My "whine moment today." What's yours?

LOL!! I needed this laugh this morning!! hahahaha, I have tears streaming down my face. lol, butt paste... hahaha

Hope -

I'm right there with you on the routine. The never-ending sameness of it all (especially in winter months when she won't leave the house) drives me a little batty some days. Today is one of them. Mom started out having a bad week Sunday and it's just continued. Yesterday she slept all day, short of being up for about 2 hours at a time (about 3x all day) to eat and go to the bathroom, watch a little tv, then back to bed. Today is the same thing. I told her 4x yesterday she needed to shower, but she kept resisting and I just wasn't up for the fight. Today, same thing. She went in the bathroom to get ready to shower, next thing I know, she's back out here in the living room, saying she's going to shower, but needs to sit down for a bit. Then she goes directly to her bed and lays down and goes to sleep. Apparently she's in what she calls "sloth mode" again. This happens about once a month with her - she'll go through what I call a "low time" where she's almost catatonic - stares at the tv, the floor, the wall - for long minutes at a time, not speaking, just staring. Then lays down and sleeps for a while. Back up to eat or go to the bathroom, but refuses to do anything else. Won't shower, won't wash up, and won't change her incontinence pad unless I force the issue. Her memory seems to have slipped another notch as well - she's repeating things over and over and over. Not constantly, but enough that I definitely noticed and was a little concerned about it.

I am running away for a few days at the end of the month to visit my son. Of course, on top of the money for gas (cheap right now, yay!), lodging, food, etc, I have to pay for someone to come take care of mom. Gone are the days when we used to pay for a vacation. Now we pay for the privilege of even leaving the house. Not to mention the prep it takes....making sure there's easy-to-fix food in the house (and not TV dinners if I can help it, so lots of food prep), all her supplies are in order, there's a list of do's and don'ts plus a daily schedule of tasks for the caregiver plus a list of all her meds and emergency phone numbers on the fridge, house is clean and in order, and then I have to pack my own stuff and get myself ready for the trip! Not sure my siblings even understand or appreciate what it takes for me to make a 4-day trip to see my child - whom I haven't seen in over a year, because I haven't been able to leave Mom alone for a few days. I used to be able to just throw things in the van and go. No more.

I've always wanted to reply to one of those "friend" requests on Facebook where some scammer tries to tell me how beautiful I am and how we should get married and walk on the beach in the beoooteful sunsets....and tell him, "Oh yes, Fernando...we can walk on the beach...I'll wrap you in my arms....I can scar your back with my little knife I keep in my purse as a sign of my love....I can bite off your earlobe and keep it as a souvenir of our time together....I can stalk your family and leave dead animals on their doorstep as a token of my love and affection....when can we get married?" (insert wicked laugh here)

Jessie - Gotcha on the grocery trips. I just love when people look at my cart with Poise pads (long, overnight, max absorbency) and jumbo tubes of Boudreaux's Butt Paste and foot fungus cream, then look at me with wide eyes and walk away....yes, I'm quite the catch, aren't I? Want to introduce me to your brother or son? LOL

Jessie...lol....true...

Yes, that is right...I had someone friend me with a profile pic wearing his military uniform..(or supposedly his) anyway...nice, wholesome looking man...looked like we had a lot of mutual rescue friends...so ok, I have folks in the military and have special admiration for them, so I friend him...and then I saw all kinds of nasty looking mess on his profile page and he almost immediately sent me the nastiest, tackiest personal message...it was revolting to say the least and I just immediately unfriended him and blocked him...those kind of people..honestly if I could reach through the laptop and choke them I think I would..nasty nasty people.

For some reason, especially since I am a caregiver now for Mama and it is pretty clear on my page what I am about, it just infuriates me for someone nasty to waste my time. Having seen a side of life that is so sad, lonely, difficult, mind numbing, I just don't have the time or patience for idiots who will never know what truly matters in this life...and would never even try to...

Or people getting angry and going off about the most idiotic things....stupid things that don't mean one iota in the grand scheme of life....such a huge waste of time and energy ...if they saw a lot of what we live each day and the slow process of watching someone you love getting more and more frail, maybe they would wake up and realize what truly matters...and then again..maybe they never would anyway..

Oh... and add on some Tena to complete the look of glamour at checkout.

A baby whine today -- I get embarrassed buying laxatives so often at the store. It's hard to look lovely and alive when you're checking out with Miralax and ExLax.

I have many friends I don't know on FB. It used to be easy to tell something about people, but now all the information can be concealed until you accept the friend request. The profile pic is all we have to go on for many. I've had a friend or two I've blocked because they turned out to be raunchy. I use FB mainly for business and family, so I really don't want trash-mouth people posting on my newsfeeds.

Emjo ...you are so right. I accept a lot of friend requests because I use facebook mainly to network and crosspost for my animal rescue efforts...if I pare it down to my close friends and family I might have all of 50 people..lol.....I don't dislike people but I don't trust many and I guess that is why it is strange even to me that I am halfway tolerant of these yahoos...I just didn't answer this latest one at all when he immediately started wanted to come to our home...to me those are huge red flags and dangerous...our world is a scary place these days.....maybe they see animal rescue folks as being pushovers...but I think we are to the absolute opposite...those of us in animal rescue have seen the dregs of society at its worst and so we are not trusting of strangers..period...and we are not really a group to be messed with...lol......but anyway, I would never meet anyone or give personal information of any kind to anyone. Wonder what he'd want to get a pic of ...me wiping soeone's behind??? me cleaning the floor and doing the laundry??? me inventoring the massive load of diapers and rinsefree cleaning items....lol......I know some are savvy with putting a face of someone on a different body....hahahaha..that one is probably not such a winning idea either these days... :)

We get attacked by some scammers here who try to sell various items. I think that I average reporting at least one a day here lately. I've also seen some people with caregiving businesses who give their name, address and phone number in their posts on various threads. Are those legit businesses or not and is such advertising even allowed? I had one person recently who wanted to know if I could discuss their caregiving concerns offline which I declined.

Hope - there are scammers out there and not just on face book - on dating sites. Often the photo is of someone else. They are looking to get money from you and are very skilled at convincing vulnerable women that they care for them. In some cases they try to get you on web cam and in poses that they then can use to blackmail you. These guys are not safe. it is big business. I check their web page and if they only have female friends or have very few friends because they have joined recently you can be pretty sure they are up to no good and I block then. Unfortunately there are enough women who fall for these guys and their lines and men who fall for women. There is at least one web site dedicated to exposing these guys and gals and the stories are pretty awful. When I was doing online dating I got pretty good at spotting them. You have to be very careful.

Jeanette...Mama is very stoic most of the time nowadays..the oddest thing though, if I ever stub my toe or get a catch in something and it makes me holler out...she will just crack up laughing like it's the funniest thing in the world...I guess it's worth it to see her laugh again...

The not now button is about to become my new best friend... :)

Yes, good advice to follow. I am goofy I know..it is like I hate to "reject" them...ridiculous I know..and I will learn...there are dating sites for that kind of thing..facebook is something that when I do get on there I do it for pure entertainment ..almost like a way to just escape for a little while..I sure am not looking for relationships...the weird thing is I can't even tell from a profile pic..this last one for example appeared to be a very distinguished business man...then the weirdness starts. I think maybe men in exotic places are more forceful than those around here.....I recently got a request from some guy whose name was like Akmed Alzeehammedaem Zkuful Flufflel and on his uniform he had a nametag that just said "Williams" lol.....people.....try to figure em out.....

I never accept friend requests from a person whom I don't know even if they claim to be a friend of someone that I do know.

Hope, it's a good reason not to accept the friend request from someone you have no idea about. I used to get friend requests from men in exotic places. I just clicked the "not now." I can usually tell from the profile pic if I want to be friends or not. If it is a shirtless man or a buxom lass with a "come hither" look, they get a "not now."

Wow... I can honestly say I've not had this much fun in YEARS and it's a darn College Football game!!

Mom has been circling like we are going to lose and it's lunchtime.

The more I seem to enjoy something, the more she rejects everything. For someone who has such an advanced stage of AD this intrigues me. Apparently there are certain aspect of life that leaves no one. Not saying this in a bad way, just in an observation kind of way. huh? ok, duly noted el mama. I wonder though, if her alter ego will affect her body?... she walks tipped wayyy to the side which makes her lopsided and fall prone. Yes, she's fell twice today.... will she sit down? No. It could be a coincidence or my over imagination but the more excited I am about anything, the more "gone" she becomes?

There you go Oregon!!!! Booteeful!!!

LOL!!

One somewhat funny note that is unrelated to caregiving..for the most part and yet maybe a little at that..what is it about social media that makes men from different countries "friend" you then send a long letter about wanting to meet up somewhere they enjoy long walks on the beach, booteeful (yes that is how he spelled it) booteeful sunseets.....iz how you married or no??? what??? what are you asking me?? good grief...and this is after I sent a short blunt note that I am a caregiver and am not in the market or on the market for a relationship right now...heck, he'd have to push me in a buggy on the beach, I wouldn't feel like walking...so much for the booteeful sunseet and no I iz no married...ugh...leave me alone...dating right now does not even begin to tweek my interest these days...too dog gone tired...

AMEN Jeanette!!! Pulling for em here too!

Speaking of National Championship Game.

Can we have a small moment of silence.... shhhhhhhhh

Dear baby Jesus in Brazil... Please allow my Ducks to get it together and make the necessary adjustments at half time to blow these Buckeyes out the building... If you do I'm certain the world will be a better place and world peace will be bestowed upon us... In Jesus name AMEN!!! ‪#‎goducks‬ ‪#‎wintheday‬

Now.... if my mom would JUST SIT THE H*LL DOWN for 5 consecutive seconds

And I know this is going to sound odd, and I'm sure it has probably been on this site over and over but it is like Mama is mostly just lying here, she sleeps pretty much all the time, then I change her, and she eats, then she sleeps and I change her then she eats, repeat repeat repeat...and every so often, she has a few fleeting moments of speaking to me, and oh how I hold onto those..and sit beside her and pray to God this one will last a little bit longer, but then she's asleep again and the cycle just repeats over and over....not that it matters I guess what my appearance is now compared to when I first started this live in situation, but comparing me then to now, I look at myself and all I see is tired, old, worn out, lonely, worn out worn out worn out.......tonight the National Championship game is on...and oh how Mama and I used to enjoy watching all these major sports events...they were big deals for us...now here I sit, she is asleep, even when she wakes up she could care less about football.....I love her so much, and I miss being able to pal around with her so much.....

JessieB...exactly...it is pure torment just watching someone wither away..and like you, I watched my Daddy get worse and worse over the course of a couple of years, then as soon as Daddy passed, I started seeing signs that Mama was going to begin having issues with her memory...sure enough, it took a while before she really took a rapid decline, but then her in home fall down her stairs and the subsequent bleeding head injury really accelerated the process....Right now, Mama is stable..again..and seems to be in a holding pattern. I am trying very hard to cherish every tiny moment, because it always follows that there will be more of a decline and this has been going on with me here 24/7 now over three years and mentally it feels like it is killing me. I don't think it is possible for someone who is not here to see it to begin to understand just how hard it is....ever...

Bob, have YOU sought out a grief counselor after the passing of your mother?...and upcoming passing of beloved Edna? Just sayin dude, you are getting way ahead of your normal asinine self and I worry.

if somebody dont wash something in the kitchen sink , everybody on this site is going to drown in despair , so ya know ( like charlie hebdo cartoonists ) , i prefer to die standing on my feet . at least ill leave a beautiful corpse .

Capt, Anne Landers is dead and if you name parts of the male anatomy the adminis will kill you too. I can hear them sharpening their swords.

Esskay the thing I learned with my mom's crying is what you mentioned in your own post. My mom will cry and cry and an hour (or even 30 minutes later) won't remember any of it. So once I figured that out, I realized that she's crying in the moment, but that moment will be gone shortly (just like with a 2-year old toddler crying and crying). So it doesn't bother me like it did when she first started doing it. My mom was never a crier, so having someone suddenly start crying really threw me until I learned she won't remember it a short time later.

man , i oughtta be gettin paid for this good of advice . ann landers is a bobblehead by comparison ..

esskay,
dementia will pit one family member against the other because frankly , the patient harks total malarkey . cuz told me several months ago that aunt edna despised our outings at " subway " . i told her the last i heard , edna hated her and her greasy assed long john silvers . i think that makes my point pretty well . the patient changes their story to curry favor with whomever their with at the time . add bipolar to dementia and man you have a cocktail of crazy on your hands . it takes nerves of steel and a helluva sense of humor to keep your own sanity . you cant reason with a dementia patient . just tell her you have no plans of sellin her house then redirect her by washing your d*ck in the kitchen sink or something . if you dont have a penis it doesnt matter , just go thru the motions -- thats how little actual facts matter to a demented person .

The hardest thing to me about caregiving is watching someone slowly die. I watched my father as he decomposed in his chair for over two years. Now I'm watching my mother do the same. It is like going through a checklist -- activities getting less and less, sleeping getting more, frequency of baths going down, appetite disappearing, and the complaints of discomforts being the only thing heard. It is like Mom hopes I can fix what is wrong, but I can't fix it. Doctors can make her a bit more comfortable, but not totally more comfortable without her sleeping all day. This process of long death is torture for the person going through it and the caregiver who watches.

My mom, 94 has been suffering from dementia for a few years now..and depression. This weekend she started crying and going on and on about how could we take her house from her and she couldn't believe I was in on it. Now mind you she lives at home and we have explained to her that she will continue to live at home in HER house that my father built. But she wouldn't hear it and just keep saying how horrible we were to be selling his house and it was breaking her heart...and seriously in distress, crying and it about did me in.
Later that day when my brother arrived for a visit, everything was fine. No recollection, though she did ask me what she was so upset about earlier. I guess it just seems like she really unloads on me and then acts semi normal with my brother...who almost never come to visit..while I live across the street and am constantly there..any insight. I know she has dementia but it is very selective.