This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
For my hubby (yes ladee, I said for hubby..lol..) he drives me crazy, makes me want to kill him, puts us in financial distress, etc.. but he loves me, his arms are long enough to give me hugs when I need them. He's there, when I am in emotional distress and gives me shoulder time. He helps me put bandages where bandages should not have to be put, but have to be there anyway. He doesn't get grossed out or call me a freak or something.
I am grateful that we have the opportunity to travel and that I will have the opportunity to meet at least one of the lovely people here on the group. One of the things I am most grateful for are all of you. You've been there when I needed someone to talk with, who understood and who loved me unconditionally. What you have all given me, is one of the things we as caregivers need so badly, someone who understands.
ASG, there is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about in taking antidepressants, I've taken them for a long long time, and could not have done without them during Mom's illness and her passing, I thought about calling my Pdoc and asking her to increase the dosage of the antidepressants during the final weeks, but I knew there wasn't enough on the earth to take away that pain and sorrow. I take ativan as well, along with a mood stabilizer. I know without the meds and without all of you, I would have never made it through Mom's care.
We all need help at times, Some of us like me need it all the time. I use to deny that there was anything wrong to people, and then one day my eyes opened, I knew there was something wrong and I needed help. I reached out and asked.
Jo, you really got to quit giving me these pictures.. lol, now I am going to see you dancing around the garage in your nightie with a knife and the antlers.. Tell G thank you for bringing you all the fresh meat, even if you do have to chop it up yourself. Your not getting all the chemicals and BS they put in the food now adays.
Big hugs and much love to all of you.
Glenn and I are going to clean out the camper today and quit using it as a suitcase with wheels.. We might have it sold and hopefully it will be out of here this weekend, we had a guy offer 1,800.00 for it, we paid double that but I am grateful to get that much out of it. First of the year, we'll be in the motorhome, I'm looking forward to that, more room, can decorate it a little and most of all "My own toilet and shower"... lol.. No more freezing my tail off hiking back and forth from the parks facility. I love family, but I've had enough of the "togetherness" lol.. we'll be in a park near by till we find a trailer for the truck and the motorcycle and then we'll be starting on our way back to SC, via AZ, "TEXAS" Ark and then home figuring it's going to take us probably 3 months to make it back to the East Coast.
By the time we get back, it's going to be the 6 months or more that I told my baby brother it would be before we left. If any of you ever get the opportunity to do this, I strongly recommend it. It's been a dream come true, been a frightening experience, I've had to take everything I've known to be "normal" and throw it to the wind and just go.. but I've done that before in getting clean and sober, threw myself into the unknown and prayed there was someone out there to catch me, there was.
TTY, big hugs.
Stormy if we all doing this same thing next year, then that means the ones we love are still with us....
Starri, more later to you.... need to ponder Jam's post.
I still can't believe that the test came back normal but I'm not going to agrue with that one.
cupojoy77........so sorry about your Dad. Did he get the sepsis in the hospital or a nursing home? There has been a huge initiative this past year to stop the instances of hospital acquired infections......if a patient acquires an in-hospital infection usually Medicare will no longer pick up the tab, so to speak. And if that is where he got the infection, I would certainly speak with an attorney and find out what your options are. Of course you miss your Dad and it is heartbreaking to see the progress snuffed out so quickly and cruelly. Let us know how things work out for you.
stormy.....what did Dad's doctor say about the goobers? Wasn't he doing that the last time you had him in to see the doc? Do you have a stationary humidifier set up for Dad? The dry winter air can cause all kinds of problems. Hope it gets better.
Got my hair cut and colored today and I feel like me again......mouth is healing and getting better every day, but still doing potatoes and tomato soup....with pudding for dessert.
Happy Trails Amigos,
Jam
I would consult a attorney about the lawsuit.
stormy- think'in about ya.
Cup- I definately would get some advice from an attorney about the lawsuit.
Jam - awesome poem.
Lots going on here. No care giver coming Friday, Mom doesn't want to pay. So she will stay home by herself. She passed out 3 months ago when she got diagnosed, but hasn't since then. We haven't been leaving her alone, but if she doesn't want to go with my Dad for his surgery, there's only so many other choices.
Had it out with her again last night. She was her usual mean self, but I feel I "put her on notice" that her behavior is rude and the yelling is too much. She insists she does not want to do puzzles, games, see people, or anything else a normal person would consider fun. She just wants to stay home (and yell all day at Dad). I am worried about my father.
Good news is that I talked to the social worker today and explained how forgetful Mom is getting, how mean, and how she is not coping well. She now has 4 brain tumors instead of 3. SW will talk to the doctor and the doctor is supposed to call me. They have nurse oncology psycologists available free of charge. Wow. Maybe even some meds for Mom. I'm not expecting miracles, but I have hope this will help.
Prayers please for Dad's surgery Friday. He could be fine, or not wake up, or anything in between. If you're not the praying type, I would love good thoughts sent his way. Or even moose dances LOL
Hope everyone has a good night....going to kick back and watch Criminal Minds now.
Happy Trails,
Jam
Enjoy you TV time..
I agree, Cup, to get an opinion on the situation.
I enjoy reading the grateful statements (I am grateful for the encouraging words I receive from all of you), I cry when you cry, laugh when you laugh, and send my hugs from San Diego!
More later! SDPeg
Jam...your poem brought me to happy tears too and sad tears for all of you going though grief. My heart breaks. Wish we were all closer to hugs and listen and give shoulders...so very grateful to yu Jam for starting this thread and that I found you.
Had a long post written this morning and the computer trolls decided they were hungry.....POOF!
I don't know who the author was of the poem I posted, but I thought at one time or another it might bring a small moment of comfort to those who need it or even those who don't.
I am now taking suggestions on what to get the col for Christmas. My mind is not coming up with anything other than a donation in her name to the Humane Society. My kids did that for me one year and I loved it! She is in need of nothing, has no hobbies.....
I do know that after the conversation I listened to last night I have to make a big sign with our phone number on it for the col. I have our number programmed in her phone but she cannot remember to push the button. So she just sits and dials until she happens to remember the correct number. And Target gets so impatient with her and I have to remind him all over again that this is like dealing with a 1 yr old. Maybe I should check the minutes used just in case she's been talking to someone in China....lol. Last night after not answering 5 times, she calls us and says "I've been calling and calling"....okay. Then "Mom what's our phone number? Do you remember the number? What did you just dial? Okay, our number is ________, now repeat it back to me, no it's ________, Mom just get a pen and paper and write it down, okay the number is (very slowly) _______, now repeat that back to me, no that isn't right, it's _______, are you writing this down? You don't have paper and pen do you? Oh, just forget it Mom, we'll make you a list!" By this time, I'm starting to talk to myself listening to this conversation, Target is looking at me in frustration......and all I can think is "she's your mother"! And do you think this is going to change or get better? Boy, when a doctor has to think "inside the box" it's rather scary.
I hope everyone has the most perfect day today......................
Happy Trails,
Jam
Grandma hears things that aren't there. She needs more care than what we can provide for her. I've told this to my husband a thousand times and it goes in one ear and flies right out the other.
So frustrated and don't know what to do.
My husband thinks things are funny and don't take things seriously. I'm at my limit. I don't want to end up having another heart attack. I'm just going to take a step back and he can start doing a little more than what he does.
Cutting the pill is not really a good idea, your not guaranteed to get the right dosage everytime. Pills shatter and split unevenly.
Ros try not to work to hard, don't forget to take a few deep breathes every now and then.
((((( Ladee )))) right now, I just offer you my love and hugs.. Be gentle with yourself .
Hi to all I missed...
Kathy had her mom in the ER for almost 5 hrs before she was even seen last night. Turns out she has a UTI bad enough to cause pain in her kidney. Kathy finally complained about a 79 yo woman sitting there for so long and she got seen. Not that it wasn't busy, they just picked the wrong day to go. Now mom is worried about getting all the cooking done for Christmas Eve, when the big party is. Of course, everyone will pitch in and it will get done...
Feeling like crapola today.....lousy with a shine on top....wink, wink, or in my case...blink, blink...can't wink......
Seems like I may not have gotten over the sleeping disorder just yet.......Seems like I do better with 4-5 hrs at a time.......with naps in between....
Talked about you sister friends yesterday. The hospice facility called again to see how the family is doing with the grief. I told her about this site and the help it has been and she said she would check it out.....better be on your best behavior...heh, heh, heh......NOT
On the news front......fave niece's hubby got another biopsy on his melanoma scar and it came back OK. Whew!! Now I need to know all updates on dr's visits this week. And surgeries............??? Will be waitiing.......ttyl