I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Don't try too hard just be yourself be the person your Mama loves and appreciates all the effort of caring for her.
Don't hide from her that you are tired and need a break.
Explain the respite honestly. You know she will be taken care of professionally and she will be returned to you safe and sound. Many hugs dear Hope.
Yes, I am thankful for my brother...he actually went to the mall and picked out some things for me that he knows I love and they were specifically picked out FOR me BY him...and that really meant a LOT to me...so much more than he will ever know...but I let him know it anyway...
Anyway, I'm still here, and even though I am almost afraid to do it, I think I am going to do the respite thing again as soon as they can arrange it so I can try to pull myself back together. The last and only time I have done it I was running the whole time moving my home and so didn't get any rest then...so this time maybe I can actually have a little down time. I love her, but I think I need to do it before this does me in....also she can probably use the break from me....
Time to take a few Sunday nights off! Once school is back in that is.
Susan, at least you spent it towards something you'd enjoy! and and... you get a cabin to yourself? So jealous :/ man, this makes me really want to find a way to get an entire weekend away at a cabin alongside the river. Just me n by big pibble and my fishing pole.
Fresh pnuts sounds pretty tasty right this moment :)
She was being so sweet, but I did wig out a bit at that. How on earth am I supposed to do that, for heaven's sake? She's hemiplegic, she can't see out of her left eye, she can't even have a drink of water unless it's got gloop in it - what exactly am I supposed to say that is going to perk her right up, then, eh?
But that is this SIL all over - convinced that if you try hard enough and you work hard enough and you sacrifice enough you can make people happy. In spite of repeated experiments with her own mother. She is a loving, sweet woman and I'm sorry I snapped at her.
No. Didn't think so. Buy something nice for you. If they'd thought you were going to spend it on chair pads they'd probably have kept it in their petty cash box and not bothered.
PS Get something you actually want, rather than just looking out for something to spend the money on. The more upmarket, better-made version of something I was going to buy anyway works for me.
Hang in there. We're here for you. :-)
On a happy note, my brother came and he and I enjoyed a few hours on Christmas Eve, he also brought me a very nice present this year and told me how much he appreciated everything I was doing for Mama so that was a really positive thing to hear for me...It is so hard to express myself when I don't want to lose Mama, but I want her to be happy and enjoy her life....seeing her the way she is it is so hard to tell if she is happy, sad, mad, you name it...no emotion, just blank staring..and yet her physical health is apparently excellent....as hard as I knew it would be, it is now gut wrenching to see someone I love so much be captive to a monstrous mental infirmity from which she cannot be brought back....
and so now the holidays move into those barren winter months....and the clock just keeps on ticking....
This Monday I will be taking my parents back for a second meeting with the Elder Law attorney to update their Will, Trust, POA's, etc. Dad had a ton of homework to do for this meeting.
Yesterday Dad said that his previous attorney will be mad at them. Me: mad at you for what reason? Dad: for changing attorneys. Me: your previous attorney was your real estate attorney so why would he be mad that you are going to an Elder Law attorney? Dad: because we aren't using him. Me: Dad he probably doesn't even remember who you are, you hadn't seen him in over a decade, plus he probably retired.
My Dad never knew that there was a specialty of *Elder Law*. I am just so relieved that my Dad likes this Attorney because the Attorney is a [ahem] woman. My parents are very old school, they think women can't be doctors, lawyers, CPA's, Mayors/Senators, etc. But there are times I think my Dad wants to go back to his previous attorney.
Ah, but look at the good side, they will be called to do so or will become victims of having to be cared for. My 'children' tell me they're busy, don't want to see nana 'like that'. One is in another country for Christmas, but is afraid to fly (that's a good one) and the list goes on. The youngest has her M(F)IL coming up and she owes them big because they are caring for her babies while she has to work. So, I visit my mother, bringing the 'gifts' they send, telling her we'll call them. Gift's come late because they don't realize Christmas comes on the 25th of each year. One wonders what would have happened had Santa not come each and every Christmas.
I wheel her outside so she can feel the sun on her face and smell some fresh air. She's happy with so little whereas many of us need so much.
I once Googled the number of adult children who keep in touch with their parents/grandparents, and some of the anecdotal figures were as high as 50%.
@Captain - don't feel bad about your sons not calling--those who don't call their parents probably don't deserve them. I never got along with my mother, and in many ways, still don't, but I always called her and felt the duty to care for her.
Whomever said that 60's is the new 50's, or 50's is the new 40's, that person never had been a Caregiver :P
I *could* take the money from the bonuses and spend some on myself, but I think my overdeveloped sense of responsibility would be driving me nuts if I did. I know Mom needs more bed/chair pads and can't afford to pay for them out of her own income, so that's where the gift card will go. At least that will keep me from having to put bath towels and a trash bag on the chair while I'm washing the pads we have. It will give a little more space in the rotation of pads.
I've always said I refuse to have a Hoyer lift in the house, because I don't want to accidentally hurt Mom with one of those. And it's a catch-22 in a way - I couldn't afford to get one of those and Mom doesn't qualify for Medicaid - and the state agency that helps keep people in their home by modifying the home for their needs won't help UNTIL you qualify for Medicaid. So they would pay for a Hoyer lift, but since Mom doesn't qualify for Medicaid, it's a moot point.
No, nothing in Depends will fit her - there are bariatric sized undergarments, but they're all too short to cover her backside. When I get a chance, I thought about stopping by the local nursing home to see what they suggest I use - maybe they know about some and where I could get them.
Your poor mom - feeling like she needs to argue with the tv all the time. I can't blame you for the headphones, Jeanette - I use mine when I need to be able to focus and can't, because I'm listening to the TV, Mom sucking on her teeth and all the other noise. It's the only way to escape.
Would one of those "lift" things be of any help to you with lifting your mother?... somehow I think it's going to be a lot sooner than you realize. I take it you weren't able to locate depends in her size either... those would really be of help to you. someone was telling me that disposable chucks have been used as depends in larger patients. Not sure if you could devise a pattern that would work and be comfortable for you mom. Maybe if she were to wear a slip on loose fitting dress of sorts over the altered chucks?... just tossing around some idea's.
My mother has been arguing with the TV for hours now. I was hoping for a quiet night of movies, but... not happening. Started 2 good movies and had to stop both of them, finally put on a Tinkerbell cartoon... turned that off as well when she started arguing with Tink that she was trying to kill her. Turned it to the 60's music channel. If that doesn't work I'm turning it all OFF and putting my headphones on. Now this... would drive you NUTS!
Anyone heard from our sweet little friend hope?
Mom has a grand total of 4 of those chair/bed pads and it's simply not enough. I can't keep them washed up fast enough to keep up with her. Tonight she kept refusing to get up and go to the bathroom. When I finally got her to get out of her chair, she headed straight for the bed. I told her to hit the bathroom first, but she moaned and groaned about how tired she was and continued to the bed, saying she'd be up in 2 minutes anyway, she'd go then - that she didn't have to go now. Ok...1) If you're going to be up in 2 minutes, why even lay down?!? ... 2) Know why she didn't have to go? Because she peed all over the chair pad already. ... and that "I'll be up in 2 minutes"? That was over an hour ago. Her mobility is steadily decreasing, because she simply won't get up and move when she should, and just sits all day. I make her get up and walk around several times a day, but some days, I'm just so tired of fighting her on this. She finally just woke back up and I headed her straight to the bathroom. Then we had "the talk" AGAIN - about how she needs to go to the bathroom when I ask her to - that I'm not doing this to be bossy or mean, but it's for her own good.
I need to get things in order for the attorney this week so that the house, will and all other info is up-to-date and the Ladybird deed is in place. Every time Mom has a day like this where she proves just how far she has declined, I remind myself that the day is coming, sooner rather than later, when I won't be able to care for her anymore. With her mobility declining, it's not going to be much longer (1 year? 2, maybe?) before I can't take care of her, because she won't be able to walk, and I won't be able to lift her. I'm dreading that day, but I need to be realistic about it and prepare for it.
I have been filling a 5 gallon bucket with change since I arrived here 2 years 2 months and 8 days ago. Hopefully when all is said and done here, I will have saved enough for a quick trip to the plastic surgeon for one of those new rejuvenating face lifts. First step towards whatever is left of my life.
or assume that we ourselves have children that can help [some of us were never blessed with children]....
or assume that we have relatives who live nearby who can help [some of us don't have relatives that live in the same city much less the same State or even on the same coast line or even in the same County].....
or assume we have neighbors or friends who can help [I can't ask my neighbors or friends to help care for MY parents]....
or assume we can call our church to help out [not everyone is religious and belongs to a church/temple].
Excuse me??? I was sitting right there, in her plain view! So what could I do but see the funny side - but in any case the comforting thought was that the aunt meant to pay a compliment to my sister, she wasn't setting out to be rude to me. As a matter of plain fact I am eight years younger, too, it's not even close. Ah well. That's lack of sleep and caregiving for you. I am a crone before my time, apparently.
P.S. I weigh about twenty five pounds less and she has cellulite. Ha!