This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Hope everyone is having a good evening,
Love and Hugz,
Jam
jam - am glad to hear col is doing well , she sounds so cute , glad to see the fence is comin along good , didnt take long for em put em up ?
seemeride- are u getting any sleep ? geeze woman i remmy those days , pa used to do that to me for 8 mos straight , gosh was i a zombie .. there is some night s its hollarin but now here laley he sleeps and sleeps . ole pa hes so tired and worn out .
asg - glad to hearthings are same ole same ole , thats over here too . i ll be takin off friday afternoon and go camping with bunch of friends all women no men no kids ... friends of friends and list goes on and on . 25 th annivesary . so it ll be fun , go tubin or caneoing and play cards all night long .
i am sooo ready to go !
thinking of HB , xoxo
guess gotta change her every hour or so to keep her dry so it wont stick to her bottoms . when pa is bed rest i use diapers and close it lose so it can be air dry .
alot oftimes he s layin on his side i prop the pillow on his back so he wontroll over to his back , he s stay sideways , i hate it when he has bedsores .
Just brought him back from town, and he decided he would not be over there again today, told him I was going to make sure the house was locked and come home and take a nap myself.. Might go over again later this evening, don't know..
Take care
Carmen
See if I can get something written and sent. Had a whole story written and it went POOF!!! So I will try again only with a short version this time!
Carmen......we will take brother.....we'll just pass him around with all of us. This must be so hard for him and he still feels the need to help momma. Give him a big ole hug. How are you doing? Getting some sleep I hope.
johnny.....how are you doing and Miss Betty? Haven't heard from you, hope all is okay.
ASG.....better slow down a little......how is Auntie? Glad you found the book. I still haven't started it yet, better get to it I guess.
Thinking about you seeme.....hope mom's appt is going okay.
ladee.....you will be tired today especially if Sonny gets out to clean up yards. I wish that's all the col did, was go after the sticks. Now you make sure you cook extra today.....:) you know I love ya!!!!!!
Col is still scheduled to come home tomorrow. I'm ready for it myself. Everything is done, the only thing I need to do is go grocery shopping. And I will do that tomorrow. Today it's storming and pouring down rain, so staying in and enjoying this last day of freedom.
Hello to everyone.....check in please and let us know how you're doing.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Almost visiting hours. Will check back in later.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Now we have another dr app next week with a colo-rectal surgeon. The dr will need to decide if mom is even a candidate for surgery. She has so much bad bowel, that between us I don't know if she won't have to have ostomy surgery. Wouldn't surprise me. I could handle that better than what we are going through now, but I don't know what mom thinks. She knows she has to go to another dr, but not when. Does no good to tell her. she is sleeping now....feels like she was on a long trip today and her back hurts. Gave her half a lortab and a breathing treatment and she is out.
Again, I'm sorry Linda, please accept my apology.
ASG, we will go to you now for advice with all your new knowledge. That never hurts anyone!! Pretty soon Auntie won't know what hit her, and you will have her wrapped around your little finger. Cheers to you!!
dont feel bad girl cuz i didnt take it that way , ijust took it as ure tired and lackin of sleep and i feel ur worn out . i wish i could come over and help you and let u sleep all u want !
got pa here and im leavin tmr . starting to feel quilty for leavin him . but hell 2 days will poof on by .
hugs to u xoxox
Jam, I am glad COL seems more manageable. Anyway, the hours of respite which you will have thanks to the caregiver you are going to hire, will make all the difference in the world!
I had a good morning (I could bathe in the sea for the first time this year) and a bad evening (I had to fight with my mother to put her to bed, as usually!)
Marie gets back and is so weak, had trouble getting her in the house...as I shared with my friends today, she is very independent and I am having to let her set the pace for when I help her.. to make a long story short, she finally called me into her bedroom to help her change and get settled, she was running fever, I did all the things that just come natural to me.... as I got her settled, she said, "I guess you are going to quit now", I just kissed her and told her this is what I do, and I would not work for anyone else,, Patted on her bathed her with a cool cloth, and then went to fix Sonny dinner. He kept going in the room to check on her..... at one point I went to check on them and he was singing to her....... I LOST it, had to go outside and have a good cry at how much love and honor I saw with the two of them today.....How even with his mind half gone, the love was still there. and her love for him was all over her face... I am so blessed to have this job, Just wanted to share this with ya'll as it was very special to me... hugs across the miles...
Last night she got me up every hour on the hour. She must have had a low fever, cause she was dripping wet twice and I finally had to change her pj's. So today I do the laundry, change all the sheets and try to get her in the shower. And her head was just washed Tuesday, have to do that again
Gonna be hot today and the rain we thought we were getting was a bust. The leech field and septic tank can be clearly seen cause nothing will grow over it.....we are officially in a drought. The veggies are starting to dry up, but we can plant again in the late summer.
Jam, if you are lucky enough that the col does not remember her dog, it might be a good time.................................ya know what I mean. Good luck today. Hope you managed to be in 3 places at the same time. If you did, let me know how you did it. I'm thinking one of those places I'd be would be Ladee's so she could pamper me.
Ladee, you sure got lucky this time. Someone must have realized you needed a REAL job and not a nightmare. Ruth is still looking out for you.
Rosella, jump in the sea for me. Linda is going camping. Are you going to get lost in the wild? Hope it isn't too hot where you are. Right now I can't do without A/C.
Must get going if I am going to accomplish anything today. My best to all...............
We shall see next week....................
My goodness it's sad!
What a day and I'm pooped!!!!! Let's see....one dog woke me up at 2:30...she doesn't like thunder, then they all woke me up at 5:30 to go out and potty. So I just stayed up and drank coffee. Since retirement, I don't believe in alarm clocks..lol. Got 2 dogs to the groomers in the pouring rain, came home and hospital called to tell us that the col was getting sprung. So drove in town to pick her up and guess what she wants to do first? That's correct....let's go shoppy-shoppy. Took all her scripts to CVS and she wants to get out and go in to shop! Took her home and oh she hasn't forgotten a thing.....especially one coffee table missing, but she didn't say anything else. First thing she wanted to do was go potty....I had to make her change, she was filthy and wet. We fixed her lunch and she didn't want much, but said "I sure would like a cup of coffee"......I'm sure you would but you haven't been drinking it for the last 10 days except at breakfast. She didn't want to take a nap after lunch, but did go outside and look at the strawberries or what's left of them. I ran to retrieve the dogs at the groomers and that vet, different place than I normally go, said no problem with taking the growth off col's dogs eye, and the tumor on his butt is not interfering with the muscle, so he doesn't see a problem with removing it. Guess what? Yep, we're changing vets. Col and doggie were happy to see each other....I'm happy to have one less dog under my feet. Hubby had col all snuggled up on the couch and she took a pretty long nap. So right now, I'm going downstairs to cut the long hair growing on her chin, trim and file her nails and fix her dinner. They have been giving her night meds around 9 pm since she is a fall risk, so I guess I will keep that regimen up.
Hope everyone has had a terrific day!
ladee.....my son is going to be down in your area on Monday....kinda sort of! He is taking 2 tanks down to Houston, then going to somewhere in Louisiana to pick up a load of lumber. He's excited because the load will pay very well. Since he changed jobs he is actually making money and is happy. He and his family moved about a little over a month ago and they have been happy and all feeling well. Son suffered constant migraines, and they found out that between both girls, 10 and 7, there were 52 visits to the nurses office over the school year, due to feeling bad. Dil has MS and she hasn't had as many symptoms. They are wondering now if there wasn't a carbon monoxide leak in their old apartment. Now they are in a house, with lots of room, and lots of area outside for the girls, making better money, and I couldn't be happier for them. After all, he is my 32 y/o baby.....:)
Will check back later..................
Love and Hugz,
Jam