This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
good night and hugs to all of you across the miles.
As it was mentioned and acknowledged (thank you) the visit from brother was stressful. Even Mom today was mopey and didn't do much while I was at school.
Speaking of school: I am able to live off of the $$$ (grant/loan) I will receive in January until perhaps summer of maybe (if I don't spend anything ha ha) into August. You see, I drive an hour a day to school and if I go only 2 days instead of 4 I would be saving much $$$ (yeah 'cause I live in CA and gas prices are ridiculous).
Today I was chatting briefly with the head of one dept and we were talking about my caregiving responsibilities vs full time student and she said "we have all been there" and I smiled because I thought of this group of fabulous people and told her: "I know. I am not alone and that's so much comfort." So even while at school, on the 4th floor of the College of Education you, my dear dear friends, were there with me. And I thank you for it.
Midterms this week and ugh!!! but that's ok. That means semester is half over and I can't wait until mid-December when I can take a break for about a month.
And then I will take only 6 units (two classes) for the Spring of 2012.
Whew! With that being said, I appreciate your friendship, your support and will respond to other comments later as I am burnt out and headachy and tired ... I thought I had crashed and burned already but it seems to be lingering.
Good night my wonderful friends!!!
Love ya'll,
SDPeg
Seems that I'm going to have to put my Mom is an NH. She has just given up and is not getting any better after the knee fracture. The home health that the ortho Dr sent just is not helping her and I think she is very depressed. Their rehab person has been here three times in the month since this has been going on. She, my mom. acted like she wanted to go to the adult daycare today and I got her up to give it a try. Tried to get her to walk with help into the bathroom and she snk to the floor. So put her back in bed and have cried since. I know I have lost my Mother as she is just not trying. I have fought all I can. This has had an effect on all of us. I just know this is the end of a very long run. I am trying to be ready but not too sure I will be. I really don't like NH as it just seems like a warehouse where you are put to die. Sorry for the really bad attitude. I realize I can no longer take care of her as pulling her aound and picking her up is wearing out my old back.
This is turning into a long day as I called the DR to see if they will help me get her into a facility. Hope they will call.
Well, I'll fix her a little breakfast; see if she'll eat anything. This is so hard for me ; I love her so much. Thanks for being there ; it's comforting just to share my thoughts. Carol
Dad is ok..still don't know what is going on waiting for test results. He had echo cardiogram Sunday evening and yesterday they drew fluid from lung... He finally slept last night and is still sleeping..partly exhaustion ..pain pill..ultram..
Am tired but ok. Hubs had to go back to work this morning so I will pick mom up for her to be with dad a bit. Am blessed that she can still be at home by herself. Will update when I get more news.
Sorry to hear some are having a bad day, some just so-so, some good.
Carol.....no one can prepare themselves for the changes and eventual outcome when our loved one starts that downhill journey. I know it hurts to see the changes and know there is nothing more we can do and you are seeing that by the fact that mom doesn't interact with home rehab. Don't look at placing your mother as a failure, it is the next step in her further care. Perhaps time with other elders, as well as services in the NH, and a tweaking of medications may just bring her out of this depression and she will start to feel better and you may see improvement. You will be more rested and not under so much stress and will interact with her better when you do visit with her. Let face it, when we are under the stress of constant care giving without a break we start to show the effects too. I wish you peace in whatever you decide you must do.
The col got her lift chair today......it's Christmas around here. She has just snuggled right into it and gone to sleep. She is still having a little trouble remembering to let it lift her all the way up, but with a little repetition I hope she will learn.
Check in please and let us know how everyone is............
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Carol hugs to ya. I agree with what Jam and Vic has said.
Hope everyone has a good night and tomorrow morning and afternoon.
sounds like some of us are feeling the season change - I tend to get more tired then - we are heading quickly towards below freezing temps and a little snow may show up soon
Carol - ditto the what the others say - the point comes when changes are needed - and nothing we can do to stop it and we have to look after our own health -but it is not easy for anyone
jam - the chair sounds like a great thing - hope it continues to work well
maya - cruisin' down the main drag and g'ma's choc cake - doesn't get much better than that -ramble away - love seeing uncle Billy's pic
shawna - glad u had a good cookout!
mis - sounds like things r pretty good -though g'ma's memory is the pits -any news about treatment for ur neuropathy?
cmag - despite the ups and downs u r getting some things done- good for u
sdpeg -glad u got ur course load figured out - i'm in the crash and burn crowd too - blame it on the weather - or the relatives
vic - glad dad is sleeping and u are not too tired - also that mum can still be on her own - let us know what us going on as soon as u find out -prayers
ladee -more rain I hope but no more leaks -
stormy - how's it going?
everyone - let us now how u r doing
in a hotel in lovely Lac La Biche (jk) -had a nice Canadian thanksgiving supper served up by farmer John's mum last night before we came here - unexpected and very welcome - did a number on myself eating something I am allergic to this morning, so laying low today. Hope to tour the park tomorrow. and back home after that or maybe the next day. nice spending a little time with my man :)
love, hugs and prayers♥♥♥
jo
Like Hank Willliams, Jr. I am a free agent.... yehawwww....
Hope everyone had a descent day, I can feel the dread from ya'll that live where it snows..... being cooped up.... no, I bitch about summer, am looking forward to winter. but we don't get what a lot of ya'll get..... will soon find out how many places the BS needs to be weathered in..... ya know, like where the mushrooms are growing.....
Anyway, love ya'll , check in so we all know we are all ok..... or at least hanging in there.... hugs across the miles to ya'll.
Jam, I doubt you will be able to teach her to use the chair.... short term memory loss and all....Maybe she can use it while the caregivers are there, so they can do it for her and watch her to make sure she doesn't try to get up with it still up in the air.... Ruth HATED hers, she would go insane if I put it in the reclining position..... and I mean she would absolutely go bonkers.... she didn't mind if I used it to help her get up..... but not in the reclining position.... Don't know if BG held her hostage in that chair before I got there or what...... and I don't know that I would let Rhonda mess with it, she will put the col in recline and leave her there all day, not that the col wouldn't let it be known if she wanted out, but still, something to think about...
Have you tried just handing her the control and asking her which button she thinks will help her recline???? But I doubt she will learn at this stage... she still won't wear her glasses.... so good luck with the chair.....
So please giggle with me about glasses, a chair, hearing aids, eating, bathing and all those irritating things we wish we could change about the other person or situation. {hugs} SD Peg
And now, to change the picture to one of my favorites --- the maker of my chocolate cakes and the keeper of the gumball machine. I'd like to think that she's pleased with me, even if my housekeeping skills aren't as great as hers. That picture is about seventy years old. She's younger in it than I am now.
I have talked to several Rehab facilities; do I really have to put her in the hospital for three days? This seems foolish to me and a waste of the taxpayers money. She needs rehab that is evident . The rehabs said that it would be faster if she had a hospital stay. Anyway right now it seems the way to go. Hopefully she will be able to get back to what she was before this happened. I know it will be confusing to her. I really dread having to do this but I think it is the right thing for her.
Thanks for the thoughts and prayers. I really felt this morning all the kindness coming my way. Thanks to all,
I think g'ma is proud of you - maybe that's where u got ur spunkiness from!
keeper of the gumball machine - i like that!
ladee - glad u did not volunteer to stay over - u have warned them enough that they need a back up -
jam - I have visions of the col tipped backwareds with her feet in the air - don't supposed that is possible with the control
sdpeg - that pesky bro - they like to undo what you work on don't they - having a giggle is always good
I got over that allergic reaction and did exercises in the room here -walked for 1/2 hr and did arm and neck stretches etc - better than nothing
have a good night everyone♥
jo
Vic, hope you hear something soon about your dad... did mom get to come set with him awhile today and give you a break.......??? Let us know as soon as you find out something.... hugs to you...
Jo on the other hand I am very sorry about the pain you feel every time there is an aniversary of your son. But you are a strong woman and you live your life in the best possible way!
Carol it must be difficult for you. Maybe you could go step by step, Start with the hospitalization, see if your mother is better and see what happens next...
Ladee please please fix your house for winter. I think I already told you that. Electric heating is okay... Mine is on now, and all the cats are around it. It's chilly in the morning lately. I fear next week I shall have to start with gas heating for me and pellet heating for my mother! Gosh I am tired. I am going to work a hour and then I'll sleep a little bit..
'night everyone.
Are things any better job wise, and isn't it this time of year that things slow down for you??? Are you getting paid without a lot of hassle??? Do I need to come over there and have a "sit down" with 'em.... I'd do that for you you know.... tell 'em Ro is already stressed, tired , not getting to go to her precious water and you f**kers need to give her her money... am sending lost of hugs to you tonite lady, hope things get better for you soon..... and I'll let you know when the house is done and ready for winter so you won't worry.... love and hugs..
And I would love to take a train trip through New Brunswick. I have an affection for Bliss Carman's poetry and would dearly love to see what he wrote about.
Sometime I'll have to tell you about my cousins Sleet, Snow and Chillion. Those were their legal names. Truly they were.
Thanks, Shawna!