This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
emjo, oh yes, we have about 20 minutes of winter, lol, no, it gets freezing here sometimes.... but for us that is cold... there are places in Tx that it snows, but you won't catch me living there... we had a little dusting last winter, I remember how excited Ruth was, but couldn't get her to go out in it, so I brought her some inside.... she just laughed and kept saying in her German accent, " dat is cold, oh my, dat is cold'..... oh I still miss my lady Ruth.....
Right now have the AC and the fan on, but may need the heater by morning... just never know how it will be here from one hour to the next... but at least it is no longer in the 100's......
Shawna, did you get to relax this weekend... loved the pics of your mom and sis on FB.... I would love to get to know your mom...... she looked so cute in her hat!!! Guess it is already cold where you are too..... now everyone can come to central Texas if you want to, but I do recommend you go back home before summer..... it almost killed us this summer and we are used to it....
Everyone else hope you had a good weekend, let us know how you are newcomers!!! We look forward to getting to know you..... we always welcome new voices.....
Tried to open my door today and let in some fresh air, the lady that is moving in next door thought it would be a good idea to put out about 150 MOTH BALLS, yes, MOTH BALLS, to kill 'bugs'.... oh lord have mercy I have landed in the land of OZ, and am not having fun......but if I see or hear dancing munchkins, I am out of here....... even I can't hang with that....but the stink of the moth balls was making me sick so I had to close the door....I miss living in the country......
later, hugs....
For me, I had to take a day off today. I have been visiting my dad nearly every day in a nursing home for the past six months. He needs 24-hour care and although he is in a nursing home, i am in charge of cleaning his clothes ( a disgusting task as he is incontinent), paying his bills, ensuring he has what he needs, etc.
He recently has been placed in hospice care because he has cirrhosis of the liver, kidney failure and an 8-cm abdominal aneurysm that is inoperable. He is pretty much cognitively aware, but very mean and demanding unreasonable things..like he wants to live independently, but can't even sit up in bed. He makes me feel so guilty. On top of that, I have two greedy brothers who are circling like vultures hoping to get what meager possessions he does have so they are threatening me since I have been designated the executor of his estate. He's not even dead!
I also have a beautiful 14 year old daughter who is getting short shrift because I'm always, always helping grandpa. I won't get these precious years back. I am so mad at my dad and brothers for stealing this time from her.
I woke up today feeling I couldn't do this anymore. So, I took a break and spent the day with my daughter. It helped immensely. Hoping to feel stronger tomorrow.
I am sorry you are actively watching your dad wither. And I am sorry you are losing that time with your daughter. She may or may not resent that now, but if she loves her Grandpa like my daughters all loved/still do their Grandpa, she will never regret the time you (and she) spend with him. Her years with him, no matter his state of mind or health you won't get back when he is gone. I know, my Dad has been gone 13 months and my daughters still cry for him. Mine are older and on their own (not as young as yours) however what I see is a positive thing: you are showing your daughter what is the right thing to do ... care for a parent. And when the day comes, she may care for you.
I am glad you took a break. Those are much needed.
I haven't been on this site long. I cherish the posts, the sharing, the hugs, the tears, the laughter, the frustration, and most of the love. SDPeg
ladee - mothballs -yuck and 20 mins of winter including snow in some places -u wouldn't survive here lol
shawna - nice pumpkins - hope u had some fun -early happy Birthday in case I forget later
jaccare - welcome - I hope u take some more days off - especially since your dad is mean but particularly because your daughter needs you. You don't need meanness on top of everything else. Please let go of the guilt - manipulative people use Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG) to jerk other peoples strings -sounds like ur dad is good at that. Do what is necessary to look after him and keep some time and energy for you and your family. Your daughter at 14 needs you - it is a very tender age and she has a lot of years left to live, as do you. The anger at feeling that dad and the bros are forcing you to short shrift your daughter is not good for u either. You can choose to do otherwise. Can you get the necessaries done in a few days a week and spend more time with ur daughter? My mother would have me totally engrossed in her care even though she is in a ALF in another city and physically very well. I have had to establish some boundaries -and guess what - she is fine. I now have time for my daughter and grandkids and also for my own life with sig other. You will not get these years with your daughter back. I hope you will be able to make some changes that will make life for u and your daughter better. I have had to disengage from my sis -seems lots of us here do - ur bros sound like others I have heard of - it is all about what is in it for them. Take care and come back and let us know how u r doing
jo
Good night everyone.
And meet the young lady who fell from a star
She fell from the sky, she fell very far
And Kansas she says is the name of the star.
(Munchkins)
Kansas she says is the name of the star
(Glinda)
She brings you good news, or haven't you heard
When she fell out of Kansas a miracle occurred!
(Dorothy)
It really was no miracle
What happened was just this:
The wind began to switch the house to pitch
And suddenly the hinges started to unhitch
Just then the witch, to satisfy and itch
Went flying on her broomstick thumbling for a hitch
(Munchkin Man)
And oh what heppened then was rich
(Munchkins)
The house began to pitch, the kitchen took a slitch
It landed on the wicked witch in the middle of a ditch
Which was not a healty situation for the wicked witch!
The house began to pitch, the kitchen took a slitch
It landed on the wicked witch in the middle of a ditch
Which was not a healthy situation for the wicked witch
Who began to twitch, and was reduced to just a stitch
Of what was once the wicked witch!
(Munchkin 1)
We thank you very sweetly for doing it so neatly
(Munchkin 2)
You've killed her so completely,
That we thank you very sweetly
(Glinda)
Let the joyous news be spread
The wicked, old witch at last is dead
(Munchkins)
Ding-dong the witch is dead
Which old witch? The wicked witch!
Ding-dong the wicked witch is dead
Wake up you sleepyhead
Rub your eyes, get out of bed
Wake up the wicked witch is dead
She's gone where the goblins go,
Below - Below - Below
Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out.
Ding Dong's the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low
Let them know the Wicked Witch is dead!
(Mayor)
As mayor of the Munchkin City
In the county of the land of Oz
I welcome you most regally
(Judge)
But we've got to verify it legally
To see...
(Mayor)
To see...
(Judge)
If she...
(Mayor)
If she...
(Judge)
Is morally, ethically
(Munchkin 1)
Spiritually, physically
(Munchkin 2)
Positively, absolutely
(Munchkin Men)
Undeniably and reliably dead!
(Coroner)
As Coroner, I thoroughly examined her
And she's not only merely dead,
She's really most sincerely dead
(Mayor)
Then this is a day of independence for all the munchkins
And their descendants
Yes, let the joyous news be spread
The wicked old witch at last is dead!
(Munchkins)
Ding-dong the witch is dead
Which old witch? The wicked witch!
Ding-dong the wicked witch is dead
Wake up you sleepyhead
Rub your eyes, get out of bed
Wake up the wicked witch is dead
She's gone where the goblins go,
Below - Below - Below
Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out.
Ding Dong's the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low
Let them know the Wicked Witch is dead!
(Lullaby League)
We represent the Lullaby League
The Lullaby League, the Lullaby League.
And in the name of the Lullaby League
We wish to welcome you to Munchkin Land
(Lollipop Guild)
We represent the Lollipop Guild
The Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild.
And in the name of the Lollipop Guild
We wish to welcome you to Munchkin Land
(Munchkins)
We welcome you to Munchkin Land
Tra la la la la la la la la la la la
(Munchkin 1)
From now on you'll be history
(Munchkin 2)
You'll be his...
(Munchkin 3)
You'll be his...
(Munchkin 4)
You'll be history
(Munchkin 1)
And we will glorify your name
You will be a bust...
(Munchkin 2)
Be a bust...
(Munchkin 3)
Be a bust...
(All)
In the hall of fame
Tra la la la la la la la la la la
Tra la la la la la la
Tra la la la la la la la la la la
Tra la la la la la la
Have a good one ya'll, gotta go see what kind of weekend Sonny had.... love ya'll
Carolyn
well it is fitting -
It's antler time here again. G came home with a white tail buck - heart and liver in the sink... I guess we will have more deer heads boiling on the stove soon once I get the chicken soup out of the way. Hope this one ate grain. Don't care for spruce flavoured stew ;(
Have a good one everyone!
Wonder no more ladies...........remember it's Alzheimer's by osmosis! No I don't remember all the words to the song, so I found it and copied it..........hey ladee started this...:P
Just want to catch everyone up and let you know when I am MIA, what the reason is. We are placing the col in a nursing home, it's time, so will be busy with that and didn't want y'all to think I had abandoned you.
Someone mentioned on another post about doing "the right thing" which brings up a very good debate on what is the right thing to do? In this instance, we are doing what is right for all parties involved and I will have to save the details for later.
I hope everyone has a wonderful day and I will check back later.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
This was an "okay" weekend for us. I spoke with Mom each evening, as usual, but I will say I did not feel as exhausted after our discussions. More importantly, I have all of you to thank for this difference. I am sure it will not always be the case, but reading what you are sharing gave me what I'll call, a new perspective.
I still have many concerns and questions which need answers. Like, I know Mom is in "early stage". She told me she wants to ask a friend to take her somewhere. That sounds good to me. I worry about her driving. What it says, though, is that she doesn't feel as confident as she used to.
I debated on how to respond but her next sentence told me it was not the time to question her. She was setting the table for the "kids" (her hallucinations).
Well, I felt better until I typed that last sentence. Nuts. I think I'll look for something productive to do today. I need to get some positive energy going here.
Well, friends, I will check back later. Hope you all have the best day possible!
Carolyn
thought we had lost Joe last night. His fever spiked again and heart rate was really high. Hospice told us again what to do, he slept all day yesterday and last night.
He seems better today and fever gone. he ate little today nothing yesterday.
eating and drinking less and less dont know how he is holding on.
Hospice is such a God send. well gona wash some clothes. love and think about you all.
CMag........you are so correct! And to add to the title of your book, there are 3 I found a couple of years ago by Gregory Maguire entitled Wicked, Son of a Witch and A Lion Among Men. I started reading the first one and found it was very bizarre....the ratings I have read are good, but I was having a difficult time getting into it. May try again.
We had the admissions interview this morning and tomorrow morning we will be taking the col to the nursing home. I have her clothes packed and her dresser empty, we will need to take her famous chair and tv. She is okay with it as we told her it was for therapy to help her strengthen her legs so she can walk better. Which is the truth, we just neglected to tell her how long. I have spent most of the day with her telling her all the fun things to look forward to. There are always activities, an ice cream parlor, she can go outside and sit by the.....drum roll here................small pond!!!!!!!!!! She can put a bird feeder outside her window. Every other Tuesday is "alcohol day".....they allow a small glass of wine or a margarita and serve cheese and crackers.....that one perked her up....:) We can take her dog to see her as much as we want. I will introduce putting pictures on the walls a little at a time....don't want to put her into too much shock yet as she thinks she will only be gone a month. How do I feel? I don't have a clue. Maybe in a week or two the realization will hit that I'm not spending all my evenings and weekends constantly running up and down stairs. Although I will continue that through the winter as I have lost 14lbs doing it! I certainly won't miss cleaning pingo off of everything every day. But then again......yeah I probably will. Boy is this a two-edged sword.
ladee and seeme..............you know what I am referring to when I quote Jim Carrey from "The Mask"..................."hold onto your lug nuts........it's time for an overhaul"...............I will explain to everyone else later....:)
Hope it's been a good day for all..............
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Welcome newbies, glad to see you here. This is the place to vent and get our support. I have a Bully Sib- well he's been out of our lives since I told him to grow up. He did send 1 email after that, stating he was going to write his dad a letter and he expected him to get it. And that he fully intends on taking his dad deer hunting. Well F-I-L just told me he intends on going deer hunting, and the season opens Nov 11. Now I'm having an anxiety attack. How is this sick old man going to survive that trip. Well, I know they are hunting boys from way back, my son tells me they only ride around in the truck looking for deer, and if they see some in shooting distance from the truck then grampa gets out of the truck to shoot it. So I feel better in that respect, the reason this topic came up was that I had ice bags on my knees.i saw my Ortho doc and got Cortisone(yippee) I'll take that shot of pain for the relief of the joints. I told him it helps me alot. He wondered if it would help him, I offered to call my doc office, and he said yeah okay. Then he said less than a minute later that he should wait until after deer hunting. Hummm. ? He doesn't move except to go potty or come out of his room to eat. He did walk 3 times more than a week ago. None last week. And coming out to eat get him winded, COPD.
I am perplexed- what and when are we going to encounter the Bully Brother. I'm glad I have a pscyh appmnt wednesday. I'm going to need professional help. Or I should write down the books that have been mentioned. If i could just find the time away from FB to read an actual book. Thanks for being here. I just needed to vent, again. Hugs to everyone here - oldies and newbies, each one of US are the best caregivers in the world.
lynn, sorry to hear that things are so crazy for you...... sure wish you would fill out your profile so we don't have to ask you a million questions..... and your are right, you are no ones b****....Caregiving can be so crazy making sometimes..... let us know how you are....
Jam, I am happy to hear that the col is going to the NH of your choice... sounds like a very nice one... and I am glad you told her too.... that may make the transition a little easier for her..... but she loves people, and God knows she loves to drink, so maybe she will settle right in...will she be on a Alz. unit???
And you know good and well you are NOT going to keep running up and down those stairs.... don't even try to fool us.... You are going to be setting on your couch, eating choclate and watching football....we are here for you with the adjustment of a quite house.... just don't leave us here on this thread..... love ya...
Everyone else.... hope your day was not so exhausting that you can check in and let us know how you are.......
I wanted to give ya'll a positive 'Marie' report.... she was actually laughing today!!!!!! I know, I know, who stole the real Marie.... but am going to enjoy this for as long as it lasts...... maybe she really is feeling better, taking her pain meds like she should, but still won't get any excercise, but I think the daughter said she has PT coming soon.... and my poor little Sonny Man was a little depressed today... he is always like that after his son has been there for the weekend....
And Marie did not give me any problems about changing Sonny's underclothes everyday.... she didn't want to mess with it, Ok, I will get him to do it every morning.... I just can't stand the thought of him not having clean underclothes on.... he was ok with it, forgot about it before we got back down the hall.
Seeme Sue, I love you, you are in my thoughts and prayers everyday... take care of yourself.... Texas hugs for you....
check back in later.....
All the free time is good, but I almost have too much of it. Glad when this yard sale is over.................then I get to argue with my MIL. It is too soon to have smeone else in that bedroom. Tomorrow is what.....7 weeks.....just can't do it yet. I still lack motivation to get things done now tht I have all this free time. Jam, you won't know how you feel about it till it happens. Just take it how it comes. You'll still have to go there to see her, and that will be another set of feelings. And don't let Target out of going there, too.
Welcome to all the newbies. I cared for my mom for 5 years and she died iin a hospice facility just 7 weeks ago. She had many health issues, so it was a blessing and she was ready. Thought I was, too, but just goes to show you.......
I didn't have many sib problems, except that they didn't REALLY know what it took to care for her, especially the brothers. But I reigned supreme and if someone pissed me off, I let them "hold it". Things aren't completely settles with her estate, and all thins haven't made it to those intended, but I will get to it eventually.
From March this year, when I started on this site, and then started conversing with Jam and Ladee, I can say I have been helped tremendously. To talk about things, ask questions, and get susggestions, and especially LAUGH, will do more for you than most drugs. We are our own group therapy. I hope you all keep coming back. We NEVER have anything to say that would HURT you....every one of you are very important FOR everyone else and TO everyone else.
If I don't post every day, please know that I am reading everything every day. When I feel myself falling in the black hole, I may be quiet for a time. I prefer to get on here when I have something clever or funny to say to brighten your day. I can also go to the dark side with my humor, so I may watch that for a while. Ladee is our problem child, and she sometimes takes me with her to the corner where we giggle and say stupid things.....so beware..................later....going dancing witht the stars..............
Lot of love and hugs sent to you sister-friend.....
Jam- I know this will be a change for you and Target and for the col. But hopefully a good one for all involved. It sounds like a wonderful nh maybe you can get me a room there. Especially like the part about them serving alcohol. You sure you are sending col to a nh and not a hotel????????? Let us know how things go tomorrow.
Shawna- I like Arby's too. I love their roast beef sandwiches and the sauce Yum!!!!! Glad you and your mom had a good day shopping.
C-mag- i meant to tell you the other day that i really enjoyed reading your poems. You have alot of talent. You still enjoying your man cave, i think i need to get me a girl cave.
Ladee- glad that Marie was laughing today and not giving you a hard time, but sorry sonny is depressed.
54J- I know it must be very difficult to see your husband in the shape he is in. I pray for peace for you and him.......
Vickie- how did the drs appt go today with your dad? what did he tell ya'll?
Seemee- it is good to hear from you, i know that this is still so hard and still so new. You are still in my thoughts and prayers!!!!!
Peggy- prayers being sent your way.....
Emjo- all i have to say is Brrrrrrrrrr..... if it really does get down to - 40 degrees there. My Lord i would not stick my little toe outside for fear that it would get frostbite. How in the world do you stand it being that cold..... Do you go outside when it is that cold????? Love ya!!!
Jam- how long have ya'll been taking care of col?
Well, if i forgot about anyone i am sorry and my prayers are being sent your way...
Well, sis told me today that dad fell last night when he was coming back from the bathroom. He was right there at his recliner when he fell. I asked him today was he sore and he said no. So i guess he is ok from the fall. He said he fell on his side. And tomorrow he goes in the morning to get his feeding tube changed out. He has a new kind that they change out every 3 months. And sis is going to ask dr about the coffee grounds in his feeding tube that she saw the other day. We have not seen anymore of them. And dad finished his antibiotics friday. So we will see what dr says tomorrow..... hugs stormyyyyyyyyyyyyy
It may just be my paranoia - but when sweet sis came last month for the visit; one of the first things she said in the truck on the way home from the airport, was how crazy is Lark for wanting to send a letter to her house for her to send to Dad from her home address. HA, how funny is that, well Bully brother, I'm just happen to be flying there to see Dad, send the letter.
well it's what my mind has concocted, oh and bully btother probably help her pay for her trip. Would that be why she has only asked me how he is doing six times, when she was asking everyday, before her visit.