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Good Evening Posse!

Been a busy, hectic day and I think I have a few minutes to spare. Welcome to our new posters! Great to read you here and hope you keep coming back. We love making new friends!

It's not an enjoyable task when you have to start moving parent (s) and downsizing. When we moved the col here we depended on one granddaughter's husband to start going through things and he really didn't know what to keep and what to throw, but I have to say he did an excellent job and helped so much by concentrating on what was obviously trash. We finally figured out that the trash he was throwing away needed to be taken away each time, as she was going out and hauling it back in. In one night only, he filled 58 large black trash bags and he did that several times over a couple of months. I put the col to work packing her collectibles and other glassware and stemware. She actually did a great job. When the movers showed up I pointed out all the boxes she had labeled, the antiques and said we will get the rest. Little did we know at the time, she had "packed" a lot of her clothes in black trash bags..............Yep, I think she had one pair of undies, one bra, some jeans and a couple of shirts. Oh and those famous hot rollers.....lol. That is a story for another time. She had lived in her house about 60 yrs.........it was tough and we surrounded her with all of her "stuff" in her new home. But with dementia and Alzheimer's she doesn't even talk about the old house anymore.

My granddaughter, who had her appendix removed last week, is doing great. Her momma asked her yesterday if she was feeling better.......she says "hell yeah".....out of the mouths of babes....didn't know whether to tell her to get the soap out or to laugh. She is only 10 yrs old!

I'm hoping everyone has a wonderful evening.........I'm off to see about the col and if she wants anything else to eat. Just fed her dinner, but I bet that leg is still a tad empty........

Love and Hugz,
Jam
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CG...............got the COW PATTIE!!! Woohoo........................................
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Alrighty then, who am I ? Where am I ? and has anyone seen the BIRDS in the back yard??????? Poor Sonny, has had a very hard week or having any idea where he is, what he is supposed to be doing at any given time......he doesn't remember I am there until I walk into the room and then we do the "hi, how are ya's" all over again..... Marie will NOT let him outside when it it cool, so this is going to be one damned long winter..... I have been able to cope with the boredom because him and I get to go outside and do 'yard work'.....almost went into a coma today from being bored...... got news for her if she thinks I am going to clean house the whole damned time I'm there this winter.... not gonna happen.... I am not like Rhonda, (Jam's helper), I do my work, but I only have one speed, ZOOM.....And Sonny can not play cards or dominoes, and I will have to find something for us to do during the day......
Am happy to report she has not snapped at me since the toilet paper incident, when the picture of the puking emoticons splashed thru my brain and I started laughing, then Sonny started laughing because I was, he had no idea why, but she didn't speak to either on of us for the rest of the day.... but strangley enough, she has not snapped at me since..... and exactly how do I add 'puking emitocons' to my gratitude list....????????
worked a lot of hours this week, so will get to start saving again.... unless something happens here at the BS, like it rolling down a hill or the toilet falling thru the floor, by the way Ro, I just left the mushrooms there... they are still doing fine.....
For the new ladies, the BS is where I live, we call it the Banana Split, long story, but if you hang around you will learn what all we are talking about here... and ask questions..... we'll fill you in, don't want anyone feeling left out.... I am the problem child of the thread and some do not find me amusing at all, but, I DO and that's all that matters to me....I can only talk about 'real life' for so long, then I start getting stupid, so my feelings won't be hurt if you skip my posts.....
As Jam said we are always ready to meet new friends..... many on this thread are my life raft, they keep me from going over the edge most days.....so hope ya'll keep posting..... hugs across the miles to everyone....
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Sorry about the vacation comment girls. It was insensitive of me. Nite ya'll.
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Hello, I am Terry and I feel as though Iam about to go insane. I love my mother god knows I do, but If so calls me out of my name once again I will drop her off at the hospital and leave the country. I am so tired of the womans nasty mouth. I can only take so much abuse she swears that I have to do something for her. I have her in my home with the kindness of my heart. No one else in the family will take her.Not even the goverment. I called the cops she is still here.( lol) I cant take much more.
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Well Lynn, you have at least found a place for you.... we know about the going insane stuff, about the mouth on some of our charges, so you are 'home' so to speak...... glad you found us, hope you keep coming back....let us get to know you and we'll see if we can do anything to help you....so the police won't take her either.... not good...lol
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Stormy, we were only playing.... we are all tired, no harm intended.... get some rest.
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hi all and welcome to the newcomers carolyn, ktigat, brandy and terri - think thats all of anyone new -I am the resident senior at 74 and caregiving my 99 yr old mother in an ALF at a distance..I can't drive like I used to so don;t go down often any more. She is 5 hrs drive away (by her choice) and like some of you have to deal with - she is ornery and can be very nasty -She has Borderline Personality Disorder and has been that way all her life. I have detached -and distanced emotionally for my survival - also from my one sister who is as bad as mother - in a different way. At 99 mother is healthy and just had a hip op and is recovering well. I have moved her twice in the past 2 years as she didn't get along in the first ALF (She was in her own apartment till a couple of years ago). and told her if she could not get along in the 2nd one she had better go into a nursing home. Wish it was different but it isn't. It is very easy to get consumed by caregiving especially with some elders who become very centered on them selves and their needs and expect you to jump and ask how high on the way up
Learning how to survive all of this is not easy -this is not how I planned to spend my retirement years and I know that is the same for everyone else. - no one plans this kind of situation.

Tired these days -probably the weather as much as anything - so no energy to go back and read everything - know I think of you all.
maya -sure another story - I could use some distraction.
ros - glad to see you back and posting more
ladee - poor sonnie -glad marie is better
stormy - talk about vacations all u want -hope u get the puppy - indoors
sdpeg - waiting to hear about your session -glad u r having some good time with mum - the timing would be about right for the meds ti kick in
jam -more running up and down stairs - hope ur knees r good -we threw away a good suede jacket and a new track suit once - garbage day :(
mis, tpeg, vic, asg, seeme, starri, cmag, shawna, maya, 54, burned, and everyone else let us know how u r
being at the end of your tether is pretty standard around here as is depression - venting helps

G is home and into his new routine - so far so good - but temps only 36 so snow will be here soon - not too happy about that -maybe we will get an indian summer yet - can always hope.
love, hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
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Welcome to the new posters. Glad you found us.


Yes venting sure does help, especially here cause everyone here knows what it's like cause we're all in the same boat riding the wave and wondering when it'll stop until a new wave comes.
I'm waiting a few more wks before I call the doc to see if the new dosage works for grandma. I think its helping some but time will tell.

As for me, I went to the foot doc and he took a biospy of my skin just above my ankles to test the nerves. I will get results in 2 wks so hoping for some good news. I got my brace for my foot drop last week what a pain. For those that don't know I had major heart surgery back in April and I've lost feeling in one of my feet. My husband and I take care of his grandma, but I do the majority of it now since I'm better.
One way we found to help with the caregiver stress is we go riding out quads/side by side. It's such great relief going off into the middle of the woods, turning off the motor and hearing nothing but birds singing and looking around at the scenery.

Later today my hubby and I are getting away for a few hrs. We're going to a place where we ride at. They are having the big trucks there today running an obsticle course should be interesting to watch and I'm taking pics so I'll post them on facebook.

Jo they are talking snow here for next week. I can't wait. I'm like a child around this time of yr and I'm already going through my Christmas decoations that we put out in the yard. We have them set on a timer and in yrs past we'd tell Grandma what time that they come on and she'd watch for them to blow up.

Hugs to you all and prayers too.
smiley
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I'll say something more tonight to the new girls... but I want to say something to Stormy. Stormy!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was joking! I am so sorry for you that you had just a few days of vacation last summer. And as I had the same (very few) days of vacation, I was pulling your leg as I was pulling mine. It's that kind of stupid sense of humour that sometimes doesn't "arrive" by mail; you have to see the faces of people when they say it and you understand they are joking. I make another example: your friend is on a diet and eats a very small plate of salad and that's all. And you pull her leg and say: "You said you were on a diet! Look what a big plate of salad you had!", You see this kind of joke. I am sorry if you felt sorry. In fact I am so fond of you that today I asked my helper Simonetta, who has a little dog (3 months old) how long did it take her to train her not to pee in the house. She said "one month", but she said she had another puppy, in the past, who learned in 10 days. She told me that if you plan to leave the puppy alone in the house for a few hours, you should give her a place where to pee and teach her to pee always in the same place. You can't ask a puppy to retain her pee for hours, that's for sure!
Kisses and hugs
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For the newcomers the cow pattie is your reward for hanging on with us- anyone who posts a post that is the --00th post wins the cow pattie - e.g 2700

Carolyn u got it this time - hope ur mum is adjusting a little - sometimes there is no easy way to get the message across -and harder when u r at a distance and - we have had discussions around "You can lead a horse to water...". The distance thing is difficult. For my mum fortunately she has an ex nurse who shops for her though once her hip is healed she will be back in the malls - funny how she can shop for clothing but not for food.
cmag - the reality may be setting in and/or more dementia which is always progressive -change is hard at that age - I don't suppose there is much u can do either, beyond what u r already doing
KT - the others have made good suggestions about easing ur mum into a new routine - that is one problem I don't have -mother likes change and it energized by it. I should be so lucky! They will be better off and in time I think she will see that, but leaving a home of a lifetime is not easy for most. Please don't feel guilty - u r a caring daughter and that's the best they can get -u can't shield them for all the pain
sdpeg - ur bro throwing stuff into the dumpster like that must have been pretty traumatic for ur mum - not sensitive of him but then... talking about the memories is a good idea - glad u have good profs. I always enjoyed that part of the job
brandy -sorry about the accident and your injuries and then having a mum and hubby to look after - that is quite a load! What do u do for urself? The days must be pretty long sometimes.Are u able to get some help and have a break sometimes?
jam -your dgd ( dear granddaughter) uttered quite a mouthful - so far so good with my grandkids in that department but time will tell. Em is 8 now - I know part of u wants to laugh
seeme - how ya doin'? I know there is a hole in your life
Terri -not sure how u cope at home with what you have - I like the idea of dropping her off at the hospital and leaving the country - works for me! I could never have my mum in my home because of the BPD (my childhood was bad enough - not taking it on in my retirement) She demands to be the center of attention and is negative most of the time and I can't focus on anything else when i am aroun d her -she won't allow it. I have had over 20 emails a day requesting and demanding that I do things for her as it is. Yes at her age she taught herself to use a computer. For me it is better than phone calls. Since the last bit of particular nastiness I am not responding much - was getting flashbacks. Do look after you!!!! Is there not a facility which speciallizes in difficult behaviours? I am anticipating that as mother declines - a little dementia is creeping in though she is still very bright - I may have to look at something like that if she cannot manage in the ALF. I am in Canada (the frozen north) so it may be different to where u r.
mis - good to hear from u. Going out in the woods sounds like heaven to me, That's what the horses do for Gary - and me too, as well as walks on the trails. Just don't step in the "patties". Will the biopsy show if the nerves are growing back? Blood vessels can grow back too. Have fun watching the trucks. Glad someone is looking forward to snow. Actually I am not dreading it - may go out and make a snow angel in the garden -for those of you who don't know what a snow angel is - you lie on your back in the snow with your arms by your sides and and move your arms up and down to make a shape of wings in the snow - we did it as kids - must be my second childhood. Christmas decorations already? and graandma waitring for them to blow up LOL!
ros u r sounding better - so glad - ur heart is healing
everyone - thinking of u - starri is freezing her butt off somewhere in America, ladee is picking rocks and carrying them for miles just for the exercise, and watching mushrioms grow, asg is - not sure -what r u doing asg? 54 is hetting help from hospice -everyone -know u r on my heart

here - I have a burst of energy today and have already been up washing some floors - my bathroom, the upstairs hallway and the kitchen - thought it was after 6 but it was only 5 am - oh well. Then had coffee and my 2 squares of dark choc. Made meatballs and chili last night and have plans for an apple pie for the apples G picked. I made some applesauce and it is so fragrant!!! I put cinnamon and a little cardamom in it.Good winter food. Need to do more floors today. G is off this weekend and asked me to come for the weekend and move horses with him, but I don't know how I will react to the smoke in farmer's John's house, and after last time I know I need a back up plan in case I can't stand it. The nearest hotel is about an hrs drive away and that would not work too well - not to speak of an expensive trip. "Carolyn's Cabins" are close but filled with truckers so prob smoky too. I used to be OK at the farm so maybe I will be again.
Everyone - have a good day -spreading the energy fairy dust around hoping some of you will catch it
love
jo

Lordy it is after 7 now - time to rustle up a good breakfast for G since he is going off to build fences and move horses. Think I will play it safe and stay home and do floors and visit grandkids and bake!




Terri - wanted to add that we do "insane" well here.
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I am going to be a Cranky Cassie today.... two phone calls to the police last night to get the damned music stopped.... first time 1:30 am, go back to bed, awake, reading, still hearing the music... called again at 2:30, "I called earlier, could you please send someone out", we came out ma'm, they couldn't find any loud music"..... Me... "did you send the only deaf officer on the force?".... silence.... I'm sure this is where they are writing, 'cranky old lady at ____ _____ keeps reporting music..' "We'll send someone out again.... ' just a few moments later I hear a flashlight being banged on the door of the "music offender" .... alrighty then... peace and quite..... cat woke me up at 7, so said to hell with it and got up.... I am either going to have to learn to enjoy this music at all hours , get me some ear plugs, or let the police know to excpect a call from me every morning at 1:30.....
All sorts of thing going thru my head to do.... but I can not run anymore, so had to nix all that drama......
Anyway after a very long and tiring week, now I am more grumpy... so just need to stay to myself today, don't feel like apologizing to anyone today, so will just stay quite when I run errands...
Hope everyone at least gets to go for a walk today... for some of ya'll it will be snow soon....I do not envy ya'll that... but will be supportive while you are fussing as ya'll llistened to me all summer about the heat......
love ya'll, and will post later when I have something positive to say....hugs across the miles... good to hear from you Mis, and Ro, you are such a sweetheart, with everything you have going on, and taking the time to see how long it takes to train a puppy, that's why I love you so much, you are a special lady and so grateful you are here with us......
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Hi all,
I had better get this written before I get interrupted again with this and that and life in general.
It sounds like we are all trying to keep our "sanity" throughout our days and nights. Of course one day I just might look up "sanity" in the dictionary ... I am guessing all of our pictures will be listed! This group helps keep MY sanity and for that I am thankful.
I have used the term "lead a horse to water" etc for years and recently someone asked me "do you know what happens if you try to MAKE a horse drink? They resist and they resist very strongly". So I had to laugh thinking about what I am trying to achieve with my mom.
Many of you have read over the past few weeks the challenge I have with trying to get her to eat. There are numerous reasons for not eating at this time in her life with age being one (she is 84 years old), grieving the loss of my dad (just 13 months ago), and the depression that comes with losing so much (yep, things in the dumpster by my brother...that was horrifying) at one time. She had been dependent upon my dad for driving here and there and thus hadn't kept up with her own driving and doesn't drive now. I or a caregiver or family member drive(s) her where she wants to go. She had been paying her own bills, writing checks, filing her mail (her system was aborted when things were moved around) etc and she doesn't do that now either. Brother has control over her accounts and many bills are paid online (which my dad deplored that idea) or one or two checks get written a month. Her hearing is 60% gone and she has to wear hearing aids, needs to use a walker, etc all things she did not have (although may have needed) 13 months ago. In other words, her life as she knew it has changed drastically. And with that freedom being ripped from her (for whatever reason) FOOD is the only area she CAN control. This has undoubtedly been a lifelong struggle for her based on tidbits she has shared over the years but it was never tragically detrimental to her health as it is now. Yes it would be fantastic if the thyroid and paxil pills were in her system full force at this time but there are other factors in this equation as well. So my counselor gave me some ideas that I will pass onto you. Seeing as "food" is the issue for my mom I will use that word but if it is another issue (walker, glasses, hearing aids, toilet paper, medication etc) please substitute that word. I have learned to have NO conversations about food. In other words, when we are out dining to have conversations about the ambiance of the restaurant, the people in the restaurant, the seasonal decorations etc. but never about FOOD as that's a trigger word and she will stop eating. If she initiates a conversation about food, I can contribute to that conversation but not open the discussion of food myself. Also I learned that it is ok for her not to eat. That's HER choice. And although she has a weigh in this Friday, whether she has lost or gained weight is no reflection on what I am doing to try to help her reach a goal weight. I put out breakfast with her meds and watch her take her two rxs and then give her space to take the vits, minerals etc by herself. The very important ones at this time are the paxil and thyroid pills. Then I leave the room. If she eats, she eats. I cannot babysit her while she does or does not consume breakfast. I also lay out lunch so she doesn't have to think about it in my absence during the day. I have found that she is putting it away in the cupboard without eating it. I was getting frustrated. And dinner was the same story. "I'm full" she would say and not eat that as well. I was beating my head against a brick wall trying to figure out how one sustains on a few graham crackers and coffee in the morning hours and not consume anything else all day. I would never be able to do that. And certainly SHE cannot possibly live on a few crackers and coffee. But if an eating disorder has been her lifelong cross to bear (and as I decipher some conversations I am beginning to see that it probably has been) I cannot change her perception of herself nor her love/hate relationship with food. This is the ONLY area of her life she is now in control of. And any attempt on my part to have her "eat" in order to satisfy her doc's requirements for this weigh in will be met with NO NO NO I am "full", "not hungry", "too tired to eat" etc etc etc. I am sure you all have heard the same in regard to whatever issue YOU have (hearing aids: "I can hear better without them"). So Peg has learned to look at that brick wall and say "I refuse to have anymore headaches. I refuse to beat my head up against you." It is with fear that anticipate her next appointment this coming Friday. I doubt that she has gained one ounce in the past few weeks of not eating the food I set out and offering Ensure (which she is presently hiding and throwing down the sink). This no weight gain is something she and her doc will have to deal with. This is out of my control. It is with love that I want her to not only live a long life but a happy one as well. I wonder what her doc will say about all of this.
Mom told me that the other night she "passed out". I wanted to say "no duh, you don't eat" but bit my tongue. I did remind her that she has a necklace she is to have on her (medical emergency, you know the kind) and if she refuses to use it then I cannot help her. The pity party actually was: "I am home alone". Well that's her choice as well. Doc suggested the local senior center but Mom ADAMANTLY REFUSED TO GO within one hour of the doc telling her to. This is my take on social events. The first question one asks, other than "how are you?" when in a social setting is "can I get you anything? Coffee? Water?" and I realize that with my Mom's food issue she is not comfortable in a social setting thus will never, ever go to the senior center where food is probably offered with the activities doc says she is to participate in. So although doc said to eat and gain some weight and go out and socialize, Mom will not and that's her lot in life and not mine.
Whew! I think that took me longer to write than it did to analyze in counseling ha ha.
One more thing: (uh oh, I forgot what it was). Oh yeah, whew got scared there for a moment. I have hired yet another caregiver for Mondays that are longer than long because I have an evening class. Mom is throwing a fit because it is costing her money. In the past I have just left and caregiver comes in but now I am mindful that these caregivers may not be getting what they earn because mom has a way of manipulating people. So before I leave for school I get an envelop, write the caregiver's name on it, put the day and time (s)he will be here, and the amount and have her put the money in there herself. This way she sees that she is PAYING someone to come and help her with things. In other words, she won't go out to the senior center that is free (so is the transportation) so she needs to pay someone to be her companion, driver, errand person etc. This new person, a woman, expects to be paid as well so mom's coy way of manipulation won't deny this woman nor her Wednesday man caregiver from making a living. All this and I am a full time student as well. Geez, this is midterm time and the last one I took was horrible so I have to be mindful that mom's lifelong cross to bear is not mine. I have my own, thank you very much.
To all the teachers, past and present, on this thread: thank you for being kind, compassionate, a friend at times, supportive, embracing to your students. I appreciate it. SDPeg
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Oh dear, that post looks like I wrote a short novel. Sorry. SDPeg
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Peg its fine if you write a short novel its what we are here for. We need to vent or we will go insane. Thankfully the last couple days have been good with mom. She eats good sugar's been greate not too high not too low. She has a Doc appointment on the 7th which sis Kath is taking us. we are currently at my sister Kathy's for the weekend. Her hubby went racing till Sunday so she picked us up yesterday to spend the weekend with her. She doesn't like being alone as she loves having us here espically after last weekend. It is hard being here and not seeing Naj... but we are all handling it. Its very cold today we are going to bundle mom up and go to the football game where Alena is going to be cheering. Hot coffee is definatly something that is going with us. Right now drinking a hot pumpkin spice cappi. YUM. I am sort of getting a break by not being at the house this weekend though I am still takin care of mom. though sis made her dinner last night and got her drinks till she had to work at 7. Tonight she don't have to work so together we will get mom ready for bed at 9 then will chill and watch movies. Also gonna get pumpkins today to carve for next weekend I told her i had to wait till next week as water bottles have not been paid for yet. She said not to worry about it that she's gonna get the pumpkins so mom and I and her will be carving them and putting them on the porch. Sis is sleeping right now but she'll be getting up about 1 or 2. I took some pictures of mom today as one of my hobbies is Photography. I was hopin to take her outside to get some pics with her by the changing color trees but I don't want to get her cold or sick. So we are relaxing in the house right now. Maya I am the same way about Christmas .... the cool crisp air and I always take my camera outside when we have a snow storm to take pictures. Granted I don't take mom with me. LOL. We have a hill that I go up bundled up and take pictures so I can take a pic of the city covered in snow. I did have one time the newspaper liked a picture I did. I don't trust much ppl though and I guess I had a right cause the pic I let them have they put a credit to one o their own photographers. So yeah be careful to trust ANYONE. Ungrateful niece should pop sometime soon. She's also breaking her mom's heart as she didn't get to see Connor born ...cause they were in NC well she told her mom she didn't want her in the delivery room with her all she wanted was her husband and her THATS IT. I guess .... I must be a momma's girl since if I ever had a baby I so would want mom in there with me no matter what. My sis cried on my shoulder last night about it. Her two other kids ..Lori and Erica both waned her and my mom in ther with her... but this selfih lil twit doesnt. Oh well...... I got a few more things to do to today... so I will post later. Also Maya ... good news I contacted oneof the members from ancestory.com that had same last name as me and we are in contact to see if we are related..... we will see :-D
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Well I was wrong .... she's up NOW.... oh boy grumpy sis is NOT fun to be around..... talk to you guys later ....
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Ros and Ladee- I know ya'll were just kidding yesterday. I guess i just took it the wrong way. I'm sorry too! But it did make me think that i'm sure their are alot of ya'll on here that did not get a vacation this year from our work or loved ones. Just like i didn't get one last year. And i really feel for those of you that don't get away. Because I know that can work on your sanity not being able to get away at least for a day. Hell for that matter a few hours is heaven....
Ros- Thanks for asking about the potty training for the puppy. I still would like to get one, but i don't think hubby is going to budge on the issue of it being outside and i am not going to get a little baby like that and stick it outside. So more than likely we probably will not be getting one. So i don't know if i will even bring the issue up to hubby anymore. And the lady is giving them away and i saw where one of them kind of dogs go for $1,200.00. Again thanks for asking about tips for the potty training!!!!! I will keep it in mind for future reference just in case we do get one some day.
Well part of the reason i was in my funk yesterday was i forgot to take my antidep. the night before and was feeling the old mean feelings coming back and then it occurred to me that i didn't take my meds. So i popped my pill and a little while later i was Mary Sunshine again. Thank God for Efferxor!!!!
*****************Ros and Ladee-I love you Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ((((((Hugs))))))*******
I talked to sis today and she said that went she was giving dad his meds through his feeding tube that something that looked like coffee grounds was coming up the feeding tube. And i think all of this was happening last night. She said she did not see anything like that this morning so this afternoon when connor and i went over there to check on him i gave him his meds and i didn't see anything like that coming up so i have no idea what that could have been. To tell you the truth there is noooo telling. What we are going to see from day to day. I called sis yesterday and told her that dad had just coughed up something that looked like it was in a horror movie. No blood just gross looking. He still has this crazy appetite where it's like he is not getting full. I asked him today, Your belly hasn't been hurting has it and he said yes from HUNGER. LOL....... Love ya'll and hugs Stormyyyyyyyyyyyyy
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Stormy, a good frame of reference to keep in mind, as long as this thread has been in existance, and if you had the time and patience to read all the posts so far from the begining... there has never been a harsh word said to anyone on here......there is only joking and picking done, nothing ever out of anger..... or judgement....there was one time we got a random hostile post and I did ask her who peed in her wheaties, but she was never heard from again as far as I know...and that was my own personal reaction to what the lady said.... no one else said anything.... so shame on me for that one....
But I am proud and happy to say, only people looking for support and friendship have found this thread..... positive, loving, supportive people who have contributed so much to keeping this thread alive and healthy....... so sorry you were having a rough day, but we don't say hurtful things on here, as we all have as much pain as we can deal with in our personal lives.....just wanted to say this for any new people on here that may think there is any negative posting done.... doesn't happen here.... God's hands are all over this thread and the people who post here... I am very grateful to Jam for starting it at a time when some of us who have been here for awhile , needed a SAFE place to post...... so onward in our busy lives, much appreciation to the wonderful friends I have made here, and the ongoing support no matter what..... hugs across the miles to everyone......
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Good Evening Posse!

Just a few words to say hello, then I am off to bed. Very long, exhausting day.

stormy.......if Dad has "something that looks like coffee grounds" please take a note here........THAT IS BLOOD. You also need to look and see what his bowel movements look like. If they look like black and tarry, that is also blood. A GI bleed can be one or the other or both. Why don't you just take Dad into the ER and have him checked over? Blood coming from the GI tract is not going to be the same that you would see if you cut your finger. If he has a slow bleed going on, you don't want to be there when it comes out either end, it's not pretty.

Hope everyone else has had a good weekend so far. My mind is not up to listing all of you, but be assured I've thought of you all and sending good thoughts your way.

Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
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Stormy, I am sorry for your father's endless problems and I am sorry if I have compared him to a car which has many problems in his engine, in another post. This is the way I thought of my father, who had to be fixed here and there every year. I think at the end he was sort of a Frankenstein creature, he was full of scars everywhere and there was not a part of his body where doctors didn't have to do something. Of course you can't help being sorry for them.
If your husband is not convinced about the dog, maybe it's not the right time. Maybe one day he will decide by himself and he will come home with a dog. You are right in not pushing him too much! Maybe, your husband is worried also because a dog is a commitment, and he thinks you have already enough commitments now. I can't say he is wrong.
Peg, as you explained the problems of your mother with food, I think you made the right decision. I would push it even further. I would "not" cook a lunch for her. (but I would leave in the fridge something that she can eat without cooking; some good cheese, yogurt, some fruits that she likes... Maybe she would open the fridge and eat something, without even telling you). As far as dinner is concerned, I would not make dinner for her, either. I would say "Mom, I am going to have dinner", I would sit at the table and eat without inviting her. I can bet that after 2 or 3 days she sits at the table with you and with indifference, she starts to pick something. I guess you can try, you have nothing to lose! I used this kind of anti-stragegies with my mother my whole life. She might be even angry at you and ask herself "Why does my daughter want me to starve?" and maybe this anger will push her to eat.
Jo, I am not feeling so better and the depression of my remaining dogs doesn't help me at all. They are completely silent and honestly I would not have expected a reaction like this from them. They don't even bark when I come home from shopping. As far as I am concerned I have learned to take my griefs, wrap them and bury them inside of my body, which is not very good, but I did the same for every kind of grief in my life, and I can't allow myself to lose control because I am the leader of this pack. And the leader of a pack has to live even with the mistakes that he has done. Otherwise all my family, mother included, would collapse like a house of cards... This is the destiny of the leaders of the pack.
One of our friends in the other thread is going to lose her father. So please pray for her and her father! She is a very kind lady.
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Hey Jam thanks for the info. on dad. I had read a little on the net about the coffee grounds(peg tube) GI bleed. And when i talked to sis tonight she seems to think that it might be coming from his surgery he had done the other day(the egd) and she has even told dad that is what it is probably coming from. I love my sis to death but she is in denial bad about dad. I tell her stuff about dad and she finds a excuse of why this or that is happening. So i just let her believe what she wants to believe. And i will believe what i believe. No sense in me wasting my breath at trying to convince her that dad is not getting better. But i will however tell her about that someone needs to carry him to the dr, hospital or somewhere. Thanks Jam i will keep u posted. Oh should he be feeling any pain with this gi bleed?
Ros- Don't worry about that remark about the car i had not even thought about that but it is the truth by the time all this is said and done he is probably going to look mummified(sp?) And yes you are probably right about puppy this is probably not the best time to get a little one. Love ya'll Hugs stormyyyyyyyyyy
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Good Morning Posse!

No stormy, Dad won't necessarily feel pain. If neither one of you have ever seen Dad with these kind of symptoms, I think it's time to realize there might be something more serious going on.........I'm not saying there is. But I think it would be well worth the time and effort to take Dad into the ER and let them do a check-up on him if the coffee ground emesis continues.

Must get one cup of coffee and a shower before my busy day starts. I hope I can at least get a football game in. Without care givers here, the col falls to me and she keeps me hopping. Been having horrid back spasms, so anything heavy or strenuous Target gets to do.

Speaking of which..........my blind poodle sleeps most of the time and is usually either in her bed or close to it on the floor. Last night around eight-thirty when I got up.....we always have to watch where we walk to keep from either stepping on or stumbling over her......I didn't readily see her, so thought she might be in the living room. Nope....start turning on lights, our hardwood floors are dark and can't see her if she's on the floor. I look everywhere. Oh my, did I leave her outside when I was doing one of my hundred up and down the stairs yesterday.......thank God for the fence! Nope, she's not out there. We have a gate installed at the top of the stairs leading down to the front door and entryway, not down there, then I remembered Target had gone down to the freezer in the laundry room......yep, there she is wandering aimlessly in the family room for almost 3 hours, shaking all over. She has peripheral vision in sunlight, and the room was dark. Poor thing! Once she gets to the edge of stairs her little legs just carry her down, and she went down two flights of them. Gee, I wonder if Target should remember to let the gate swing back and latch....after all, it was installed to keep the dogs in the main living area and away from the front door and the blind one from accidentally going down them...she is a tough little thing. Went outside, back in to eat a little and promptly laid down and fell asleep and has been there since.

I hope everyone has a good day and I will check back later.

Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
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Jam- dad had a slow bleed several months back probably 8 months ago. He had the black tarry stool. The hospital checked to see what the problem was and they never found where it was coming from. His iron level was down or something like that, something to do with his blood was off and dad was feeling bad and that's what prompted the drs to check it out. I think that also might have been the time they gave him a blood transfusion. I don't know i can't keep all of this stuff straight. But it was something like that. We will get him looked at. Thanks for the info.... and concern. Much love to you and to everyone else. I hope your back is better. Stormyyyyyyyyy
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Jam- we have never seen anything that looked like coffee grounds before in dads feeding tube....
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Hi all. Sorry about not Keeping up with posts. You all are in my prayers. Dad has had an ok week. I did get home health nurse to check him. Did bloodwork and he is a little dehydrated and his iron and red blood cells are low. We go to doc on Monday. He has been getting grumpy and antsy in the evenings as have I. Just been tired. Hubby comes home next week ..ready for the help.
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Vic, I wonder if it is the changing season or what, Sonny has also been more jittery and lost, and I have been really tired myself..... everyone needing some change I guess.... let us know what the Dr. says and give him a hug for me and tell him it's ok to be grumpy, Ladee is too.... love and hugs....
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Vic let us know what the dr says about your dad. I know my dad's iron and red blood cell count is low also. Prayers are with you!!! Love and hugs stormyyyyyyy
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tired seems to be going around

stormy I missed the results of the pleural effusion test which was going to show possible CHF or cancer return. Did you get any answers from the lung doctor? . I am sorry that your sister is in denial. It makes it harder on you. Your dad does seem to be getting one thing after another. Are you both still keeping the store going? I am hoping that you and lil red will get a puppy one day but have to agree that right now u have enough on your plate
ros - sorry all the dogs are feeling that Nicky is gone. They will pick up cues from you too. I know u r still missing her but I am glad you feel up to posting more. Praying for work to come ur way.
ladee - think the seasons are doing a number on many of us - wonder if Sonnie will setttle down when the winter comes. i suppose winter in your part of the world is about 70 degrees. Here is it close to freezing now and the snow will come and stay any time for the next 5 months. Brrrr!
jam -sounds like u have a lot on your hands these days. Sorry about the bad back -muscle spasms are pretty painful. Poor little blind doggie stuck in the laundry room
vic - glad hubby is coming home - that will help u get a little more rest. Hope the doc can do something about dad's iron and blood cells and he will feel better
shawna - hope u are having a good weekend with some one else making meals at least
sdpeg -that was interesting about your mum and i agree - hands off is good advice -it has become an issue that she can manipulate. ros said it well. As my kids were growing up I was careful for food not to become an issue like that as I have some friends who insisted on certain things with their kids and food and then the battle was on. I offered then lots of different things and encouraged them to eat at least a little of everything but was also aware that kids go through ups and downs in terms of appetite and food needs. It ended well. It is unlikely that you are going to solve this life long problem of your mum's. She still can make her own choices - even bad ones.
everyone - hope u r having a good weekend - maya - u had another story...

mother wrote that she was sent a bill for $24 for her last trip to hospital -they found nothing wrong - again - and wants to write her lawyer to see if she should pay it. Think it is cheaper to pay the $24 than pay the lawyer for advice! I think she is slipping a bit.
tired and sore back from doing floors yesterday - guess the rest will have to wait. Oh well - the housekeeping cops don't come my way thankfully.
love ya all ♥♥♥
jo
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24 dollars is really nothing! I pay more for a simple blood test. I pay 50 dollars for the visit of a vet. Are you already cold there? What will it be in January?
My brother and SIL when they got married in December they went to Peru for the honeymoon. The plane stopped over in Toronto so they had the shock of the full winter in Canada. They still remember it and they were not prepared to it. They were not very hot in Peru, either. If I had to travel in December I would probably choose a warmer place... I already have the electric stove on, and 3/4 of my pets are close to it, now. I have work now, but no money. Don't ask me why!
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hi ros - agreed $24 is nothing - no need to make a federal case out if it, but that is mother - she will spend much more than than getting advice from her lawyer if she goes that route
starting to be cold - just around freezing - 36F or 2C. That is the beginning of the cold. Decenber is not really the coldest - usuallyJanuary and February are. The temps will go down to minus 40 for a while - same for (F or C). The cold is shocking. Gary likes to go somewhere hot for his birthday in February - Mexico, Cuba. I have the heat on in the house now and should light a fire in the fireplace - it is cosy. Getting too cold for me to go for a walk outside. My face gets cold - so will have to hit the malls or a track in a gym. We have an exercycle and that will do it too. Work and no money - OK will pray for money then :) ((((hugs)))
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