This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
So far the vacation has been since about the 24th of August and we're still here in CA, as far as I can figure it's going to be February at least before we can consider getting out of here, we get the new motorhome on the first of the year, after Nick the guy we're buying it from gets back from the desert with his son.
Since the car trailer we had made arrangements to buy got stolen, we are now back in the market to get a trailer that will haul both the bike and the truck, we have the camper and the little trailer to sell.. so we have our work cut out for us before we can consider getting out of here and working our way back to SC.
We're both still bouncing on if this is going to be a full time thing, or just extensive travel. I'm not sure of either one. Did you get the rest of your moose chopped up? would love to try some one time.. maybe have to wander up your way and have a moose burger with you.
Ladee...good for you..sometime us moms just have to let it out and let it be what it is! We love so deep and pray so hard for our kids ...
We had a decent night here..yea! It is cold brrrrrr... Black ice and deep snow..would have to have a whole new wardrobe NOT!
Jam..if your son doesn't get the hint..well like all of us we do what we can it it is what it is... Just cook up mashed taters and you will have a feast! Haha
Love you guys
Went shopping with hubby today for one of my Christmas presents....the scroll saw.....stopped by a PetSmart also.......If I thought I was nuts over puppies we don't even have, hubby was much worse yesterday. If we had bought everything he had his eye on, no telling how much he would have spent. He wanted 2 of everything, wire kennels, kennel pads, food thingies up off the floor (we got one), enough grooming supplies to open up a shop (I got one rake), big beds (when a $5 blanket at Walmart will do), and on and on. When we got to the register, the cashier wanted to know if we had a PetSmart card for discounts and we said we don't even have pets!!!!! I told her the food tray thing was for him!!!!! Poor girl couldn't think straight after that......and said she couldn't concentrate for listening to us........we had a good time...............course he had been up for 24 hrs and that is something that will get him gooooooiiinnnnggggg.........
He just got up and can't talk for a sore throat.....too much bullshit coming out of it yesterday.......may need to shove a cow pattie back in it..........better go see what is happening.............
Maybe we all need to chip in and get Shawna to use her skills and make a Tee-shirt showing Jo doing a wild dance with a knife and a set of moose antlers in her hand..lol.. maybe put a set of deer antlers on to boil in behind her.
Think Shawna is too busy for our crazy projects. How about a Christmas card of the GoWW with moose horns lit up and wired for sound, so Christmas carols play from it?
ladee, I hear u about your granddaughter - the warrior woman arises within -glad you said what was on ur mind -hopefully somewhere, somehow it will sink in but meanwhile u know u have done what you can and what u had to
jan -spewing green?????? mashed potatoes????? - get a meat grinder and you can have some real food!
vic - new wardrobe - hmmm - might be worth it - nah! I'd give up my long johns anyday for a bikini - got to shovel the car out today and get to the store - no need for me to hide in the laundry room - everyone has gone - YAY!!! I can hide anywhere I want to - preferably in bed with the covers up
my goodness i am going a little crazy here -we need to do that to stay sane
no emails from mother for a while. She saw the surgeon at the end of November and I suspect he told her off for still using the walker -you know, the one that means she has to have help warming up meals in the microwave. She had her surgery in June. Don't think you need a walker for 5 months when you are basically healthy. She needs to weight bear on that hip and leg for it to strengthen, but no one could tell her that or she has selective hearing - hears what she wants to. Oh well, sure she will build up strength again. We seem to have good bones.
Have a good one all and appreciate your warm weather and Starri don't even think of coming this far north till the spring, Often we have a massive snow storm in May even which stops the busses running -and I am not talking up here, but further south. Late May and June are good before the bugs come out. Did I tell you about the June bug that hit a guy, riding a motorcycle up the highway, smack in the middle of his forehead and knocked him clear off his bike? Nasty things and they bite too.
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She went to church with male caregiver and wife and then dinner and had a great time. Maybe praying for my patience with her wore her out ha ha
Shawna (the one who has my holiday shopping order!!!): I am looking forward to giving out the gifts you are making for me. That really took a load off. How exciting to give handmade gifts and not store bought. Woo hoo. I am excited!!!
Hope all have a great day.
SDPeg
seeme - u and your hubby deserve special mention - scroll saw, meat grinder -in the same category - hahahahaha you really had the cashier going
hope the cow pattie did the thing and he is feeling better - the pets are coming - right?
One class studied for today, mom still in bed, and I will get her up and start studying for another class while my laundry gets "magically" done ha ha
Good tidings to all
SDPeg
You could probably find a grinder from Heartland USA....we bought a slicer from there several years ago, paid maybe $50 for it and have gotten our money back a long time ago. It has been great! Whenever we smoke it's always either a turkey boob or a ham, without the bone, so we can slice for sandwiches. I'll be so glad when I can eat again....I want some ribs or a lobster.....sorry ladee...:) Today's menu has been cheesy mashed potatoes with sour cream and I'm thinking for supper..............mashed potatoes! Maybe I'll just drink my dinner, then I won't give a crap whether I eat or not...:) Target is going to the hospital staff Christmas party tonight at one of our favorite restaurants and I'm sure he will have a steak. Their food is to die for. The 5-cheese crab au gratin dish is like heaven. And of course the meal is not complete without a chocolate martini......yummmmm.
Somewhere I have found a little ambition and before it disappears again I'm off to get things done. Hope it's a good day for y'all...........
Happy Trails,
Jam
Lobster YEEEESSSSS! can i come? I LOVE lobster! Drinking dinner sounds like a plan. Mine is going to be soup - when in doubt - soup. Never heard of a chocolate martini - what a sheltered life i have led lol.
Lobster yuummmm..Jam can you not eat the crab au gratin? Soft and yummy..
Jam you had me laughing out loud about drinking your diner... why not, Target will be gone.. you haven't had the house to yourself in ages, and I think him coming home to you drunk and singing "Rudolf the Red Nosed Moose" will be perfect.. .. and if he brings you home a foil swan with leftovers and it is mashed potatoes I would just kill him on the spot...but you'll be drunk so it won't upset you too much...
Seeme, Glad to hear "my room upstairs" is not full of puppy supplies... I would have loved to have seen the look on the girls face when you told her you don't even have a dog....!!!! Priceless..and M should have put a cigar in his mouth and did his eyebrows like Groucho Marx and said, "all this stuff is for US"....
And like Seeme says, am loving the tone of the thread... I can face anything if I have something to laugh about... we'll have to get Shawna busy on the tshirts... girl we'll make you a fortune just with the ideas we come up with for us....and I love to wear things that make people blink..... or think.....like ASG says, "blink blink ya think"....
Thank you all for making me laugh.... that's what friends are for... love my friends here.... hugs and angels...
Puppies are still coming, but not till April and she SHOULD be coming in season about now.........now ler her have at least one of each sex......still undecided on names, but I really do like Pingo.....I mean, who besides us knows what it means......especially not here in the South.........leaning toward Pingo and Ditto......
No nap today and worked hard in the garage. Hubby set up "my" scroll saw......swept leaves and cobwebs and made more room in the man cave for the bike and mower and truck.
T-shirts, deer antlers.......OOOOHH, hubby's eyes lit up when I talked about the moose antlers WITH the cap......you just don't know.......he WOULD wear them......
huuuummmm........Pingo and Blink.......ttyl.........
Think I might have to get one of Grandma's diapers..just saying. lol
Everything is going pretty good here now. Finishing up working on Peg's puzzles they will be sent out this week Peg when the others get here. Not too busy here though with business stuff but other. Had company yesterday and made cookies. Chocolate chip, m'm Chocolate ribbon and Peanut butter kisses. I do have to work on four Steins for one customer and I got another one that wants a mouse pad and might want some ornaments. I think I will be busy when this week hits as I said I was only taking certain orders till mid week or end of this week unless I have to ship to you then I have to do it midweek as shipping is killer. Its also so dang cold right now that I am trying to stay warm and that’s just not easy. I have mom bundled under blankets cause I can't turn the heater up any higher as that costs way too much even with heap. Doing laundry and such baking cookies and going to sister's house next weekend. Gonna be wearing my thermals all weekend up there as she keeps her house a tad on the chilly side. The idea for the shirt sounds funny I'll have to think on it lol.
I'm ok ya'll, just remembering the good times, sending many prayers for my sister, and hoping the rest of the family doesn't get stupid.... prayers for my family please, this could be such a good oppurtunity for letting go and healing... just grateful I have enough sense to not go.... Howard understands....he was sweet that way....
Ya'll have made me laugh today and mis needs a diaper... who could ask for anything better than this... love my fiends.... later.
One week until my sister comes with her girls and hubby. Alot of prep work to do, but it wil be great to have them here. And Dad's surgery on Friday...I think the week will go by fast.
Ladeeda...thanks for explaining about your son. I can understand it's hard to have another major issue to deal with, and it sounds like it's been an issue for awhile. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. I hope clearing the air at least straightens him up some for the holidays. Hugs.
ladee u can stand around in your new drawers and chase the neighbours when the music gets too loud
I had a moose crisis tonight - the freezer in the garage frig thawed stuff didn't freeze it, so there am I out in the garage at 19 degrees with my hair in curlers, a glove on to keep my fingers from freezing after I washed out the freezer and a white plastic bag which got hooked onto one shoe and wouldn't let go, rummaging around looking for plastic bins (Gary stores stuff by the pile method). Found a couple and transferred the meat into them -the garage is colder than the freezer! Then I cut up some more stew meat -and hopefully will finish tonight before the next batch arrives
notlike - glad we could make you laugh - fights with mum are no fun - life goes on and with laughter is better - great ur sis and family are coming even if it is work
sdpeg - grandchildren are great! - and I must do laundry too
gotta get up early and work on a presentation with G - BIG meeting - mega bucks hanging on this one - prayers appreciated. I'll tell y'all about his grandma sometime - what a character!
Lordy, I never guessed I would turn into a butcher in my old age. I am giving the rocking chair away!!!
Jam thanks for reassuring me. My dentist is very good so I hope everything will be alright. It will happen the day after tomorrow wooooooow
Ladee how cannot worry about you? You have so many things going on right now. I know you are grieving and you try to get through it with sense of humour and a smile on your face but it's not easy.
Notlikemom: I like your style very much and I really appreciate that you prefer your son to be far from the problems and live a happy life, as a 20 years old should do. Believe me not many mothers are so unselfish.
Vic I like the story of Minniecat and I think that if you neutralize her you can convince your mother to adopt her, if she makes your father happy. I think Minniecat has chosen him.
Seeme I dont' understand why you don't have those dogs YET. Are they so difficult to find? Your adventure at the pet store is hilarious... When, at the supermarket, people comment about the bulk of cat and dog food I buy, I always say: "I have guests for dinner", so they shut up.
SDPeg, the situation I have with my mother is so heavy that I decided to have a family-like relationship with my helpers. They have good and bad sides and in a way I tolerate their faults and appreciate their good qualities. This strategy works (not too well, from the logistical point of view - my house is often a mess) and my mother lives in a family-like context and this is very good for her, considering that her "blood" (bloody?) family has disappeared. Every weekend the daughter of one of my helpers lives with us, she is 11 years old, and she keeps us company. She likes to be here, she loves my pets, I help her do her homework.. She talks and sings all the time and sometimes my head just turns turns. And I would like to have my peace and happy loneliness back. But I understand that in a way, for my mother and I, it is good to have a young kid around! I know I am very confused tonight when I write, I hope your head won't turn turn turn.
I like it that you tell people you are having guests for dinner with a basket full of cat and dog food....some people just need to shut up and go on about their business, it's not like we care what they think anyway...my adopted cats are doing so well.. everytime they hear my door open they are meowing for food, even if they have food in the bowl... the Siamese wouldn't let anyone touch him, but he has found out how good head scratchings feel so he is just as loving as the black manx.... the lady next door lets them sleep on her porch at night, so they are getting taken care of and that's what is important... I need to get them neutered and all thier shots... that way the city won't come and pick them up...Has Heathcliff settled down any??? You may not have to worry about the house being messy as he will eat all the furniture...
I love you Ro, you are always in my prayers to find some peace in your soul, to understand that you are loved by so many, and I wish you didn't live so far away.... but someday, someway, I am going to get to meet you.... all the stars, planets and the moon will be in alignment and it will happen.... hugs to you, and you just keep fluttering your eyelashes at that butcher... we all have to have dreams.... love ya.