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I guess I should not be ranting but I am. I was invited to spend the week with a friend. However, I feel like once again Im being used or taken for granted. Maybe Im so used to being around my father that all I can do is complain. Our friends that live a long distance away invited us to come stay with them. Another set of friends offered to drive us in exchange for me paying for the gas and tolls. They found a route that did not involve paying for tolls but they still wanted me to help with the gas. They could not even bothered to pick us up. They insisted that it was out of their way (when it was only an additonal 10 mins by car) My children and I had to pack our bags and stand in the pouring rain to wait for a bus to get to the meeting place. They were an hour late picking us up. Rather than driving to our other friends house, we drove to their house first, stayed up all night then left the following day. Heck I could have met them the next day and gotten a decent night's sleep. As soon as we got in the car my friend says "Do you need to go to the ATM to get the money to pay for the gas ?" I thought that was very tacky. I dont see how they needed me to hand them the money right away, they could have waited until we stopped at the gas station and I would pay for the gas as needed. But they just expected me to hand them 100 when I got in the car. So now we are at our other friends house. They work at night. So now Im stuck babysitting while they work. There are no plans for us to go anywhere or do anything until the day before we leave. Im not thrilled but at the same time I feel bad for being disappointed.
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Oh great, this evening our electric wired smoke alarm started to chime... just for a couple of seconds, then silence, then half our later an instant replay, silence then again. So I quickly pulled out the business card of the electrician who installed these alarms and said help.... he will be out at 8 a.m. Sunday morning.... whew.

I could change the backup batteries in these alarms but one is at the very top step of the stairs on the ceiling.... I have visions of me tumbling down... why on earth the builder had placed the wired alarm there is a mystery. The one in the basement at least is at the bottom step and easy to get to. I'll let the electrician deal with both.

So far the alarm have been quiet for the past couple of hours. Holding my breath :P
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Sorry Babalou, I cross-posted. Thank you for asking - she's responsive but terribly tired, nothing unusual. Hoping that come Monday we can get started on a plan of some kind. I hate having no idea of what is going to happen - but you get what you're given, there's no arguing with it.
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Ahem. That's the love of my life you're talking about. Can you just leave me with my heady Rawhide memories please? :)
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Jessie where is your imagination. How about taking a couple of young male nurses with you. All you would have to do is pop a couple of grapes in his mouth from time to time or get some strawberries dipped in chocolate. Go for it Anna Nichol.
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Cm, yes, do give her credit! My brother, who is mom's poa, was in the hospital for nearly two years when he should have been in high school, with a chronic bone infection. He has very good reason to hate hospitals. When ever he shows up, I'm incredibly grateful. How's your mum?
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Besides... with his type of money, we might have to settle for a john boat. :D
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Veronica, I would have to change my username to AnnaNichole. :) I'm afraid he couldn't whisk me away on his yacht. He walks about 1 mph and has balance problems. He would probably spend the trip in the potty and I would have to come in to try to get him off the floor. Maybe I would have to take a Hoyer lift.

Oh, I'm being mean. But it would be one caregiving stint to another.
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But at least she went. I should have given her credit for that.
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I'm a bit cross. My son reports that my sister has commented on Facebook: "I hate hospitals."

Yeah, well, don't we all. I just think that if you're the person who gets to go home at the end of the visit, you shouldn't be the one complaining. Try being stuck in there on an oxygen mask and level 2 fluids only, then see if you still feel hard done by having to spend an hour or two visiting your mother.
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Tex I don't see a problem with Mom having one or more toes amputated at 79. They would do it under sedation and a local. it would be a different story if they were doing a bunionectomy and straightening the toes. She would not be able to weight bear for six months and have to scoot around on a knee scooter which would be very dangerous. My Podiatrist said that she would amputate my toe if it got painful. I am making sure it does not get painful. So mom can go in for a quick snip and be home for lunch.
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Jessie has Mom thought about what would happen to her if your new love whisks you away for a world tour on his yacht.Visits to fashion shows so you can pick your wardrobe for the next season. A personal chef and housekeeper. A chauffer to drive you to your beauty shop and lunch appointments with your friends. A pool and a pool boy to rub suntan lotion on your back. My mouth is watering at the prospects. You really should reconsider. Your wifely duties would only be once every six months or so. So count the viagra and when he takes a big dose call in a surogate and turn out the lights. As long as you are whispering sweet nothings in his ear he won't know the difference. You will be there to put his depends back on and bring him a good night glass of scotch. You will have it made. Can we all come to the wedding?
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Oh my gosh, Jessie! "Yuck, wipe mouth on the ground..." I'm rolling laughing over here. Sheesh. Mom must think you're desperate. I *refuse* to marry again. Been there, done that - twice - got the emotional scars to prove it. Never again.
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Now a really gross thing is my mother thinks I should snap him up because he has money. I couldn't imagine kissing him for any amount of money. Yuck, wipe mouth on the ground. I told Mom SHE could marry him if she wanted, but leave me out of it. Really, he is her age and not mine.
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Only woman Clint is looking for these days is a nurse,man he got ooold!
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Oooo, I can't stand Clint Eastwood after what he did to Sandra Locke. He used her up and tossed her away. I know she allowed it, but it was certainly ugly. The things that came out about him showed he was everything that women dread in a man.
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Jessie Belle, now if that gentleman was Clint Eastwood :)

Hard to believe that Clint is near 85 years old. He's divorced now. He and his young wife, who was 35 years younger, called it quits.

Why can't these guys in Hollywood date and marry someone their OWN age. I mean what kind of message are they sending to their own daughters? That once they get to a certain age that no guy would be interested?
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I am also glad the "holidays" are over. I still have a raging cold contracted from someone in the eye MD's office for my mother's "I gotta have this exam" eye appointment for which he told her to come back in one year and gave her an otc box of eye drops.Of course my mother is fine and feeling great.Starting the new year with new rules, no appointments during cold/flu season,we are leaving if I hear anyone in the waiting room coughing(like I did for the eye exam,and it was the kind of coughing I though a lung would soon be seen)no appointments after 12 noon or during holiday traffic and no appointments that will require me to drive at night, just can't do it anymore.If she is so "sick" she has to go during one of these no appointment zones I told her I would just call 911 for her.I have been flat on my back for the last 6 days,my husband has really had to fill in but even so I see that he and my mother would fall apart if something happens to me.He is good for cooking and getting groceries, but for laundry,putting up the laundry,vacuuming,he stinks,love him but he just doesn't do it.He has taken mother to her hair appointment, I got her bathed from a distance,I am constantly washing my hands, also got one of her dogs bathed,she's fed,medicated and in her little art studio in the basement right now.She has a podiatrist appointment in Jan. I have got to take her to, even with more foot care I can tell she is going to have to have some toes removed,they are so mangled and entertwined and probably infected again,I am just chasing my tale on the foot care,she doesn't have dementia and I understand she doesn't want surgery but I am afraid an infection is going to get away from me and I also realize that the MD doesn't want to operate on a 79yr.old but something has got to give.Feel like I am between a rock and hard place.However, made it thru the "holidays" looking forward to 2015.To all of you in the trenches please take care of yourself, to h*ll with your ungrateful siblings,and I appreciate everything you do if no one has told you so recently.
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Jessie Belle - I'm laughing at your story about the 85-year old visitor.
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Oh here comes the guilty trip by my Dad.... last night he called, he knows he and Mom have an appointment to see the Elder Law attorney on Monday. Well he wants to cancel the appointment. SAY WHAT? I exploded which I rarely do when talking to my parents. Their old Will is a landmine.

Turns out Dad said he and Mom wouldn't be able to read anything if they went to the attorney [both have macular degeneration]. Gosh, guess that means blind people don't have Wills.... [sigh].

My parents go to the eye doctor every 6 months and it's always the same thing, nothing has changed therefore no new eye glass lenses. They probably keep thinking the next appointment there will be magic pair of glasses that will give them 20/20 vision. Unfortunately, that isn't happening in their life time.

I finally convinced my Dad to still go to the attorney appointment as he won't be signing anything... all the attorney wants is the paperwork she asked them to fill out and to talk over what they want in their Trust, POA, etc.

Now I am thinking it might be a good idea to get a new Will and work on the Trust as we go along as Trust can take months to put together. With my parents age [93 and 97] you never know what will happen next month.
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I also think that a lot of that has to do with most of this generation have literally been handed everything they ever wanted on a silver platter. neither one of my nephews wives/ fiances work...they are busy crafting, volunteering, spouting their views on politics yet both their husbands/ fiances work their butts off and make their lives as easy as possible..just as their Dad's made their lives growing up....Then they come here and look down their noses if something is not Martha Stewart perfect and in my head all I want to say is "Kiss my A$$"
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I hear you Susan....on all levels....I don't understand. My nephews and most "kids" I know now are so self centered...all full of compassion for the planet, the environment, the homeless and yet not one iota of compassion or selflessness when it comes to their own families. It makes me angry to see the disrespect and thoughtless way they treat their Dad (my brother) Mama everyone..yet they are all at the ready to save the world...they literally make me ill. I am tired of asking them to come. I think they are coming in a few days and I really could care less. I will be nice and I hope they make their visit and then get out.....
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Hope, I (and I'm sure many of us) are right there with you on the holidays. Since my dad passed away and I moved in with Mom, only a few of her grandchildren (including my own kids) have visited her - ONCE. Once in 2 years. I've darn near begged them to stop by and see her - 3 of them work only 5 miles away and it would be a simple thing to stop and see her for 10 minutes after work. They won't. I know everyone has their own lives, but darn it, how would they feel if they were in her shoes? I guess they think because I'm here all the time, she's fine.

I do the same thing - I make Christmas as nice as possible for Mom and then I'm glad when it's done. We used to leave the tree up as long as possible - until mid-January sometimes - before we finally took it down. Not now. It's coming down TODAY. I'm ready to be done with the holidays and get back to what passes for "normal".
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I don't know why I feel the need to beat myself up over not doing enough. I really don't know how much more or if I could be doing anything else....and I am with you on the whole "glad the holidays are over"...there is too much pressure on folks to be happy and make it perfect and on and on and while that was doable as a kid it is not even near possible now. Not to mention NONE of the grands came to see Mama...what else is new...they don't care...why do I feel the need to make it happy for them...I make it as pleasant as possible for mama and me and that is enough...and I am glad they are over...I don't think I ever said that before...but I am
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Poor guy, Jessie! He just luvs you. :-) (Sorry, I can't help but see the humor in the situation, but I'm sure it's not so funny to you.) I know what you mean, though - it's no fun to have to hurt his feelings and tell him that it can't possibly go beyond friendship.
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We never did start up. He has done all the starting on his own. He knows I'm not interested. He even asked me one time if I could ever consider someone 23 years older than myself. I told him only as a friend. I didn't mind him as a friend, and I didn't mind talking to him every week or two, because I know old people get lonely. But I do mind what is going on with him trying to come by uninvited and unexpected. And I do mind the uptick in number of calls. To tell the truth, I really dislike being put in the position that I am going to have to be a bad guy and hurt his feelings. He hasn't really done anything bad; he is just making a pest of himself.
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All of us are too hard on ourselves at times. Once when i thought i was the person least likely to provide for my moms health and emotional needs I overheard her telling a hospice nurse i was doing a fine job, leave me the hell alone. Evidently she could feel the strain on the pri caregiver as well as her own turmoil .
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Jessie, how on earth did *that* start up? Ah, you're just a shameless vixen, you are. You tempted him with your feminine wiles and he was helpless to resist. Now you're playing hard to get.

Just kidding. I know that must be distressing....how are you going to break the news to him that you're not interested?
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Hope, you *deserve* the break and the respite care will be good for both of you. Take it and enjoy whatever break you can get.

I'm going to be doing some serious cleaning and un-decorating today. The house is not terribly dirty, but I just feel the need to do it. There's a lingering, underlying smell of B.O. in here that is driving me nuts - and I know it's from Mom. She needs to shower again, but it's a toss up as to whether she does it today or tomorrow - we do our family breakfast tomorrow, so I'd like her fresh and clean for that, but there's no way she'll shower 2 days in a row (heaven forbid). So I'll clean, light a scented candle, mop the floors and maybe open a window or two for about an hour to air things out. It's in the mid-40s today - won't kill us to let a little air in. (Of course I'll do it in another room and while she's sleeping and covered up so she doesn't get cold.) We have someone from a homecare agency coming in a couple of days to do an evaluation on Mom to see what kind of care we need, so I need to get things in order for that, and need to make a list of what I think we'll need. I don't need help every single day, but I'd like to get back to seeing my grandkids once a month like I used to, before Mom got so bad - I'd like to be able to go and not worry about her and have to come rushing home so she's not alone for too long - and for when I go see my son. I haven't seen him in 1.5 years because of being here with Mom - last time I went, I asked family to check on her....but they didn't. I can't let that happen again - so I'm going to hire someone.

She's kind of dazey and restless again today. She sits in her chair and seems uninterested in much of anything but watching tv. I get her up to walk so she gets some movement in, and she's struggling to walk very far. So she lays down for a nap and plays "cricket" the whole time she's laying there, rubbing her legs back and forth on the bed. The sound is maddening, but I know she can't help it.

Going to have to get a new lift chair for Mom. The one I bought her when I moved in quit working and the parts aren't available for it - the darn thing opened up and wouldn't close! We had to remove the hydraulic unit and power unit from it to get it to close, and now it's just a stationary chair. She's having a harder and harder time getting up from it. (That's what I get for buying one from an online company reputed to sell inferior quality merchandise - which I didn't find out until after the fact...unfortunately. Thought I was getting a good deal on it - NOT.) Live and learn.

Hope everyone got through the holiday ok and is recovering. I actually feel a *lot* better now that Christmas is over. The whole thing is just so stressful anymore. Mom enjoyed the gifts I got her, though, and it was nice to see she was happy with them.
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Sigh. There's an 85-yo man who is calling me more and more. He also tried to come by my house last Monday, but couldn't find it. He called and said he was lost, and I told him it was not a good idea to come and no, I didn't want the flowers. The man can barely walk and shouldn't be driving. He has tried to call me every day since then. I don't answer.

No, he doesn't have dementia. And there is a woman who is his own age who is interested in him. He told me she was too old. I wanted to ask him what he thought he was.

Gosh, I hate to hurt old people's feelings, but this has to stop. The man is getting very close to death now, so I can't imagine what he might be thinking. I wonder if he thinks that if he can win this "younger" woman, that it might return some of his youth to him. I don't know why so many older men are looking for younger women when the women who are looking for them are their own age.
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