This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Jam thanks for the info on carbon monoxide, is some twisted way it does make me feel better to know he did not know what was happening... he did try to get out tho, they found him by the door.... just can't think about it too much, the fire, without just coming undone...
CG10, Lord do we all know about anxiety.... and a lupus survivor.... good for you... so you already know not to get too tired... are you on any anxiety meds??? maybe it is time to check into that... I take them, and I'm sure quite a few here do too... come back and let us know how you are....
It has been a very long day, I am just now getting home, but wanted to check in and tell ya'll I love ya and could feel ya'll with me today.... will try to get caught up in the morning, and tell everyone hi... for now, am going to find something to eat and put my feet up.....
hugs, angels and much appreciation for ya'll... I can do this because I have ya'll...
Haven't really meant to be gone as long as I have from here, you all were my saving Angels during mom's last weeks.
I'm a big chicken. Mom took the papers for her med refills so that should mean she's handling it. After hearing her yell at my Dad tonight about a piece of paper that missed the watebasket, I don't even want to deal with her. Both my parents are very self-sufficent yet. Right now, they're here with me more because it's close to the hospital than because they need daily care. We can't leave Mom alone because she's a fall risk, but she can still get around pretty well. She's holding so tight to being able to do for herself (or make my Dad do it), that I'm not sure when to push and take over. I guess I'll somehow know when the time comes. If I even suggest that she forgot something, she freaks, because she fears that's one of the signs of the cancer growing. And it is, but my sister says she was already somewhat forgetfull before this and she hasn't been here long enough for me to know what is normal for her or worsening.
Did put my foot down about Dad's pre op tests tomorrow. I have plans for the evening that were set up months ago. I am not taking off work just to sit at home with her while he goes. And I'm not cancelling my plans, either. She's pushed almost everyone away who would help, and she doesn't seem interested yet in getting home care. So she will go with him and just sit there in the waiting room. And have to wear a mask because it's her "germ" week, when she's most likely to catch a bug and get sick. As my punishment, now she say's I shouldn't come to her doctor appointments, but I will continue to go because I need to know exactly what is going on with her care.
I look forward to reading the post everynight. It really helps.
Notlikemom: I agree that you leave your mother a certain degree of freedom, if her mind still works well and she wants to take care about her medicines, I think it is right she does it. I don't know if you can manage to supervise her without her noticing it! My mother is in control of nothing, and I miss the independent mother I once had. She had a hell of a temper, but she was very strong and active and now she is not even in condition of warming herself up a glass of milk.
ASG: I am sorry you couldn't take a break. It is the same for me and I am so tired and stressed out that I snap at everybody, I snap even at kids - which I have never done in my life - If I lose patience with kids it means I am really stressed out. But I see no breaks in the near future! So I only hope I continue to be strong enough. Starry I see that you really enjoy your "on the road" life... When you have finished the USA you have Europe and a lot of world to see!
Caregiver 10, I agree with Jam, maybe you shall have to find another solution for your mother. My mother has the same disease as yours and tonight I caught her eating a glove because she was hungry. She can't definitely be left alone, unless she is sound asleep!
Thanks everybody for your solidarity about my cat's death. He was a sweet boy and I sure will miss him. He was not the one who followed me in the bathroom - that one is Cocaine. Nino was the one who wanted to be kissed every night! He was the only one. I don't have other pets who want to be kissed as much. He was such a good cat - adored by my dogs - that I am sure he is in Cat's heaven now!
Good night everybody.
Ros, been thinking about you, hoping you were doing well, do you have anyone else that is able to help you with Mom? you can't have eyes in the back of your head all the time to watch what is going on. Sorry about your kittie, I know that you miss him. Squeek is doing well, I'll be happy though when we get to a place that I can actually let her run for a while. She's had to either be in the camper, in the place we were staying or on a lead.. I take her for walks but it's not the same as her getting to chase birds or stalk the dogs. She tries to pounce them as they walk by, but it's hard when she has gotten herself wrapped up around something.
How this cat manages to get herself so tangled around things I have no clue..
JAM- Thanks for relaying what the ct scan report said.
Dad did see his ent dr today and really the only thing he said was that he would like for dad to see the dr that done the trach on him. Why? I'm not really sure. The only thing that he said was that he couldn't understand why dads neck was staying so wet all the time. I know why cause he is constantly coughing up mucus. But going back to see that dr at duke is a joke and a waste of time and gas. Then the ent dr said well i don't know who is keeping up with his albumin levels. All i know about albumin levels is that it has something to do with the bone. And if the levels are high in children that is good cause their bones are still growing but bad if it is high in the elderly. Because their levels should be low cause their bones are not growing anymore. I guess saying maybe indicating (bone cancer) for some people. Dad's levels were low last time he had blood work done. And he goes back the 27th of this month to have his blood work done and to check his tsh levels to see if they have gone back up some or to see if he is still hyperthyroid. Well, need to get back on the puzzle some before bed.
Ladee- I am so very sorry about your nephew. It is a tragedy. You and your family are in my prayers. Love and (((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Sweetie. Stormyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Starri you'd look cute in a full bunny suit!
Ladee glad you checked in...hope you get some rest tonight.
Jam...take Seeme's advice to heart!! Too funny.. Mmmmm Bryer's ice cream yum!
Notlikemom..you will know what to do when the time comes..good for you setting boundaries for you!
CG10.. Take care you ...
Shawna hope you and mom had another good day.
Ros.. So much .. Glad we are here wish we could be there to hug and hug you!
Stormy...hope all is well
Gonna try to catch some. Zzzzzzzzzz before dad starts calling.
Night all...thanks for giving me so much strength!
Yes starri, had 4 teeth extracted last Friday....getting better every day. Now comes decision time as to whether I want to do implants next Spring. Pretty much have myself talked out of it. And thank you all for the potato suggestions.....I doctored them up and had some tamales, don't have to chew those, and thought I was having a feast....isn't that pathetic? Back to the dentist tomorrow for a check-up.
NH called tonight and the col's doctor is putting her back on another round of antibiotics and breathing treatments. She is not beating this easily. It's one of those day by day things. But she did spend the evening in the main gathering area instead of in bed.
Got to get some sleep......peaceful sleep for all.............
Happy Trails,
Jam
Hope the Col gets over whatever is going on soon. There is some kinda cold thing going around, I've had it for almost 2 weeks now. Still not kicking it, nose plugged and settled in the chest.
Sweet Dreams
Thank you all for the love and support... I know during the day when my mind is wandering I wish I was home so I could share... but am going to 'cocoon' myself this weekend, as Vickie said to me, and do what i have to do...
I do want to share what a funny man Howard was, no matter the circumstnaces he could have us all laughing until we cried... he will be missed so much by so many..... But God needed him, so I let go with love..... thanks again, couldn't do without ya'll... well, yes, I could, but it would be so much harder..... hugs and angels to you all... will try to get caught up this weekend....later.
Just a hello before I start my day.
ASG.....when you get to the office ask the receptionist if he can spare you a few minutes before he sees Aunt as you have some concerns that need to be addressed and she won't bring them up. My doctor has done that for me when I've taken the col in. Good luck!
Thinking about you ladee..........you have all these angels watching over you today, so hopefully you'll breeze through and get back to the safety of home.
stormy.....Google albumin levels and you will find more than you probably want to know.
The snow missed us last night....yippeee.....and I told it to go see missmiley...lol.
Going to be a balmy 34 degrees today!
I hope everyone has a perfect Friday..........will check back after dentist.
Happy Trails Amigos,
Jam
Also since she is not a live -in I worry they won't care for her well. Has anyone taken their mother ,dad etc to an assisted living for respite. I'm not sure my Mother will understand and I know she will be very confused. Is it worth it for all this ? Thoughts anyone?
Thanks,
Carol
Ladee I knew your Faith would help you...I hope this weekend you will feel free to "feel" what you wish, without worrying about your job and your duties.
Jam I will have a tooth extraction next week. Never done it, I am very scared. I shall have an implant, too, next year. I am lucky it is the last tooth (the last molar) so no.one will notice.
Ro..........you won't have any problems with your extraction. Please don't be afraid. I've never had just one tooth pulled, it was always 2 or more. You won't have the advantage of being able to place a denture over yours, it acts as a bandage, but just leave the gauze in until it quits oozing, then on the second day you can start GENTLY swishing with warm salt water....that feels so good. It normally takes 2 weeks for the hole to close over....my dentist today told me mine were almost completely closed and it's been only a week. I've been a very good girl! We discussed implants today and I told him my concerns and he said no, I've already gone through the worst of it. When putting the implants in, bone has no nerves, so the pain is very minimal. Eased my mind. The center of the bone has nerves, but the implants don't go in that far. You will do just fine!
cadarn...........I wouldn't worry too much about the care Mom would receive. And of course you will worry about her......but who knows, maybe she might enjoy herself so much that she would want to stay. When we took the col to the NH, we explained that she needed PT that we couldn't do at home, and she has settled in very well. Of course she is having lingering bronchitis which I feel will become chronic, but she might have gotten that here, I can't blame it on the NH. You're the only one who can make the decision if this is the right thing to do....have you asked for your daughters' input? That might help you.
ASG..........what did you learn from the doctor? I'm still hoping you can work out some respite so you can get into the Christmas spirit................I'm the only one allowed to BAH HUMBUG!!
ladee.....glad you are home and no work this weekend. Give yourself some time for absolutely nothing. Unless you're planning a rock hunting expedition. Sorry I'm not closer, I would go too........you will never make me stay behind and take care of Marie....:)
mis.............anytime on the snow. We didn't get a single flake so my snow dance must have worked!
Hope everyone has had a great day.......check in and let us know what's up.
Happy Trails,
Jam
Thanks for the input. I think it is best for her to go and for us to try. She will be in the al for 4 nights. We need to be able to entertain our friends. Hope that doesn't sound too selfish. We don't get to go out much, but have been having a lady come in to stay with my Mom. The weeks and days around the Christmas Holiday are so busy, It is hard to keep the schedule. I know I am very fortunate that my Mom goes to day care every day and enjoys going to daycare. I need to get Christmas up and going for my girls. Just seems that my time is so short. We have a wedding to go to this week end and next weekend we have a show for Dance. In between are several school programs and parties. My subdivision does a progressive dinner so I have offered to help with the main course; like everyone the Christmas Holiday is so busy.
I know I will worry about the respite but just feel it is something I must try. Everyone at Mom's daycare thinks it is best. For some reason I feel I must let the people on this site know that I don't do this without lots of thought. My family is all for it Just feel I must make it right with all of yall. Please share any and all thoughts.
Thanks,
Carol