I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
dee...haha...that was funny..your Mom sounds like she can come out with some funny things like Mama does..used to a lot more than now ....I am sitting here debating whether to try going to pick up my meds...I need my BP ones but I am almost afraid my car will run hot..it is not far there but where I used to not worry about stuff like that now I have to think of contingencies...if my car goes kaput...Mama will be here alone....brother checked it yesterday..thinks it may have an issue with the fan motor, but again said it might not be...ok thanks ;)
1. Today, I am one day closer to getting rid of the TV. (Before my folks moved
in I didn't have TV in my home. I miss the quiet.)
2. Today, I am one day closer to getting my home back.
3. Today, I am one day closer to getting my life back.
I know writing this out may seem silly to some, but it's a nice reminder to myself that someday this situation will end and life will go on.
Must be one of those feeling desperate days. I hope tomorrow I will feel at more peace with a greater sense of direction.
Jessie..I went through the same thought processes you are going through right now, seemingly most of last year...I would get up, and notice that I am literally living so I can clean up poop, feed Mama and watch her sleep...24/7...over and over and over and over...I got really resentful...really angry...I have to admit that as awful as it sounds, I even screamed and cursed about my situation in the bathroom until I got it out of my system...and then Mama had a really bad case of flu, then a cold, then an abcess tooth, then another cold, and in short, I almost lost her several times this year and in my heart I was almost begging to get a do over...amazingly I have seen Mama improve healthwise again..and we have had littler glimmers of sweetness and precious moments and I have had extra time to make sure she knows just how much I love her and I hope that she would forgive me if I have ever made her feel like I did not want to be here....
I'm kind of embarrassed to be writing all this....but I think if Mama had passed during the middle of my nervous breakdown of sorts, I'm not sure I would have recovered...
In reality, we, those of us on this site, are not irresponsible..I think we are some of the strongest, most loyal folks out there..if we have had issues with finances or whatever it is because our hearts are so big and giving that we sometimes get lost in our own generosity...So I say all that to say that I think going through those times of thinking why the heck am I doing this, do eventually get replaced with the times when you know why you are there and I do believe there will be brighter days for all of us. Sadly, it will also mean our loved ones are gone, but I know you feelings are totally normal..I sure had them...
Won't panic just yet. We're all entitled to an off day.
fixin to work my 5th day in a row because the crack nazi needs the money . crack - ey is about 12 years younger than i am . theres a lot of stonework to do this year but usually in our kind of work you need a break about every 4th day .
on the bright side our flower planter is so b*tchin that its getting a steady stream of visitors from around the county . if i get my hands on some potting soil ill probly cram some weed seeds in it . be pickin buds by the time we get to the stone chimney out back ..
You hit the nail on the head - people that don't care for your elderly loved one don't get it. They just don't. They bring things into the house under the guise of being a 'gift" that you are trying to keep away from your loved one for their health's sake - and they bring it in such quantities that you can't possibly use it all in a reasonable amount of time.
The Christmas cookie incident from this past December is a case in point. Denial Sis (I'll call her DS for short) showed up out of the blue, no notice whatsoever (which annoys the *hell* out of me, and she knows it), when I was out of town visiting my grandkids for a day. She said she did it so that Mom would have someone there with her and not be alone, and thought they'd have fun making cookies together. Sure, great - glad she took the time to do that. But she left 3 gallon-sized ziploc bags of cookies when she left. I urged her to take most of them home, and so did Mom - even *she* said we didn't need to have that many cookies in the house, because she'd eat them. HELLO!?! Did Denial Sis take them? No, she left them behind. I ended up throwing 2 of the bags away and doling the rest out to mom a little at a time. Last summer, DS showed up with an entire fish of a type mom liked, as a gift. Probably cost her close to $20-$25. This darn thing was almost 3' long and about 8" tall from the back to the belly. How in the heck was I supposed to cook that and how were we supposed to eat it all?? It's enough to feed 5 people, easily. Nice gesture, but unrealistic. They just don't get it. The fish sat in the freezer until last weekend, when I finally threw it out, because I just couldn't see cooking that whole fish and then ending up throwing it out anyway, because we couldn't eat it all. This same sis keeps sending mom packages for holidays with candy and sweets in them. I don't know how to get it through to her that WE DON'T NEED THIS STUFF IN THE DANG HOUSE!! When Mom wants something sweet, and won't accept anything I offer, I will occasionally go get her a candy bar. ONE candy bar. Not 5. Not a whole package of candy bars. If we have the stuff in the house, we will *both* eat it, because it's here. Neither of us needs it.
There's a lockable storage cabinet in another room. I guess that's where the bananas and all "visible" food is going to have to go from now on, including the bananas and oranges. You would think that fruit is a good thing and she should eat as much as she wants - but to be honest, if I let her, she will eat 5 bananas a day, plus ice cream bars and oranges. First and foremost, that's *not* healthy - that's a *lot* of sugar. Second, I'll never stop running to the store to buy more bananas and ice cream at this rate.
I feel terrible having to lock up food to keep it away from her. I know what one of my siblings would say (the one that's in denial about how bad Mom is getting) - "She's 74 years old, let her do what she wants! What harm can it do?" My response to that? There's *plenty* of harm it can do. She's not diabetic (amazingly), but that could always happen at any point as her system becomes unable to handle what she's doing to it. She didn't *always* eat this way - it's only in the past few years since her memory has started slipping that she just eats all the time because she forgets that she's eaten. I'm not doing this to be mean or controlling (though that's what denial sis would say). I'm doing it because she's eating herself right into her grave and she's undoing the progress we've made since I've moved in. She's started gaining weight again, and it's because I haven't been watching her intake closely enough, and putting things like this out of reach.
I guess that's on today's project list. Cleaning out the kitchen and putting visible foods that she will eat with abandon out of sight and therefore, out of mind. The ice cream bars will go in the big chest freezer (with a heavy tote on top of it so she doesn't try to open it when I'm sleeping) and the fruit will go in the cabinet to be doled out on a daily basis. I feel like a food Nazi. No bananas for you!
I've been trying to watch the Grammy's.... wow, I know I'm old when I knew just about everyone in the memorial segment. Even worse, mom is still up wandering around... already kissed her in bed and got a big happy toofless smile from her. She's an annoying cutie pie at times :)
Susan, you'll figure out how to deal with this new phase... you will. It isn't as bad as it feels right now. Just take the cookie jar away ...
Something is def going on with your dad. Even though it seems like things happen overnight, it really doesn't. Have him tested, blood, urine... the whole gamut. Maybe he's dehydrated? It just seems odd how fast this happened. Please keep us informed.... my mother is basically where your father is. Uhm, about hubby, if his parent's are nearing where you dad is... well, maybe this is the new normal and you both have to work together to keep peace and happiness in your new normal life? Gosh, maybe it is easier doing this while single? Sorry luv...
Cap, thanks bud for your vote of confidence on my attitude... it wasn't always that way. This site and the others whom are dealing with their loved ones has helped me immensely. I don't think my situation is worse than others... I am more talkative (on here) about it. For the longest I thought my mother was the only one that stood in place and shuffled (on the creaky spot) but lately I see others posting... and pamz's dad had a 36 hour marathon. Perhaps mom is just a bit farther along, or maybe... who knows, AD is different from dementia and Parkinson's? Plus, let's not forget how we were when we were younger plays a part in how we are with AD.
dee, it will get more fascinating :)
hope many good things come your way both now and later ..
your mom is very fortunate and probably admits it occasionally in small ways . shes lost her mind and youve selflessly lended her yours .