This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Sorry dads new undies aren't comfortable for him Vic, are they too tight somewhere or he just knows it's something different??? If they end up not working for him, you can wear them when you finally get to sleep and not have to worry about going to the bathroom... just a thought....
Need to get going and get the laundry thing over with... then I can leave them in the basket and sometime go to work wrinkled somewhere besides me face, I just look at it as 'caregiver camouflage'. You ever notice how we tend to put distance with someone who has on wrinkled clothes... well, it keeps people off of me at Walmart...my big outing for the week... woo hoo... we are just pathetic sometimes, so I am grateful that we have each other and understand about things like this... ya'll have a good one.... love and hugs...
Another practical use for Depends is to wear them while shopping at the mall. Saves having to interrupt shopping to go to restrooms. Just kidding, just kidding. Or am I?
Hope everyone is having a good day.....I'm bored and whining!
Symptoms depend on how severe the stroke is and what part of the brain is affected. Symptoms may include:
Change in alertness (including sleepiness, unconsciousness, and coma)
Changes in hearing
Changes in taste
Changes that affect touch and the ability to feel pain, pressure, or different temperatures
Clumsiness
Confusion or loss of memory
Difficulty swallowing
Difficulty writing or reading
Dizziness or abnormal feeling of movement (vertigo)
Lack of control over the bladder or bowels
Loss of balance
Loss of coordination
Muscle weakness in the face, arm, or leg (usually just on one side)
Numbness or tingling on one side of the body
Personality, mood, or emotional changes
Problems with eyesight, including decreased vision, double vision, or total loss of vision
Trouble speaking or understanding others who are speaking
Trouble walking
It is key to get to the ER ASAP.
My husband Alan has had three strokes since April. The indicator for the first one was when he was unable to dress himself properly--wrong limbs in pants and arm holes--and a decrease in the functioning of his left arm. The second one was his stating that he wanted to go home while we were watching TV--in our home. The third one was a drooped mouth, inability to swallow and slurred speech.
As you can see, there is a wide range of symptoms.
Sheila, we'll have to give the name of your book some thought.... mind is a great big blank this evening....
I'm sleepy and it is way too early to go to bed..... can't drink any more coffee, so I will have to get up and move around.... OH NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Ladee-It must be scary to see seizures like your son has. Blessings. They said Mom could get them with the brain tumors, so I am filling away the info in case I need it later.
Vic-good Pony poop line. :) Glad you had a nice day. My Packers lost, too. i think we need to meet in the Laundry Room for a looser's drink!
Everything went well at church and brunch. Mom wasn't too happy that Dad and I went, but she was pretty quiet about it. She gave me permission to message the doc because we still haven't heard anything about adding the radiation and her next chemo is next week. We'll see what they say.
Here's to the start of another week. Courage, strength, and hope to all.
I have one problem lately with my mother. She calls me all the time. I am doing the cooking? "Rossella, Rossella, Rossella, Rossella, Rossella!" When I go to her, she has nothing to tell me. I dust the library in another room? She calls me again. I go to the bathroom? She calls me again. Every time I say to myself that I have to take my time, because if I hurry up to go to her, I know she has nothing to tell me. But when you are in the bathroom and somebody calls you all the time, you hurry up.
This is another stage of her disease and it makes me crazy.... She is scared of everything, of what watches on TV (anything! She can see just music and dance programs, because if in the TV there are 2 people talking, even if it is a soap, a sit-com, something happy, she thinks those people are scolding her, or they are in our house to steal everything! Oh myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
And she called me all the time, but never by my name...it was either Benny, her brother, Sharon, her daughter or mama...... especially at night, BEEEENNNNNYY, BEEEEENNNNNYYYYY, I'd get up , go in there and she would need the whole bed changed at 2 in the morning.....so I understand how you feel... don't want to not check just in case something is wrong.... walk ourselves to death.... how is Dorothy??????
notlikemom, how is mom doing on the chemo, is she getting sick??? I hope not, I have often wondered if I would go thru that , guess it would depend on a lot of things..... what kind, where it was, when was it caught, ect..... glad you and dad got out for a little while today.... and she was quite about it????? Hmmm, you'll probably hear about it tomorrow....
hugs everyone, going to zzzzzzzzzz town....
Dorothy is well and she is a doll. Two of my friends came to see me on Saturday and as though it was nice to see them - they are the only ones who didn't disappear - they criticized me for taking Dorothy. They said "You complain you have no money and no work and you adopt another dog?" And I said I am having such a difficult period that I needed something happy in my life. And they asked me: "Do you want something happy, and you take a dog?" (Actually they love dogs). And I asked: "Do you have other suggestions? Shoud I go out with people more often? Should I have a nice trip? Should I go to the hair stylist more often?" Goodness, people don't have a clue. They don't know that any time I want to do something for myself or spend some time for myself I have to plan carefully, save money, (a lot of money) and so on and so on. When they feel like going out and have a pizza they just do it! They don't have a clue. It was nice to see them anyway.
Ro folks just don't understand about animals do they! So glad you have Dorothy!
Seeme ..you go girl! Laundry done! Woohoo. ...I did get mine folded and it is sitting on the dreaded ironing board.... Course here at moms house it all has to be done right away or she has a OCD attack! Hahahaha. That is why I take mine to my house...
We ended up not going to church yesterday as dad was still semi awake. I did notice an improvement in his standing when I get him up or take him to the bathroom..he had his knees almost straight and his heels down..maybe he will be a little more alert today. And the calling ...well I get mama,Victoria, and Marie..sometimes dictator!
Notlike ...yep will meet you in laundry room glad you had a good day yesterday with dad. And mom, well maybe it will be a great week!! Little blessings
Ladee..love ya girl! Jam how is COL these days...stormy...hope it is a good day with dad. Will try to check in later...
Stormy ~ Oh, no, not you too. What, did the laundry fairy touch y'all with her "wash me" wand?
Rosetta ~ You make me feel guilty about complaining about laundry when I have a washer and dryer. I can't imagine having to drape damp clothes over the furniture. I suppose I would have layers of clothes on the furniture instad of piles on the floor. On the upside, the furniture doesn't collect dust!
Re constant calling for you, would it be possible to wheel Mom to wherever you are if you'll be there long enough to make it worthwhile and transfer her from the wheelchair to a chair or sofa?
I know what you mean about friends' suggestions. Even though I know they mean well, sometimes I just want to slap them upside their head, especially when they're telling me I should get out. It goes something like this:
Friend: You know you need to get away for a while. You can't do it all youself.
Me: I can't leave him alone.
Friend: There's all kinds of help out there. I know my second cousin once removed says her neighbor gets all kinds of help with her dad.
Me: I've researched it all, and we don't meet the eligibility requirements.
Friend: Well, you could get a sitter from one of those agencies just to go to dinner once in a while.
Me: I cut coupons for groceries. Just how much do you think I'd enjoy dinner with a cash register in my head ringing up $20 every hour I'm out. And how long do you think before I'd be blacklisted because of Alan's combativeness? (Meanwhile I'm thinking that the friend could offer to sit with Alan so I could get out. Funny how no one gives a serious offer for that.)
But, as Gloria Gaynor says, "I will survive." We all will. Somehow.
Re: wheelchair. My mother doesn't want the wheelchair. If I tried to put her in a wheelchair, she would become a dead weight (she does like this when she is angry at us, she transforms herself in a potato bag) and I don't know if I could lift a dead weight to put "it" on the wheelchair (between the wheels!) and then on a sofa or a chair. The things I can do with my mother depend on "does she want to cooperate?" If she doesn't want, I could have a heart attack. I have to find a chair with wheels (I mean a normal chair with little wheels) at a low price, so I can put her on that chair without her having the impression that she is on a wheelchair! Oh myyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I know you all understand me.
Vic, my mother too has ups and downs with her health. Those parents are unpredictable.
Burned, I don't know anything about seizures; it seems a difficult situation! I am sorry,
I can relate to "does she want to cooperate". Rather than the bag of potato method, my husband Alan uses a different technique He gets aggressive and combative. For instance, I was attempting to put him in the car to take him to a doctor's appointment when, all of a sudden, he didn't want to go and refused to get in the car. I finally opened the car door, pushed him in and slammed the door. He wound up laying back on the back seat. Instead of simply putting his feet on the floor, he started banging his feet against the door like a two year old having a tantrum. He broke the sensor inside the door that signals the annoying lady inside the dash to keep repeating that the door is ajar, and since the "lady" was always switched on, the car battery kept going dead. But the most irritating is trying to get him to sit his butt squarely on the waterproof bed pad at bedtime. He misses it all the time, because he's got a left side unawareness. He refuses my gentle verbal and physical requests to move over, responding with fistycuffs. This happens just about every night and lasts up to an hour. I looooooove bedtime. It's still better than when he doesn't sit squarely on the toilet seat. The deed is done before violence ensues, but I have to clean up Alan, the floor and the toilet. I am grateful, however, because my bathroom floor and toilet are kept clean.
I'm sure everyone will join in a hearty cheer for finding out how to outsmart all their quirks.
Rosella......I don't know what kind of equipment that emergency services uses in your area, but there is a chair, called a Stair Chair, used to take people down stairs, has wheels on the back. Sometimes when they get a little old, maybe a strap breaks, not always needed but must be used professionally, and perhaps they might be willing to donate to a good cause. Might be worth checking out.
Vic....the col's mind is virtually gone. Yesterday she told us all about how she walked out to get her paper, but then didn't go because it was too cold....it was beautiful here yesterday and warm. Then she told us she went out for a walk. She has learned that when we ask what she just ate, it's "oh, the usual" or "a meat and vegetables".....such a drastic decline in 3 mo is so overwhelming. Before she came down with pneumonia the end of Nov. we were still taking her out to eat in restaurants....now she cannot get out of the wheelchair on her own...using a gait belt is the only way to get her up.
Y'all have made me feel really guilty because I haven't done laundry yet....:) I gave the laundry fairy the week off.........I think she and the cleaning fairy are together because I haven't seen her either........................
Happy Trails,
Jam
A friend of mine just sent me this. It'll give you heart a little lift, and we can all use a little lift. I took away the message, "Burn bright, but don't burn out."