This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Sounds like some are having very good mornings.....some getting better.....and some are running away to the beach. Don't forget sunscreen!
I woke up this morning thinking they will probably spring the col either tomorrow afternoon or Tuesday morning. What else can they do? So I guess I will make sure her house is completely ready for her. It's been raining all morning and only 69 degrees, so the pee smell should still be at a minimum. I hate that, but nothing to do as long as she still lives there.....will NOT replace the carpet only to have it destroyed again. I'm hoping she won't remember that some of the furniture has been moved out totally. She doesn't need 2 coffee tables, one to use and one to trip over. So I will do what I can today....having back spasms and that is just not acceptable. I'll stop whining now or ladee will tell me there's a package of cheese on it's way......:) love ya!
seeme.....hope you got some sleep last night. Did you give the broom to you know who?
starri........I know you are facing a tougher time right now.....we're here to listen.
ASG.......morning and how is Auntie doing? BP down I hope.
Hey to karmic and ludwig!
johnny hope you and Miss Betty are having a wonderful day together....
cliff.....I'm jealous, the closest thing to a beach here is our pond....unless I can find the time to go to our lake house....but I'm avoiding that because there is too much work to be done.
rossella.....must keep that camera close for those "Kodak moments"......:)
Time for me to get up and get moving.........will check back later,
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Dad wakes up. Have a blessed day.
Had a talk with mom today about going so often to the bathroom. She's afraid of making a mess. Told her not to worry about it, we can always clean it up, but I was about to vomit I was so tired, she had to be there too. At least she let me sleep. Now her feet and legs are so swollen cause she just won't stay in her bed. The velcro on her tennis shoes will barely close. The bad leg had the fem pop due to blocked artery....
Well, I hope everyone had a pleasant Sunday. We are now under a severe thunderstorm warning, so I will shut er down. Goodnight, sweet dreams.......zzzz
Johnny, what your granddaughter said on the seashore is very cute. I guess she had heard someone say "son of a bitch" and she asked: "What have you said" and the person answered her "I said sand of beach". That's what my father always did with my nephews when they were children and caught him saying bad words!
thanks for this memory. It made me smile.
Starri you are really having a difficult period. You are facing it in the best possible way and I admire your courage.
Jam, I see you are ready for COL's return. There will be things that she doesn't like, it doesn't matter. If the helper will stay with her while she eats, she won't be able to feed the dog with her food. I guess that at this stage you shouldn't allow her to have food in her room. When she wants to eat, she asks... and food will be given to her from your kitchen! I had to do so with my mother as soon as she arrived here. If I let her do her own way she would just eat chocolate and candies.
Kisses Ladee - Kisses ASG.
And kisses to everyone else.
Johnny, we need an update on Miss Betty......please........
Starri Honey, are you sleeping?
ASG, know you are busy and all, but just check in. I don't even need a long story if you don't have time, just let us know you are there.
Ludwig, feeling better?
Rosella, I am hoping you have only a $200 bill from the plumber..........
Ladee......Monday........Sonny....twigs......my yard !!!
Jam....with your luck col's memery will all come back as soon as she gets out of the car, and the first thing she'll want is her other coffee table.......
Gonna have me a little danish and come back later. Early here on the East Coast.........
What an awesome day to go home to God. If she goes today.
How is the caregiver? We are weary. Sleep deprivation is the order of the day. Like an energizer bunny grandma's chest continues to rise and fall as she struggles to breathe. We are administering drops to dry her excess secretions, but her breath sounds now are reminescent of the efforts of a youth sucking the last bits of a milkshake from the bottom of the glass with a straw.
We cannot move her. When we attempt to change her position she begins to struggle and slip beneath the waves of fluid that has accumulated in her lungs. We straightened her head last night to a more natural angle and as quickly as the position changed, she turned blue. We watched in wonder as after 30 seconds there was a sharp intake of breath...she isn't going anywhere.
Encouragement and gentle reassurance that her spirit will be happy to welcome the soaring release that only the discarding of her tired and broken body can bring about, has not been taken into her account. Grandma does nothing on another person's time table. Her patience is well documented and is legendary in her circle of friends and relatives.
So we sit and wait. How is the caregiver today? We are exhausted and astounded at the strength of the human resolve to cling to the familiarity of the body. For 90 years this body has been the home and temple of her spirit. Even as the tendrils of death advance on her fortress, she remains steadfast in the resolve to fight off the ultimate ending. In doing so, she stubbornly refuses to embrace the new beginning that is the communion of her spirit with those who have gone before her.
Bon Voyage Grandma....this trip will be healing for you. Please go, it is time.
My grandmother has a desperate fear of flying. I wonder if it keeps her spirit grounded instead of allowing her to soar into the cosmos and into the arms of her creator.
We will never know what it is that keeps her here as she is past communication with us at this point.
Thanks again for allowing me to share.
Jam
I'll tell her she can walk with the Angels...maybe that will help.
Love n stuff
HB
Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. Each Angel that you sent our way held us up for another minute. It was just enough.
Love to you all.
HB
ASG, so very proud of you!!!!! The more education we have on our elders issues and illness, the better care they will get from us.... Let us know what all you have learned, it might help us... hugs to you busy girl...
Johnny, how are you doing to day?? We always ask about your wife too, but as the caregiver, how are YOU????Tell your wife we are sending her hugs...
Jam, is it a fence yet??? When is the col coming home???
Seeme, I am happy to hear your mom understands that you need more rest... I know she will be glad to get the Dr. visit behind her...
Love to all, more later, hugs across the miles..
Got another blistering headache.....stress.....frustration......crabbiness..........." I vant to be alone" ness........think I'll get dressed for bed and read my kindle till my head explodes.....night all...........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
ASG.....glad to hear the paperwork is in order. One less thing to worry about. I downloaded "The 36-hour Day" book to my Kindle today. Going to start reading that. Would rather have the most current version but it doesn't print until November, so that doesn't do me a whole lot of good.
Fence is in and is so shiny! Hasn't seemed to make a difference to the dogs at all. Three of them went to the far corners to do their business, thank you very much. The blind one just stops where the whim strikes....lol
seeme.....countdown to Thursday....bet mom is getting anxious to get something done so she will feel better. Glad to hear there were no bruises.
Iadee.....what's the last stick count or is Sonny on to something else?
Hope everyone else has had a good day or as good as it can get......
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Got the ultimate compliment from Ms. M today, she said I was "spoiling" her.. I think it has taken her this long to trust that I will do my best for both of them.. She will have to have a transfusion this week, so she is very very tired... I put lotion on her legs after her shower and she just smiled... other than the triple digit heat, no complaints...
Got a wonderful call from my step son this evening... he is changing companies and getting an enormous raise!!!!! I am so proud of him... He has a wonderful little family and is so hardworking, so happy he is "movin' on up" . Hope everyone is well this evening..
Seeme, so sorry to hear your mom is still having so many problems,,, guess her being whiney is from being nervous about her Dr. visit.. I know you both will be glad when that is over...
Am going to go to bed and read.... it is too hot to go smoke, never thought I would say that,,,, love and hugs to everyone ..
And still hit bottom this afternoon. I think that explains some of the changes in her facial expressions. When she steps outta her room and I can tell its bad cause of the way her face has changed. This will help me a lot. Jam, I read about that book a while back. I looked it up at the local, library and they don't have a copy but the main branch does. I just never go there. I also looked it up on amazon and barnes and noble but was unsure about buying them cause they were not from the store but from third party individuals. Wasn't sure how safe the transaction would be. Walmart dosnt carry it in store. I guess I should try walmart.com. Let me know if its helpful. My daughter wants one of those kindles or nooks for her birthday in nov. I told her that's probably a christmas thing. I burnt my hand, grease burn. Frying potatoes. I never fry them but thought what the heck. Got my two middle fingers, from knuckles to hand, and in between the fingers. I'm not usually a whiner but that hurt like hell!!! It didn't hurt for the first 5 to 10 min. I ran it under cool water as soon as I did it. The longer I stood there the more it felt like I had my whole hand in a flame. Held a cool rag on it for a while, got tired of it burning everytime the wash rag warmed up so I sat with my hand in front of a fan for an hour and a half. Aunt was nice about it. Kept coming ojt every 20 to 45 min to see if it felt better yet. Lol I think she was worried about bed time. Her and the kitty prayed fo me though. I will say it feels a whole lot better. Today I was tired. Busy, and her usual popping out and asking me if she woke me got on my nearves real bad. I know its not hher fault. And I reconize it only went through me like it did, cause I was tired and busy. She wants to go to this reasturant, so I think we will try to take her this weekend. Hubby keeps asking me about taking her with us on a little minnie vacation this summer. I'm not sure. That could go two ways. It could be an amazing thing with wonderful memories or it could go the other way and be a nightmare. We've not been anywhere with the kids in so long. It cost us a small forturne just to get them all in anywhere. So we shall see. What do you guys think? Anyone take them with you out for a weekend anywhere? Any tips or ideas?
I don't have a clue about taking Aunt on vacation. She would probably do okay, because you don't have to deal with having to take everything with you, like diapers, etc. But I would make sure she has the proper medications for her diagnosis. Since you now have POA paperwork you should be able to contact her physician and find out what if anything she is on. It wouldn't be a fun thing for any of you if she had a major meltdown while you were far away from home. I'm sure someone out here can give you some first-hand info.
Love and Hugz,
Jam