This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
hope tomorrow is not as bad - and hope u have a good sleep - love ya too
Hey everyone i will post to ya'll later hopefully tonite. I got to lay down with red maybe i won't fall asleep. Love and hugs stormyyyyyyyyyyyyy
My mom was constipated (due to thyroid) and was told to drink milk of mag every four hours until ... well "until" .... yep, no more constipation!
Mom was embarrassed with "accident" but after a long, warm bath and my reassuring, loving words, she is sleeping now and no longer complaining about her "tummy" hurting.
While cleaning up, I thought of this group of friends I have gotten to know over the last weeks and thought, "if they can do it, so can I" ... and I did. And I thank you all for sharing your lives with me as I felt surrounded by you all while I cleaned up and thanked God for the "crap" ... funny thing to give thanks for huh?
So please, please know that I appreciate all of you tonight!!!
Thanks for being open and honest and genuine!
Good night!!!
Sweet dreams ... get rest ... we need it.
The wash will go into the dryer in the morning.
Hugs, Peg
Hey everyone hubby had to wake me up I fell asleep with lil red. Well I had to go check on dad today and his neck looks awful. It is so sore. His pads that we put under his trach collar is getting stuck to his skin where it is irratated. I had to work on his neck for 45 min. today to try to get the pad unstuck. And the dr put him on some strong antibiotics a one a day pill for 5 days and he finished that up today. Just don't know why it will not clear up. I am wonderng if he has a autoimmune disorder. Also his mucus is still a brown yucky color. And it smells bad that is a sign of infection. Or wondering if he doesn't have cellulitis in his neck he had it there one other time. It is soooo red it looks like it did when he was going through radiation to his neck if not worse.
Shawna- me, hubby and red went to a festaval(sp?) today and i thought about you. People had all kinds of stuff out there- mugs, hats,paintings,books,shirts etc... hope the sales are doing good for you!!!
Jam- glad you are home sorry the trip wasn't what you were expecting at least you got away from the col for a while.
Seemee- glad you are home too!!! We missed u and i hope u are doing ok. Love u.
Ros- I will be praying for more work for you. I hope things get better for u.
Peg- hallelujah for the bowel movement!!!! A great victory!!!!
Ladee- how's the bs?
Mis- I think it was you that said the other day that your mom put bengay on her lips. Sorry but it made me laugh when i was feeling like crying. Thank you for the laugh. I bet your mom's lip were nice and COOL feeling. :0) Hope she is ok from it.
Well i am brain dead i can not think of any body else i know i have missed alot of you and i am sorry i need to make one of them lists that jam has of everyone. Love ya'll and have a good nite everyone!!!!!!!! Stormyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peg I am glad for the good news... 'night
Good night and thanks for all the well wishes. Funny how crap is something to be excited about! Hallelujah is right!
Sweet dreams all.
And I keep forgetting to remind everyone.......here is a pink ribbon and it is Oct. Please schedule a mammogram for this month.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Thanks for the pink ribbon ... appreciate it as my mom is a survivor.
Peg
Jam..sorry about tunica would have told you not to go. It is ok for a day trip. Next time make plans to go to Mississippi coast. The casinos are much better and strip of them next to each other right on beach. Course none are like Vegas but...
Just wanted to check in as we have another busy day...saying prayers for all of you today
Peg from San Diego: Yes really, between my mother, my pets and my work I'm already tired enough, and a man would be just stressful. I work at home so I don't have to worry anymore how I dress and if I have been to the hairdresser. I cut my hair by myself with results that are not exactly good. I am lucky I have curly hair so you don't notice the damage too much!
When I worked in an office I had to take care about it. If I had a man I should for example iron my things. I haven't ironed anything in the last year!!!!!! yes I know it's awful to say that, and not feminine at all. I am surprised if a man even looks at me still, and I think he is interested in my money, but I don't have money so I laugh. 3 years ago a young man stopped me in the street and I immediately told him "Sorry I have no money" ( I thought he was a beggar!!). He was very surprised and he said: "I just wanted to tell you that I like the way you walk!" Jam do you think I can still have a love story? I don't think so!!!!
Glad you are getting help.
And yeah, sometimes I think we need to really and seriously delegate to those that are responsible enough to take on the task.
I am battling a "power struggle" with "hero brother". My mom was in urgent care Tuesday and the constipation finally was "resolved" shall we say yesterday. Today he and girlfriend and Mom went to cemetery to see my Dad. Brother does not comprehend that Mom puts things places and can't remember what she did with them. The latest is her house keys ... I have a key and brother is livid mom does not have one. (I suspect he wants to duplicate it as he likes having keys to everyone's house ... watch out ha ha.) He does not understand that she does misplace things and raising his voice to her about it does not make her feel better about herself.
I am looking forward to his departure.
I do have a couple of hours to myself and will get some reading done for my classes. I'm just as worried with her with him as I am when she is here with me. I think I will just let go for a couple of hours.
I agree that everyone here is so special and corresponding with everyone is spectacular. Thanks from me as well! SDPeg
Rossellamex: I agree ... no man for me right now. I try to dress as well as I can being a student. It's usually jeans and tshirt and also an occasional blouse. Make up? Whatever I can throw on in the morning ... comfortable shoes ... yeah, I doubt anyone looks at me and says "sexy!" ha ha but that's ok. I have not ironed at all for years and years ... money? what's that ha ha. I think we can all have love stories ... in the right time ... in the right place ... keep dreaming.
(((((((hugs))))))
jo
I can relate but mine was my Dad and it was a year ago.
but really we are in the same boat ... let's keep rowing ok?
I understand about not having that grieving time for you. Make that time as well you can, even if it is 2 a.m. and you are sobbing your eyes out, or in the shower like I do ... no one can hear me.
I care for my mom now while being a full time student (changing that to part time next semester but still need to finish this semester).
I know what you mean about sleeping ... yes, let the other person sleep, sometimes it is the only quiet time we have.
This group is the best and the people I have communicated with I consider friends. Welcome and come back often (I admit to checking my emails many times during the day just to keep my sanity!!!). I post in the morning and evening MOn-Fri and ALL THE TIME over the weekend ha ha.
Welcome aboard this wonderful friend SHIP ... I hope you gain as much if not more than I have!!!! Peg
I am praying for you.
SDPeg
I work with Alz. patients, that is my chosen profession, and I get on here and gripe and carry on like everyone else..... the feelings are the same most of the time..... I am very sorry for your husbands rapid decline, and can only imagine how hard it is to set and watch the person you love become someone else...Alz. has some tags that are so true... 'the long goodbye' and the fact that you loose that loved one twice.... this is a very hard job, and I am so sorry for your loss. And there is a lot of grieveing goes on here.... you are in the right place.... please come back and let us get to know you, and you get to know us..... just jump right in, we'll be here for you.... hugs across the miles to you and welcome again....
Stormy I hope you get some good news next thursday ....
Peg glad your moms feeling better
Jam miss ya girl
Starr where are youuuu...
I admit I cannot relate.
I can offer prayers and hope at this time.
I hope sis goes with you; you need all the support you can get at this time.
I offer prayers that strength and courage and peace will surround you and your faith.
I also pray that you will be led to the right info so you will be well informed and that you will find peace with the info you do find.
Being scared is so real to being human. And waiting/patience is not something any of us do very well.
And we all have a very strong "fear of the unknown" and sometimes that can paralyze us.
I am here with you in any way I can be ... sending love and hugs and prayers.
Peg