I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Kids always send me into sensory overload. I have always done better with the elderly (before I became one) now I really appreciate the company of younger - not young- people. Agressive young women scare me.
One of the people who visits my mother is young with children. Her children are not so well behaved, so when she visits, both Mom and me end up a nervous wreck from the loud, unruly kids. For some reason, some people think that old people actually like having a lot of kids around.
Another thing about this person is that I've told her I cook dinner for my mother at about 5:00. She has really not grasped that some old people like to eat early so they can get their baths, watch TV, then go to bed at an early hour. So this person calls us or visits at what time? 5:00. She is a stay-at-home mother with a whole day to work with. Why does she call or visit at a time that is most disruptive to us? She doesn't seem to remember that 5:00 is my mother's dinner hour.
The bad thing is that my mother doesn't like this person much and the kids drive her crazy. I like them fine until the kids get wound up, then I go into sensory overload. What I feel like is that I am accommodating them so she can do her job visiting an elderly lady. Then I feel bad that I don't appreciate her efforts more. Most people don't even try.
Well, I guess no one is perfect. At least this young person is trying.
The last time I was away from here overnight was April 2012....so almost three years now...other than that, the ONLY time Mama has been in respite, I spent that entire week moving and only one of those days I did have brother help me...thank God for that...the other days I rented a smaller van and went back by myself because I had so much to move and could not possibly do it all in a few hours...
Anyway, no one other than a few folks even knows that I have no help......people are always bragging about how smart my SIL is how hard she works, how clean her house is, they have never seen anyone work as hard as she does..blah blah blah...and yet, she does not work, spends her week at her home on the lake in one town or at their vacation home on the other lake (WHICH USED TO BE HALF MINE...another story for another day) and does nothing but exactly what she wants to do all day all night....goes right past our street several times a week, and yet has not been to see Mama in OVER THREE YEARS ...It's maddening.
Even a phone call once a week to just chat would be great...she used to do that all the time...I used to think I had done something wrong..I have decided now that she is just selfish and does not want to be bothered...emotionally or financially, so they have just left it on me to handle. and that is what i have done all these years...and the wounds are deep and the scars are deeper..but what do you do...??? When I think of getting away, I dream of driving up the east coast on a leisurely trip, stopping along the way here and there wherever my heart strikes me ...in reality, I would welcome getting a room at the nice Inn down the road just have ONE WEEKEND of being able to live in my pj's and drink coffee, watch movies and sleep....that isn't going to happen either....
Katie...I totally get NEEDING to know when folks are coming because like your Mom, my Mama has constant and horrible bouts of diarrhea and so I have to change her frequently and I can tell when she needs it again because she becomes cranky and restless...totally understandable...and so I like for her to be nice and clean all the time but especially when people are here because she can enjoy her visits more...but most of the time people just pop in...the hospice social worker and chaplain do it all the time in spite of having been told how I feel about it...but I stuck to it yesterday and kept the curtains pulled until I felt like I could deal with a pop in, but I'm guessing if they came they saw the curtains pulled which they do know means NO VISITORS THANK YOU VERY MUCH....
And Sunday's oh Sundays..the ONLY day of the week and I actually get a whole HOUR that day, sometimes even an hour and a half to do whatever I want to do. Of course I never know when he is coming, so most of the time I am not ready..the times I have been ready he did not get here til late, brought the granddaughter and could not stay...so can't win for losing...
oh well, what's a caregiver to do???
My 92 yr. old Mom has fecal incontinence and often diahrreah from having had radiation for abdominal cancer 12 years ago...one of the side effects, and she is sometimes going continually and the best way to get her ready for the PT sessions is to clean her up a half hour to 15 min. beforehand. I deal with this all day everyday several times a day. It is imperative that someone tell me when they are going to come here! I also don't understand that the PTs don't take her age into account...they act like she is 72 not 92 and very frail.
As for respite, I know what you mean about using our spare hours to do errands/shopping instead of for US. Therapist told me that respite for me is NOT doing the shopping/errands. Respite for me - is for me only. I'm still trying to figure out how to do that. I have to do those stuff when I have someone watching dad. No one else is going to do it.
I need a weekend away from here. I just don't really have anywhere to go to do that without spending money. I tried doing that as a guest with fave sis' house. But my weekend was not as restful as I would have preferred. Ideally, I would love to rent a room at one of those oceanfront hotels, walk around the garden, grab a book, sit under a tree and just listen to the waves. And try to ignore those red ants biting me, the hot sun beating down so that I'm sweating. So, I'll find an excuse to go to the shop and buy 2 scoops of ice cream or yogurt and eat inside with the air con. Then, sit in the lobby and people watch. Tired? Go up to my room and just lie down while reading some more. That would be my ideal weekend without having to buy an airline ticket.
Well, I'm bummed. Took my son to the airport today... the silence is deafening. The feeling of loneliness has already hit me again. Sure it was a lot more work and less sleep while he was here but I had someone to actually converse with. I really need to figure things out here... this is making me not an emotionally well person.
Now for some really weirdness. My oldest bro saw that my son was visiting and made an appearance this morning before I took Josh to the airport, wow... he even offered to watch mom so I didn't have to drag her on a hour r/t drive. Haven't seen him in months and heaven forbid my son leaves after a week and they made no appearance which would mean everything I say about them TRUE! ...anyway, got back and both brothers where here eating pizza. They can't bother to see their mother for months, can't bother to give me a break, yet someone visits and they're all like... ohhh, just ask and we'll do anything. Uhm... yeah sure, whatever.
Why am I so lonely? I get 9 hours of respite a week. Granted half is used to run errands, prescriptions, grocery shopping, car repairs... the other half I take my dog for hikes. I'm not out really doing any socializing, haha, I think I have forgot how to communicate with live in front of my face people. sigh
My Mom use to come with me back when I actually would go inside the grocery store. I use to try to shop for my groceries while Mom had her cart and would shop for hers. But then I noticed that Mom would be pulling products off the shelves to see up close if she had the correct product but if it was the wrong item she was not replacing the items in the right spot, that's when I realized how bad her eyesight was, so sad... thus I had to give up my own shopping because I was busy re-shelving groceries :(
Then I tried to get Dad to come grocery shopping with us... he would come, get a cart, and disappear within the store. I wanted him to help Mom. Found out Dad hated grocery shopping.... no kidding, Dad, so do I.... he was surprised because he thought all women loved to shop.... NOT !!
Got to get that helmet back out.
Yes, I know they believe whatever the doctor says is God's Truth. I've had to tell my mom the same thing. She has lost her sight in the right eye and her left has about 20% light coming in.
But "I can see"
And darned if she can't! She, too, managed so well until she was out food shopping by herself (my son would drive her and wait in the parking lot...I do NOT know what HE was thinking, but that is for another WHINE).
She would go in by herself!!!!! (I did not know this) ...anyway, a lot of her food was absolutely ridiculously not for her because she just couldn't read the label and the supermarkets are always changing around their aisles. Some of the stuff I found was kind of funny.
I'm thinking of wearing a baseball cap...maybe I put on a Patriot's hat (my home state) to see if anyone takes a shot at me. On second thought, maybe not. Too many nuts out there.
Dad was concerned that what would happen if his other eye has seeing problems... what would he do???.... well, Dad, Mom has had that for over 5 years now and she's managing to run the household with very limited sight... I heard a pause... then Dad said "she does?".
Where is my helmet !!
One small whine, I feel guilty for even whining...BUT....the chaplain called day before yesterday on his way to our home...had not called prior at all..and my aunt and uncle who have been unable to visit for some time had just gotten there. I told him it was not a good time for a visit and so he told me he would be out our way again tomorrow (yesterday) so he would come then if that was ok. I told him that would be fine....He never came and never called. Now this morning I see he is calling again...I didn't answer the phone and have pulled the curtain...I have been busy in the house, am still in my loungewear and don't feel like a visit today...looked for one yesterday...I don't know why this bugs me so much but it is the revolving whine for me...dropin social workers and chaplains...who, of all people, I would think would know better....Is this just me??? I think it must be.....I don't see folks complaining about this the way I do...sorry for the whine, it's just a lifelong thing with me, people who don't come when they say they are...and then just think they can drop in on a seconds notice when you're not looking for them...
She has the eye vitamins, too. I just can't believe that eye vitamins help AMD. But whatever. I believe they are 'some' help, but won't cause total eyesight loss if not taken for a few days :)
Occuvite? has come out with the same formula I got at the eye doctor. I know Walmart had them (yes, I was surprised). I'm also thinking any eye doctor will have them on hand.
But then again, you know that.
As for recliner handle extenders--who knew?
Visited my mom yesterday and she showed me the wrist band they put on her. She wasn't happy about that because the 'the thing buzzes' each time she leaves. Nurse told me she was wandering and trying to get out.
Four people now have the flu, up from two, so each patient is receiving Tami Flu. All public areas are closed off. My mom had the flu shot earlier, so I feel a little better about that. Not all that happy I had to find out through another patient that the public areas have been closed down. Did see a notice posted at the entrance yesterday, about a week later.
On another note: I got my haircut for the first time since August 2013. Yes, August 2013. I, who always went six weeks diligently, let it grow, colored it myself, trimmed it myself, etc. It was down the middle of my back and I would pull it up in a 'bun'...The stylist I had for fourteen years was GONE when I got back from mom's state (they owned the salon!) Disappeared. This woman knew my hair. She gave the absolute perfect haircut. It would always, always fall into place.
Needless to say, I'm feeling a bit dowdy here, so a neighbor told me about her stylist to whom I entrusted my head.
I told her "Just get rid of the red"
She did that.
I assumed there would be small amounts of blond along with larger amounts of a darker under-color.
BLONDE.
Almost totally.
I'm afraid to walk the dog lest neighbors see me!
Never Ass/u/me Anything.
I told Dad that if his internet was up and running [apparently his dial-up is no longer available, and he refuses to buy high speed internet] he could have ordered those vitamins on-line on Monday and they would have been shipped to him by Friday.
Oh, Dad's eye is ok now so whatever it was went away. Can't get Dad the vitamins tomorrow as when I get home from work I will be waiting for a locksmith to do work on my house. Told Dad to take some of Mom's eye vitamins, but I bet she won't let him.... she's trying to teach him to plan ahead if he starts running low.
I hate to say this but all I can picture is someone sitting in one of those lift chairs and being propelled across the room. My mother would have ended up on the floor :) She has never been able to even sit in a recliner even when she was younger. For some reason, she never could operate the lever. It drove my father crazy.
Anyway, hope your mom and you are happy with the new chair!
Seriously?
Freq Flyer - I'm late to the party here, but ONLINE SHOPPING....ONLINE SHOPPING. Sears online will have all the old stuff your mom remembers. And they'll have the colors, etc.
Socks: My mom needed socks without elastics (when she was doing well). I bought Buster Brown Cotton Socks, no elastics, at Amazon. I know...Amazon...anyway, there they were.
Now her legs are so swollen from sitting in that darn wheelchair I don't think anything will get them back to where they were before she fell. I know they're not knee socks, but just in case anyone needs non elasticized socks, they're pretty good.
Pants: Don't even start me on that one. I bought some petit 'slacks' for my mom at Walmart of all places and I thought, yay, I've got her fall shopping done. Picked out the dark brown, beige, and green colors. Got them home and they were too long! Yet they said Petit! I'm seeing that one person said these can run anywhere from 27 inches to 30 inches...gees, wish I had known that.
Why the cheap pants: Because of the mess I knew was going to go on them.
The 'flu' has hit the rehab center. The main dining room, plus the tropical music has been cancelled along with God Forbid BINGO. My mother was really angry at me today when I visited and told me so much. When I told her it was because of the 'flu' she said, Well, nobody told me....her girlfriend (yes, she has a friend) told her that yes, they had...didn't you hear?" And that turned into another topic of discussion. Meanwhile, I'm trying to get info from the RN there and having the same old argument of "Well, I have to get permission from Administration" to which I told her, Well, no, you don't. It should be right there in that huge tome you've created with permission. Then one of the people piped up, Well, it's not. To which I asked, Did you look? Then I got the social worker who came down and literally found it herself.
So much for today. Just because they're in rehab/SNL means it gets better at home, but when you're visiting, the stress comes back and at some point you just have to leave it all in the facility.
Windows Ten?