This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Jo I have POA over mom and that is one thing I am so scared of with having to deal with idiot sister and brother ... I know they will or hope to god they don't if something happens to mom... pull something. I don't know where they think the money's going or such. And if Idiot sister has anything to say about what happened to all the stuff before dad passed. I will looking at her right in the face .. YOUR low life scum suckin son and his nut case daughter in law took it. YOU had mom sign over the house to YOUR brother in law who NEVER paid the back balance in the taxes ... didn't fix the house like he should so WE LOST the house ... and NOW its gone demolished! so if you got anyone to blame its YOUrself... sorry its just something thats gonna come out in the end if she pulls her bull. Its one reason other two sisters and brother want NOTHING to do with her. Yet idiot brother tells us he doesnt go up there doesn't talk to her .. RIGHT other sister sees his car up there all the time . He's nothing but a user anyway... sorry to say ... so he isn't one to talk they are two peas in a pod. Anyway got to go get ready for sis Kathy to pick us up.
well i will go and wash a few clothes and have some quiet time, he is still asleep so will talk to everyone later. Just because i dont call each one by name doesnt mean i am not thinking about all of you. We are all so busy taking care of our loved ones.
love to all
jane
ro- so sorry for your loss- horrible accident, HUGS
shawna- so sad to lose a pet to cancer
F-i-L still improving. All is well here in AZ,
peggy
54............glad to hear that friends are coming to see your husband, how nice for him to not be forgotten. Glad the sons are stepping up and have stopped arguing, at least temporarily. Keep us posted and try to take some time for yourself today.
It's a by-week here......no Chiefs game....not sure what to do with myself.....:(
I have been going through regrets of what might have been with my older sister, wishing I had mom before so many medical problems got in the way of having fun, and just feeling sntisocial. If I stay away for a while, please know I think of you guys often, but I just need some "down" time.
Ladee, sorry I missed your call, but fish were biting and we didn't get home till 10pm last night. Love ya'll.
54, happy to hear hubby has been getting some company.... and that the kids are cooperating... that is taking some pressure off of you.... get some rest and give Sham a kiss for being so protective.....
Jam Who????? Pingo, oh Lord, this is going to take us to some dark places, excuse the pun....you could always go play cards with the col this afternoon, sounds like fun.....
Now, before I tell ya'll about my rock hunting yesterday, please keep in mind I have never said I was the sharpest knife in the drawer... Ok? ok!
Beautiful day, still cool, nice little breeze, and my bad leg is starting to hurt from the cllimbing, walking and toting my bag of rocks... I get those bags that we use to put groceries in and not use plastic.... OK, so I am thinking, this bag is getting so heavy because I walk so far from the car.... so next time I go back to the car, I got two bags.... wait for it........... wait for it........... oh hell yes, I am trudging back up that hill with TWO bags of rocks... it NEVER OCCURED TO ME TO PUT THEM DOWN AND GO GET THE CAR.........!!!!!!!! It was so "caregivery" of me, ya know, the mentalitly, I can do this, just a few more steps, it's not THAT heavy ... you can do this, you are almost to the car.... just keep going, I see the car.... you're almost there.... I was cheerleading myself so loud that I couldn't hear the little voice saying, " put the f##king bags down and go get the car"... noooooooo, I had to lug 50 lbs of rocks up a hill.....get to the car, red faced, sweating, huffing and puffing, so, of course I lit a cig and got me some water.... and then it dawned on me what I had done... out there in the middle of nowhere, alone, (thank God) and I am laughing so hard I am snorting..... and I completely got it , that no one but my AC friends would understand the insanily of it all, AND the laughing like a lunatic....
So yeah Jam, there's a rock with your name on it... and now it is a SPECIAL rock..... no blood, but sweat and tears,(from laughing), so I'll get it posted to FB..... eventually...
Went again this morning, one bag, short distance.... hope for me yet... NAP TIME...
Sorry to hear that you have lost the view of the sunrise from your kitchen window. Your sister sounds as bad as some of the Roman emperors who had family members including any wife they were suspicious of being a threat to their thrown. That is terrible to hear that someone with POA can be sued by family members. What is the name of that thread and how do I find it?
I agree that with all of your health issues and childhood experiences that at 74 you need to be cared for more than you need to be caring for. All in all, I don't think it is fair for older people to take care of older people and many times they can't.
ladeeda, thanks and I am spending more time in my man cave now that it is finished I like my big screened monitor in there because it makes the e-mail so easy to read. I talked with my friend who is also on disability and whose childhood was almost exactly like mine, except that he had an abusive aunt. He's been on a roller coaster as well lately. Now, I did feel up to doing some weed eating in the back yard yesterday for an hour and a half. However, I slept for 13 hours which meant I missed church again.
Finally, we have someone to replace our roof that was damaged by the hurricane. It will be about 10 days before the man can get to us. The insurance adjuster said the damage was bad enough for a new roof and thus we have a check to cover it and other damage that we had.
The idea came to mind last night to begin keeping a record of exactly what is going on with this roller coaster that I'm on which might help my therapist and psychiatrist help me better. My therapist is probably going to say that given all of the family of origin issues that we have been dealing with and my painful experiences with some very unhealthy and hurtful churches that my subconcious mind is spending a lot of energy processing things.
The empty nest is going well, but the fall is always tough on my wife's mental health. I'm making progress with the movie I'm making of my dad's and my travels from 1961-1984 using the slides he organized and gave to me years ago, but only now do I have the technology to scan them into my computer so as to used microsoft movie maker to make a movie of them. (Wow, what a compound complex sentence that was!) I want to give this to him has a Christmas present along with a DVD copy of the VHS vacation trips that I've taken my family on which were not as extensive as ours, but covered several of the places nearest to me.
Yes, I've made a lot of progress since joining this sight I think a little over 2 years ago now when I was in the midst of cleaning up my mom and step-dad's past due taxes from as far back as 2004. I wish the lawyer had told me back in 2003 when I first got durable POA and medical POA for my mother that the durable was written up in such a way that it was effective immediately. However, the year 2003 is when I had to quit work and go on disability. Thus, I forgot and so did the lawyer that I already had durable and medical POA when in 2009, I had my mother write them up again. My mother made me joint owner with right of survivorship of all her personal accounts in a certain bank back in 2004 or 2005, and I had computer access to them online. If I had gone on line back in those days, I would have seen that the federal government was garnishing money from her checking and other accounts. Oh well, I can't do anything about that now and only ifs do not accomplish anything other than using energy that could be better spent elsewhere.
I hope everyone has a better day.
I posed a philosophical question, now I can't remember it ha ha
Actually this is what it was (in a more concise post):
Is it possible that someone who has not sustained head/brain injury nor experienced illness that would affect the brain just "forget" how to do a morning routine that has been a "habit/routine" for almost 60 years?
My mom does not get up in the morning, nor does she "remember" how to "get breakfast", nor how to make her instant coffee! Or does she and she just wants me to do it?
She (and my brother) has a sense of entitlement. Her father and my Dad did everything ~ totally pampered her. But the one thing she did do is get up in the morning, eat breakfast, run a mop around the kitchen floor, take a bath, get dressed and yell at others who were still in bed at 9 a.m. !!! Then my dad dies, my brother relocates her to independent living, she quits bathing but still gets her breakfast and meds, we return to the house (mom and dad lived in since 2000, I moved in in 2004) and all of the sudden she can't do anything for herself?
She won't take a bath. She doesn't put make up on. She doesn't wake up unless I go into her. She doesn't put together her breakfast (which has been graham crackers and coffee since I was a kid). Am I doing too much? I am afraid if I back off she won't get out of bed, she won't eat, and her day will be blah.
She is on Paxil. She was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and is being treated for that.
This morning I wanted to sleep in instead of getting up at 8 to get her up to eat. I needed the rest as we all know about ourselves. I feel bad on one hand that I ignored what I perceive as her need but then I have a need to sleep as well.
I think if she cared about her life I would care more. Her doc told her to do two things: #1: gain weight (which she can't do if she puts food away that I put out for her to eat while I am at school and also if she takes a half dozen bites of her food when she usually ate the whole thing) and also #2: to participate in activities at the local senior center (which she absolutely refuses, REFUSES to do). I guess if she doesn't care, why should I kill myself caring?
We did have a talk the other day and I told her that watching her not eating was killing me. That made an impact but didn't last too long.
I can't make her care but the question I am posing to you, my friends, is where do I draw the line in caring for the two of us?
She has an appt on the 28th. The two issues above will be discussed. Also a mini mental eval was done at her last appt and I want a more extensive one day as well. But I would like psychological rather than just check for cognition. Mom quit therapy which was rx'ed as well. How much energy do I put out if someone truly no longer cares?
I had a great time at dinner last night. Talked to people I knew but hadn't seem for awhile. Then realized driving home, once again I was talking about my Mom and her needs and all ~ that dinner was for ME. I have to set boundaries about that as well. However, one lady there had been working in a NH and she said whatever I do: TAKE CARE OF ME. Do things for ME. So sleeping in this morning I needed and did for me.
So I pass that advice onto you as well. We do need to take care of ourselves.
As I read more and more about our relationships with our parents, spouses, family members, friends, pets, neighbors, etc, I value the relationship I have with all of you so much.
Here is my thought of the day: "We are all in the same boat so let's #2: keep our life jackets on and #2: keep rowing."
My love to those experiencing hardships today. My hugs to those who need them. And my appreciation to all of you who read my posts. Just knowing YOU are out there comforts me. I begin and end my day reading these posts!
You are always in my heart, thoughts, and prayers
SDPeg
I am curious, however about what you wrote Cmag about "joint owner with right of survivorship of all her personal accounts". Does that mean that you inherit all of the money in those accounts even if there are siblings? My brother is in that position, on all my mom's accounts, and my sister and I are not very happy about it IF that means he stands to inherit all that money that Dad told us would be divided. But he is no longer here and we are confused now. Can you explain that to me? My brother is also the one who has POA ... in other words, my sister and I have no rights or responsibilities but I am the one living with my Mom. I don't care to be on her accounts as her acct can help her with that but just curious how all that works out when Mom is no longer here. I am pretty sure there is a will; does that change anything?
Today I am philosophical but this is confusing me ... thanks Cmag for your input. SDPeg
I don't believe a Will over rides the right to survivorship, but you might want to check on that.
Did your brother make himself joint owner using his POA or did your mother do that?
I hope you find the will.
It is a good thing to be philosophical for that is often when we think the clearest using our critical reasoning ability.
I think today and this week calls for a poem, "Path Through Tragic Pain"
God's solution for crushing tragedy
is not an offer of a miraculous remedy.
God offers not a formula to eliminate or insulate.
Instead God calls us on the path to participate.
God's grace transforming our places of humiliation,
such is the journey of tragic redemption.
Words wise and true are meant as a tool,
but wrongly used are just plain cruel.
'What ifs' only chain us to the past.
Blame games brings healing which does not last
Naive expectations seek for faith to work like magic,
yet, by faith we walk through the tragic,
Various addictions help excuse our real condition.
They block the way for helpful consolation.
Tragic pain easily becomes fused into a sick self-identification.
A calloused soul greatly needing tragic redemption.
Tragic feelings deep and real are not the center of the universe.
'No one knows the trouble I've seen' needs another verse.
Other's tragedies might not be as bad,
While some are far worse than what we had.
Sucking others into our misery,
creates a path to further insanity.
Locked in by self centered rage,
like a wild animal in a cage.
Bitterness creates an illusion of security and control.
Yet, it will not make one whole.
Expecting and demanding perfection creates dark isolation.
The courage to be imperfect brings salvation.
Controlling, rationalizing and intellectualizing spreads darkness in our
souls,
while accepting ourselves as flawed returns the dawn of life into our
aching souls.
Isolated souls existing around like souls, hurt, kill and destroy each other.
Connected souls living around similar souls, treat each other like sister
and brother.
Plus a few things about Prayer and Tragedy that someone wrote which I need to hear today and very often myself.
Human tragedy cuts deep. It is very painful. The Bible says in Ephesians 6 that our real struggle with tragedy, suffering, and evil in the world is not a fight against people on earth. We are fighting against spiritual powers of evil that attack outwardly through others who yield themselves to evil attitudes and actions. We also fight against spiritual power of evil that attack our soul in hope of leading us into evil attitudes and actions. The strongest attacks upon our soul always come in times of great tragedy and crisis. These attacks can be overcome through prayer. We can do this by asking God daily to grant you wisdom and courage for the living of these days. Then, God's grace will save us from weak resignation to the evils we deplore.
Fulfilling the Bible's call to be angry and yet not sin is very difficult when we are in the middle of a painful crisis. Barnacles on a wooden ship are as bad for the ship as for anyone who knocked up against them for their cuts are painful. Some find their lives shipwrecked after such experiences with the barnacle like tragedies of life by becoming a barnacle themselves. Ever heard the phrase, "hurt people, hurt people"?
If we forever nurse the pain, we will never be free to love again. Also, if we do not feel the pain of our experience with the barnacle like tragedies of life, then we become numb and remain naive. Feeling the pain and giving it to God for his healing work as well as his dealing with those responsible in prayer is the biblical way to a better day. This is much healthier than feeding the pain and holding onto it as if that is somehow going to accomplish something. Not to forgive digs a dark and dreary day. However, to forgive brings about a better day.
To forgive means taking others off of our hook and placing them on God's hook. Such a prayerful response by God's free grace through Jesus Christ can make us a better person. I am convinced that a lot of people's lives' are shipwrecked in a crisis by their living in self-pity. Bitter self-pity, unfocused anger, loveless fears, and wounded pride will shipwreck us unless we stop and change our mind as well as our heart from the bondage of unforgiveness to freedom through forgiveness. Such freedom comes after pouring our heart out completely to God in prayer.
Also, we can prayerfully refocus the energy of our anger. We can focus our energy to work toward making the world, our country, our state, our county, our schools, our community, our families, and our hearts free from the sins that leads to inflicting terror into people's lives.
Very often in times of tragedy, we feel abandoned by God.
It is easy to sail along life in your own strength and wisdom, when life is smooth sailing. However, no one's life is without tragedy. Disaster and heart-ache will inevitably hit us all. There's sorrow by death. A woman dies, leaving her husband with three small children to raise. A car accident claims the life of a couple's only son or daughter. A senseless boating accident caused by someone' drunken and reckless condition takes the life of someone's fiancée just a few days before the wedding.
While some are the soul survivors of a departed spouse, others experience multiple losses in their life over a short time. In one three year period, a lady lost her father to cancer, her mother to senile dementia, her husband after 31 years of marriage, her talented son in an accident. Many were the nights that she went to bed hoping that she would never wake up. Because of her faith, she knew that she could no more take her life than the life of someone else. Through it all she never doubted God's love and mercy for her, yet she did not always feel his presence. She did however reach a point where she could no longer bear the pain of her losses. She prayed to God for help. He brought I Thessalonians 5:18 to her mind. It speaks of giving thanks in all things. It does not say give thanks only when your life is going right. Nothing in her life changed outwardly, but she did gain a heart for gratitude that changed her. Truly, without her faith, she would either be a miserable person or dead. The hymn "I need the every hour" probably became very dear to her.
God still controls the world, even your world with unexplained suffering. Our mind can neither contain nor control all knowledge. The important truth is that God can be trusted in the worst of circumstances as well as in the best. Thus, living by faith means far more than simply accepting suffering as a part of life. Living by faith means growing in our relationship with God, knowing his care and love more deeply as we trust God more thoroughly in prayer.
SDPeg is waxing philosophical today. So, I'm waxing theological.
The author of "It Is Well With My Soul" must have been a great person of prayer to have written this hymn after such a personal family tragedy.
So, technically I suppose you could say they have a brain injury.....they are incapable of learning, cannot follow simple commands, and cannot retain thoughts for long. About every 3 months I go through all the simple tests with the col. Making change, drawing a clock and putting all the numbers in the right places then giving a time to put the hands, such as 8:42 or 4:23....something to make them think. Give 3 words and have her repeat them back. Give her numbers that have to be repeated backwards....such as 78 would be 87 or 1234 would be 4321. Tell a short story then ask questions....such as Jack and Jill got married and had 2 kids, Jill quit her job as a stockbroker to stay at home in Chicago with the children. Then ask what was Jill's job, what state do they live in, how many children do they have, are the kids boys or girls. Those little tests will show you a lot. As for reversing the memory loss.....not going to happen. There are some things that occur to make some changes in behavior that can be repaired such as UTI's. But when the brain cells die, they will never, ever come to life again. Another point to remember is that a diabetic with low blood sugar will start to act bizarre when the sugar level drops because the brain cannot function without lots of sugar. Think about it as a sugar bath for the brain.....when it's low the brain cannot function as well.
The will is the final wishes of your mother. That is what is speaking for her because she is no longer allowed to. That's something Target and I have to get written and filed because everything we own and what inheritance will come from the col, will all go to my son. Every last dime that I don't spend in Vegas Baby!!!!! My 2 daughters and Target's 2 daughters have estranged themselves from us.....thus they don't get a dime.
Okay, off my soapbox for the day............that's my two cents.......or one cent........
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
I will ask if there is another antidepressant she can be taking seeing as there are still symptoms of depression. Maybe that change will be good and have different results. I have always favored Prozac which is what I thought I heard her doc say she was going to rx. What are your thoughts on that?
Someone once said that we grieve the loss of the parent/person we once had as this new person emerges ~ that's where I am today.
With that being said, this is the best relationship I have had with my mom in my whole life so I guess I should enjoy this. She is vulnerable and asking for help whereas before she was bossy and needing to be in control of things. Maybe I was just used to the "old" mom and this "new" mom I truly wish to have many years with. Guess that's why I am fighting so hard for her.
@Cmag: thanks for the hymn...I must remember that God IS in control and I need to pray more often.
SDPeg
Jan –good to hear about your g’daughter –new tech is amazing – a remote island sounds good to me. Sorry about ur sister - mine would not say sh*t if her mouth was full of it but still manages to inflict wounds –the stories… estrangement in families ugh!!! Good description of how the brain does not work with dementia – it just ain’t there!
Ladee – so u finally clicked –there is hope!!! Wish I had a pic of u laughing ur head off. What DO u do with all the rocks? throw them at the neighbours? Lol. Re the POA –that is what I am thinking – and do it while mother is still compos mentis (relatively speaking)
Seeme more ((((((hugs))))))) - sisters!!!!. U did a good job! There are always “what if’s” and “if only’s” –it is all part of the grief. Sure u r feeling antisocial –takes energy to process all that has and is happening
Shawna – hope Alena’s party goes well for all. Since ur relatives r so miserable I understand your concern about POA. . I am sure you are keeping everything ship shape and idiot sister prob. needs to hear what u have to say to her – it is the truth. Glad u r getting an apptment with the doc – it needs to be looked at
54 –good to hear from you and that you have lots of help and ur kids are coming around and also some people hubby worked with. Those pets are the best – protecting his master… Also glad u can take some quiet times
Pegly – glad u checked in and fil is still improving – nice to hear a success story. Have u figured out who is going to clean his place?
Cmag – yeah my sister is pretty bad – all with a big smile too – sticks in the knife and smiles while she twists it. I will look up the thread and post on your wall. I could do more in my 60’s and as seniors go I am relatively strong and healthy but the candida thing gets aggravated by stress and I think that is why it flared so badly. Have been on meds for 1 ½ yrs. now – and still improving, thankfully. Really the next generation should be doing the POA but they have enough sense to stay out of it –all have felt the sharp side of mother’s tongue or pen. Time for me to self-protect. Glad you roof mend is at least on the books. Keeping a record makes sense. Dealing with the trauma takes a lot of energy – I know that from losing Gordie and from life with mother. You have made progress and still are! Love the comment about friends and families. Thanks for the poem. I could identify and also the reminder about whom we are fighting. Love “It is well with my soul”
Sdpeg – could be a combination of depression and dementia – u said before that you had seen her slipping before ur dad died – the depression should be helped with paxil and thyroid meds. I think a good eval. –cognitive and psych is a very good idea. I am with your friend – look after u. Your mum is getting great care and you can’t make her care about herself. The meds may take several weeks to kick in fully. If she is still having these problems then – I would suspect there is more than depression. Glad u slept in this morning.
Ros –thinking of you ((((((((((hugs)))))))))
I am wiped this weekend –Gordie’s birthday, the trip, the disappointment of not being able to stay near the horses, and a major change for my oldest grandson –for the better - but still a very emotional time –took me two days before I could cry about it. Probably need to cry about a few things Instead I cut a bit more off my hair – and think I overdid it –oh well –it will grow – maybe I will cry about it ;).
Have a good rest of the weekend everyone. ♥
jo
Vic: praying for you. Get some rest as well.
vic - hugs
maya -where r u today?
Ros and Shawna ya'll are on my mind today so sorry for your losses.
Faye- how old is your hubby and have you tried to contact hospice for some help.
praying for answers for you and hubby.
Ladee- how is sonny today?
Jam-what's up with col and how is she doing?
Grey-welcome aboard......
Seemee- it was good to hear from u
Maya-how r u today?
Vic-hugs to you
Starri- girl we have missed u....
c-mag-get some rest and take it easy.
I will post to the rest of ya'll later he is out of the shower
hugs stormyyyy
I think as care givers our grieving starts when we first notice signs of change. And we just continue through different stages as our loved one progresses through the stages of aging and death.
Must get dinner for the col before she starts grazing again...:)
Hoping everyone has a peaceful evening!
Love and Hugz,
Jam
BEWARE IF YOU ARE EATING--------------------
Well dad got out of the shower and guess what he wanted me to do after we got him dress. HE WANTED ME TO DIG THE GUNK OR GOO OUT FROM UNDER HIS TOENAILS FROM HIS TOENAIL FUNGUS. We have been putting lamisil cream on his toenails for weeks now and that cream is eating away the goo from under his toenails. He wanted me to do this after his shower so the goo would be soft and easy to get out. And all i have to say about that is YUCK, YUCK, YUCK!!!!!!!! AND THANK GOD FOR STERILE GLOVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HUGS STORMYYYYYYYY
I think her doc suggested the right med for her at this time because one of the side effects is weight gain which is what mom needs to do. The depression is situational and related to grieving thus her doc wanting her to get out more. My Fall semester is over in 2 months and therefore I will have more time with Mom (which I am looking forward to) and next semester I will take two courses (lighten my load) and we can go out and have more fun. I think I am experiencing a transition myself from full-time do-what-I-want student/daughter to Mom-needs-me (daughter) and also part time student. Heck I've waited this long to get my degree ... it certainly can wait another semester.
I have to also remember to be patient with myself and remind myself that acceptance of change does not happen overnight.
Thank you for the suggestion. I will add that to my list of things to talk to doc about in 2 weeks. My list gets longer and longer and I am blessed with a doc that listens to me as much as she listens to my mom.
SDPeg
Cmag, the line in the poem that resonated with me is"While accepting ourselves as flawed returns the dawn of life into our aching souls".... THE turning point in my life, when I accepted me as me.... things to be worked on, yes, partly because I am a "seeker", but I am very grateful for all the 'working parts', and those that haven't or didn't work so well, there has been improvement. Some of the things my childhood gave me have been good things when turned over to God and letting him knock the rough edges off to make me be of better service to Him.....I am a strong woman, and I am grateful for that.... and I was and still am very curious about life.... I don't see the twisted and knarley tree out in the pasture as being ugly, I see it as strong and beauitful and still there despite it's begining..... and unique, not like all the other trees.... there is a Zen story about a ' tree of troubles' it sat in the center of a little town. Everyone's problems were hung from this tree and they were asked to walk around the tree and pick their problems... everyone came back to their own, after seeing everyone else's....sometimes gratitude is all I have.... and I am blessed for seeing my life as I do ..... to sum it up, God's Grace.... so thanks so much for sharing today and waxing theological , I love conversations like this.....
SDPeg, I don't think for me what I heard was'here she goes again', what I heard was your need to be validated for feeling so powerless..... nope, you can't make her be what or who you need her to be....we are all powerless over outcomes... every last one of us... we can do our best, we can carry two bags of rocks up the hill, but in the end, it isn't about 'us' and what 'we' want.... Guess God is giving you this to teach you... you and Him will have to decide what that lesson or lessons are...... My lessons were not learned and still being learned in a vacuum....and yes you are going to continue to care, regardless, and you wanting more of the 'good times' with her, well, that is human, so try your best to just relax a little, do what you think is best medically, but grief is something no two people do the same......Does she ever cry from missing your dad??? Does she talk about him? She is going to walk this path however she is going to do it.... you do the best you can... the rest is up to her and God.....
Hugs to everyone