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Good morning all..
Seeme..I knew you didn't run away! ... Love the fight with the Secretary! Have you had it long? And hope you didn't tear it up in the process! Hahaha
I understand what you are saying about the dying process..will have to find that book. Been waiting on this appointment tomorrow..just to see if this is something that can be treated to ease his suffering...and then to decide if we need hospice again. I ink it is coming to that point but who really knows only God. Think dad has been defying death for years ..not sure why but I do know that it has helped my salvation. Yesterday getting him in and out and moving from here to there just was harder..hospice has been on my mind for awhile
Funny thing is that dads mind can comprehend everything going on around him and he has a good understanding mentally..but he can't communicate it.
Didn't mean to get on a roll when you asked a simple question yesterday...it all came rolling out! He had a rough start to the night but then he relaxed enough to sleep ok..oh yea on a pee note: have had so much trouble at night.. The pee goes to the side and wets him down..hope you all can visualize that a man is different...hahaha but anyway..awhile back Jam mentioned the ones that are NASA inspired..well I read up again and found a decent price for a small package..hope they come in soon as they tout ..better for side loss. So we will see..will let you all know how they work out.
Rw welcome!! Keep coming back our journeys are in different stages and differing diseases..but the one thing we all have in common is we are caregivers..reluctantly or not! ..we need a place of understanding and I have thanked God daily for finding this thread and this site. Hope you will feel comfortable and safe here to let out all the feelings you will and do have without any fear of judgement or reprisals.. It is about love and compassion, hugs and prayers from afar that in a spiritual sense gives me hugs and tears and laughs right here when I need it.
Mis - you are in thoughts and prayers...
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mis.....we all understand what you are feeling right now and how overwhelming it is. As everyone else has said, you are in our prayers and angels have been sent. We'll leave the light on for you....................
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Hi rw, welcome , hey Jam welcome back, been kinda wondering where you were, I see that we have new people and the older ones are still here, I will have to admit to kinda lurking, will go a few days and then try to catch up, Jam you saying your foot was on the door frame reminded me of me a few times...lol..

Seeme, did you win the fight? who came out the worse? you or the calender?

Ladee ((((HUGS)))), hoping you've enjoyed your days off, they are sorely needed at times. Your posts I've seen haven't said how Sonny and Marie are doing, has she still got you ready to pull your hair out? Been in anymore hanger fights? lol, that was funny, I could just picture you wrestling with the hangers.

I've seen where a lot of us have lost our loved ones over the past year, it's hard, I didn't get a book of the process of dying, I knew some of the indicator's myself, and then the nurse from hospice gave me some more as I was telling her what was going on with mom. I think that knowing what you were looking at made it even harder in a lot of ways, knowing that Mom would be talking to people that were no longer with us, my grandparents, my aunt, etc.. it did make it easier for me to react, she once told me that there was someone out in the front of the store (my grandparents owned a small grocery when she was growing up, store in the front and living area in the back) she wondered who would wait on the customer, I told her I would take care of it. Knowing what I did, rather than trying to convince her that the store was gone, and that there wasn't anyone there, I just went with what she believed. It didn't hurt her anymore, and it made it less stressful on me.

As for siblings? you can't live with them, and you can't legally kill them.. although I believe a lot of us would like too. I know I did.

Mom passed in June, Glenn and I have been on the road since august, I honestly can't say it's getting any easier, think I've been kinda numb and just pushing things down. Been my habit for years, bottle things up, shove them down as far as I can get them, and just plain out not deal with them, her birthday is coming up, that is making it kinda touchy.

Christmas was rough, could not see a Christmas Light with out thinking about her, and how she use to love to go looking at Christmas Lights, went in a craft store to get yarn a couple of weeks ago, and was teary eyed through the whole place, she loved to do little crafty things.. Teased her that it kept her from running the streets chasing men and getting in trouble.

I'm glad to have found this thread, and to have met the wonderful people I have, it's been a place of comfort to me.

rw? you said your on the west coast, are you in CA? that is where my husband and I currently are, we live on the east coast at the moment.
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rw.....welcome...so you have been reading for a while.....hope you have read some things to help you out or give you some comfort.....maybe make you smile. We are in different stages of caregiving or grief...so maybe this will help you along the journey.

Mis, thought of you yesterday and the services this week. Be sure to get rest.....it can wear you out. Hugs to you and family...let us know how it went.

Starri...thanks for reminding me that I don't have to be finished grieving just because it has been 4 months. A sister called me yesterday to tell me she cleaned out her suv and opened a compartment she didn't normally use, to see some of mom's blankets in there and lost it.....it actually made me feel good to hear it.......I have missing her presense in my house....not just phone calls...and how every time we passed decocorations in the house she would be so delighted to see the lights, or candles, or her nativity set. Maybe I'm not clinically depressed, just grieving......

Vic....if you think you opened up and then just got on a roll, then that sounds like you have been holding things in and needed to get it out much sooner than you did. That'll teach you to stay away so long!!! Hope you get the undies soon. I am curious to find out if they work for men.... not that I have the immediate need to know, just want to file the information for possible future use.......don't you wish a rubberband would do the trick?

Never did get all the paper out of the secretary, but the lid does close better. Didn't damage it. Found deposit slips from the 1930's. When hubby gets going on something like that, it becomes a big production..... that was the gist of the whole ordeal.

The cold has been conquered and I am off to clean more sickness out of this house. If anything sets too long, it will get Lysoled. Hubby better get moving.....
will check back later.

Ladee, thanks for cleaning the air............ttyl
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lol, Seeme hubby better get moving, if it is warm enough to deal with it, open up the house, I was just telling Glenn how I dislike these new "energy" efficient houses, people leave the things closed up all the time, what is more energy efficient than leaving the doors and windows open? letting nature take care of moving the air. I've always been a throw open every window and door letting the sunshine and fresh air in. I had to sneak into Mom's other rooms to open up the windows as she kept everything locked up tighter than a drum.

I know you and hubby took a short trip, are anymore in your future? I'm seriously ready to hit the road again, it's about 1400 miles between me and Ladee, right now.

Clinically depressed I believe is something that stays with you all the time, before I finally got the right diagnosis, they had me listed as being severely clinically depressed, just thinking of that name made me depressed. Grief never goes away, it just lessens over time... The pain of missing them eases. I think the first year is the worse, then it starts getting easier, but to each person it's different. I'll be fine (kinda) for a few days, weeks, even a month, and then all of a sudden, I see, hear or think something and the flood gates open, I just tell people to ignore me, I'll be fine. I'll cry for a while, and then it stops, and the round starts again.
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A rubber and...LMBO!!! Glad I just finished lunch or would have had to go to ER..just saying.
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Nah...it was ur typical housefly kept visiting me while I was on the computer..Today I saw my daughter off to school and she will be home in a lil while..? Is it typical for hubby to have hot n cold flashes ....sometimes he thinks he has a fever yet the doctor here in town is positive about his health but all I seen is a man wore out by his existence and suffering too much pain. I have to help transition a lil more everyday and even tho I aim to do it right it hurts my back. I did get me a neck massage pillow to see if that might ease the tensed muscles in my upper back towards my neck. I have to call SSA today and get a third party signature on some policies of hubby's. I have a choice to allot his annuity to funeral arrangements whenever that day comes or I take over it. He doesn't like this giving up control yet he confuses me with our daughter sometimes and other times he makes straight sense. Well i believe I have done my rambling for now ttyl and God bless :)
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Sorry girls, I have spent the last 3 days with my mother and cleaning my house and I have lost the thread of the thread.
I see there are some conflicts... Please make some effort from both sides to settle them! 90% of the times it is just a question of misunderstanding... of expressing similar feelings in different ways... I don't want to be a peacemaker at all costs, but I really think that if you step back and take deep breaths you can understand each other, eventually!
For Ladee: Ladee, sometimes one is taken by a loop and he doesn't know how to get out of that loop. It happens to me very often, so I understand people in the loops! You are more straightforward and probably this kind of thing disturbs you. But if you don't find an exit, you don't find an exit! There are people who always find an exit, there are other people who sometimes don't find it. I know I am not very clear. If you want, we can talk about it in another moment...
I have to throw my mother into her bed. Literally!
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Hey ya'll well my day started out just lovely, i woke up 2 hours late. How the hell that happened i don't know. I did not hear the alarm clock if it went off. I have bad hearing anyway(heritary) I need to get one of those that scare the sh&% out of you. So it is definitility a monday for me. How about ya'll....
Ladee and Sdpeg- i hate that ya'll are buttin heads. I do hope that ya'll can work through your problems with each other. As i know this thread means the world to all of us and i feel we need it in our lives to try to get through this mission we are all on. I know it means the world to me. it is my escape, my time to talk to other people besides my crazy family, because i really don't have that many friends and they are not going through what i am so there you have it. How about ya'll agree to disagree? My sister has a pillow that says that about her and her husband. I love all of ya'll. I will chat later. Hugs to all stormyyyy
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Ro, I totally understand what you are saying, I messaged you on FB... love and appreciate you more than you know....
Stormy, always keep in mind this is a public forum, and as one side has the right to express themselves, so does the other . I appreciate your thoughts on this, and things will settle down, nothing stays the same forever...
And you are just one tired girl, we understand oversleeping.... get those zzzzzz's when you can.... had your dad tried the alarm yet????
My last day off and it is raining.... so peace and quite for awhile yet... and back to the grind tomorrow... I have needed this so bad, feel recharged and ready to hit the ground running, well limping, but I'll get it done...
Hope no one is traumatized by yesterday, but sometimes you gotta do what ya feel is right.....love you all, hugs across the miles.....
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RW- look forward to hearing from you more. My dad has thyroid cancer and has a trach from the tumor that was removed. Me and my sister take care of him. He has alot of breathing problems and other health issues also. Well ya'll take care. I will try to post more tonite. Got to get ready to cut from here and pick up my little red. Later gators. Stormyyyy
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Ladee- I have not gotten the life alert yet. I think mis said that she was sending it out thursday of last week. So maybe it will come in this week. Although i know she has enough on her plate right now. So if she hasn't sent it out yet then i will get it when things calm down with all that she has going on. There is no rush. I know this is a rough week for her and her family. Well, i will talk to ya'll later. hugs stormyyy
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Jam, who is in your new profile pic????
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Thanks to all for the warm welcome. As suggested I completed my profile. If I need to add more info, just let me know. I'm off to the gym, will be back in a couple of hours.
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I think I have a spare pair of glasses around here somewhere ladee.......:) :) that would be me leaning up against a fountain at one of our local casinos. Too bad we can't enlarge the pics so we could really see what we're looking at....hint hint.....
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welcome again rw, glad you filled out your profile, then we won't have to ask so many nosey questions.... hope you find a "home" here..... hope to hear from you again soon....hugs
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Been a long busy day. Dad was more aware today..big plus. Had lots of this an that to get done. Dad wasn't feeling well...got him to bed early..moms worrying...pray he has a restful night..
Welcome rw...
Goons get some rest while I can...night all
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rw....thank you for filling out your profile....that helps us know a little more about your situation. Since your new to the care giver role and you state Mom has mild dementia, I wonder if you've given thought to getting a POA for your Mom? It's something that we really don't like to think about, but it sure helps when all of a sudden you are at that point where Mom isn't able to make rational decisions. We got one for the col back in 2005 and told her that was only done so that if something happened to her and she wasn't able to answer for herself, then we could do it for her. Of course, she was already starting down the road of dementia and we knew it wouldn't be long until we were making all the decisions for her. And the POA was already in place.....one less thing to think about. I admire your stamina in taking care of yourself by going to the gym...bravo! After 25 years in EMS, I don't have a back left....it left town a long time ago.

Now you all have to put on your decorating thinking caps.....I'm putting a few changes into the col's house and need some ideas. The walls are pale apricot, the trim is a beautiful medium oak stain, the carpet is a dark beige (?), one window has chocolate curtains, hung with large grommets on both sides, the middle curtain is white background with a chocolate swirl pattern. What color (s) for throw pillows, throw rug, centerpiece on dining table, cover for table.....have to use a table cover until I decide what to do with it.....years ago it belonged to Luther Burbank's sister, so being an antique I'm not sure what to do with it. Paint it...restain it.....my mind is a complete blank, so this is your assignment for today...:) Help!!!!!!!!!!

Going to get comfy and watch some tv.....hope everyone is having a super day and evening........

Happy Trails,
Jam
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Well Jam, that cinched it, I won't be moving in.... all that BROWN would cause me to be more distrubed than I am... of course I wasn't invited now that I think about it, it was the lake house... yeah, yeah, now I remember... what colors are in the lake house, and if you say brown, then it's to Seeme's house I go....
RW, we are trying to figure out where to place ME, I am older than both of them, so as my caregiving days wind down, I will need a place to stay... I take care of Alz. patients, so will try to help you if I can, but many on this thread take care of family with Alz.... I am so tired and forgetful we'll never know if I get it...no, I have had four days off and I feel ready to go again... much needed respite for me... almost waited too long....
Am looking forward to seeing my sonny man tomorrow... He won't remember me, I walk out of the room and walk back in and he forgets I was there 10 seconds ago... I am going to approach Marie again about him and I going to the Senior Center... he is getting depressed with no stimulation... he didn't want to go outside last week and that is not good.... and he is sleeping more.... hope Marie did ok with me gone all those days... I'll make up for my lost day this week because she will need a blood transfusion so at least one late day.... but it does feel good to be rested...
So back in the trenches tomorrow... it has rained all day, this spring is going to be beautiful, we are still not out of the drought, beleive it or not... so , rain, keep comin'. Don't think I can do another summer like the last one.....
Ok, have to go to bed here soon... love and hugs...
Mis, you will be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow, hope you can check in in a few days and let us know how you and hubby are.....
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Vic, it is so good to see you posting more... missed your voice...glad dad had a better day, maybe he's just like the rest of us, good days and not so good days....but like Seeme shared yesterday, they do not follow a pattern.... it is just vigilance on our part for change that seems serious.... you are such a loving daughter, they are so blessed to have you... love and hugs to you sister friend...
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Thanks Jam for the tip on the POA. Having access to my mom's finances is not a problem since my sister and I both have access to her accounts. A month ago she got into a snit about paying her bills online and said she was going to write checks again. WELL that lasted less than a month when she had her checkbook all messed up and brought it to me at 11:30 at night to figure out. Needless to say I am back paying the bills online. I started a new check register and gave her the beginning balance so she can keep track of the online transactions if she wants to. It gives her something to do and not feel totally left our of her transactions, but if it gets messed up no big deal. I'm more concerned about medical issues but there are other avenues other than a durable POA for that from what I have read anyway.

You can ask any nosey question you want to. I don't offend easily (spent 12 years in law enforcement and developed a pretty thick skin). I only did a brief summary on my profile.
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rw.....next I would make sure that I could get all her medical info. HIPPA has caused some paperwork to be done....not much....maybe answer only one question...but it will make access easier. I just listed who could get her info over the phone, but she had to sign it. And if she has no objection, go into office visits with her. More ears, the better.
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Vic....up and down, up and down, sending you some zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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rw, does your mother sign her tax returns? My mother is longer longer able to do much less sign her taxes. To be able to do so, I had to mail the IRS a copy of my Durable POA and get a verification code that I use in signing each Federal Tax return which she and my step-dad had gotten way behind on. If you ever need to discuss your mom's tax return with the IRS, you will need the durable POA. There have been securities to deal with, property sales, incoming checks from her long term health insurance care that can't be auto-deposited but require my POA signature to deposit. Although ages ago, my mother made me joint owner with right of survivorship of her accounts, the bank still required a copy of the durable POA. I don't remember exactly why, but there was one time that someone wanted a certified copy of the durable POA. Also, it is registered with the county register of deeds and can be seen by anyone who wants to look at it. Access is not the issue as much as having the legal authority to manage their finances when they are not competent to manage their business matters in a business like manner. With all of the new HIPPA laws, it is crucial to have Medical POA as well. If your mother is not competent to make a medical decision , the the Medical POA authorizes you to do so in her best interest as if you were her. Having my mother's medical POA has made communicating with her doctors and dealing with hospital situations much easier. I'm so glad that my mother did not give my step-dad either POA for he is not competent to deal with either. It does anger him some, but frankly if he were POA I would be in court going after guardianship because neither one of them are competent. As you can tell, I believe in having POAs and I keep a copy of them in each glove compartment in case I need them for I live an hour away from my mother.
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ok now my head is spinning. She can still sign tax returns not that she knows what they say only if she owes anything or not. I see the point of a durable POA but I don't know how to approach it with her. My last conversation with her about her NOT going to the gym with me resulted in her being mad at me for two weeks and not speaking to me. (I forgot to mention she follows me EVERYWHERE) It is difficult to go anywhere that she doesn't want to come with me.

The week of christmas she injured her right knee. The doc diagnosed it as a torn ACL. MRI last friday and results should be tomorrow or Wed. So if I want to go somewhere she starts pouting, so I avoid going anywhere but the gym or to the store.

It may sound crazy but I am trying to keep the friction to a minimum. Picking my battles so to speak.

I will give more thought on how to approach the durable POA with her but it's not going to be pleasant.

Same for the medical stuff. She is very adament that it's her business but it's going to be sooner than later that this will need to change.
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rw....having that POA really does keep the headaches to a minimum, because you WILL need it. Try what we did....approach it from the standpoint of "what if you should fall and hit your head and be unconscious" or "get so ill that you can't tell the doctor what's wrong", something along those lines. And we assured the col that we would never use it unless something like that happened. She was okay with it. The POA we have gives us permission to control every single aspect of her life, from finances to medical issues. We also placed all of her money in a trust account. We did that so if we should decide that her money could run out and she couldn't pay for her care at the NH, we could apply to Medicaid and there wouldn't be a frantic "spend-down" of her finances. Just some other things to think about. Yes, you learn to pick your battles and Lord knows there are a few of those! Sorry to hear Mom injured her knee.....is there surgery in her future? Hope it isn't causing her too much pain.

My brain is starting to shut down so I'd better get some sleep.....will pick this up in the morning....sleep well my chicks.............
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ladee.....there's not that much brown.....I'll send you a picture. I wanted to put a lighter carpet in.....but nooooooo Target wanted the darker because of "elderly overflow".........The lake house has blue carpet.....the walls have a light stripe pattern.....the ceiling is white with beams.....does that sound better?
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rw ~ Re the POA. I suggest you approach your mother ASAP about the POA while she's still competent enough to sign legal documents to avoid the necessity of having to prove her incompetence to gain guardianship. If she gets miffed at you for a couple of weeks, although unpleasant, it's worth it in the long run. Jam's approach sounds good. You might even be surprised to find that she will be comforted to know that you are willing to handle her affairs for her. I know I was eager to give my daughter POA so strangers/government wouldn't be able to step in and make decisions I wouldn't like. In fact, that might be a selling point for you to use. Good luck.
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Hey my girls and gent,
I holding up as good as can be expect and so is my hubby. I kept my big mouth shut even though I sure wanted to say something. Sil started her crap last night at the viewing. She got ticked cause I didn't bring any pics of her to put in Grandma's casket, not up to me or my hubby. So she decided not to be in the viewing area with us instead out in the lobby until Fr. Martin came. It's sure hard not too saying anything to her about being so dang petty.

About a month ago, Grandma and I were eating supper and she asked me "is Jr working late tonight?" I told her that he was. She then said "Where is my daringer (her little pistol that she carried in her apron when her and grandpa owned a little country store). I told her that it was locked up downstairs. She then said, "well I think I need to buy another." My reply was "why". She told me if us 2 women are going to be by ourselves we need some protection that way I'll have one and you'll have one, too. Grandma was always think'in.
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Mercy rw, didn't mean to send you into overload and you didn't even get to ask your first question.....we jumped on that wagon didn't we... but all very useful info.... things that will end up helping you in the long run...
Law enforcement huh? well guess I'll have to start behaving now... NOT...were you an officer? Sounds fascinating, you'll have to tell us more about that....and you live in Ore., I live in Texas... we are from all over the place, but we do have a lot in common.... so glad you came back,
And good for you making the stand about going to the gym alone... does she have anxiety about being alone or has she always been this way??

Take advantage of her not talking to you, there will come a day when they never hush..... so savor your quite time..... we are happy to hear a new voice here....

Back to work for me today so will be bitching about something later this evening...I know Marie will be weak from needing blood, but hope she isn't grumpy to go along with that, but her and I have come a long way... I know how to handle those moods now....and I have missed my Sonny man... today is shower day, he won't be happy....but I will give him lots of hugs and make him laugh and it will be over before he knows it... it's funny, he never remembers the shower, but he always remembers he hates to take one...When I am checking his pockets when he gets undressed, always find some kind of food, candy, crackers, thank goodness to far they have been in the wrappers... I always tell him he has food set aside for hard times... He is one of nine children... that may be something he did to always have something to eat, who knows....
So off to make the big bucks today... am rested and ready to go....
love to all and hugs across the miles...
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