This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Jam, if you're sure I won't feel it, you can have your implants. Just wanted you to know.....
Rosella, so sorry about your kitty...been meaning to tell you that for ages......losing a special pet is a special kind of grief.........and a kisser!!! uuuummmm
Hubby got his Christmas PJ's yesterday.....navy blue with white snow flakes and white top. I will wear red with white flakes and white top. He will wear his moose slippers......hopefully we will be the only flakes that night.......smiley can have all the others. I like it, don't mind driving in it, but this town closes up at the first flake, they can't drive in it, and I don't like the damp, wet, slushy mess and talk of black ice that we never really get here cause they don't know what it is.......wah, wah,wah.
Started to get on a roll there, so I will close for now.....cutting the hormones in half might not be working.....thanks, doc!!!!
Carol, if gut feeling is telling you this is the right thing to do, then go for it........there is nothing like gut feeling and we never wanted you think you had to explain it to us. You need to have more confidence in your own abilities, cause I see nothing wrong from here!! And have a good time!!!!!! No regrets allowed!!!!!
I am steeped in moose torso, moose hindquarters, moose meat in general. We have been butchering the past few days and one more hindquarter to go, I will be posting pics on facebook. We now have several sets of moose ribs to roast - they will be Flintstone size but should be good. Will be glad to get the last of it done . My job is to cut up the stew meat, bag everything and stow it away, We are running out of freezer space so that means a visit to ny daughter who has a big almost empty one. Mind you, at our current temps the garage does the job.
Respite sounds good to me.
asg and carol - hope you do manage it, you will feel better -
asg auntie's mind - bless her sox off - what can you say to her???
ladee - rest and recovery - process what has happened - look after you - tough times I know -can you do a little memorial service just for you when the other one is happening - doesn't have to be much but can help
ishmael - sending prayers to you too - lots going on?
starri girl - having a blast I see -that's great -will squeek go up a tree if she gets a chance?
jam -good news about the implants -i have been wondering - appparently I am ready for mine but want to change dentists -that guy has ham fists
ros (((((hugs)))) about nino -know you will miss him for quite a while -you never forget them
seeme - PICTURES!!! - red white and blue - very patriotic!
cmag -dry yet???
burned - glad u r getting paid - that helps
everyone - my memory is failing - - hope you have a good weekend
I was up at 5:30 yesteday morning to butcher moose,and didn't get to bed till nearly midnight after a second round. Don't think I will be worth much tonight - cutting up stew meat can wait till the weekend, after a good night's sleep.
love, hugs, and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
seeme........I can pretty much guarantee you won't feel any pain...but I swear if you start whining and complaining I'm going to send you to the spa!!!!!! So I take it we will get pics of you two flakes at the party?
ASG.....the doctor is correct. Why keep throwing meds at the elderly for this, that and everything in between? When it's probably not going to make any difference in their quality of life.
Jo cutting up that moose sure does sound like alot of work.
Seeme yes we need to see pictures of the two flakes.
We're also looking into respite care for Grandma when we take our first real vacation out of state next year. I think it would do her good, but she might drive the staff crazy looking for Daisy our cat. I know she drives me crazy asking where Daisy is all the time and asking me if Daisy has died. Then out of nowhere Daisy makes her grand entrance. I sure hope nothing happens to Daisy while Grandma is still around cause we'll definately have our hands full then.
I hope everyone has a good weekend.
Im certain I missed my respite opportunity the minute I got the phone call that all had broke loose at the nh. It was over with before it was done. The days she spent in the hospital I spent running back and forth except for one day of it. She is determined not to spend another day in one. We did have a little talk about how as her health deteriorates we will have to make changes for that. She was very open to the idea of hiring help so I can get sleep a few nights a week when it comes to that. And if she becomes bedridden help during the day also. Although I think if she couldn't walk or talk I would need less help. Not sure of she will have the funds for that though its a nice thought. At least its a plan. If she needed one I would make sure she went to a good one. Not sure how that would play out with Medicare, and the money she used on our house to add on.
Know what you mean about opening day - doesn't apply to me - I have treaty Indian status and can hunt any time.
Those big breakfasts! Usually before he goes off to the horses he likes a big breakfast. He grew up on a dairy farm and I know they worked hard and long hours and probably ate well. His mum and dad well into their 80's still bake together and give him pies and muffins etc to take home. We will finish tonight except i will do the stew meat tomorrow. can't wait - it has been over 15 yrs since I had moose and I like it better than deer,
Glad you talked with auntie about the future. It would be so nice if you could do your thing this Christmas again.
Jo ? Moose Antlers? with a cap..lol, even better.
I hope that everyone here has the Christmas that they all are wishing for, I would be probably decorating the new motorhome, but we don't get it till after the first of the year.. ; (
Thinking I ought to go to bed, anyone going to be watching the eclipse tonight? I don't know that I will wake up early enough to see it here.
Carol...like everyone has said..you don't need to explain yourself here! We have to try to take care of ourselves too! You will worry whether she is home or in respite better for her in AL. She goes to daycare..so she is already in that type of atmosphere..she will enjoy and if there is some confusion..it is ok and will work out.
Had day out yesterday.. Mom to hairdresser brought her home and went back to stores to get some shopping done..finished moms shopping for her! Yea..now she will dog me til I get the packages wrapped and mailed! Oh well.
When I came home dad looked so frail. He said his side was hurting again..didn't want to go to hospital as they would put him in anyway do to age.....then he started talking about giving his kindle to the son of the speech therapist when the time comes..made for a scary night but he had a peaceful night and is breathing steady. I pray for a peaceful happy death for him when the time comes. We all do I am sure for our loved ones. Will let him sleep today...
Seeme...flakes!! Hahahaha such a good one! I'm with Jam..no whining about implants! Too funny
ASG so gladd hubby is stepping in..what a sweetheart! And auntie looking for fleas hahahahaha... A kitty showed up here at moms during thanksgiving thanks to my brothers family who fed...she has stayed around. The neighbors across the street have bunches so this is one of theirs.. They are all wild..the frustrating thing is they don't neuter sooo.... Oh well mom and dad ow have an outside kitty..we named her Minnie mouse as she will be the mouse catcher.. Mom was saying see she is scratching she has fleas!! Will have to take her soon to get her neutered..don't need a litter here! It was funny the other day as I walked to my house Minnie followed and met my cat! Well my cat had her up a tree...poor thing..had to coaxe my kitty back in house to coax the other out of the tree..should have seen me! I am sure I looked crazy but I did not climb the tree! Went to pet store yesterday and asked the guy..which cat food to buy when you aren't quite in love with the cat yet! Boy am I a sucker! Course she makes dad happy to pet her and that is priceless..the other day he was calling for her from bed...so I went outside and brought her to him..he wanted to know if she could stay with him. Told him she is an outside kitty and that mom would kill us both!! Funny though..she gets up and checks on her to make sure she is at the door. Animals are such a comfort to the elderly at least on the whole.
Enough for now as I am rambling...
Love all of you and pray that the day goes well.
I am starting my day early because I have a study group to go to today. I asked mom if she wanted caregiver to take her to church tonight. She said yes. Last Saturday she didn't answer the door or phone and he called me to let me know she was not answering and therefore did not have her. When I talked to her about it she said she heard the phone and door and didn't answer because she didn't want to go with him (and his wife). I told her common courtesy is that one answers and politely says no thank you. She told me she would answer the door and is looking forward to going.
He is the caregiver that has been taking my mom to the senior center to have lunch and meet others. He is excellent in his position and even if home health care nurses are hired (and paid for with insurance perhaps, will check into that during my break, doc office gave me phone numbers to call), I plan to keep this man for my mom. He is excellent with her, communicates with me, and does what he is asked to do within reason of course. He's a keeper.
I got all the holiday cards with mom yesterday. It didn't take long. Glad that is over. This week is the last week for caregiver that has excuses for not following through with numerous weekly task assignments so my frustration level will go down (she was contracted only until I was out of school for this semester). Hopefully she will follow through with running errands this coming Monday as that's all she is paid to do with mom (no normal caregiving responsibilities). This caregiver has been difficult to train. I'm glad this was a short contract.
Studying this weekend and finals this week and this semester is over. My GPA is suffering a bit with all the challenges caregiving entails. Next semester is part time not only to be home more often for mom but for my own peace of mind. I have only 3 more semesters at part time to graduate with a Bachelor's degree and a minor and onto graduate school. I am already paving the way for that with some research I have done this semester. I am confident in my studies and enjoy school but also am looking forward to a month break to sleep and just hang out and relax. I am glad to have been able to return to school at this time in my life, I take it more seriously and am much more diligent than I was years ago when my goal was associate degrees.
I have learned over the past year to set boundaries for my own life, to say NO when necessary for my own peace of mind, to surround myself with positive, supportive people, and to take breaks even if it means "deserting" my mom (as one sib called it) so I can take a few breaths for myself. I have been blessed with people in this small town (comparatively to large ones but not so small compared to smaller ones) who love my mom and will do anything they can to make her and my life easier.
I am truly blessed.
SDPeg
ASG, "blink blind, ya think" is my new motto... applies to so many things doesnt' it... am so sorry you have missed your respite, but also glad you had the talk with auntie about the future... and am so grateful your hubby has stepped up to make things a little more fun... I know you are tired and needed the break,,, I would help you if I lived closer....
Ro, I will get some rest , but I know I am more worried about you than I am about me, I do get a break from the caregiving.... sending you lots of hugs and angels to help you carry the load you have... think of you everyday....
Jam, will you get "potato eyes" growing on you from eating all those potatoes?? If you do please send me a pic, I need the laugh and I promise not to post it on YOU Tube or FB... ya trust me don't ya??? And I wish someone was here to go down the country roads with me today... I know Seeme won't, she could stay back, clean the house and have the coffee ready when we got back....she doesn't drink coffee so would have to leave written instructions...
OH Seeme, is that you, hi, how are ya..... emjo offered free antlers, get em... and I want to see pics of the "FLAKES", mis is the GRISWALDS with her yard, so we must keep in the spirit of things.... and I would put the pic of you and Mike beside the pic of the Christmas tree...house is too tiny for a tree of any size, but not a very Merry Christmas here anyway....
Emjo as much as I love you, the pictures in my mind of the moose mascacre are making me ill... I don't eat meat, so the idea of all that blood smell is making me gag... sorry, I know you will enjoy all the meals from it... and please send the anlters to Mike.... I really think he would wear them...
And yes I was planning to have my own way of telling Howard bye.... but thanks for the suggestion..
Vic, get those presents wrapped girl...I am so sorry dad is not feeling well, just so hard and so sad, and he must just be very tired....thanks for your emails, they mean a lot to me...
Jam, Seeme, Starri, Emjo, thanks for your emails also.... I can do anything if I know someone has my back.... one foot in front of the other.....
Oh and ASG, that poor cat, I think I am going to have to come get it....I'll bring Auntie a stuffed toy one that she can abuse and I won't worry about it.....
love and appreciation to all who care about me and what is going on in my life.... we are all so tired.... prayers and hugs to you all.....oh, and gratitude and appreciation that I do not have to do this alone...
Had a great time out with friends last night. Stayed up late Thursday night to talk to Dad. End of life choices, as we just signed the POA paperwork. He expressed his wishes and I think that was great. Pre-op testing went really well yesterday, he seems alot calmer about the surgery next week. I am too, now.
Mom would rather stay home with the new care giver than be at the surgery, it seems. As long as "I don't have to talk to her the whole time, do I?" The case worker seems great and is coming next week to set everything up. Yeah! Starting to think about getting more in-home care for her and sending Dad to the senior center, because he is breaking under her daily verbal attacks. We'll have to see how the first few times go when we have someone here with her while he's at his surgery and treatments. Mom even went off on my son the other day. I missed it, hubby told me. Andy, my son, was trying to interest her in suduko and she accused him of calling her stupid. He wants to move out anyway, and as this gets worse, it might be better for him. I hate feeling like I'm choosing between my mother and my son, but he is 20 years old and ready to go. Her being here is not the reason I wanted for him leaving, though.
Off to Chrsitmas shop with a friend. Hope everyone finds a few minutes of peace this weekend.
Pray G doesn't get any more moose. I forgot the front quarters are still at the cabin and we will "do" them next week - more moose massacre
asg and smiley - wish I could ship some down -it is beautiful meat! I think the rest of you - except ladee - prefer turkey. She wants a peanut butter sandwich!
lots of opinions, Jam -now who could that be -I call it the wisdom that comes with age ;) - have to agree about not giving too many meds - I think of my relatives who survived -many years ago to age 95 and I know they did it without statins and prob with a little high BP and blood fats - there comes a time and I am getting closer to it as we write. I think how you look after yourself when you are younger is much more important -epsecially the 40s and 50s when the vicissitudes of youth can still be turned around - and pave the way for your health in your senior years. Not that the good habits should not be carried on -they should.
mis - black ice can be pretty scary. years ago the road to downtown was total black ice. cars were creeping along at 20 mph and still sliding into the ditch. It took a bout 4 x as long to get anywhere. Every a few busses slid sideways. Once it gets to below minus 30 even salt doesn't work - nothing does. You just have to go into second gear and creep. I`ve done a couple of donuts just applying the brakes a little - thankfully no cars right around me.Hope u find a good place for respite for grandma
Starri u don't want to come north in the winter. People can get stranded in snow storms and freeze to death not that far from houses. It happened on the outskirts of montreal years ago and other places since. Stay with the palm trees and the gentle breezes!Enjoy your new motorhome! I think moose antlers would look great as a hood ornament lol ;)
vic great to hear you sounding better - pets are good for the oldsters - wrappng and mailing parcels -not one of my talents - sorry that dad is hurting and tired, though sleep maybe good for him - don't be too scared sweetie - everybody's time comes and it can be a welcome release... I know you put so much into caring for him and your mum - it is never easy. Praying for an a gentle time when it comes -having pets beside you is very comforting -sounds like dad is bonding with the new one - love your rambling
sdpeg - glad you sorted out the no go day and hopefully will not get a repeat -I had baby sitters come in over the years and finally learned to go with the flow - like all of us each one had strengths and weaknesses and I enjoyed the strengths and tried to minimize the impact of the weaknesses - one liked baking -go for it, another liked to play with the kids a lot and did house work and so on. Each one was different so I could not have the same expectations other than the basics for the kids -that they were safe and fed -one overused bleach so I had white blotches in the kids clothes . I ended up putting the bleach bottle in my car trunk everyday before I left for work.- other than that she was great. Hope the finals go well.
notlike- i hear your song - dad needs protection I am sure. please do friend me on fb. - glad dad is calmer. Hope the home care works for your mum -mine either loves them or hates them and that can change in a minute. Sorry your mum went off at your son - he doesnt need that, it might be time for him to move out but, agreed you would hope not for that reason. Did you enjoy your shopping?
seeme - what a neighbourhood - you live in -grown men and women running around in the pj's . When are the puppies coming? u must be getting excited!
wanna, ishmael -all you past, present or future caregivers out there - how's it going? This is not the easiest time of year.
love, hugs and prayers♥♥♥
jo
Last year we had snow in my town but that's the four months we were in independently living. I hope if we get snow this time I am home and on break. I do not know how to drive in it.
Onto my study group. Wish me luck ... keeping data in my brain is difficult sometimes.
SDPeg
I'm wondering how many of us has the Wii or any other gaming system to keep our loved ones limbered up. We have the Wii and Grandma will bowl with us and play some other sporting games. She does pretty well when we can get her to play.
Love my SIL and my BIL but truth be told, I am soooo ready to get out of here and into our motorhome. Want to start fixing it up, making it home, have thought about getting some Christmas lights to either put on it or maybe around it, lol, but we won't get it till after the 1st of the year.
Missing Mom alot, been thinking about checking with her if anyone else in the family had talked about doing Christmas Dinner. As a family we've never really been all that enthused about holidays. Dinner has been about it. Glenn and I get each other presents during the year, so we don't really do it on the holidays, Valentines day is one day, we end up getting each other stuffed animals.. I like getting him the ones that sing and dance..
Hope everyone has a wonderful day, Ladee, thanks for letting me know that you do not eat meat... I need to find a vegetarian meal to fix.. Was thinking about cooking you a dinner when I get out there..
Brandy, I am so sorry you got so upset today, but you made a good choice to work it off, My "antlers" off to you... nothing gets me so upset I will excercise...spin and twirl maybe, but no time at the gym.... just atta girls for you today... you will put some of us to shame....
I didn't need validation for not going to Howards funeral, but after talking to one of my sisters and a nephew today, I have no doubt I am making the right choice.... When that sister said, "you reap what you sow", I thought I was going to be sick.... I know no matter what the oldest sister has done, nothing, and I mean nothing justifies that kind of bitterness... she is still a mom who has lost her son... I feel such deep shame for even being a member of that family.... it will be a war zone down there... I know my mother is looking down with sadness that words can't express... so, no, I will do what I feel is right for me, this makes me even sadder.... As long as I live I will never understand that kind of bitterness and lack of forgiveness...
Thank God for most of you, and that you care about a man you never met, and a mom who has lost her son...and an aunt that can only pray for a civil outcome for everyone.... hugs to my friends....
I've been working off and on all day trying to get the col's dog groomed. He will only let me do a little at a time....so in between he rather looks like a little goat has been chewing on him. We've tried to call the col several times in the last couple of hours, she is opening the phone and we can hear her cough but she can't figure out how to answer it I guess. I will have to go over the steps on how to answer with her again tomorrow.
Hope it's been a good day for all..............I'm still having visions of emjo dancing around her kitchen with a butcher knife in her hand and antlers on her head......
Happy Trails,
Jam
And Carmen... I love all things veggy... but I am not a vegan... I do eat cheese, shellfish, fish, milk products... Gotta keep an open space there for seafood gumbo...
When I have to cook for the families I work for, I almost puke when I have to handle meat or especially if it is bloody,,, ughhhhhghhhgh... oh, the sacrifices I make for a paycheck....but I will compromise and take ya'll to my favorite bbq place and I may have some meat on the baked potato they have there...And my favorite Mexican food place in Bastrop... and to the Blue Bell Ice cream factory in Brenham... all about 15 miles from here... no long trips... can't wait, feels so good to have something to look forward to.... get's my mind off all the here and now heartache.
Son and I had a MAJOR blow out this evening, been coming on for awhile... I know the neighbors weren't playing thier music so they could hear me hollering... and holler I did.... what's the kid going to do, get drunk and get stupid... hmmm, I am a force to be reckoned with feeling all the things I am feeling.... lead me, follow me or get the f**k out of my way.... life is too short and ya just can't fix stupid... but you can sure as hell ignore it.....
Oh my goodness, I feel so much better... thanks for letting me vent, blow off steam, share my craziness, curse like a sailor, and be a Betsy Bad Ass, we know it only lasts for a little while, but when you get stupid around me when I am hurting and confused, it's gonna splash on ya... you would think he would know better by now.... Ok, am going to go read and calm down.... too cold to go rock hunting today, so maybe I need to be on the country roads tomorrow talking with God, NO, I think I need to LISTEN.... but I am not afraid to say how I feel, love me or hate me, you can always count on REAL.... hugs to my friends..... angels to help carry the load....
listening sounds good.
jam -too much going on for you to carry much of a load this Christmas - can u come out and tell son that and ask him to do it this year? You need a break. Rum cake sounds awesome.
sdpeg -a good hairdresser is worth her weight in gold in my books
just woke up from a nap, listening to Michael Buble -Christmas special
-staying in as we have a snowfall warning - no point brushing off the car, it will be covered again by tomorrow. Quiet evening, methinks
Besides I do cook, lol, not a gourmet but I do make a reasonable meal.
Ladeeda...how old is your son? You don't need extra stress from him, but is he hurting too? I'm not judging, just asking, because I worry about my own son.
Hubby caught me sitting on the floor of the laundry room tonight, talking to my sister on the phone. Felt like a teenager again, hiding from Mom! Safest place in the house, though, where she can't hear me. What a husband I've got...he laughed, then offered me a chair. Sometimes he handles this better than I do. :)
Goodnight all.