This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Sorry for the mix up.... well, not really sorry, did make for some fun reading there for a few minutes.....
It certainly made for some fun and that's always fine.
Sending you hugs!!!
SDPeg
yes, the doctor's appt. The one I was fearing for a couple of weeks.
The weigh in was adequate for her doc at this time. Doc says she gained a pound but not sure math is her forte per se as I saw it as a half a pound but on well. Doc asked about normal food for breakfast, lunch and dinner and if Ensure is being drank and meds being taken at the appointed times. I am thankful doc listens to me as well as obviously I know and Mom forgets (and honestly, sometimes it is the other way around right?).
The consensus is to have another follow up in January when more tests on the cognitive ability will be given. Doc was pleased that I am going part time next semester and also that I hired a female caregiver. The balance of the male and female genders is important to remember. With the status quo we live each day as it comes and hope for the best.
Thanks for asking ... daughter and family came for dinner and showed of the kids' costumes for Halloween just as I used to do with my kids and daughter cried remembering my dad/her grandpa. Although this is the second Halloween without him, this is the first my mom allowed people over and it was bittersweet.
I took a day to watch tv and do nothing. A part of me regrets wasting time (I have reading to do for class) but I guess I needed it.
Mom and I prepared for tomorrow for the trick or treaters. Female caregiver will be here in the evening/night and that will be fun for mom. I am glad she wanted to get back into the routine she and Dad had ... she is looking forward to it.
Mom also gets very frustrated and says "I didn't know getting old would be so hard" and when I remind her she is 84 1/2 years old and some of this forgetting is normal. She always thanks me for that compassionate statement.
So for the next two hours I could continue to watch "Murder She Wrote" marathon or pull out a textbook and read a chapter. At least I did get my paper written and submitted last night so that is over with. woo hoo. Just have to hand in the hard copy tomorrow morning and onto the rest of the semester. Thank God jut six more weeks of lecture, one week of finals, and a break!!! (I sound like a worn out record!)
Good night all
SDPeg
Halloween will be noisey here. The contractor and his team are here to put the new shingles on. (We had hail damage from a major storm.) Can't wait for that racket to start. lol I may have to call a cab to get out of here for a few hours.
Mom is about the same. I do worry that she isn't eating very well. She gets dinner ready, keeps things warm for hours waiting for the "kids" to sit down to eat. She gets so frustrated and upset, talks to them and they don't answer, so she cries. I keep telling her to just take care of herself. Sometimes, she says she just throws
I have to contact her PCP this week to see about another appointment. If he thinks meds might help, he needs to step up his role in Mom's care. I feel like I'm begging him to stay on top of this. I can't help that Mom is stubborn. He needs to at least try! Or am kidding myself?
Well, have a good Monday. And Happy Halloween, everyone!
Carolyn
What's my name by the way?
You could call me BEE! That's cure! I'll get used to it.
I've tried to change my user name but had no success. I realize my signon is too long. So thanks for the idea!
Carolyn in Western PA
Vic, always lots of things to do.
SDPeg, I hope you find a good solution for your mother and the food. What decision have you made about the car?
Jo is it very cold there already? Do you eat deer with berry marmalade? When I ate meat, I ate it in Germany and I loved it. Tooth: I'll have to put on a fake tooth; it is the last one so the doctor can't make a bridge. In a way it's Ok because you don't even notice that I have lost it.
Sorry if I forgot someone, my head is blank because I am working in the night.
Happy halloween
Have a good day and a good halloween night!
It's sort of like a prank phone call without you doing the dialing. It's fun on a stormy day. And believe me, it works. They'll never bother you again.
Glad you got some cash for the tooth....hey, can I borrow $70...... you KNOW I'm kidding..... love ya Ro, or maciROni, or Rosellaroselladella.......
Hey, I'm not giving up. It will happen. I just hope nothing bad happens in the meantime. I have to keep reminding myself that she is impacting these decisions. Guilt is an emotion I struggle with but not for lack of trying to help her!
I spend more time in my day doing research and finding potential resources to help in Mom's care than I spend on myself. It's exhausting. Since she refuses to go back to the doctor after her Mini Cognitive test, the doctor can't even tell her his findings, let along suggest any potential medicinal or other help to diminish or slow down the symptoms.
SDPeg, good luck with your studies! I'm envious! One of these days, I'd like to do some further studies. I'd have free tuition because my hubby is a professor at a local, private college. But...I have to get my eyes back before I can do that!
Maya: A walk sounds good. Some fresh air and exercise might help me, too.
Carolyn
It started raining about 4:30 and looks like it will continue all evening. Just had 4 treaters. And Mike went to get more candy..........looks like there may be another trip to the dentist for one of us................
Maya...hope there is nothing drastically wrong.........
Today we did errands and ate at IHOP. I have been in the bathroom ever since we got home. Guess the meal was too rich for me. Nasty, cold, rainy weather.....good for sleeping and diarhea........
Gonna dance with the stars and answer the door.....hopefully.....later.....
As far as the foot brace goes, I think it's working but it sucks cause I've got some decent winter boots that I bought a couple of yrs ago and now I can't wear them cause my brace won't fit in them which upsets me cause my other boots don't keep my feet warm. I guess when I retire it's going to have to be in a warmer climate.
emjo the vension sounds good. I wished I could get my husband to go hunting, but he won't so it looks like I'm going to have one of my cousins teach me. Oh and yes I did my walk today @ work. Does that count cause usually I ride a bike from job to job. I work in a car factory. I hope it counts cause I'm whooped tonight at least my feet are.
Sunday is grandma's 88th birthday. I found a beautiful cake that has butterflies and birds. Her favorite things besides Daisy. She doesn't know yet but we're celebrating her birthday. She'll say sometimes that she's 22 and then laughs. I got her a card from Daisy and a card from Peanut that I'm going to mail out tomorrow so she should get them on Saturday. I think that she'll be surprised. We're also getting her the Cars 2 movie. She laughs everytime that the previews come on tv.
I hope everyone is having a good day and the rest of the week. Hugs and prayers to all.
smiley
Mis, sorry you aren't having your snow yet..... and make sure you post on FB after you get the house lit up, is is going to look like the Griswalds?????
Shawna, I am sending "laugh fairys " to you.... You do not laugh near enough to suit me, you are too young to be so damned serious all the time..... and let the neice just be ugly, some people are just like that... that's why I have "ugly sisters", it's just the way it is......
I am so sorry that many of you are having lousy weather........I grilled cheeseburgers for supper with homemade french fries.....ymmmmmm. Only in Missouri, because next week we'll probably have snow up to our "shiny hineys"...:)
Target took candy into the col for Halloween and also gave her some to give my grandchildren when they stop to see her. I hope she remembers.......I'm just too funny tonight.....told my son what is there so he can help her. She was very frustrated today because the doctor didn't see her and give her a release date. She did some therapy today and by golly they made her sweat! I am so glad she is getting good exercise. I was at my wit's end trying to get her out to walk and it was always NO unless it was out front to the mailbox............and we all know that isn't going to happen. I had visions of opening the front door for her dog this morning.......little butt-wipe had been outside at least 6 times between 9 and noon.......I'm downstairs doing some printing and I hear Target bellowing.....dog pooped on my wool rug and peed on the hardwood floor....and yes Target stepped in it. Dog is still alive but he knew he had done something wrong, he kept looking at me with this sad look.....adjustments maybe? I would hate to have to put corks in his behind.........if he cannot adjust to not having the col something will have to be done and that is something I don't want to think about, but I won't have my floors destroyed. Maybe I should go get one of those diapers the col outgrew.....lol. She did not teach this dog to "go outside"....she taught him to "go be a good boy"......do you have any idea how hard it is to praise him? Every time I say "oh what a good boy" I'm afraid he will hike his leg!
Football tonight...........Vegas odds are on the Chargers, but I have faith in my Chiefs!
Shawna.....tell Mom it's okay to give idiot brother and sister ornaments for Christmas. What difference does it make, really, if it will keep a certain degree of family peace? You can't fix stoopid.................and you and Mom will be the better for having included them with everyone else....and if they want to continue to not speak that just gives you more peace and quiet.
Hope everyone has a bunch of ghosts and goblins knocking on doors tonight.....don't have to worry about that in the country......
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
That's what I get for acting silly. I was trying to get people laughing and the joke was on me.