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h*ll katie,
my son and i make as good of chilidogs as you can get but then theres still the issue of the apple core hor . oughtta pull a gallagher on her -- sit her down to a big old turnip or something then dissipate it with a 10 lb wooden mallet .
then theres her son who doesnt like cheese . i call BS on that one . you dont feed that sob for about ten days and hed eat cheese plastic wrapping and all ..
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Katie yes caregiving does throw you in at the deep end but many people find they can do things they never knew existed once they are shown how. Remember nurses and Drs started out from the same starting line which was knowing nothing! Everyone has to learn. There are things some people just can't bring themselves to do and that involves professionals too. a loved one does need to meet certain criteria to be eligible for hospice especialy under Medicare but palliative care is one step before that and may get you some of the same benefits. I don't know the details but it may, and don't quote me on this, get you and aide to help with bathing or volunteers to sit with Mom while you go out for example
To get real benefit from irrigaating a catheter it does need to be done once or twice daily and the proper cleanliness proceedures followed. But ask the nurse when she comes. She may just have thought you would not want to do it. It is no more difficult than emptying the bag. If the urine is thick or bloody irrigating helps keep the catheter clear so it does not need changing more than the usual 6 weeks which Mom may appreciate. Some older (and younger) women do find the process distressing.
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Countrymouse, At least they were in the house! Years ago a delivery driver left a bedside commode on my Mom's front porch when she lived in another house! Luckily there was a large shrub hiding most of it, I got there soon after he left it there and took it inside. You really lose all dignity sometimes.
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Whine: the district nurse told me she had ordered incontinence pads for my mother. They came this morning while I wasn't looking. Four cartons of them, sat in the middle of the kitchen. Where on earth are you supposed to store 360 full size incontinence pads at a time???

Then I thought - how did the delivery driver know he'd got the right house? And what if he hadn't, and he'd just left them? Imagine getting home to that lot unawares… :D
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Veronica91, My Mom has a nurse come in twice a week, but she is not in hospice. Every time I had brought up that subject to people, or last time Mom was in the hospital I get blank looks or told palliative care is what she needs. The last time the home nurse irrigated the catheter it did seem to help. I will ask her to do that again today and hope it remedies the problem. I am always so worried about so many things I never thought I would deal with before.
Captain, if you do go to Chicago and get sick of the vegetarian food, you can always go to the Billy Goat Cafe and fill up on cheeseburgers...or some Chicago Dogs.
I hope everyone has a better day today. Day at a time....
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Cap, go visit. One never knows if they will ever be invited again. Be nice. Grill some f**king vegetables. Good grief. You should be happy they still invite your old goat a**. Yep. It is blatantly obvious why you are single. Even weirder is we still love you. Grizzly old bear.

Yes Jessie, this is the "funner" side of caregiving. She has kicked my a** this week though. She had her monthly doc apt on Friday. He suggested doubling her Resperidone on the nights she walks for hours. Really? Waahhh... the other night during her marathon I made her watch hours of youtube... my favorite songs!! LOL. Much to my distress it didn't work. haha, I went to tickle her ribs yesterday... way down.... grabbed a tiny handful of a boobie and about fell over laughing.

Least her teeth are back in and she's eating like a mule. I've about run out of things to put in the damn blender!

Jessie... sorry but you do know she will only get worse (crazier) right? Don't be alarmed when she starts talking to the wall, tv, mirror reflection and of course NO ONE... oh wait, when she shuffles so close to you and stands in place shuffling, just looking at you. My mind goes numb and I have zero clue what to say....
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Jeanette, it is hard to put the caregiver cap down. Even when I'm out my mind is working over things. It doesn't help that people I see all ask me how my mother is. This week if I were truthful I would say she's crazy and mean. And I'm really starting to believe that she's immortal. Crazy, mean, and immortal this week.

If you really think about it, being on here is still caregiving. It is just the more fun side of it. I just thought about this. You guys are a definite benefit of caregiving.
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ive been invited to visit my son in chicago for a couple days during this crap weather but although i like his girlfriend i dont give a rusty rats a** about preparing special meals for a vegan . its insulting to me that someone needs to be so " special " . if she prepared s*it on a shingle id eat it just to be kind and appreciative .
getting easier every day to see why im single , eh ?
i aint goin to chicago nohow . it was colder up there 3 weeks ago than it was on the surface of mars .
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What is living independently? Seriously, I think I have truly forgot what it is actually like to... live, smile, laugh and generally be happy. It's been such an exhausting week. What I will whine about tonight is... I need several days off. Several. They have to be away from here or else I just keep doing what I have been doing. Even my p/t carer scolded me for doing HER JOB when she's here. Somehow I need to figure out how to unwind...

Me thinks I need a very long stay somewhere nice and quiet.
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I must be gullible because I don't ever seem to spot or suspect anyone....I guess because it seems like a lot of times truth is stranger than fiction, so the more far out there it sounds, the more I guess it could be true...maybe it's just because I feel so mangled most of the time I'm kind of worn out mentally and don't pick up on it...whatever the reason, maybe something positive can come out of all the posts...

It is so cold here tonight and I am going to put my feet up and get me a good hot cup of coffee. maybe have a bite of my aunts homemade fruit cake... :)
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Veronica91, you are so right about the imaginary story tellers... or as I call them Lifetime Movie scripts as the story starts to detour all over the place.... there is one I can spot because of a certain writing style. Anywho, if one of us can learn from another's *answers* it was worth reading :)

looloo, wonder when will it be our turn to once again live *independently*? I know if my parent had moved to that wonderful retirement village they would have MORE freedom because they wouldn't be needing to wait for my schedule to open up to take them here or there... we would actually have MORE us time as a family, instead of running errands.
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Katie catheters do cause bladder spasms quite frequently as do urinary tract infections. Is Mom in hospice? I looked at your profile and there is no information about you or Mom so I am kind of commenting in the dark. Another problem with catheters is that many of them contain latex which some people are alergic to and that could be causing the spasms. In general they can be very painful so something needs to be done, even if it means removing the catheter and just using the Depends. Don't let this continue call the hospice nurse. there are certainly medications that can calm the bladder and i was not aware that they interfered with fluid retention. They are certainly very drying and Mom would find her mouth very dry. Another option is to irrigate the catheter. you can be easily be trained to do this. All it entails is attaching a large syring with sterile water or saline and pushing it into the bladder and letting it drain out again. this sometimes solves the problem. I would not drag mom to a urologist this really can be taken care of at home and is a very frequent problem with hospice so they should know how to deal with it. There really is nothing different a urologist is going to do.
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Veronica91, it is dismaying that someone would get on here and make up stories just to amuse themselves when there are so many of us that are going through so much stress with caregiving. But like all stupid people, they will trip themselves up and give themselves away. If people have that much free time you would think they would find better things to do with it.
I too am having a rough day but it is with persistent bladder spasms and leaks into the briefs despite the catheter. I have heard that catheters can sometimes cause bladder spazms. Doctor won't prescribe anything for the spasms as he says it could mess with the fluid retention, and if it keeps up I should take Mom to a urologist....that is so very hard to do with a bedridden person. More specialists...really!!??? Ugh. Tired.
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my train of thought hasnt been aborted or abandoned -- i still want some medicinal skag .
sorry , i cant comment much on the superbowl game . i have no idea what those maniacs are screaming about , i just wish i had a fraction of that kind of energy .
id swim to turkey and get me some medicinal skag ..
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hobbesmom you are correct this is a site where you can safely air your feelings and frustrations and often learn something along the way.
The whine is that some people keep comming back asking the same questions day after day and then they are gone in a puff of smoke and people are left with the feeling they have wasted their time and energy trying to help people who never wanted it in the first place. the other problem is there are what are called 'Trolls' these are people who come on with a story about an imaginary situation and just sit home adding more and more details to amuse themselves. eventually they trip themselves up and get called out and they too leave but again they may return with another identity. one one ocassion someone came on pretending her father had married her late mother's best friend to get their money. this woman was very close to the wife and even took the ife to all her treatments.I think she was actually a cousin. Some months later the same story appeared from Australia and I wrote and asked if this was the same cousin who had taken Mom for her treatments. Instane disappearance! None of the regulars will call anyone out for wasting time, it is just that everyone learns from all the questions and comments and it is very satisfying to know how something worked out for another poster. This is a very caring site and many good friends are made. people do sincerely worry about someone who is in great distress and we have no way of contacting others directly.

Jessie helmets are now available in custom colors and patterns so you should trade in your original with the zigzag patterns because they are said to promote further disorientation in the parent with dementia.
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@Freqflyer, you said, "My whine is whenever we here on the forums spend a lot of time on an original question, with dozens of answers, looking up information, etc. and the original poster never comes back even once to reply :( "

The short time I've been here, I've seen that happen. Sometimes, "regulars" call them to the carpet for that.

This site is a sanctuary of sorts - a place to vent and express frustrations. I would like to think that even though some don't give us an update or do things members have suggested...it still is a seed that gets planted and perhaps later, they will act upon the exceptionally good advice found here. If nothing else, this site gave them a brief and safe respite.
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looloo, you sound like an official member of the Helmet Club.
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ff, those of us who monitor and contribute to the care and wellbeing of our parents (as opposed to providing hands-on caregiving), while working, taking care of our own families and maybe even our own health issues -- it's a burden that our parents just don't recognize. Or won't recognize.
I started keeping a timesheet several months ago, tracking everything that I do for my mother. At the very least, I handle her mail 6 days a week. But there's always several more items that need to be addressed most days, and there is always a "fire" or two that needs to be put out. This is all so that she can continue to live "independently." If she were in an AL facility, it would cost much more, but she and my father saved and she has long term care insurance, and I was under the impression that this was what the money should be used for--her care. I'm going to a heck of a lot of effort handling everything for her, and she had the nerve to say to me that I'm only interested in her money. Ex-CUSE ME?????? Yes, she has dementia, but she's still a mean person.
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What a trying day. Mom keeps saying the same two things over and over again, each time like it's new information. Then I got out a gizmo and she asked me what it was. I told her it was a Venetian blind cleaner, and went to try it out. She asked me another couple of times what it was and I told her. She asked, "Well, what do you do with that?" Oh, gosh. You clean Venetian blinds. I had to leave the room and go to the bath to bump my head on the wall... and without a helmet. I am starting to wonder how we're supposed to live through this.

Mom is going to visit a new doctor -- an ENT -- tomorrow. I had to fill out all the paperwork this afternoon. Page after page after page of it. Then I had to get her to sign in all the right places. THAT was a challenge. The bad part is it asked her why she made the appointment and she didn't know. She asked me why she made it, and I certainly didn't know. Really, I think it's just the wintertime hypochondria thing she goes through. She calls my doctor cousin so he'll make her an appointment with someone. That way she gets around me.
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While at work I was on the phone with my Dad, trying to straighten out the eye doctor appt and the hearing aid appt. Dad said he and Mom wants to take a cab to their appointments. Ok, great idea BUT I need to come along because Mom can't hear that well, so it is better having another set of ears. I didn't want to say to Dad that he never pays any attention to what's going on while at the doctor unless the doctor is dealing with Dad's OWN issues. Therefore, I will be driving them to their appointments.

Then Dad and I talked about Mom's hearing aids. Dad said "why didn't the previous hearing aid doctor give Mom two hearing aids, Mom wanted one for both ears". I said: "Dad, that doctor tried two hearing aids on Mom and Mom didn't like it"..... Right there is the reason why I need to go to the appts with them, Dad didn't recall that happening.... [sigh]
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HMMM...I think I just made a huge connection in my mind on how to get more quiet time (in other words, with Mom sleeping soundly for more than 10 minutes at a time).

I tell her prior to her nap that when she gets up, she needs to get in the shower. Result? She sleeps like a rock for about 2 hours, giving me some much needed quiet time to work, listen to music or whatever I want on TV, do housework without interruption, etc.

Funny. Must be some sort of subconscious things - she knows subconsciously that she has to take a shower when she gets up from her nap, and she doesn't want to, so she just stays asleep as long as possible. LOL
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maybe i need medicinal heroin ..
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ive been reading about lumbar pain veronica and aside from the injections there isnt much being done about chronic back pain . i think theres just a big muscular adjustment to what im doing now from what ive been doing for the last year . muscles are miraculous in many ways . the ones you arent using actually shrink in mass so as to not caused friction and interferance with the ones your currently using . and my footstool is too high for my sitting arrangement ( camaro bucket seat ) . when i kick up my legs im hyperextending something in my lower spine .
gotta figure it out on my own . docs are half my age and often just hark jibberish . maybe i need a japanese bucket seat . they are lumbar adjustable . this chevy seat is dinosaur crap by comparison .
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hahahaha...Pam ....too funny....but it was a huge let down.... :) I was really pulling for Seattle....
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Capt can't help you with the diet or fluid intake. Fluids don't have to be just H2o. do you still have that recliner that you found for Edna? That would probably be more comfortable.
Now next week I am going to have something called a Transforaminal epidural steroid injection. they can also use an electric shock machine that temporally kills the nerve although it will regenerate over time. It is done in a specialty pain clinic just with sedation. It may be the same sedation they use for colonoscopy so you may choose to forgo that. Personally I think it is the colonoscopy prep that poisons you . That PEG is the same stuff they use in anti freeze and whatever they tell you a small amount is absorbed from the gut. There is actually an FDA watch on the stuff at present. Anyway back to the injections they have you lie face down on an x-ray table and then they take a guess at which nerves are causing your pain and insert a needle under X-ray then insert a little die to again check the position. Then they stimulate the nerve just for a second if they have hit your nerve they then numb the area and then inject local anesthetic and a steroid. The idea is to reduce the inflamation on the nerve where it comes out of the vertibrae which it does through a small hole in the side. I am told there may be some discomfort for several days then the pain will go away. It can last for weeks months years or forever but they can repeat the treatment as often as needed. If you fancy this maybe the VA will do it. They must have to deal with a lot of pain.
I am haveing my first one on Feb 11th so will let you know what I think. I do have a fairly high pain threshold so I am sure you do too.
There are lidocain patches you can put on the painful site. They are prescription but not havit forming as the local is just absorbed through the skin. You are right to be wary of pain meds with your liver. I am sure you have put heat and cold pads on it. If you don't have a heat pad you can nuke a bag of rice and this stay hot for quite a while. Doubt you have the option of a long hot bath in the bunker. I don't know if you can still buy Kaolin but spreading that on a cloth and heating it up can help too. In the good old days we used to heat up what was called a Kaolin poltice and put it on the chests of patients with pneumonia. Antibiotics in those days were limited to injectible pennicillin so you see it was in the dark ages. We heated the wards in those days with coal fires before they were banned in london because of the smog. I remember one night sitting in front of the fire with a child on my knee who had just had her tonsills removed and had a dreadful earache. I had a pad of cotton wool and kept heating by the fire and holding it to her ear. Long time ago now but sometimes the old ways work along with the new.
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Hope22, I felt so deflated when New England won.
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One of the more frustrating moments of my company was when I was encouraging to get her to give me her dirty laundry as I was about to do a load of clothes anyway...She refused to let me launder them, said she'd do them when she got home. I told her, well, I know you can but I'm doing them anyway so are you sure..she said...I'm sure...so she goes and finally takes a bath and then comes back in about 45 minutes later and informs me she has JUST put her dirty clothes in the washer while it was still going...(it was in the final rinse and spin cycle)...meaning I had to rewash the entire load of clothes...While i was rebalancing the load and adding new laundry detergent, I started finding "stuff" in the laundry and to my horror, she had put a soiled diaper in the load with all my clothes...anyone who has accidently let one of those get in the laundry knows what happens...it deteriorates and all that gel junk gets all over everything....so I had to pick all that junk out and then clean up the floor where a lot of it fell, then rewash the clothes...why the heck didn't she just give me the clothes in the first place...I did mention it to her and she just tossed out a very flippant "sorry"....unbelievable.....every time I have company I quickly remember why I don't ask people to stay any longer.
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Yes, it was...the catch just before the ridiculous play call at the end was amazing...I was pulling for Seattle last night...was amazed at that unbelievable catch and then was befuddled over the insane play call that ended Seattle's hopes....but it was finally a game full of excitement so it was worth watching..IF you enjoy football... :)
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my aunt gets shatfaced if you help her mark a number in bingo . tells ya if you want to play get yourself some cards . everytime i stop in during bingo the staff asks me to help edna keep up . i tell em " no way , im not here to make an enemy " .
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Hope - the ending of that game was pretty incredible. What a nail-biter.
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