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ladee you are doing such a great job with Sonny and Marie, hope she lets you take him for an outing - love "communication with compassion"
mis - waiting to hear how things went today - look after you -nice grandma stories
jam -the plans sound good
notlike -think you arae right about mum's behaviour getting worse - one day at a time and remember you are NOT the problem - hope the massage went well I plan on one soon
stormy - a life alert would be great if dad wants it -especially if he is up doing more for himself
dede good to hear from you again
seeme -hard days I know - you did a stellar job with your mum (((((hugs)))))
carol - i was in the cave and then decided i would decorate it - you know make lemonade from lemons - if you can't go on a real trip you can always go on a fantasy one
sdpeg - yes carve out some me time - keeps us going -
(((((lyn))))) u r going through some tough things with a great attitude - that disease is such a thief - keep us updated -it must be so hard to see the decline in your hubby
cmag -thinking of you and your wife ((((hugs)))) and prayers for both of you
maya -has something happened to the new computer?
ros -AKA headbanger 2 - thought after all that wine your head might not want to be banged - only place is to go up or throw up sorry my mind is flying tonight and haven't had any wine
everyone -hope things are good
speaking of going on trips - G and I are going north for new Years - Fort Chip and Fort Smith - not sure how good an idea it is to be in one of those hotels where the walls feel like they are made of cardboard and a hook and eye keeps your door closed - almost -and they shoot their rifles off to bring in the New Year, but it will be a different experience. I have been to both places before and had a class in Fort Chip - a couple if people there I would love to connect with again. To cross the rivers you drive on ice bridges - which can get banged up around the edges by semi trucks driving up the banks too fast. Everyone drives in the middle of the road at high speed and there are lots of curves so I prefer going at night because you can see the headlights coming. You used to have to drive across the lake and the ice would start to oscillate because the big trucks went to fast. - you could see it heaving. and the road was like a rollercoaster ride with ups and downs that left your stomach behind. The kids loved it. Thankfully it is better now. Once you are north of Chip the quality of the snow changes. I hope to get some pics. Now as long as a buffalo doesn't take a nap on the road we will be fine - you just have to wait them out
so have a good night everyone
love, hugs and prayers♥♥♥
jo
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Ladee-Jam- thanks for understanding. It's kinda hard to talk to dad about these things. I guess we think that he would think that it is our duty to look after him. Since he is our father. At one time about a month or so ago dad did say something to sis about that it was crazy for us to have to pay mary to come in and stay for 4 hours a day. That he could stay by his self or go stay at our family business with sis until she gets off work at 8pm. But he is just worried about the money aspect of it. About paying for her to come and stay with him. Dad has the money to pay for her to come and for others to help out also. So that is not the issue. And he has bcbs and medicare. His house is paid for. I guess it's just having a outsider coming in. Don't really know if he would go for another one. If i tell mary to come in a little early on a day he asks she is here early. Like he is saying, "Why is she here early?" And then i have to tell him why. It just makes me feel like he is thinking i should be staying with him more. Oh well got to bathe connor. Love and hugs stormy
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We went up to the hospital not once but twice today. The first time both Rob and I fed grandma and the hospice cooridnator came in and told us that there was a room available for tomorrow. So she goes to the hospice house tomorrow which is a lot better than being in that darn hospital. We used the same place when my mil was in her last days. She was more alert today. I printed a picture that had grandma, daisy and peanut in it. She kept pointing at Daisy her "little girl" we told her that Daisy was eating. Grandma also padded me on the back today and that surprised me.
The second time we went up we brought my aunt Ellen with us and grandma was happy to see her.
We got to talk to Barb, she came on Fridays and told her what happened and Barb is coming to see her tomorrow.

jam, ladeeda, emjo, ro, stormy, notlike, and anyone else I hope things are going well in your neck of the woods. Good night everyone!!!
Ps
emjo - sounds like your trip will be fun. Driving across the ice is something I wouldn't do. I watched Ice Road Truckers too many times. Have fun and Happy New year to you.
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Ah, piece of cake, mis!!! They actually have redirected the road to the edge of the lake so it is not as bad, Mind you, if there is a blizzard and the road gets lost in the snow, you just have to hunker down, and wait for someone with a snowmobile to come and get you. Happened to my daughter once. They had to go get their car the next day. They also got lost in the delta once when they travelled up there one summer in a motorboat. She and her hubby used to live there. Small town - you would call a cab and say - Take me to Myrna's house, and the cabby knew where it was, or the cabby would tell you Myrna is over at Maggie's place, I better take you there, After grocery shopping, she caught a cab and said "Take me home."

Once we were up there and I stopped at a house to ask directions to a relative's house. The lady told me."She lives up by Uncle Aphonses's -and waved her arm up the hill, You must know where he lives, He has lived there all his life!

I just called a guest house operation and booked a cabin. I asked her where I could get a map to find a place. She said "Oh, Fort Smith is small, you won't have any trouble finding it".

As long as there isn't a blizzard!

Life in the north!!!
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Ice road truckers!!!! My hubby loves hat show...those men and women make a lotta money doing that. Jo where are you from? Aunt went and had dinner today with some ladies. She didn't want to go but I encouraged her. They picked her up too.:) it wore her out so all was quiet...its time to put her to bed. Thinking of you all.
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Hope all are well and having good night. My day didn't work out the way I wanted. I was very angry , which I know was wrong, when I took my Mom to daycare. The staff sensed my feelings . I was trying to get Mother's coat off and I guess they thought I was too rough.. Don't know wt I did. Anyway the social worker called to check on me. I got turned in. She offered suggestions for me to help relieve my stress. I really appreciate their interest. She kept telling me she was concerned about my safety and that of my mothers'. I told her I would never hurt my mother though I might hurt myslef but never Mother. We have been going there off and on for two or three years. Surely they know I might get flustrated and upset but I am not violate. Now I am embarrassed to take Mother in the morning
Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
Stormy , i don't think your Dad is trying to put guilt on you. I think he feels he can be by himself and doesn't understand why you don't feel the same. Your Dad seems to have his faculties. We know you are trying to keep him safe. Just as the daycare is keeping me Mom safe. As Scarlett O'Hara said" Tomorrow is
another day". Good night all.
Carol
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hi asg - I am in Northern Alberta - Fort McMurray and travelling north to Fort Chipewyan and Fort Smith. What they say about Fort Mc is that it isn't the a$$ end of the world, but you can see it from here. We will be crossing the Bridge to Nowhere (yes that is its name) on the way north. I have looked at Ice Road truckers - looks like life on the winter road. You need to take emergency supplies and warm clothes, candles etc, but you could need those in civilized areas too if there is a blizzard. Glad auntie had a good time and is settled in now
carol, sorry you got upset - are you on any antidepressants or other meds?may be something to help you with that frustration. it is a really tough job and not good if you feel you could hurt yourself.
I would say just go to the Day care anyway. Hope you can put into practice some of the stress relievers the social worker suggested
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mis and seeme-thanks for the pallitive care info. And glad you had good visits with Grandma today, mis.
emjo-thanks, it's good to remember I'm not the problem. The massage was wonderful! Hope yours is good too. Didn't get to the movie, but we had dinner and did a bit of shopping. Good day. I thought I lived in the Frozen Tundra! Drive on a frozen lake? No way! I feel so southernly compared to that. LOL
allshe-Did you take some time for yourself when your Aunt was out?
carol-Sometimes when we're frustrated, we hurry. And the ones we care for can make a big production out of an accidental tug or pull when undressing. We don't mean harm, but it doesn't look that way. It's good the daycare is so concerned, it must be a very good place. Maybe try focusing on the piece of clothes you are working on..just think of the coat. Then think of the sweater. Then the boots, ect. If you think too far ahead, it seems like a long time before the coat ever gets off. And you said you were nervous, so that didn't help. You are human and it showed. What mother hasn't accidentally tugged a sleave or dragged a snap over a squirming child's head, trying to get them dressed? If you need a minute, just leave the coat on until you're ready to deal with it. I feel for you...as I nurse I've helped alot of people get dressed/undressed, and it doesn't always go smoothly. That does not make you a bad person! Hugs.
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Emjio...wow do you like the cold? Id love to go do christmas vacation somewhere where im sure to have a white one. I it was pretty warm here this time round. CAROL.don't worry honey we all get frustrated and in a hurry like notlike said...what mother hasn't done that to her child. Ir is good the place cares but like you I think id be bothered. But you shouldn't be. If you have been going there for 2it or 3a years perhaps they do know you well enough to know you would never hurt mom. Maybe that's why they were concerned. Maybe a new hide saw and made a bigger production of it than what it was. Sometimes in a nursing facility you will have new nurses/ new aids who don't haven't quit picked up on the atmosphere yet,or know who is who yet. If they hadn't been around long enough maybe that's why. Or maybe someone else was having a bad day and made some drama. I wouldn't worry. It does get very frustrating trying to dress them. When hey can't focus on what you are doing, you try to go one way they go another. I wouldn't worry. Tommarrow is the dawn the dawn of a new day. If anyone mentions it again
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Carol I am in the same place as you are. I have lost my patience - with my mother and with everyone! I am lucky my mother, after the flu, is much more quiet and so I don't get nervous. Rather, I am worried she is "so" quiet. But I must say I needed this "break". I don't know if she will go back to her old self and we'll have to give her Seroquel again. By now she is so absent that she just needs to be fed and washed. Part of me would like to have my "fighter" mother again, part of me enjoys the silence. Who knows what it will come next? This life is so full of surprises. Take care... And kisses to everybody else
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Like it - heck no, but grew up with it. Actually if it is not too bad without a wind down to about 0. Below that, it can be not much fun.
Notlike - how far north are you? I have been here over 30 years,
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jo, please check your e-mail.
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emjo-I live in Wisconsin-south end, near Chicago. But we call the Packers football stadium The Frozen Tundra, and it does get nasty hear sometimes. Freezing rain this morning. It's been a warm winter so far. Sis is taking Mom for a CT of her lungs this morning. Safe driving to everyone today.
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Hearing about all this cold makes me grateful we will be in the 70's this week, couldn't handle all that ice and snow.....
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Good Morning Posse!

Thought I would check in before I start my day and wish a good day for everyone!

Carol....if Mom is clean, fed and her basic needs are being met then you have nothing to worry about. I know it makes you feel like you are standing on a giant stage with a huge floodlight on you when an event occurs with Mom........one of these days I will tell you the story of "pillow therapy".......but until these ignorant people have walked for an hour in your care giving shoes they should mind their own business. Those on the outside don't have a clue what goes on inside......and I don't mean just the non-care givers....I'm talking other care givers also. That's why everyone congregates to sites such as this. It's unfortunate though as care givers, we have to watch what we say and do, because there are others who THINK they are experts and can cause one a lot of grief. People have made it so that it's difficult to express our frustration and loss of patience. Maybe if care givers were allowed to act like the humans we are, and express our emotions, there wouldn't be so much dependency on chemical interventions. "Here, don't be frustrated because your parent is eating pingo again or hasn't bathed in 6 months, take another pill".......AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

ladee.......the weather today is in the 60's here.....now next week it may be freezing again....only in MO, right ASG?

Okay, need to hit the shower.........will check back with everyone later.

Happy Trails,
Jam
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One of the best pieces of advice I can give is this:

When you are flying, and the stewards are giving you instructions about the oxygen masks, they always say if you are traveling with children and the masks come down, PUT YOURS ON FIRST......you can't help anyone else if you don't take care of yourself first.......so anyone in stess........just breathe.........
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ros, know what you mean about the silence. It can be bothersome. I always wish my Mother would talk and show a little personality. She often just sits and stares. I really don't understand that behavior. This morning she was quiet going to daycare. I asked if she felt well ; she said she did and then when we got there she told them that she just felt fair. Of course the first question they had for me was " Are you okay today?" At least I wasn't as angry as I was yesterday. My mother has to be cued to eat. Don't know why her not eating aggravates me so. I just seem to have lost control. I've thought often that this is the beginning of the end. Like you I too wish sometimes for Mother to be the spunky person she was. Yes this life is full of changes. Dealing with that can be hard. Oh well , have a good day all.
Carol
aavated
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Hi guys. Sorry I haven't had time to interact. Bill (57) is in the psych unit. Keeping him safe and keeping our 17 year old safe is (Bill's physical aggression is towards Jack so far) top priority (as well as the rest of the public with Bill's refusal to give up driving). Family and friends want me to place him. Today he sounds coherent and almost like the fella I married. Would welcome your prayers. Even as a Behavioral Specialist, I am helpless. He cannot control himself with the Alzheimer's. Lyn
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Oh, lyn, my heart goes out to you. This must be so painful. You are having to manage a very difficult situation and also process your own feelings/grief over the loss of the mate you knew. Prayers -you have them for sure. Safety for all has to be primary. I am sorry that Bill's physical aggression has come out at your son. How is he doing? As many have said here, Alz takes a dreadful toll of the person who has it, and of course on their loved ones. Do keep us updated and do know you are doing trhe right thing. Do the doctor's think he should be placed?
Big (((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))) joan
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Hey ya'll , just checking in...hope everyone has kept a little sanity today..... and Carol, we understand how you are feeling with the anger... like Jam said, I think people who don't do this expect us to be robots..... good thing about having a thread like this.... everyone understands, and you have all of us telling you it isn't you..... we get angry for a reason or tons of reasons.... but our charges STILL get ,taken care of, we beat ourselves up, let others put pressure on us...blah blah blah, but we come here and are told it's ok...I have never read a post by anyone tellling us they lost and went insane on thier charges... we come here first...... so be nice to you..... we understand..
Ro, you have had one damned long year, many upsets, and in a way I am glad Mama is quite for a little while, gives you some breathing room.... but you are really sounding depressed.... is is med time maybe? Just to help you for awhile? None of us are going to get exrta for killing ourself....
Seeme, hope you are feeling a little better, just one damned long holiday wasn't it!!!
Jam hope yesterday wasn't too hard for you, I was thinking of you....
emjo, not talking about all that cold stuff....
ASG, happy to hear Auntie got out for awhile and was tired when she got back, hope you relaxed for awhile
Lyn, it really doesn't matter what others think you should do, this is your husband, and I have complete faith that you will do what needs to be done... if he is sounding better, that is a good sign... some of the meds work a miracle... you did the right thing by placing him and finding out that maybe meds will help... and all your training does not work with Alz... as I say many times, at different levels, they do not live in our world anymore... they can not be taught or encourged to "reason", and they can not be taught new things... we are the ones constanlty learning new ways to deal with the affects of Alz....
As a rule Sonny is very easy going... but this morning when he was getting dressed and I was starting breakfast, something told me to go check on him.... he already had his shoes on and was trying to put his jeans on.. at first he got a little angry when I said, "let's try this"... so I stopped, put my hand on his leg for a few seconds and said, it's ok, It's really something very simple that we can fix... Ok??? Kept my hand on him for a few more seconds until it passed. Then he mangaged to do it himself... so I was able to say, see!!! You had it all figured out.... but as I said, he is very easy going... I have worked with some , Ruth, that was like your hubby.... I got a broken leg out of the deal.... and she needed the same thing you so lovingly provided for your hubby... That is love Lynn.... not only did you and your son need a break, but allowing him to be observed and given chemical help, it provides him with a better quality of life also.... so it doesn't matter what others think.... you are doing great.....
Ok, gotta go get the Diva some cheese, I am tired of her staring at me.... love and angels to all my friends.....
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Wow. I am soooooooo happy I found this website! I went out on the back porch today and cried out of frustration. I don't have it near as bad as some of the people on this discussion and it helps so much. Caregivers are the most unrecognized, un rewarded group ever!
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Wow. I am soooooooo happy I found this website! I went out on the back porch today and cried out of frustration. I don't have it near as bad as some of the people on this discussion and it helps so much. Caregivers are the most unrecognized, un rewarded group ever!
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welcome roger2bear, come back and visit and tell us what you were so frustrated about.... I bet we will all shake our head "yes" and respond to you saying we understand.... we are glad you found the sight too..... it keeps us sane....sort of.... hugs to you...
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I need to know if anyone lives in Az that has to deal with caregiving and financial matters...recently received email stating that if my husband assets exceed 2000 dollars he may lose eligibility and maybe long term care...which means i have to pay more than half towards what medicare is already doing for him...of course he is frighten with the idea of transferring ownership to me but its giving me a headache and I need some sound rapport with someone that has been thru this and what challenges i may have to face and also knows more of Az laws and by laws that i do know regarding as such...I am just glad we do not own a house or a car but still...need help ty :) and his memory seems to be sliding somewhat but also tired cant wait to have some long island ice tea or eggnog n vodkna lol...pls email me or facebook me under Christie amber Smith:) would appreciate it especially if ur in the state of Arizona...also know someone cheap too help me deal with all this misery of money and its total evil by causing problems more than it helps...
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I so wish behaviors could be explained. My mother was eating well a month ago lately I have to beg her or cue her to eat. She has always loved the dogs; today nothing not interested in the cute things they do. She doesn't say much and shows interest in nothing. These are the things that mad me so angry; I guess because I really can't understand.
Lynn, how long will they keep your husband?. I think you will be better able to make a decision when you have seen consistent behavior. I'm so sorry that the aggression is towards your son; so hard for him.
Everyone has a story and it seems this is the place to tell them as others will listen and not judge. The people here understand and don't question.I am hurting and others here know how that hurt feels. I sometimes feel I can 't go on but I know I have not got a choice. Okay good friends; have a good night and let's look forward to tomorrow.
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burned....I assume you are talking about Medicaid? There should be someone in your local Family Services (the name may differ in Arizona) office who can steer you in the right direction. If your husband is on Medicaid, there are provisions that allow for a certain amount of income, plus the family home, to be retained for you. That's who you should be talking with as they know the laws for your state and what paperwork you will need to submit. Each person's situation is unique and what works for one in your state might not work for another. I wish you luck with this, I know it's hard. Hugs sent to you!
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Hi folks just checking in...respite has been nice..hubs and I feel guilty. Been checking on mom and dad daily. We should have left town ...kinda glad we didn't as my brother doesn't seem to know how to clean dad very well. He has been having bad days..having to feed him again at most every meal. My heart is baking. Last night we went over to visit and hubs took dad to bed...his privates were raw. Today I spent the afternoon there cause hubs took my brother to Harley shop..at my encouragement. We sat upside for a bit and had a nice afternoon. Changed him before I left. He was still raw and so sore...I just don't understand. Makes me so sad. I explained to brother again what he needs to do... Can't help but worry. It is nice sleeping at home and not having to run to take care of things with mom and dad.. But is it worth it?! I have been fighting with some sort of rash that he got when brother was here thanksgiving...
Need time but not at the expense of my parents.
Not like...dad is basically on palliative care. He was with hospice fr a year untile he progressed...we may be heading back that way soon. Just trying to keep them comfortable and out of pain.
Just real sad right now. Hubby took me it to our little unique town square..we went to the bookstore for awhile and now we are in the yogurt shop...appropriately called Ya Yas. ...still my mind is on my daddy.
Love you all will check in soon. Just needed to vent a few minutes.
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Don't even know where to begin tonight. Dad's suddenly defending Mom because she's being nice to him. Hubby and I think he's getting fooled. M&D overspent and are tight on money. Meds got ordered and the dollar amount is questionable. Mom still getting digs in and staying off by herself. CT scan didn't happen because she's allergic to the dye and the hospital didn't question her shellfish allergy before she got there. If I defend the hospital, I'm not supporting her. But one doctor where she used to live refused to treat her because she was so mean to his staff. I'm trying to keep her from going down that road again because she makes mountains out of every mole hill. I really think I need more involvement in the meds and money, but she doesn';t want to give up that independence. I feel guilty for wishing we would move past this can/can't stage. Her towel last night had fuzzies on it, which got on her, so Dad had to come dry her off again. And I'm supposed to trust her with money??? And med refils??? Sis says when they went to visit her brother Tuesday, she was talking like she was going to recover from this cancer, or at least like it would take forever to really get sick. Third chemo is Tuesday..I have a bad feeling that it's going to make her sicker than she thinks. I miss my orderly, boring, life! There is so much waiting for news, waiting for the right moment, waiting for things to settle down, waiting for her to get worse. So much waiting! How do you handle all these shifts in reality? It would be different if we were enjoying each day, but she barely speaks to me. I can't feel relaxed around her because I'm just waiting for her to strike out verbally.
Venting...too much build up for after the holidays when sis & the girls leave. Would like something at least close to normal for awhile.
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Oh Vic, the square in Oxford is great. Love all the shops. Try not to worry. My Mom was in respite last week. I worried for about 3 days and stayed awake all night ; just knew they would call me with a problem. Relaxed on the last day. I know how hard it is but we really do need some time for ourselves. I know I am very fortunate to have daycare most every day. Let us know how it goes. Carol
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I totally love this site. Tomorrow is my day to take care of my mom. She has dementia. She is very cranky and crabby. I feel like I am walking on eggshells with nails in them around her. I can't do a thing right. I dread taking care of her on my day. I barely say a word to her bc she is so irritable. The rest of the time, an aide takes care of her. I am disabled bc of a car accident that my husband caused bc he has dementia as well. He's cranky too. I am elderly as well. She had me when she was very young. Ever since the accident, my emotions have been all over the place, I can't take much and get overwhelmed very easily. So that's how I am doing today. I put a prayer request on a prayer request site for my emotional well being.
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