This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
She used to call the last week of the month and ask for money. I stopped answering the phone when she did it and then, she got her boyfriend to do it. I asked him what part of don't call me anymore didn't he understand, but he still didn't get it.
And yes, he was a rascal. He wrote some beautiful poetry, though. I passed along more of his books to people than I can tell. I saved the first editions for my best friend though. He appreciated the poetry.
I love you all
Faye.........bless your heart, I cannot imagine what you are going through with taking care of your husband and watching him decline. Has got to be the most heartbreaking thing. Now, do you go around and put pics back up or just leave them? And he had your shoes on? Well, at that point I think I would say "woo-hoo, momma gets a new pair of shoes"...............sorry that one slipped out. Do you have anyone that can come in and give you some time away to do things for YOU? As much as we think we are completely capable of doing this job 24/7, it can't be done alone. Especially not at the expense of our health and mental well-being. I learned the hard way and if I can help save someone else's health, then I will climb on my soapbox as often as possible. Come back and keep us informed....enquiring minds want to know....:)
Shawna...........just keep in mind that in every family somebody has to get the idiot genes, and take comfort in the fact that you didn't get them in yours. I didn't either and I'd be willing to bet, no one else here did either. Sorry to hear about Naja.....that is always such a hurtful experience.
Granddaughter just went into surgery....don't know what the delay was....busy OR I guess. She is having the appendectomy done by lap, so without any problems will get to come home tomorrow.
I've been trying to get this done for over 2 hours, so I'm just going to post it as it is.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
jo
1 part hydrogen peroxide to 40 parts boiled water is a mild solution and you can add a pinch on baking soda (I don't bother)
I use those little bottles of saline you can buy at the drug store and empty them and take out the little tube inside -then fill it with the peroxide solution and hang your head over the sink and squirt a bit of the solution into each nostril and stay with your head upside down for a few minutes - it may sting but that means it is getting to where it needs to be. I started with 1 part peroxide to 20 of water and now can take 1:10. If the 1:40 is too mild try 1:30 or 1:20 and work up to 1:10
Do that morning and night. When you raise your head up it will dribble out your nose so have a towel handy.
I used an egg cup to measure for the amounts I want, but you could use a tablespoon. If you don't have those bottles handy, a dropper will do too for now. I make up a few bottles at a time and uses them 2x a day. Seems to keep the bugs away as I haven't had a cold since. Wish I had known about it years ago. Are you taking lots of Vit C?
Also you can gargle with salt water - 1/2 tsp in 2 cups warm water and the other thing that helps me with a sore throat is sucking zinc lozenges. You get them at the drug store -not the tablet but the lozenges - cures a sore throat for me though my mouth ends up tasting like a tin can for a while but that passes.
Good luck! (((((hugs))))
.
Hey everybody else, just taking a quick moment to post.
Aunts having bowel trouble. I think, or she was. Not sure. Kinda the respones im getting from her. She wants a colonoscopy. Says she shoulda had one before. Its probably just constipation. I saw somthing bout unneccesary test? Gonna try to check that out before I go to bed. She says her poo is the size of her finger and has been this way for a few months. She says she feels full all the time and dosnt want to eat(intead she is eating like six or seven times a day) just not finishing her meals, but says she is hungry. Doctor is having her take 2for oz of citrate magnesium, in addition to her miralax and dulcolax.
When my mom went thru that doc suggested Milk of Mag and within 24 hours that did the trick ... all over the place ... but it did the trick.
In my mom's case she was instructed to gain weight and having constipation didn't help at all as she did feel full and didn't want to eat ... that caused her stomach to hurt.
I would definitely follow doc advice and if doc thinks a colonoscopy is required, that's when I would do it.
What initiated my mom's bowel to start moving (along with the milk of mag) was when the doc pushed on her abdomen and coaxed it along the way.
That's my 2cents' worth tonight.
SDPeg
Asg, yep, get auntie to the Dr... with as much laxative as she is taking, something is not right....and I doubt the Dr. will give her a the test just because she says she wants one... but let us know what happens if she goes to the Dr...
Maya, sorry you are not comfortable on FB.... but sometimes when your privacy is lost, just not a good place to be...
Faye, glad to see you back, and pity parties are ok, we all have them... but it feels good too to know we are not alone.... and see, we STILL like you.... I totally understand about the exhaustion associated with Alz.... the repetition of things, not knowing where they are... I finally started telling Ruth some nice people said we could stay there, and it seemed to ease her out some.... Sonny is declining rapidly here lately... doesn't know that he is home either... can't find the bathroom, puts both socks on one foot, and just can't seem to figure out how to put his belt on.... and then he gets upset because he knows he should be able to figure it out..... He hasn't started taking things off the wall or wearing Marie's shoes, but nothing surprises me....but it is mentally exhausting when you are with them 24/7... Do you ever get a break????? That is something we all have to figure out how to do.... or you will loose your mind or have so many health issues you can't take care of anyone... let us know how things are with you,,,,, hugs
SDPeg, how did your dinner out go??? Make some new friends???
Jam, how is your granddaughter today.... and YOU, one day left of taking care of the col, then help comes.....
Cara, Lord how nasty.... and his insistence on doing it his way.... I do not know how he is about everything else, but it sounds to me like he is embarrassed and it is coming out in anger..... my suggestion is to walk out the next time it starts to escalate... and if he is shouting, go outside..... if he sees you are not going to argue about it, maybe he will calm down enough for you to talk to him about this..... I don't know if this will work or not, or if you even want to try it, but when he is calm, and nothing has been said about it for awhile, tell him you would like to talk about it... start of by saying possibly he is uncomfortable about the whole situation...., but that you are just trying to keep him from getting sick or an infection...or whatever else you want to say.... try your best to not MAKE him do it.... he knows this is nasty, I don't care what he says to you..... so let him know you are going to put wipes in the bathroom and if he want to TRY them, and see if it doesn't make him feel better after going to the bathroom....Leave it up to him... it may take awhile, but if he sees you are not belittling him, he may try... now we all know that this is just straight up nasty, and you don't have to really feel 'nice' or even mean what you are saying as far as having compassion for the situation... the main point is to let him be the one to try it... tell him he has nothing to loose by trying... and if it continues, then start hanging a wipe on the towel rack.... dispose of it after use... but you have the right, after a reasonable amount of time, to not have that nasty rag hanging there....
Don't know if you have the patience to try this or not.... but arguing with him, well, that's not going to work either..... it is so hard to be NICE when we want to choke them sometimes... and I know you are tired beyond words... get hubby to help out too. it's not your job entirely......
Cmag, sorry you are on the roller coaster... but you have made so much progress since you first started posting....... one foot in front of the other..... and hope you are at least getting to spend time in your 'man cave'...
Ro, you are so heavy on my heart today... I so wish I could be there with you right now.. and prayers are being sent for you to accept that this was a tragic accident.... just know that I love ya,
Seeme Sue I miss you...... more later on my rock hunting day.... love and hugs to ya'll
Ladee I do have a apointment coming up at the end of the month cause they keep moving it on me. I don't trust male doctors so my LPN is gong to be the one I am going to see on the 31st Halloween. My friend who is a nurse said I need to get checked out too between the sweling in my legs and the extereme pain i am going through that it needs to be checked. I would love a break Ladeeda but I highly doubt I am going to get any time soon. My sister working all hours and such. Its okay I deal ... my break is when I work in my computer room and go see what mom wants while she watches her tv. I am glad you like the angel I am gonna make her onto a ornament with the serenity prayer on the back I think.
sdpeg - what did u wear and how was ur evening - gee I am nosy
-hope u had a great time
ladee - how was the rock hunting? did u find something interesting?
shawna -agree with ladee on a visit to the gyn too - maybe you can get some help
jam -waiting to hear about your g'daughter
asg -again agree with ladee (is this gettng monotonous?)
faye - ladee is one of our alz experts - so her advice is valuable
seeme -thinking of you - know this is a tough time
-vic - how is dad doing at home?
everyone -let us know how u r
here they are buildng a garage next door right up against the fence which gives more privacy here but blocks my view of the sunrise in the mornings from my kitchen window :( I get so attached to those kind of things - ya know -morning coffee and check the view
brought in my two hanging baskets of bucopa hoping to winter them inside -they are still blooming like crazy and don't want to chance losing them due to frost though I have no idea how they will do inside - they need zome 9-11 to survive outside and we are zone 2
my issue of the day, week, month... is POA. I have it for mother and was reading on another thread here how someone who cared for her mother and had POA, now has, after her mother's death, 5 lawsuits against her from family - ya know -the ones that won't help, but love to criticize. She can't afford any more legal help and is in danger of losing her home. My sister took her own kids to court and got family money from them so I see no reason why she is not capable of taking me to court if she thinks she has anything to gain from it. In the last email (and I hope it is the last)
she blasted me for not seeing mother in a year and not caring for her and that I made more of my health issues than was warranted and I had "arranged" to have my children live near me (???? one lives 8 hrs drive away and the others chose to live here for their own reasons and what has that to do with anything anyway????) - in short - tons of hostility which has always been there - and she told me not to answer and she was finished with me! I did answer briefly which was that I had visited mother 4 times last year and helped her with many things. Mother had written sis bitching about me and had forgotten I had been there and what I had done. For those of you that are new -my mother has Borderline Personality Disorder, is 99 and in excellent physical health, showing some short term memory loss and more paranoia than usual and in an ALF, I have moved her twice in the past couple of years, my health has suffered -systemic candiasis which I am still fighting and also damage to my shoulder. Also with too much contact I get flashbacks due to PTSD from childhood and later experiences. Living in another city 5 hrs drive away is her choice and I just cannot do the drives like I used to - I am 74 and feeling it sometimes and at an age when many are being looked after, not looking after - a disadvantage of being from a long lived family.
Anyway I think an impartial non family member would be the best choice for POA. My sister does not want the work, but she wanted to be on it - I said no -not with me. Is she gets it she will use it for her benefit - and I would not like to see that happen. Not that I expect anything from mother -i was disinherited at one point but later put back on, but I know she can do that again, I am just concerned as mother is using capital to stay where she is and it is projected to last another 5 years or so - she could last longer. My sister is in denial about the BPD. I have POA but am not exercising it as mother is still capable of handling her finances and hanging onto her independence which is to be expected. Feeling I need to give it up and recommend that she get an outside person.
Thanks for the cow pattie...didn't even realize it....but hey what's more poop this weekend? Or as I just found out the new name for it is pingo...........no one should have to make a "shiny hiney" before the first cup of coffee has even cooled.
Granddaughter should be released at noon. She is up walking, drinking, holding everything down. It's amazing what advances the medical profession has these days.....a tiny opening for the camera on the left, closed with 1 suture, then through the naval for the removal, a suture there and glue her naval back together, voila! Thank you everyone for asking about her!
asg.......you know Auntie could have a bowel obstruction even though there is still pingo coming out. Can you get her to swallow a couple tablespoons of olive oil? That will work also for those little "pingo bricks".
Shawna......if you feel like you are having problems then you need to be seen by a GYN. An LPN cannot diagnose and cannot perform exams. Even a NP has to go through their overseeing physician. Have you tried BC pills to see if you might start to feel better?
emjo.....wouldn't you like to just go live on a deserted island somewhere? It has never failed to amaze me how some people take pleasure in making another person's life miserable, even a family member. And in the end what have they really accomplished? I was talking with a friend yesterday about how my sister treated me last yr when Mom died and it's like all she did was separate herself from her sisters and cause wounds that probably won't ever heal. When I get called a "b*tchy c**t" for following my mother's wishes, well we have a problem. Enough of that.
ladee........I want to hear about the new doorstop with my name on it......or did you forget about me once you got out in the fresh air? I see how it is...........love ya!
seeme.....missing you bunches!
Guess I should get up and take a shower. Have the col clean, shiny hiney, fed, meds down, crock pot of soup on for dinner.
Have read everyone's posts.......and keeping up with what you are doing. I hope everyone has a peaceful day.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam