This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I am thankful today because I received two phone calls from my mom's nurse answering my questions. I am thankful doc thinks outside of the box and changed mom's meds. We are all looking forward to her f/u appt next Friday to see what direction we will all go in assisting my mom in enjoying life. I have worked very closely with this doc for years (my dad was her patient as well) and I am more than thankful for the rapport we have. And the robitussin is helping her cold. Perhaps we all will sleep better tonight. SDPeg
Yes, if I had my druthers, I'd druther have some more electrical outlets around the room and some drawers in the kitchen, but this cousin has told us that we can do whatever we want, that it's our home, not just where we happen to rent. The drawers will happen eventually, because if I'm here long enough, I'll see if he'll let me replace the cabinets in the kitchen with ones that my brother and nephew build. My cousin and his wife have been good to us and they've gone out of their way to make sure that if we have an emergency, he gets his crew out here even at night if need be. Our apartment complex in Virginia went from being a very safe and decent place to being drug-infested and run down in a hurry when the original owners sold it. Our next door neighbors were dealing and the mother was employed as a manager at one of their other properties, so nothing was ever going to be done about that by management. I talked to a couple of folks that I knew in another jurisdiction who worked in law enforcement and they put me in touch with local vice, so it got cleaned up eventually, but we went through so much harassment in the meantime that I wouldn't even let my mother sit next to a window. I feel so safe here, I forget to lock the doors half the time. There, the police were called to the complex almost on a daily basis.
But I second guess myself all the time about this move. Up there, she'd have probably already had the surgery and the wire mesh removed. Doctors didn't sit on their hands until something was life-threatening before they did anything. Here it seems as if nothing ever gets done, that it's a neverending list of appointments with these doctors, but they don't even seem to know what each other is responsible for.
I'm afraid of what will happen if they don't get up off their keisters and do something soon.
ladee - so happy you have time off -and lots of rocks
maya - sounds like the docs are too slow - glad you have at least one decent cousin - hope the aches get better soon
cmag - good thread -see you there
jam - mimosa's - have fun!!!
sdpeg - glad the med adjustment may help mum feel better
notlike - not always the oldest who gets it - I am the younger of two, though people often assume I am the oldest. you are doing a great job!
carol - your mum is doing so well!!! awesome - prayers
mis honey - glad the new babe came - gma is safe - hugs and prayers
ros - want pics of dorothy lamour - hope u r getting some rest -I know you will miss heathcliff ((((((hugs))))))
anyone I have missed - hi and hope u r doing OK
got a cold, so laying low - roads are terrible here and the highway is closed south of town - good weather for staying in - pics of a winter sunrise (and UFO's???) and also the trip north are posted on facebook
hugs, love and prayers♥♥♥
jo
Carol, congrats for your mother. They are made of iron.
Jo I can't say I miss Heathcliff. I worry for him, that's sure. I know he is well and today I will call the people at the dog shelter to be filled in...
Ladee have you seen that movie with Lucille Ball where she had a mobile home and she loaded it with hundreds of rocks? It was a very funny movie. The Long, long trailer. I googled it.
Thanks ladies for grieving with me every time one of my pets dies. It happens almost every week. I am going to bury the last one this morning and I am not looking forward to it.
Rob called me before his shift yesterday and told me that grandma wasn't responding to the nurse when they'd move her or bathe her. I was going to come home take a nap and then go see her. I'm glad I didn't and went straight from work. So many emotions I have from the numb feeling to the crying. Well I'm going to get off of here and get something to eat.
stormy I hope the pingo hits the fan and your sis goes for broke - no need to hold her tongue when your niece has behaved so badly
mis (((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) glad you and rob were there and it was peaceful
ros -dorothy is beautiful
everyone hope you are doing decently well today - I just can't write it all out agan and lose it
love
jo