This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
The biggest thing that has taken place is I wondered why my mother's long term insurance check did not show up on the 1st like it normally does. Turns out it is due to a name change in her nursing home from being a nursing home to being a short term care and rehab place. This is what appeared on October's bill and has slowed things down for mom's insurance company thinks she is in a different place and not receiving nursing home type care anymore. I called the business office where my mom is and explained to them my need for them to fax a letter to my mother's insurance co. saying this is a new name for the same place, why they changed their name and that my mother is still receiving nursing home level care. I would hate to think we would have to move her to somewhere with the word nursing home in the title just to get her insurance to pay.
Lu, I hope you can find some support and help to get back off of your addiction.
Prayers and hugs to all.
Ro, you are my Italian sister, and I wish I was there with you... we could get our mind off of so many things and just laugh, talk and drink coffee.... love , hugs and prayers for you......
Bee, my heart breaks for you about your brother..... I have gone to too many addicts funerals in my life... I hate the disease of Addiction as much as I hate Alz.... both destroy the person and the family.... prayers for you.....
Vic, I am so proud of you, you teach me to perservere.... am so happy to hear dad was able to get on the scale... tho your back and body paid a price, it was a victory for you both... love ya girl....Have your bags packed and RUN don't walk when they get there, you and hubby go somewhere and keep it a secret.....
Mis, your sil sounds like my son, lord, we are all kin to each other thru crappy sibs and extened family..... makes me crazy thinking about it...happy to hear you foot is going to be ok.... practice kicken ass now and keep it in shape...be careful in Detroit...
Jo, you and I could throw our "ugly sisters' in pile and we wouldn't know who was who....
Jam, glad your team won, ok, ok, I'm a few days late with that, but you know I think of you all the time.... hope you are eating good icecream tonite...
Seeme Sue, I love you and miss you so much...... prayers for you always.... wish I could come set on your porch and just chill for awhile... love to hear you laugh.... makes my day..... just know how much you are loved...... every afternoon before I lay down for my nap, I say "ni-night Seeme"...... we are both snoozing, we need it....
Told Jam today that if I ever win the lottery the first thing I am going to do is have a nervous breakdown...... I deserve it...... love and hugs to everyone....
Vic I am glad your dad was able to stand on the scales ... its not an easy feat I know. When family gets there run don't walk take sometime for yourself.
Ros ... I wish you get a break soon... honey..
Ladeeda ... what is there to say darlin I wish I could make everything better for you between you and you son. But you need to do what ya need to do. I am here anytime you need me.
CMAg enjoy your man cave and freedom ...
Jam well it says your stuff arrived today I hope you liked it. :-D
Might need to find a new supplier for my stuff not sure. That and help fixing when it comes to the water bottles I dont like the way they come out... anyway Hope you all have a nice weekend ...
Just a quick hello and goodnight to everyone....lol. Been busy today and will get caught up with everyone tomorrow.
Shawna.....yes I got everything today and thank you very much! My Christmas shopping is officially begun now.....great items, very pleased.
Rained most of the evening and it's down in the 30's so we all know what that means...........I most certainly am not ready for winter weather. And the dogs aren't very happy either. Oh my, they hate getting those little paws wet. My little chihuahua looks at me like "uh huh....you're not making me go out there"..........
Must get some sleep.........hope everyone has a peaceful night.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Ladee: "When I win the lottery I will be able to afford to have a nervous breakdown" is soooooooooooo true! Let's hope that when we win the lottery we have some nice travels, though.
Shawna you are always very busy! Tks God you have the energy.
Dede, you are at the stage where your mother needs help and she doesn't admit it and you have to worry that she is safe! I know it very well. Most of us have already been there. It took me months maybe more than a year to convince my mother to accept a help... Be patient!
Goodnight everybody....
Shawna, I found your website. I don't always notice the - I'm so busy just trying to (see) read the posts. lol Your art work in very nice!
I cried yesterday. I called to find if the new "medically necessary" lens for my right eye had arrived. (I have serious cornea damage.) I've been waiting 2 months now and it hasn't even been ordered. The specialist had me all pumpted up: this new lens is going to radically improve my quality of life.
Don't you just love how the insurance industry controls our lives?
My evening call to Mom found her in tears because she's "sick of these people just ignoring me". She was a little winded from her walk - out to see if she could find the kids to get them "home for dinner". She admitted she is depressed because of this "situation". I need to get ther to have a face to face talk about this "situation".
Well, i hope today is a better day - for all of us.
Carolyn
Bee
My mom's meds MUST be finally kicking in because even if she is down a bit (or "lousy" as she calls it) I am able to help her see the bright side of things. That's a plus; never have been able to do that before.
I may be a bit awol for the next few weeks with papers, presentations, finals coming up. Just can't wait for break ~ just in time for the holidays. I am doing better than I thought I would with all the added responsibilities with mom so that's good.
I took an afternoon off yesterday and arranged a display of Swarovski crystal jewelry my daughter creates at the local consignment shop. I would have preferred to spend more time typing and printing labels but that's ok. She wants these items in for only two months (leftovers from a craft fair) so I wasn't going to put too much into it you know. But the display is pretty (posted on my FB) and items are reasonably priced. It was nice to take a few hours and be creative and chat with the manager of the store (swiftly becoming a friend) instead of hitting the books! Yes, nice break.
I wish you all well. We here in CA are still having hotter weather, not good for fire threat, and we look forward to cooler weather in a few weeks (that's wishful thinking). Snow? No thanks!!! I am definitely a CA girl!!!
Hugs across the miles
SDPeg
Checking in to see how everyone is doing today and hoping it's been good.
We went to visit with the col this morning and took her doggie to see her. Yes, he was happy to see her and jumped into her lap, then laid down on the floor and decided it was nap time. She doesn't want us to bring any pictures to put on her walls as that will just be too much to carry when she is released. We will just deal with that daily when she asks......this will be the only time in history that a month may equal years.....lol. She is happy and being cooperative, today was PT, and she seems to be doing better with her walker.
CMag..........glad your roof is on
I finally resent my brother the text about when he is coming...he said he saw it and forgot. he said the would be here thanksgiving...DUH!!! .... well it got worse as my sweet mom frets about change. she wants to see my brother and her gkids and ggkids but is afraid of one of the kids running and her falling oh...they are supposed to bring a cat! well mom loves animals but she is afraid that she may step on it and trip.. poor lady she was half in tears yesterday with worry. I did what I could to ease her mind ... today she seems better but who knows. I did tell my brother that he needs to remember she is this way and that it is not always best to tell her things so far ahead. finally got out of him he may be here wed nite and leave early Sunday... and you bet I am going to run!!! i don't care if it is to a hotel in town. oh well....enough said. what happens or doesn't happen happens! one day at a time right! my main concern is for my parents and trying to take care of myself. get so emotional sometimes... thanks all for being here and loving me just as I am!
You are all in my prayers each and every day.
Cmag.....as I previously stated, I'm glad the roof is on.....less noise to ruin your day. You sound happier and for that I'm glad. I hope you get the insurance straightened out for your mother. You would think they would have been informed of a name change but too often those "little" things get overlooked.
ladee........I'll have my bags packed and standing on the corner when you win the lottery....just make it a short nervous breakdown please....I don't want to wait long for my ride...........oh, did I mention that I'm going to Italy with you to see Rossella?
I made a custard type ice cream this time, chilled it for 24 hours then popped it in the ice cream freezer...within 2 min it was rock solid and just sat and spun....had to have Target help me dig it out.....chocolate with walnuts and almond flavoring.....yummmmmmmmm
Jo.........this ice cream is your fault ya know.....and I love you for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And here I've dropped 10lbs and eating ice cream....but homemade has no calories, right? And it's good for me because chocolate is a food group.....:) I loved seeing the pics of Gordie's bench.........how wonderful for you to see that and thoughtful for someone to do it.
SDPeg.......good luck with getting all your "homework" done. I'm sure you are looking forward to your break. And so glad to hear that mom's antidepressant is kicking in. Sometimes it takes a month or maybe two before you really start to see differences. And her appetite is probably going to increase also.
Bee....Carol.....I wish it was easier for you to get your mom to accept help. We were in your situation 2 yrs ago and finally had to just say "this is the way it's going to be", the decision is no longer yours. We had her sign a POA 6 yrs ago, so she really didn't have much choice when it finally got so bad that she couldn't care for herself. The deciding point was when she fell off her back porch, 4 ft onto rocks, cracked the back of her head open and when she fell she landed on her left side wedged between a large rock and the hardened stem of some plant that would have impaled her if she had fallen flat. She was so depressed that she started drinking and then couldn't make it up the stairs to her bathroom. Needless to say, you can imagine the shape her house was in. It took $4000 and 3 men to strip the inside of her house when we finally got her moved 2 yrs ago. But it had to be done. Now, we are at the next step.
I'm using the excuse right now that I have a headache, darn herniated discs, and won't try to mention everyone by name............but just remember that I am the "Mother Hen" and yes, I read everything from each and every one of you and you all are included in my daily prayers while this wagon train is still plodding along........
Love and Hugz to all of you,
Jam
talking the day off - after a week of cr*p dealing with my sib. I have been sleeping only about 3-5 hrs and need to catch up. Since Gordie died I am hypervigilant - get stressed more easily and it affects my sleep more than anything My sis does not acknowledge anything she has said and gives the responsibility for any upset to her daughter, our mother, and me. However the upside is that she does acknowledge that she and I need not pretend to be friends. Works for me. We never were friends. All this stuff is exhausting. Gary, who has seen the emails, shakes his head in wonder. Hopefully, that will be the end of it, but I doubt it. There has always been an unhealthy triangle between me, mother and my sister with me being the target, and I don't see her giving up that game so easily. But there are ways to cope with that too.
Still above freezing and still no snow - wonderful!!!
The pecan pie was a disaster. It had almost 5 stars in review but was tasteless - I agree with the person who gave it a 1 out of 5. Gary, what a good guy - ate it anyway without complaint. He doused it with cinnamon and cayenne and said it was still tasteless. The crust was good. Go figure. I will have to redeem myself and make a decent pie - maybe apple.
He is off to hunt with his uncle this weekend (an annual event) - so another quiet weekend for me and the cat, which is good, and then more butchering,
mis - glad your foot report was good
lisa - crafts are a great idea. I used knit and crochet and should get back into it -hope the antidepressants are kicking in and helping you to feel better
bee - how frustrating that the order has not even gone in !!! and that mum is still looking for the kids -so difficult
cmag -so glad you are still feeling the benefits
ladee- hope u are having a good day and some relaxation
jam - the col is blossoming there. Darn -the custard type ice cream goes rock hard too, Maybe I won't try it -apaprently the amount of fat, sugar and alcohol will affect the texture. I added 5T sugar to my last batch and it went hard but 2 mins in the microwave and it was a good texture. Going to try alcohol in the recipe next!
shawna -you sound good - and that mum is doing well
dede -sounds like u r doing a great job looking out for ur mum -
sdpeg - glad mum is doing better -the timing is about right for the meds - arranging crystal must have been fun -a change anyway
maya - how is ur mum's incision and how ur u?
burned - hope some things are working out - u haver such a load to deal with
54 -wondering how you and hubby are
starri is in a bikini in the sunshine
seeme - hope you got the house damage repaired from a month ago and u r taking it easy?
stormy - missing you - how r things?
vic -sorry u r having a hard day and mum got so upset - it would be easier in some ways if dad didn't want to keep up with the PT but you have to honour his wishes - hope you get a decent break
everyone - have a good evening, When he gets home G and I are going out cutting tamarack boughs for a project - He won't tell me what the project is. He loves secrets and surprises.
love, hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
Jo, it doesn't matter the cake didn't come out very good. Always keep experimenting! One day you could stumble upon a fantastic recipe.
Maybe G wants to make an original Christmas tree with the tamarack. Maybe he wants to grow mushrooms! I am curious!
This time, it was I want to get out again, but this time to shop Sat. afternoon at a yard sale. She said other people get to check out for a day trip, why could not she do the same thing although she said, she would have to be in her wheel chair for they don't want her to walk out of fear of falling. I agreed yes she did not want to fall and break her hip again. Then she claimed that she had fallen years ago and broke her hip and her mother took her to the doctor. I knew right then that dementia was kicking in big time. No one does not want to her walk so she will not fall. She has not walked in 2 1/2 years because she refused to work with PT. She wants me to call the social worker in the am to see if she can go shopping on Saturday, but she does not want me to tell the social worker that it is a yard sale. Not a chance in Oz that she is going to be able to do that.
Another sign of her dementia was the invitation for my family to come up there for Thanksgiving. Like sure, we are going to have our Thanksgiving meal in the nursing home. I told her that we already had plans but would come up to visit. She said she would allow me to do that but to make sure that I brought both of our boys. No mention of my wife coming or not. "Allow" me who is 54, now that is a joke although when I was younger and she was younger, I would not have been allowed and I would have had to do only what I was "allowed" to do.
We ended the conversation with her saying for me to come and visit, just to visit whenever I could. No mention about come up Sat. to take me shopping.
The place where I go for open mike night downtown was closed due to the heater being broken. So, I don't have my outlet and escape for Thursday night like I normally do. Thus, I'm in my man cave just chillin.
Hugs, love, and prayers to all for a good night's rest and as good of a weekend as is possible. :)
I am translating the latest ep of Criminal Minds. In the line
HOTCH (into computer) Garcia, start compiling a list of missing persons (over computer) and crimes in the area.
GARCIA (into computer) Faster than a Hotch Rocket.
What does it mean Garcia's line? Why is it funny? Can you explain to me PLZ?
Rosella, I don't watch that show, but it could be a play on the term "Crotch Rocket" which describes foreign (to us) made motorcycles that go fast, but tilt the body so it looks like the driver is leaning forward trying to get more speed out of it. Not a very funny line to me......hope that helps.......
Have you ordered your babies yet??? You haven't said anything so hope that plan is still in place... for those that don't know, it is puppy babies and I want pics of them.....
And what Seeme said is right Ro, just a play on words...it's funny to me, but then it doesn't take much for me does it....
love everyone, day off, will be napping most of the day...
My friend suggested that, instead, I pray, ask, beg for joy, peace, harmony, rest, anything but patience.
Today, I have to work with Mom to balance her checkbook - long distance. It will take me several hours on the phone to accomplish what I could do in 15 minutes or less by myself. But I will have to hear the stories behind everything, more than once. Talk about needing patience!
So this morning, I will pray for all of us. I will ask for peace of mind, harmony in our relationships, and a moment or two of joy to treasure and give us hope.
Happy Friday, friends.
Sorry you didn't get your night out, fella. I know what you mean about being "allowed" to do things. At our age, 62, my Mom still tries to basically force feed my husband and I when we visit. We rarely eat sweets. She always buys pies when wer're visiting. She insists we will eat it or wear it. She has yet to carry out her threat, but it is never a pleasant time.
Seeme, congrats! Isn't it a joy to welcome little ones into our lives? We now have 3 grand daughers : Taylor, 2, Julianne, turns 1 in Dec, and Olivia just 2 months old. Christmas shopping this year will be fun!
I often talk about rainbows in my day. Seeing new picuures of the babies always brightens a day for me. For these rainbows, I am grateful.
I went on a feel sorry for myself jag in an e-mail to my best friend about not being able to sleep through the night, about living off No-Doz so that I can function when I'm awake. He listened and didn't comment. He knows when I'm venting and he doesn't tell me I'm wrong. Yesterday, I talked to my cousin and his wife about not sleeping and basically, I was told to get over it, that I had to do it all regardless of what it does to me and my own health. I wanted to smack the crap out of him, but I didn't. If he says anything like that to me again, I'm going to remind him that he's never been a caregiver, that he had the chance to help with his dad and didn't because he was waiting to be asked and how ridiculous it still sounds that he would have to be asked. I'm not going to just let it go any longer. What they don't seem to get is that if something happens to me, there won't be anyone else to step up to the plate for my mother. You know, I no longer care if these people give a flip about me, because they're all caught up in themselves and who they think they are. I'm seeing all kinds of carefully crafted illusions come down.
And I'd love to know how these folks have all gotten disability and early Medicare. If they're able to have a lawn care and gardening business where they're the sole employee, they're not disabled. It galls me that someone younger than I am is getting disability and Medicare even though he can still manage to do yard work at fifty bucks an hour. Then, he has the nerve to complain about the co-pays that he has to come up with because Medicare doesn't cover it all.
In the meantime, my mother's been shuffled off on another doctor. I think these folks are trying very hard to spread the liability issues of their non-care around. I'm documenting it all just in case.
Who needs these aggravations?
Hang in there. You are not alone.
I tried calling the social worker where mom is, but had to leave her a message.
What a morning!