This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Shawna just so you know I ordered snow for Michigan not where you're at. We're suppose to get some next week but not as much as what the national news said that you were going to get.
emjo sorry about your mom and sis giving you problems.
maya like to hear your stories.
jam glad the col likes her new place.
The other morning around 1:30 am, I hear grandma's lifeline box go off. I get up for work around 3 am so I go check on her and there she's standing by it so I asked her what ya doing. Grandma said this box started talking. I look down and she unplugged it. I plugged it back into the wall and told her to go back to bed. My husband and I are both wondering if she'd know how to use her life line button if she should fall and we're not in the house. We're not sure what to do about it whether to send it back or keep it. Other than that it's been pretty quiet around here with grandma expect when she's always asking me where Daisy is when I just get home from work.
It's definately getting colder here and snow is being predicted for next weekend. Great we have to go to Detroit for union business. When I was in the hospital I gave up my position as union steward, but guess what I decided to do it again. It's something that I enjoy doing and I'm highly respected within the rack in file and even get talked highly about at our main office, which is a good thing. So I may consider in going back to school for labor relations or something, but for right now it's just a thought.
ladeeda- hope you have a good day with Sonny and Marie doesn't give you too many problems.
seeme good to hear from you.
Hugs to everyone and know all of you are in my prayers.
great stories Maya, keep em coming, I look forward to hearing them... and love the pic of the house.... looks like houses here in this little German town I live in.... where were you at in Texas????
Emjo, the way I look at it, when my 'ugly sisters' are talking about me they are leaving someone else alone.....I have broad shoulders, and besides they can call me a 'chair', thems saying it doesn't make me one... right? I am sorry that you still let this hurt you..... wish I could send you some of my 'f**k em attitude!!!! We'd both have a happy balance then....
TPeg, hope you get the snow you are asking for, just DO NOT send any this way... it is already snowing here in Texas in the north, all I have for heat is a small electric heater, but this place is so tiny it keeps it warm....
Thought I was going to get the day off, but nooooooooooooo, but am taking off next Fri, nah, I'm not even going to say that, something will come up and poor Marie who could get out of her chair and do some things for herself, but won't, will need me to work..... If I get off, good, if not, I'll deal with it.....
I had noticed Thurs before it was time to leave that she was acting pissy, didn't ask, didn't care.... come to find out, after she 'reprimaned me' for not changing the bed Thurs, that was what she was upset about... I never changed the bed on Thurs... haven't since I started working there,,, I just laughed and said I always do it on Fri.... So she wasted a hissy fit for nothing... at least now I see that she is going to find something to bitch about whether it's true or not.... I didn't care, I am too tired to give a big happy damn right now.... she can't get to me anymore and I think that is making her even madder.... and she was doing so good these past few weeks... oh well, I just look at like God gave me a break for awhile....Her daughters husband had a very serious neck and back surgery yesterday, guess she is not being the center of attention and God forbid, her poor daughter have the nerve to tend to her husband first... so when I work extra like this, it is more for the daughter than for Marie....
Ya'll should see how she makes out the grocery list for me.....it takes everything I have to not pull a "ladee" and say something..... each item is detailed, brand, size, price..... cause ya'll all know how stupid I am, and I am the one in the kitchen, uh, duh, maybe I would know what to get.... If I ever get that controling, one of you just come and slap me until your arm gets tired......I do not want to be lilke Marie when I grow up....
Ok, I am going to pretend that I am going to the circus today, which in a way is true..... prayers for me to keep my sarcastic mouth shut and that I see the humor in her needing to control the universe.....wonder if God knows His job has been taken over??? Hmmmmm
Love and hugs to all....
Snowing here in PA. So far about two inches on the ground but the temps are rising. East of us they've had 7 inches so far today.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAWNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sun is shining today and supposed to be 65 degrees, so going to try and get some outside things done. Just cannot burn.........county still has a burn ban going on.
Talked with the col again last night......she didn't remember that we were there yesterday. Still happy but confused. Wouldn't let Target get a word in edgewise....just kept talking over him, so he just sat and listened. Will take her dog to visit with her tomorrow since we don't have football until Monday night....:)
emjo........what is that saying about when people talk about you it's just because they are jealous and want to be like you? I used to keep that in my head when I was still working........."yeah, it's much more fun to be the supervisor and justify your goof ups instead of you having to answer for yourself?" My boss and I were friends, but over the years I took a lot of heat for co-workers just to keep them out of trouble.....and they still called me a hard-ass. Boss and I would glare and huff at each other across his desk....then we would make up. And we're still friends.
Hope it's a terrific day for everyone.....keep the family stories coming....got to check out Maya's link before I saw it was gone.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Here you go..
1st Happy Birthday Shawna- all the best to you!
We took a ride up the Mountain today, F-i-L really enjoyed it, the geology of Mt Lemmon is unique as with all the sky islands here in So AZ. We only saw a couple of birds, no big wildlife. But we had a nice cruise up to 8000 ft, we didn't go to the top. It's 10,000 ft the elevation was affecting his breathing. We did stop at alll of the senic pull outs to look at all the beauty.
I hope everyone has an enjoyable weekend with their loved ones.
Peggy in Tucson
I've been late reading today.......getting ready for bed now. Hubby working nights this weekend. Hope all of you that have snow stay warm and toasty. I myself am not ready for a white Halloween.Leave all the sibs brind you and have a good night.
I had a very boring and heavy day so I'll try to work a little and sleep, and then deal with the Sunday-with-mother tomorrow....
See you in a happier moment...
Good deal on the gold tooth Ro, lord are we not tired of having a rough time of making ends meet..... makes me want to load up the Diva (my cat) and just run away from home.......
hugs to all today
Ros: money is money and seriously if I had a gold cap, I would sell that as you did. Good job!!!
Ladee: Diva and you on the road? Is that like Thelma and Louise? LOL
Seeme: I like what you said, leave the sibs behind and have a good night. I might have to make that my mantra! I really liked that. Thanks.
My mom's bedroom is always warmer than mine and her comforter is huge and heavy and at 5 a.m. I couldn't sleep so I, just like I did as a young child, crawled into her bed and sleep for an additional 5+ hours!!! She likes it when I do that as she feels "needed" and like a "Mommy" again and I do like it as I get sleep. It's a bonding that is so subliminal but she enjoys it as well. Ahhh rested today more than I have been since her trip to urgent care a month ago. Guess I shouldn't go so long without sleeping soundly.
This evening my youngest will be over with her children to show off their Halloween costumes. I used to do that with my children. I am thankful my daughter keeps that tradition going. And this year my mom is handing out candy to trick or treaters with a caregiver while I am at school. I am glad she wants to do a little something holiday-wise since my Dad's death last year. These are baby steps but steps none the less. Little by little we talk about the upcoming holidays and hopefully she will do a little something for Christmas. That was the holiday my Dad would get so jealous because my mom would spend so much time decorating the house and ignore him. It was funny to hear him complain then and it is equally funny to remember it now. "You have so much time for the house", he would say, "but no time for me." And the argument continued year after year. Jealous ... last year she didn't do anything for Christmas except put out her nativity; this year maybe have the grandkids over.
Her nativity is the creche she bought before they were married. Each piece, which numbers about 100 now, was purchased each year since 1948. Sometimes a child or grandchild would send an angel to add to the collection. She will be displaying that this year as well. It is nostalgic. And each year she buys a new piece, puts it out and as we all come to visit, we try to find the "new piece".
I know it is only Halloween and I drifted off to Christmas. Thanks for letting me do that. I pray my mom agrees to a gift exchange for Christmas and perhaps dessert and drinks. Please pray she is ready to take those baby steps as the holidays will definitely fast approach.
Thanks for listening/reading. We all have our holiday stories. I have a few more weeks until the semester is over and only 10 days between last class and Christmas. Hope I get everything done this year!
Time also to take out my sweaters. Yeah, in CA we do that later than everyone else in the country right?
Have a good day.
SDPeg
Maya, I live about 60 miles from Bryan/College Station.... many here in this little town go to Bryan to shop, easier than getting to Austin..... so glad you were a Texas, even for a little while....
Ok, nap time, ya'll say a tiny prayer that I get Fri. off, need some time off bad, not just one little day.... so am going to read until my lights go out, nap time, ye ha.
I wasn't so much comparing just thankful for the issues that I know personally I could not deal with. I am not a happy, healthy person without sleep so I am thankful my Mom goes to bed early, does not wander, and awakens only to potty during the night and although I do hear her get up and flush the toilet (the pipes of course go right past my bedroom ha ha) I know that she will go back to sleep. But other things she does that might be challenging to others, I can handle. She misplaces things and I seemingly (so far) have patience for.
I know there is nothing challenging that we can't make it through. I glean so much from this group and the support is priceless.
Today is a light day and although daughter and family are visiting, I will just make up a pot of pasta and sauce and viola ... dinner is made.
Hope all have a wonderful Sunday and safe Halloween.
SDPeg
ladee's nap sounds like a good idea to me............
Bee......(SDPeg)..................COW PATTIE!
Let's see.....the col called about an hour ago. Phone call started well, then went right into the toilet and she ended up mad. She's ready to come home, perfectly capable of driving her car, can walk without a problem and can certainly take care of her own personal hygiene. Her first words were "has anyone told you when I can go home? I haven't even seen a doctor yet"...........oh my, what do you say? We keep hoping the thought of "going home" will just go away like most of her thoughts do, but I know eventually she will have to be told and it won't be pretty. I just cannot fathom how she thinks she is as capable today as she was 40 years ago, yet can't even go potty without having it smeared all over herself. And when you look into her eyes, there is just blankness. It's a sad thing.
No football today.....will be tomorrow night. So I haven't done much of anything today. I hope everyone has had a good day also. Will check back later.........
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Hubby is here soooooo...I was out of pocket.Friday we spent time together until 7pm as we had the day off. It was nice but boy does it go by fast...
As for Dad he is ok. Tired but alert. He has been going to bed earlier every evening. We finally made it to church today and he even stayed awake. We went back to the pastry shop of lunch. It was nice.
As for tests..well the CT scan was fine. So pain must be coming from muscles...hope hope. He isn't complaining as much. Blood work shows he is anemic and the kidney thing erythropoietin is low but he doesn't want to do anything right now. So back where we started..one day at a time. I have started to weigh him as part of morning routine to check for fluid gain, hopefully next time he can take a LASIK rather than a stay in the hospital. Course weighing him is a huge chore as he can't stand up for himself or balance. We just do the best we can.
Love and prayers for all of you. Vic
I was up most of the night with stomach cramps. I tried to go back to sleep this morning, but I tossed and turned. When I slept at all, I had dreams about explaining my decision to change churches. Explaining why I'm looking for a new church did not sit well with cousin. He thinks that this preacher is fine. He doesn't understand why I feel like I do. He said it's up to me, but he doesn't see anything wrong.
Am I losing it?
Who did you know in Hearne??? Have old family friends there....
stormy -my heart goes out to you and dad and the troubles he has been having - even not being able to eat what he enjoys - our family seem to develop food intolerances so what we can eat gets more and more restricted - you do eventually get used to it
ros -$70 in hand is better than in the mouth. Are you going to have an implant?
ladee - hope laundry day went well and will pray for you to get a day off
jam - sounds like col was been doing well - hopefully she will find something good about the place again - praying that when the time comes to tell her it goes Ok
carolyn - caregiving at a distance is stressful too - but different from attending to all the physical needs daily
vic - glad u had some time with Billy - sounds like dad is hanging in there
sdpeg - what happened at the doc's visit and weigh- in - did I miss something?
mis - snow???? seems several places in the states have had a fair amount -is the brace working for the foot drop?
tpeg - fil seems to be doing pretty well - sibs -well I am about to confront mine...
seeme - glad mil has another arrangement - to much for you right now
cmag - glad you have been having some days of peace
everyone - hope the weekend was OK - I finally got a bit caught up on my sleep - the guys building the garage next door took the weekend off so it was quiet
am sorting out in my head and heart what do do re my sib and the cousins - I will remind her that in her last communication she told me she wanted no more to do with me and now she wants to "friend" me on facebook - so until what was said is sorted out to my satisfaction - we are not going anywhere else.
G is away with the horses as usual. Deer bones are cooking on the stove for soup. Cleaned out 1/2 the frig -will do the rest later, made some raspberry coconut ice cream, cooked up some cranberry/orange/apple compote. Have one more bag of apples to deal with and some rhubarb.Now I am going to walk to the store to get some fresh air and shop a little. Who else did their walk today? It is a good stress reliever!
love, hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
jo