This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
emjo.........COW PATTIE!!!! Aren't you special? But then again, we always knew that! And you had your own guardian angel......she must have known you needed her for awhile and then when she knew that you were okay, she went off to help someone else. A couple of years ago I looked outside and there was a HUGE dog standing out on the deck. He had a collar on but no tags, had been well taken care of, and had no idea where he came from but he made himself at home. We fed and watered him and called him Elvis....lol. He was very sweet and loving and treated our dogs well. Then a couple of days later, I looked out and he was gone and to this day I have never seen him again. I just figured he had stopped in to say hi during his travels.
Okay okay............I only put one extra staple in.......I told him a couple of them weren't spaced perfectly so needed another one.....:) actually if I do say so myself, for being the first time it wasn't a bad job.....it healed nicely.
Vic....glad to hear no UTI but sorry if Dad is having TIA's. Hate those. Couple years ago I was helping my Dad get into his wheelchair to go to lunch and he had one....scared the crap out of my sister and the little aide about peed her pants. I just put him back into bed for lunch. What can you do besides nothing?
We're getting the north end of ladee's rain storm.....it's putting some rain into the pond, we're hoping enough on the far side to protect the fish through the winter.
I hope everyone is having a good day.......will check back later.....
Happy Trails,
Jam
We have FENCE.....finally....now I just need something to put in the backyard...
Will check out the vacuum cleaner and see if I can find the plug and get it moving.......motionally challenged?......laundryphobia.....leadbutt?....no, too close to the truth.............
also you are grieving and I have been told that 1 hour of grieving is equivalent to (can't remember how many) hrs of ditch digging - in other words -you will be tired -
from the internet learnwell.org "People who are grieving often feel extremely tired because the process of grieving usually requires physical and emotional energy".
Grief in not over in a couple of months
look after you, give yourself the space and time u need, eat properly, get the sleep you need, exercise a little, you have been running on adrenaline for a long time
and your body needs a break
that's what we tell the grief group members anyway
seems to me, seeme, that you have good reasons to be tired - oh add to that years of sleep loss
-the housework isn't going anywhere -so I tell myself - hmmm, think I feel a nap coming on...
as a last resort quote maxine -
I thought about cleaning the house. But then
I thought, "What's the house done for me lately?"
HOW TO CLEAN THE HOUSE
1. Open a new file in your PC.
2. Name it "Housework."
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN.
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN.
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete "housework" permanently?"
6. Calmly answer, "Yes," and press mouse button firmly.
7. Feel better? - Works for me! :lol:
"I do my housework in the nude.
It gives me an incentive to clean the mirrors as quickly as possible."
How about WITHDRAWAL...............you are coming down off the high of always being alert for your Mom, being available to her 24/7. Instead of trying to tackle the bigger, ugly jobs, try starting with something simple that you enjoy. Just remember darlin that you put one too many blonde streaks in your hair, so we have to go slow....................................ly. If it's any consolation, I'm still having trouble getting myself motivated. Today, I've put the dogs out 3 times, gotten dressed, refilled the humidifier.........woohoo I'm on a roll!!!!!!!!
Happy Trails,
Jam
Awsome news about the cemetary and everything being paid for.... hope the sibs respect this situation and come and be a family for a change.....
Oh, and what is this crap about cleaning house..... ?????? I'm not even sure I understand that language, will have to get Ro to translate for me.... If I have to set on the toilet with an umbrella, do you REALLY think I care if this Grapes of Wrath wagon is clean.... NOT...
Vic, sorry to hear about Dad, I think this is more of what i am seeing in Sonny than UTI.... and there is nothing that can be done..... and I do feel that I have made enough progress with Marie, that I will at least be llistened to ......if in fact he does have different heealth problems....
Jam, sorry your team is playing like Dallas does most of the time.... but it is fun to watch , be glad when I get a tv, then I know I'll never leave the house for anything..... as long as my cat has food, I have my citrus green tea, and the umbrella, I'll be fine.....
emjo, keep your butt warm.... I can't imagine it being that cold..... I always make jokes and say we have about 20 minutes of winter.... but we got another good rain this morning, so hopefully the stock ponds are getting some water in them, and I know the cows are confused, they finally have some green grass to eat.....
Am going to go read for awhile... more later, love ya'll
Cmag.......hope everything went OK with picking up son at airport. Have a good Thanksgiviing.......btw.....overheard my neighbor screaming "Fix my roof or I will sue".....guess there is still arguing over 3/4 or a whole roof.......and how is wife's pain??
SSSHHHHHH.....Ladee is napping............
ladee wake up it's snowing in TX...
gotta ya. I bet those cows are definately corn fused a bit. lol
Well Rob got the extension ran for the lights but it's raining outside and I would melt if I went out and took pictures so I'm gonna try and wait until it snows before I put pics up on facebook.
emjo glad that you're feeling better.
vic hope your dad gets better.
Hope everyone has a good turkey day and hugs and prayers across the miles.
All I'll have room for this year is a PICTURE of a Christmas tree......
Who is going shopping Black Friday??????
Ladee....I'll send you a picture of my pencil tree...maybe it will fit on the wall.....
glad to see you woke up..........I thought I ran everyone off the thread, but I realized they were just letting you sleep..........read, my ass......
Kathy is dragging me out for shopping at 10pm or whenever WalMart opens. I even have to take a nap after supper cause she said she isn't coming home till Friday sometime.......I got my list from a local school of needy children and what they would like for Christmas. We used to go a little overboard, I guess, cause now we are asked to buy only 1 toy and an outfit or coat. It breaks my heart to see a kindergarten girl ask for boots and a coat, and that any toy would do. We have 6 kids this year. Hubby and I are too spoiled as it is.....we got our fence for Christmas. One year we had a girl ask for shampoo and a toothbrush......tooooo sad. Would you believe I have only been shopping on Black Friday once before? We stood in line at WM for 3 hours to get 2 helmets and 2 bicycles (only $20 each) for a set of twins we had that year..........never did it since, but that was worth it.........but I don't have my own kids, and too many nieces and nephews that aren't hurting for Christmas. Being the shopper that she is, Kathy will steer me in the right direction, or maybe I will just follow (hide) behind her.........
And I DID read, couldn't go to sleep, shame on you Miss I Take A Nap EveryTime I Pass A Soft Surface !!!!!
I know about those younguns that ask for simple stuff, breaks my heart too.... guess I am missing the boys at Boys Haven, making a lot of reference to them lately, but they made a list also... sometimes when I was helping them and they would put things like socks or tshirts, I would tell them they could ask for really neat things.... and they would say you mean like shoes and stuff, and I would say, yeah, but also like bikes and stuff..... OMG, little greedy monsters were created, but they always got what they asked for.... even the bikes.... Guess because my son is being such a jackass, and I haven't seen my granddaughter in almost a year, it is making me miss all those crazy boys.....
congrats on the new job - every little bit helps
Good luck and come back and visit!
Blessings
Jo
This morning as i was leaving for school I realized my mom's toilet was stopped up. Darn toilet paper!!! Yep, waaaaay too much mixed with other things I am sure you know what I am talking about. There was nothing I could do this morning as I ran out but thought about that problem most of the day. Tonight I prepared dinner for my mom and took care of the problem (no details, too yucky). Then I broke down. I got so mad at the concept of the brain being taken away from a person. I cried and cried. I even told my Mom I was mad at God for taking my Dad last year and obviously taking my mom's brain this year. That was too much for me to handle.Then my mom went to her room and closed the door. After a while I checked on her, she was in bed in underwear and shirt ... not pajamas. As I coaxed her into putting pajamas on she and I had a good cry and conversation. She blessed me with telling me that she realizes how frustrated I am with her cognitive decline because she remembers how frustrated and angry she was when her mother was "like this". Talk about a blessing. She gifted me with empathy. Through more tears and talk, she has agreed to "check out" the local senior center (I mentioned this two months ago in a post, her doc suggested she go) and she has almost agreed that after the first of the year, she would go once a week while I am in school. Although we cried and cried, sharing empathy through hugs was the best part of the night.
I still feel frustrated but that's human. I know she honestly does not remember how to dress herself so I will budget my time so she is dressed before I leave the house (unlike this morning when I was running late but she seemingly did ok and put on the clothes I laid out for her). She told me honestly that she does not know how to make a cup of coffee all the time. "Sometimes I do" she said.
I will work on my frustration level but what a blessing it was to hear that she understood how I was feeling and then she kissed me and thanked me for all I am doing for her. No greater gift than that.
The topic: how am I doing? Worn out from crying but it was worth it. So a stopped up toilet was the last straw of my patience but it opened the door to a conversation between mother and daughter that only we could share. Thank you for being my friends ~ without this continued thread I would have lost my mind a long time ago.
And if anyone would like to find humor in finding empathy through crap ... please do, I can't think right now.
Sending love and hugs and my gratefulness for all of you.
SDPeg
SDPeg......(!) Who would have thought that a stopped up toilet would lead to such a warm blessing? And a good cry on top of it.....for both of you.......a nice cleansing experience. Almost makes you glad to have had the problem!!! My mom's saddest moments were when she couldn't control her bowels. But with poop everywhere, (I kept reminding her that any mess she made could be cleaned up) I would laugh about her eye color (aren't your eyes green, not brown), where is all this COMING from?.......Yes, it would take another hour to clean up the mess and sanitize things, and once it was tons of laundry from changing PJ's 5 times one night, sheets, towels, but she relaxed when I didn't flip out and I took out my aggravation here!!
Cmag....I was going to suggest a chiro.....love 'em.......my skull pain comes from the muscles running up my neck, and muscle relaxers would be an option......no, none of those at my 'lemonade' stand.....maybe also ibuprofen for inflammation.....bound to be some of that.......hope today's rain doesn't add to your or your wife's discomfort.
Turkey has to come out of the frig today, need to get some other things done, so will check back later.....
OH, for those of you who may not know......if you would like to get rid of notifications, please click on your profile, then click on "settings" under your picture/avatar and answer the questions that pop up. Hope that helps...........
I hope everyone has a good a day as possible!
Prayers for SDPeg's mom........
more later, gotta go to work...
That's the scoop from doctor jo for this morning lol!
sdpeg - wonderful warm exchange with your mum - sometimes dealing with the sh*t in our lives brings benefits
oh - and mother at 99 has several deteriorated discs but her "muscle corset" is so good they don't bother her - good muscle tome everywhere pays off everytime -she is a physiotherapist
having said that my neck muscles were weak when my thyroid was low