This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Jam: please know that I wrote more info not to be annoying but to put more light on the subject as there are so many intricate factors in this situation with my mom. I hope I did not offend yo; if I did, I am sorry. I do care about what suggestions people make and was not deflecting yours. If I had POA things would be different. That's why I feel so frustrated and once again thank you for creating this post. SDPeg
#AlzTip of the Day! If person w/ #Alzheimers becomes suddenly more confused or difficult, have dr check for urinary tract infection.
Found this on my FB page; thought I would pass it on. SDPeg
Asg- thank you for understanding. The unknown is scary...
Well, dad has not coughed up anymore blood since the other day. So i guess it was just coming from where he had his surgery.
My brother goes in the morning to have surgery on his ear for the squamous cancer. Sil is suppose to report to us and let us know what doc found out and how much they had to cut off of his ear. I just pray that they don't have to take too much off of his ear and that it has not spread. Please keep him in your prayers!!!! I will post more in a little bit got to go bathe connor, then it is hubby's nite to lay down with him. Hugs stormyyyyyyyyyyyyy
It is important to remember that we are here for support and although advice is given, sometimes we write just to vent.
I have not been through much of what others are going through so I don't offer much advice (except set boundaries-lifelong lesson for all of us no matter what we do) but sometimes step over the line and spout my mouth when I should just read and send hugs instead.
We are all doing the best we can with the situations we are in and that's to be applauded. Let's take a moment and look at our successes last year and add to those shall we?
SDPeg
Yes, atherosclerosis is hardening of the arteries. I hope that she doesn't have narrowing on both sides in her carotids.....that cuts down on the blood supply to the brain....and results in what we call a "rotor rooter" procedure. No, it doesn't automatically mean that there are blockages anywhere else but it's more likely there is. Because of her diabetes she is more susceptible to wound healing.....or not healing because of poor circulation. And with the levels of sugar being higher it causes bacteria to flourish faster. And of course you know to get right on that vigorously when she gets a boo boo. Each time there is a new sore, it seems like it's harder and longer to get healed. So yes, the sores could be caused by both diabetes and impaired circulation or either one by itself.
Been missing you girlie, and love the phone and the words it throws out there, glad you come back and say what you meant to say, cause I am setting here saying " whaaaat?
Like Jam, I have a backache this evening,,, getting too old to be on my feet all day.... I think hers is from setting too much, just sayin'......
Stormy, bro will be in my prayers, let us know how things are.... does your bro work in the sun and not wear sunscreen??? And also very happy to hear dad has stopped coughing up blood... you have your hands full girl, sure wish there could be some changes for your situation...more time off to spend with Conner... Are you the youngest of the sibs??? If you are, I know how that feels, no one listened to me either .....
Marie sure has been a joy to be around, it is Sonny who has been grumpy for the past week... he seems really tired...and confused.... told her today if he continues we need to check him for a UTI, Ruth would do the same things,,,, and Joyce before her... sure have been missing Ruth alot these past few days..... good memories of her last Christmas.... maybe things have settled down enough I can cry all the tears I have bottled up this past year because I was too busy trying to survive.....
Love and hugs to all my freinds... couldn't have done this past year with out ya'll... ASG, do you remember when Ruth had the banana and the kitchen knives in her pants..... I do believe that was the highlight of my whole year..... and HB still calls me Chaquita.... gotta love it.....
Ok, my meds have kicked in, am going to bed.... later....
ASG-neosporin is good. Just an FYI-if the sores ever don't heal well just with that, ask for a prescription for silver sulfadiazine cream. My dad gets foot sores from poor circulation (no diabetes yet), and that cream fixed them right up.
ladee-thank you for the kind words. I so need the support you all provide.
emjo-the Laundry Room might be warmer, but I'll take the cave. It should be a law that anemic people don't live with those of us going "through the change". LOL There is no happy medium here for heat!!!
CT scan of Mom's lungs tomorrow, then chemo in the afternoon. Back to real life. I found $20 in my bathrobe pocket last night...hoping it's a sign of a good year. LOL
Got antibio's and prednisone, so in a couple of days I will be fine and climbing the walls, staying up all night to do housework. Voice is not back yet. Kathy also caught it......so far 5 that were at the Christmas Eve party have it, including her mom who is scheduled to have a knee replaced later this month. Hope she doesn't have it bad. She has to go out in 30 degree weather tomorrow for a class on the recovery and therapy. Poor woman already has a pacemaker.......
Stormy, best wishes for brother. Hope he is a good patient.
Notlike...I was given that silver sulpha stuff on mom's mastectomy incision without realizing mom was allergic to anything that said sulpha.......what a mess those blisters were........but it is good for burns, too.
Hubby is due to get up any time now and will be hungry. I hate this shift....night
Notlikemom-Let me know what they say about your mom and the scan on her lungs, as dad just had a ct scan done on his a few weeks ago. We can compare notes. ok
Jam- Wanted to ask you a ? about dads scan- Read this carefully- No signs of subpleural interstitial disease {({except})} for lung apices. What do you get out of this???? And another one is- Interstitial thickening and honeycombing at lung apices suggest pleural-parenchymal scarring rather than diffuse interstitial disease. I have read about the honeycombing of the lung and thickening so i know what all they are saying. Just wanted to get your take on these statements... Thanks
Maya- Yes we use something called moleskin on my dads ulcers under his trach plate. He has 2 now under there. I had to apply one there today. ((((Hugs))) stormyyyyyy