This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Trying to get caught up on today's posts........
Please keep us in your prayers.
Yesterday, I found out at work that one of my friends, Robin, lost her mom over the holidays. Her dad has alz and just was put into a nursing home.
My niece had her baby yesterday morning. A little girl Arabella Alexis. She came 20 days early. I'm hoping Grandma holds on long enough so my niece came bring her to at least meet Grandma. But for now Grandma is in God's hands and whatever happens happens.
emjo-I'm glad you have gotten to a safer place. You sound very wise and accomplished. Blessings and real peace to you.
jam-thanks for the advice. It is better to do nothing sometimes.
rossell-you are an inspiration. Your happiness for your brother's family is so selfless. Shows what a wonderful person you are.
maya-hope you got a good cry and feel better today. Hugs.
mis-Hugs for the happy and sad places you are in right now. Be sure to talk to your Grandma about the new baby, she may still be able to hear you, even if she doesn't respond.
burned-Happy Birthday to your son!
The home health coordinator came last night. Wonderful woman-she had Mom talking, laughing, even telling stories. Got Mom signed up so we're ready for the future. At last, something I worked out right! I can breathe a bit easier now knowing that's taken care of.
Mom has chosen to start radiation with her next round of chemo. I hope it works and the side effects aren't as bad as I imagine. More doctors appts in our future to coordinate all this.
My uncle goes to hospice today. It's hard watching my dad deal with this. He is trying to understand it all. I listen alot and answer questions. Mom is still pretty cold about it, but at least she lets him go visit.
Hope everyone has a good day. Thanks to all of you for your support and kindness.
notlikemom, you have done a lot right, we know it, God knows it, so that is the most important. Yes, professionals do have a way to reach them sometimes...make them feel safe, so happy to hear you received this blessing of one thing you know is taken care of.... love and hugs... angels for your heart....
Cmag, enjoy your time in the man cave...
Ro, just know that you are loved and respected.... no matter what is going on.... you make time to talk to us.... you are appreciated...
Have asked for a four day weekend... hope I get it soon....
love and hugs....
Short check-in.....dogs woke me up and said "Potty time"..........
Notlike......I'm sorry there is so much sadness and stress around you now. Not only with Mom, but now with Uncle....just remember that we are thinking of you and sending hugs and prayers. Isn't it great how an "outsider" can come in and work miracles with our loved one? I guess since they aren't the ones doing the cleaning and saying "no" they can get accomplished what we might never have. When the admitting coordinator came to see the col when she was placed in the NH she manipulated the col into thinking it was her idea...lol! Where before, the col would practically threaten us that we had better not ever put her in one, the AC had her looking forward to it. I guess it takes a special talent to do the job.
mis....sending prayers and hugs and angels to you and to watch over Grandma. And a new life also! How special and yes, I hope Grandma gets to see her....beautiful name they gave to her. Try and take a few minutes for yourself each day, so you don't get run down.
After reading some of the recent posts, I had the idea that someone might want to start a thread about living today with dysfunctional families from the past.....I bet there are a lot more here than we even imagine. Just a thought if someone wanted to tackle that project.
Hope everyone has a terrific day............going to go take care of my farms on FB!
Happy Trails,
Jam
Notlike, hang in there girl. You are doing better than you think. You have started something that will make it easier for you to go on....
Jam....a place to sort out dysfunctional families.......imagine most of us could go there, but I prefer to keep my rose colored glasses on.........ignorance is bliss in my case.......but the need seems to be out there. It is just another piece of the fabric that makes up the caregiver's role. It may account for the "who" of the caregiver, the "why" of the caregiver, and the "how" of the caregiver.......which child does it, or not.....how the caregiver delivers their care........wow, this is a deep subject.....too deep for me.....I'll just stick to humor........
Been missing you, Ladee.....glad to see you are back....must have had some long days at work.......hope Sonny and Marie are doing good. I got out yesterday for the first time in a week and it wore me out. Didn't do anything exciting even. Slept most of the afternoon while hubby was. Two more weeks of this shift and we can get back to a normal eating and sleeping routine where I can make NOISE during the day. Cold is much better, cough is easing, antibio's must be working. It is late and I must get going.........later............
After sending a message to doc (in the wee hours of the night) the nurse called. Mom's rxs are being adjusted due to tsh results and over all behavior. Woo hoo. I always cooperate with doc without putting my two cents in. They know I will ask questions though so as to be more learned. Perpetual student I am. So I will have to make my list again ... ha ha ... got so used to routine of putting the meds out. Perhaps a change in meds will make a marked, positive change in mom. Can't change her relationships with my sibs but can follow doc and change rx. Hopefully this will yield the positive changes I started this year praying about. Let's hope so.
SDPeg
seemeride, you bring up some very good points about how this topic relates to caregiving for what appears to be a lot of people on this site. It is deep as well as prevalent and I hope the thread will be as helpful as this one is.
I read your posts and I am sorry for those who are having a bad period with their parents and grandparents and in some cases husbands. I am really sorry for all of you who are grieving for difficult situations. My mother is in a good health, she is stable, she doesn't give me any problems lately. Poor thing. Just the lack of freedom...
Sorry I haven't slept at all last night so I am quite foggy.
I'll try to participate more to the life of this thread tomorrow night...
My head is somewhere else tonight. Forgive me! Kisses everybody
We need your prayers. Thanks so much. Carol
Ro.....my heart is sad for your kitty.....but glad now that Dorothy will have a loving home with you.....pictures please!
Going Saturday to the winery that our brother-in-law owns for brunch and "all-you-can-drink" mimosas.............now I should find a designated driver.....:) Sounds like a good morning.
Thanks for all the prayers and kind thoughts. Please keep them coming. Carol
Carol-Go your Mom! Sounds like she is doing really well. So glad for both of you.
I am the oldest in my dysfunctional family. So I immediately thought about doing the thread. LOL That is a correct theory! But I've learned my limitations over the years. Let's kick this around...anyone else interested?
I am wondering if I will ever get a night without some kind of Mom issue. If I do, I will certainly enjoy it! Tonight it's taking Dad to his appt. tomorrow. I suggested he take me and pick me up from work, so we can have only one car for the appt and be able to talk when it's over. I really need to maximize my time. Although he prefers his van, we will be taking my car in the AM and the van in the PM because SHE thinks that's fair. I could argue he's never driven my car, it's filthy inside, and I'd pay for his gas in the van, but it wouldn't do any good. She can only see what's in front of her and that's the gas cost. Not to mention all the hours I've lost from work and miles I've driven to be there for their appointments. Oh well, it could be a bigger issue and that would be worse. So I'll take the small issue instead.
Done venting. Crossing my fingers that figuring out Dad's treatments tomorrow won't rock the boat too much here.
Sweet dreams everyone!
Jam-you are so right about professional, good people in caregiving. They can swoop in and save the day. I'm so glad I talked to her and explained the situation before she came. She knew just what to do. Yours must have been exceptional to get the col to think it was her idea. Too funny!
Good luck cmag with the new thread..... it may take awhile for others to see it, but hang in there.... it will serve a great purpose....
I am going to enjoy my time off.... seems totally strange to not have to be anywhere for the next few days....
hugs and angels....
And my hip is hurting and my leg is sore myself. My right hand is tingling from carpal tunnel. I've got a load in the washer, a load in the dryer and another one to start.
Sorry to break up the good with my junk. It's my problem, not anyone else's.