This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
It will get down in the 20's tonight... but no snow, thank goodness, we are letting notlikemom have all she wants...
check back later, hugs....
And hopefully we will be getting birth announcements from seeme in a couple of months. Woohoo!
It's cold and blustery here...all of 18 degrees. No more snow....sent it all north. Dogs aren't enjoying this much either. And since I have to carry the blind doggie out, it's just pretty darn miserable. A couple of weeks ago, I saw a cat wandering around the property and spent quite a while today trying to entice it to come to the house, it's killing me watching it out there in this weather, no such luck, so the kitty got to dine on a submarine sandwich in the snow....:).
Going back to lurking...:).....have a terrific evening, all of you!
Ladee-I'll take a side of snow with my apple cake. Seriously, glad things are improving.
Vic-good for you for being informed! It's not always easy because there is so much different info out there. What is the issue with the kidneys? Sorry if I've missed that. I do know the kidneys produce the hormone that stimulates the bone marrow to actually start producing red blood cells. If the kidneys can't make enough of the hormone anymore, then less red blood cells get made and there is anemia. Hope that explanation helps.
Burned-prayers for your husband's heart and for your caring one, too.
Seeme-I have three 12 year old dogs here. Want to care for them sometime? LOL With all the holiday visitors, hubby calls it our Bed & Breakfast and Retirement Home.
Dad's appointment went very well. Scheduling another sleep study, this time with a C-pap machine and maybe oxygen at night because he doesn't breathe well enough when he's sleeping. Doctor was extremely nice. We are so lucky.
My uncle is not having a formal memorial service. The remaining sibs are going to church and brunch on Sunday. So my part will probally be taking Mom to her church while Dad is busy. That's do-able. I have been talkign alot with Dad and will continue to support him emotionally.
Night all. Sleep well.
notlike keeping thoughts and prayers for your family.
ladeeda glad that Marie is being good and that you're going to be baking that cake and that Sonny helped with the dishes. Are you gonna share some of that cake with us?
Jam- thanks for sending us the snow.
Seeme- Are you going to have a puppy shower to welcome the little ones? That one would be fun.
My hubby and I got all of the legal stuff taken care of expect we have one more appointment to go on Wednesday. This weekend we're going to find ourselves going through Grandma's things and we've decided that the majority of her stuff we're donating to the hospice thrift store instead of goodwill. Then when the weather breaks we're going to have a yard sale for the rest of her things. Grandma put in her will that she wanted us to have the house. My hubby was worried that we'd have to sell it, but we don't have too.
Grandma saved everything and I mean everything so I'll let you all use your imaginations of what a task my hubby and i have to go through.
I've got laundry to do to well the hubby does. It's been hard for me to go up and downstairs plus my foot has been bothering me for the last couple of days. It doesn't help with the change of the weather so I'll just keep hobbling away.
Ladee Lou that is what dad has but evidently is is coming mor from kidneys..thanks Notlike as that is what is going on.
Maybe will tackle folding of laundry soon....
Burned...ditto on what everyone says..me thoughts and prayers are with you and hubby!
Today is moms hair day...no sitter so I will load dad up..hopefully he will be a little perkier. Maybe even get his hair cut if not Will keep him bundled in the car. As I have to get a few things at the store. Will have sitter here tomorrow..can go vegetate at my house and fold those clothes or just maybe put them on the bed ..maybe go visit a dear friend for a bit.
Dad had b12 shot for his pernicious anemia yesterday so maybe by tomorrow he will seem a little better.
Jam ..you decided on colors for the col's brown room?
Starri..hope your neighbors got home safe.
Seeme..are you gonna invite the neighborhood to the puppy shower?! Let us know what you didn't buy! We will send cyber toys! Hahaha
Love and pray for the best day possible for all.
Marie has been battling this for over 8 years, I know this is why she gets depressed sometimes, I would if I was her.... I do know that the transfusions help, but I know how hard the sitting all day is on her too, don't know how your dad would do with all that... but they do help....
Burned, sorry to hear of more problems... let us know how you are holding up... alot on your plate.... prayers...
Ro, can you teach me Spanish, I need to know what's going on in the neighborhood.....haven't had to call the cops all week... but it is the weekend... deep sigh...
Marie's house is going to smell good with the cake baking today... hope she has some fun doing it.... in many ways it will be a turning point.... and I think she may have actually missed me a little on my respite days.... as long as we are moving forward, no complaints...
Mis, don't envy you having to go thru gma's stuff, hope you are doing ok, let us know how you are....
Yeah, we are going to be gma's of puppies here soon... can't wait.... better get busy on those very large booties .....
Jam, hope the bees leave you alone today, hopefully the snow yesterday slowed them down....
hugs to everyone.... later.....
burned......hanag in there firl. At least someone is listening to you and realizing problems with hubby. Sending strength to you...
Vic....got some sleep...hope it was enough to tackle today.....
I won't have a showerfor the dogs, but will probably put a pink and blue bow on the mailbox....the local way to post announcements!! The breeder's last name is Shore. We will name the male Harley and the female Dyna. Hubby's first harley was a Dyna Glide. That makes the female a Dyna Shore!!!! BWAHAHAHAHA We will have Dorothy Lamour and Dyna Shore!!!!!!
Just a quick hello to let everyone know I'm thinking of you as you go through your trials today from cake baking to folding clothes to dealing with bureaucracy...
It's now worked itself up to 11 degrees here...back into the 50's by the weekend...no snow dances for mis.
Yes Vic......it will be medium blue, darker apricot and since the couch is white that is it on the colors. Found a throw rug with the exact colors I want. A throw and pillows for the couch, then I'm done.
ladee.....think that cake can make it through the mail? Going to have to make one now I guess since you have me in the mood. I have a recipe that was my ex-mil's for an apple-oatmeal cake that is to die for.
Hope y'all have a terrific, peace-filled day!
Happy Trails,
Jam
On the other hand, this morning my mother had to take her weekly shower, she didn't want it, and I was in my room and I heard her screaming like a soprano. When my mother is particularly upset, she sings like a soprano! She changes her voice! Unbelievable.
Ladee, I am very happy you are making friends with Marie. Sometimes you start very badly and you get better with time. One of my best friends is a woman (we met more than 30 years ago!) with whom I fought all the time when we were young. We really fought a lot. Our friendship survived, I don't know why, now we absolutely love each other and I would jump in the fire for her and she would jump in the fire for me. As far as Spanish is concerned... I am sorry I don't know spanish at all, just a few words! I want to try to learn it sooner or later, just for fun.
Sheila, lots of my cousins and my brother and SIL and nephews have been in Chicago and they love that town. But I must say they have been there in summer.
Jam, don't worry too much about the cat. He must have found a shelter. There are stray cats here, that I feed. When they hear the engine of my car, I see them comng out of kind of burrows - I think those are rabbits'burrows. There are many rabbits who escape the farms and many of them manage to survive somehow! If you continue to feed the cat, though, sooner or later he will come to your house! Perhaps he is "studying" your dogs to see if it is safe to come closer.
Seeme, we are looking forward to see your dogs who will be the most spoiled in the world.
Burned... What can I tell you? A very banal thing... Good luck for everything!
Good luck to all of us! We are all living a hell of a life - to some extent and various degrees.
Yeah Ro, things did start off bad for us, but one day I sat down and talked with her about how hard it is to let a stranger in your house, that trust has to be built, and that I knew if she had her way, she would be up and doing things herself.... I told her I do understand that, I have been doing this for so many years, and I know the adjustments some have to go thru.... so slowly it has turned around... now when she is impatient or grumpy I ask her if she is feeling bad, does her hip hurt, ect... and looking back I also see where she resented that I could do for Sonny and she couldn't....they have been married for 63 years, how hard for her to let someone else tend to her husband... so bull in a china shop I can be sometimes I do understand the adjustments she was going thru... and I had just lost Ruth 8 days before starting to work for her...had a lot on my plate too at that time.... so as long as we have worked it out, the past is the past.....and I am sure there are times that I came across dumb as a sack of rocks because I had so much on my mind at that time....
She told me how to slice the apples( I already knew how), reminded me a number of times about this or that, but I also know she was having a good time...and when Sonny was eating some of the cake for dessert I told him Marie baked it, he looked up and smiled, told him she deserved an extra smooch today for doing a good job, she laughed, he laughed and it was a good day....
And also Ro, I am so grateful to know there is laughter in your home again... Dorothy is a furry angel.....sent to you..... love ya...
Brandy, what a good attitude you have and sounds like you know when you have had enough... go to the gym, enjoy yourself.... and get onto that aide for the house being a mess....tell her you will start paying her according to what she does...lol...
So, the week was good, the respite helped me and Marie. Good things happen, we just have to give it time.....
Will check back in later....hope everyone had a good day.... love ya'll
sounds like you have your hands full...have you told sis about the shape the house is in and that the sheets haven't been changed... the worst that is going to happen is sis will get her panties in a wad, mom needs clean sheets and a safe place to live..... let us know how you handle this....hugs...
Brandy ~ You said your sister is boss. Maybe you could politely remind her that it's your mom too, and you ARE involved. You are, afterall, picking up the duties too.
What's MCI?
Linda and y'all going through hospice ~ I spoke about revereing you ladies that have been witnessing your loved ones going through hospice. I watched two of my BFFs go through it, but it's not the same as a parent. When my mom went from a stroke and my dad from a heart attach, I was spared the drawn-out dying process. I'm not sure I could handle it, and I'm terrified about the possibility of doing it with Alan. He'll probably cause my death first from stress with caring for him!
Linda ~ When it comes to the time, it may do your heart good to put your dad's hospital bed on Freecycle or Craigslist Free so it goes to someone who can use it. Or, sell it and donate the money to an Alzheimer's charity.
I have one request of all of you. When it comes to partay celebrating, you mostly reference Margaritas. I'm not all that fond of Margaritas. Could we have a second high alcohol content option? If not, it's OK. I'll bring my own box of Franzia. Or vodka.
Stormy ~ I certainly don't want to downplay your problem with sharing caregiver responsibilities, but I gotta say I'm jealous of your pool of possibilities, even though they seem reluctant. We all have our crosses to bear. I've got no sibs. Alan's sons are useless--the little bastards. My daughter has fibromyalgia, so has her own health issues. My son is disabled himself. My one adult grandson is schizophrenic, and my granddaughter lives far away. It's up to me. Off the pitty pot now. Pouring another glass of Franzia.
I have to confessmy ugly secret. That's what you do when you've have a few glasses of wine. I've got COPD. I'm not supposed to be smoking, but I'm not stalworthy enough to go through this without a crutch. I've been trying to cut back, but it was a half pack day.
I'm so grateful to have found you ladies to vent to. You understand pity pots without judging. And crutches. And share tips. And huts. And prayers.
For those of you smoking, wanting to stop or trying to stop......I stopped smoking Oct. 19, 1999 at 10:30 in the morning. I'm a terrible smoke tyrant now so you can imagine my frustration being married to a chimney. A couple of years ago he discovered the e-cigarette....I know, there are some with wild stories....but if you want to stop that's the way to do it. The "juice" is glycerine with nicotine, which is what your body needs, but the "smoke" is water vapor. Hubby is a chimney, and when the hospital went non-smoking he was at his wits end, but he could work a 12 hour shift with the e-cig and not want to smoke one time. So you might want to consider one.
The drink of choice here is Cruzan rum and coke zero..............
E-cigs: I bought the whole kit of one brand with zero nicotine juice. The one I tried was inconsistent with the amount of "draw', and it was quite a bit heftyier (is that a word?) than a regular cigarette and felt really unnatural, so I quit it. I saw that one brand specifically advertised that it was lighter than others, and I may try it. I've quit several times, but always picked it back up in times of crisis, and this is definitely a crisis. I've been hearing a lot about e-cigs also being unhealthy. But given enough time, they find everything one ingests unhealthy. But my COPD is becoming quite a problem lately. The slightest exertion makes me huff and puff. I look at it as a sign that I'm not supposed to exercise. I find it amazing that an intelligent human being will continue a habit that they know is so dangerous to their health. My son is/was a a drug addict, and my cigarette habit gives me an understanding of his problem. I'm also a food junkie.