... (captain that made me laugh) I used to think and even asked Mama why do people bring all that food when someone dies...Grandma and Aunt so and so can't possibly eat it all...she told me it makes folks feel better...I asked her who were they trying to make feel better.... I still wonder about that one...

My parents were old when I was born so they have been somewhat older in my eyes all my life, which was fine, but it meant my aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. were all older and so began passing and becoming sick earlier than most of my friends..Even now it seems all my friends Moms are in their late sixties and going out with them and having girls days and nights out and I never knew how that felt. I have felt old all my life...Now I feel ancient...and only in my fifties...that is not old...but it sure feels like it. Jeanette, when Daddy passed, (he passed at home too) and I remember them covering him with that sheet and we all sat there and waited for THEM to show up and finally about an hour later the ambulance or whatever rolls in he was gone....after he left, and the house seemed dead, everyone just started drinking coffee and milling around like NEXT...and I went in there where his bed was and just curled up on it..his cat was there too. My Mama came in there in a few minutes and literally started yelling at me...yelling !!!! told me get my behind up and get myself together... I still remember that to this day...it was a really bad experience...Mama was, looking back, very very cold to me when Daddy passed and I never understood that...she was there for my brother, but not for me...and now, look at who is here for her...some things eat at me like a cancer...

The past comments on this topic have been some of the most real, gut wrenching and honest I have seen and had on here and to be honest, most helpful...because so many of them have been things I think about but dare not say out loud because if I do I'm afraid they will happen.

Captain, I am 100% on board with what you want when you leave this world...or maybe stay here in some other form....when my brother told me I needed to buy some burial insurance because they didn't know what they would do if I passed...and I told him..."hey, nobody gave a flying fart about me when I was alive, why the heck do I care when I'm gone what yall do with me...Roll me down the hill into the woods and let the coyotes drag me back to their dens to feed their pups." he chewed me out and told me I was horrible and never to say such a thing again. I told him, hey, who cares when I'm gone..plus no muss, no fuss and the babies get to eat and I'm gone anyway and to be honest I would be more than fine with it...otherwise just cremate me and sprinkle my ashes in my pet cemetery. I meant it. I was NOT joking. Still mean it...I am going to buy my own tombstone to put beside my parents, just something to be close to them in the church I grew up in. It will be small, tiny and I will put something on it that is "me"...because I know my brother might buy a rock at walmart or maybe a used concrete block and paint my name on it and that would be ok too....but I'm going to put a kitty angel on mine, maybe something like "I told you I was tired" and that is that.

( swallow cost ) = tax shelter .
im not trying to imply that the industry is evil or crooked , just largely unnecessary , at least for my purposes . 7 k will almost buy a piece of property with a rundown shack on it here .