This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
hope everyone had a good day, later, hugs...
Sheila, a cow pattie is something that cows leave in the pasture after they have had lunch.... AND it the prize you get when you post with the last number being 00, something we started at the begining of the thread and it' just stuck, sort of like a cow pattie in the pasture.....
burned....glad to hear you got some rest. And yes, you shouldn't try to take on the burden of a sil.....not your responsibility, especially right now. We might find you sitting in the corner talking to yourself.
stormy.....how's Lily and the housebreaking? Saw that you finally got your cow pattie....woohoo!
ladee.....so glad you had a regular day....doesn't that feel good when you realize you can go home and relax? Hope you got a good nap.
Hope everyone is having a peaceful night...you're all in my thoughts every day.....and prayers are sent for each of you that your burdens will be light.
Happy Trails,
Jam
Well, I thought the cow pattie was a lucky charm. And i'm going to keep on thinking that. Glad i got one!!!! Thanks for all the congratulations on getting one ya'll.
Jam- Lily Lou is doing some better with the bathroom issue. But she still has her accidents. So i am hoping the poochie bells work that mis is sending me in the mail. They might be here this weekend along with the panic button(life alert).
Everything is pretty much the same on the front with dad, although me and sis thinks he is getting that neck infection again that looks like a yeast infection around his trach tube. ugh. It's something all the time.
And me and sis have not felt too great this week. Her back has been bothering her and she thought that she maybe having some kidney stones. So i was having to take care of her and dad today.
And then i have developed a huge cyst under my breast that will not pop. I have never had one there before. Although i have been plagued with cystic acne for years but that has gotten better since i started going to a dermatologist. The cyst is just sore. If it has not drained by monday i am going to the dr to see if they can do something for it. Well, i fell asleep trying to get connor asleep so i think i am going back to bed now. Night all. love and hugs stormyyyyyyy
And if you've been reading this thread for awhile, you know us, now we would love to get to know you.... just jump right in.... it was very refreshing to hear that things are good for you in so many areas....we need to hear things like that, it gives us hope....so hope we see you again...
ASG, I love reading your posts anyway, but especially now with your new phone.... it's like a puzzle, we get to try and see what you 'meant'.... and great suggestions for being a mom with added responsibility of caregiving... does Stormy know how many little ones you have???? I always love reading your posts ASG, and wish we heard from you more often..... love and hugs...
Ok, we are going to try the long day again today.... that's why I am up so early... did sleep all night, AFTER calling the cops on the illegals and their music at 10:30, am starting a search today for another place to park this thing I live in.... I am too old and cranky too keep putting up with the crap that goes on here all the time....said I am going to cut my stress this year, and living somewhere else will definetly be one less thing to be upset about....
But the good news it they know me at the police dept. now, so I all I have to do is give my name and they know why I'm calling....sometimes it takes them 30 minutes or more to come out, during those times I am setting here thinking, hey, I know how to get them here faster, and all the beautiful visions of me out there with a baseball bat breaking all the windows out of the guys truck goes thru my head..... he sets in his truck to listen to his music..... so after awhile the bass and my heartbeat are the same.... one of these days, one of these days.......they don't speak English, I don't speak Spanish, but a baseball bat is universal, especially with a fat old tired lady on the other end of it..... but they don't let you smoke or have internet in jail, so those are my deterants..... so far.
Ok, gonna go make the big bucks today.... as ASG would say, blink blink, ok......
Going to take my laptop today, after I get all the Suzy Homemaker crap done, think I will play some games and just let Sonny rearrange the whole house if he wants to.... yep, that is where my mind is today....
Love, hugs and angels to you all today.... later, much later....
Up with the chickens again today! BRRRRRRR.......it's 13 degrees out there!
Welcome Marj........glad to see you join us and just jump right in and post whenever and whatever you want. I read your profile and it's refreshing to read how you are getting along with the caregiving. Your mil sounds like mine was in the beginning....except for the appetite. Mine always tried to tell me how large she was and even though she had an appetite like a lumberjack in truth she was 5'4" and 120lbs before she lost weight, then we managed to put that back on her this last year. Her mind is now gone to where as soon as the words are out of our mouth she forgets. So come back and visit with us.....we love making new friends and this thread has wonderful care givers and very compassionate ladies....and sometimes CMag pops out of his man-cave.
ASG......I sure hope we can get the lake house sold this year since we can't convince ladee to come here and buy it.....:) The kids would probably like swimming in Wheatland park. Sounds like Aunt is having some good days....I'm glad for that. Is everyone feeling better? I saw on your FB post where hubby wasn't feeling well.
stormy.....don't let that cyst go too long....you don't need an infection. Sorry to hear Dad might be getting another one. How's sis? Is she prone to kidney stones?
sorry for the long day today ladee.....but if you take your lap then I'll probably see you on FB.
Ladies please check in so we know how you are getting along.........hubby is taking me to lunch today and we will be visiting with the col also....must check her ears and make sure they are working....last time there I was having to hunt down a quilt so I need to find out if they ever found it. It's so much more cheerful for her than the green bedspread that is provided for her. Will check back in later....hope everyone has a great day!
Happy Trails,
Jam
Kids..well you do have to stay on top of them or they learn they can run all over you! Don't know if I could have handled this when they were little..but we do surprise ourselves! God doesn't give us more than we can handle! I know I know...while we are going through it is really seems crazy but when we look back..we see He was always there. Love and prayers for a good day in all our situations!
Thank you for reminding me Vic!!!!!!!
Suffice it to say, I've read the posts. I'm laughing about the chicken butt warmers and a few other things. But I don't have time to re-write now.
So......hugs and warm wishes to all. TTYL Bee
Had a nice visit with the col.....oh my goodness the things we said to her didn't even penetrate....she just kept looking at us and saying "I'm so glad you came to visit". Her doctor came in to see her while we were there and she decided to show him how well she can stand. Butt didn't move off that wheelchair an inch. Her quilt is no where to be found. If it hasn't shown up by Monday, going to call the administrator and tell her that it would be a good idea for it to show up. I hate to buy things for other peoples' beds when the col is the one who should have it. After the fact, it will be donated, but not before.
Lack of sleep is catching up with me....power nap time.
Happy Trails,
Jam
River, when my mother's head was still working, she always talked about her funerals, mostly about the place where she wanted to be put when she would fly in the sky. As it happens in many southern italian families, we have a family vault (well 3, in fact) so I grew up listening to my mother and aunts and grandparents arguing "I want to go there: above Uncle xx and under Aunt yy, while you can go in the other vault, between granduncle zz and grandaunt ww". and it seemed very queer to me. Apparently, there are better places and worse places. Why? Is there a better view? Creepy and funny at the same time! But I have to confess that last time I was at the cemetery in my home village I started to think: "Where will they put me? Can I choose?"
Burned, I know you are sorry for your SIL, but you can't keep her too.
Ladee, what's the point of having a mobile home if you don't move it when you don't like the place where you are? I am sure that if in the weekends you will look for a better place, you will find it.
There has been a revolution in my pet family because I have always fed Camilla, my oldest dog, with better food because she is the oldest. Dorothy realized it and she wants the same food as Camilla. Now Erika (the 3rd girl) has realized it too, and she wants the same food as Camilla and Dorothy. And Rexy, the boy of the family, is on strike too. So I cook pasta and meat for everybody, and nobody wants it anymore. So I give it to the neighbour's dog, who eats all the pasta of my 4 dogs and he doesn't complain.
Dogs!
I think she likes the mobile chair, after all!
So the furbabies have found a leader in Dorothy and now you have a rebellion....Bet the neighbor dog is one happy little bundle of fur.....You never know, he may have put them up to it, smelling all those good smells coming from your kitchen.....The Diva gets special food too, but she is fifteen and I only have the one....spoiled babies, but no sense in having them if we don't spoil them....
Am glad this week is over...but Ro, the motor home doesn't work, I had to have it towed here... but I can have it towed somewhere else....and beleive me, if it would drive... I would already have moved... but it's a plan in progress.....I am surrounded by millions of acres of woods, surely someone has a spot for me and my ratty trailer....am going to put an ad in the paper and see what happens... at least i'll feel like I am doing something....
will check back in later.... going to try and get rid of this headache.....
love and hugs...
Ladee-I can see you and your baseball bat, in full righteous glory! Please bring it here and use it on my neighbor who is shoveling outside the bedrooms at 5 AM!
Jam-hope you find the quilt.
Vic-sounds like a pretty wondeful day. So glad for you.
Stormy-prayers that cyst gets fixed without problems.
Rossell-So cool the wheeled chair worked! My dogs eat like crazy things. Eveyone has their own bowl to start with, then they switch around until they've checked the other bowls. They all get the same food, everyday, so I really don't know what they are expecting to be different! LOL
Burned-panic attacks are awful. I know, I've had them. Please talk to a doctor and see about getting some meds. It really helps. Your pediatritian might have info on helping your children cope. There should be resources out there. Hugs.
Dad had his first treatment yesterday and it went well. Thank goodness, One down, five more to go.
Mom's got a sinus issue, but OTC stuff is helping. Her old doctor gave her antibiotics every time she sneezed. I don't agree with that, and have told her so. I've also offered to take her to the doctor if that's what she wants. She hasn't asked yet to go, so we'll see if she gets better on her own.
Another weekend - yeah! There's always too much to do, but I'll get some of it done. And a nap!
Have a good day everyone.
Up early and had a nice long post written and POOF!!!!!! Need more coffee before I can do it again. Thinking of you all and will rewrite in a little while................