This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Carol-you may have done this already, but how about taking family pictures and her momentos to the NH? Surrounding her with things she cares about might make it easier for her. Hugs.
Burned-Lock yourself in the bathroom if you must! And take a deep breath. Take your time in 5 minute breaks if you neeed too. Remember, breaks are NOT to hurt your family, they are to help you clear your mind and heart so you can continue to do the stressful job you are doing. Hugs.
Must call chemo doc this morning and let her know Mom is sick. DK if there will be chemo tomorrow or not.
Here I was commenting yesterday about folks not calling or visiting.. After church one of my friends said she would like to come visit. Told her thanks and that early afternoons are pretty good. Figuring I would hear from her sometime or maybe not..you know good intentions and all. Well she called late afternoon and wondered if she could come visit. She brought soup and homemade bread and stayed with mom and dad a good hour! How generous and how bad of me to be complaining! By the way the food was fantastic. Pray we all have a good day.
Notlike..dad likes the ricolas..now when I go with parents to docs. If something comes up I try to ask is ths or that correct in my telling them so parents hear the doc validifying what I try to do at home. It works ...sometimes ☺
stormy.......I have to agree with ladee.....you and your family need to put a stop to everything right now. It doesn't matter whether or not this is a niece.....she apparently doesn't care what she has done to Grandpa or the rest of you. Okay, so she falsified a POA to the bank.....has she taken money out of Dad's account? How about credit cards in his name? She's hurting your Dad......I would be kicking some butt.......the first thing to do this morning is for sis to GO to the bank, get the real POA on file there, open a new account and freeze his old accounts. That way if she is taking the money or has automatic payments coming out, that stops. You asked how to find out what else she has done? By being proactive. I know it's a shocking thing to realize this is family but she has committed a crime. We care about you or we wouldn't be telling you all this..................
Vic.....don't look at it as complaining....only wishful thinking out loud. But glad your parent had visitors.......nice for all of you. And soup sounds yummy......
I hoping today the col doesn't continue to complain about coming home. It's so hard to tell her that she can't. Target explained over and over that she physically wasn't well enough to do that and had to be able to get out of the wheelchair. The problem is her mind tells her she stands and walks all the time. I learn everyday what I get to look forward to........................:)
I hope everyone has a good day...........will check back with y'all later..........
Happy Trails,
Jam
Also she(neice) had told sis about a month ago that she was going to try to get her a credit card. Then about 2 weeks ago she tells sis that she got one with a limit of 5000.00 dollars. How in the hell does someone with bad credit get a credit line with that much. Just worries me. Told hubby about all this last night and he thinks we should tell dad what all has been going on with her. He says that we are sorry (me and sis) if we don't tell him. I feel he should know too. But sis i know is just trying to keep the peace. I think she is being too naive about neice. I would love to know how she got that credit card. And what all else she has got too.
Well i went to the dr for my cyst and she cut it that hurt somewhat but when she started mashing that thing, good lord that did hurt. She took a culture of it and said that they would call me in a few days with the results and said that it looked like i might have some staph infection in their. How lovely!!!! She put me on 2 different kinds of antibiotics for 10 days. Got to take 5 of them suckers a day. Next i hope i don't get a yeast infection. Ahhhh the joys of womanhood!!!!! Sorry to gross ya'll out soo early in the day just thought ya'll might want to know what she said. So i will find out more in a few days. I hope ya'll have a lovely day!!! I got to go pick up my meds and go to dads to relieve brother that has been there an HOUR. Love and hugs stormyyyyy.
P.S mis- I got the poochie bells and the panic button. Lily has been using the bells she still has had a couple of accidents but it is just going to take time. Have not set up the panic button yet but will check it out tonight. Thank you again so much for sending the bells and the button to me. Love and hugs to you stormyyyyy
For me day started out ok..now I am down don't know why..just feeling bummed. Tired I guess.
Burned..my prayers are with you..eat yogurt will help..you are in my heart and prayers
Stormy ditto to what Jam said. You're most certainly welcome.
Everyone else I hope things are good where ever you're at. Got some more work to do and then maybe I can rest some.
Stormy don't worry for your medical problem. It will certainly be something which goes away with some antibiotics. i agree with the others, something must be done for your niece - FOR HER. If you don't stop her, she will put herself in major troubles. By keeping it quiet, you don't make her a favour.
ASG I am happy to see you are still a sweet and compassionate person after all you went through.
Burnedin, I am so sorry and worried for you.
Vic, I admire your energy and courage...
Ladee we can't live in the country. We can't stand what people do to animals... Stories of ordinary and daily cruelties.
Caregiver10, try to keep the "independence" you have (2 separate apartments) as long as you can....
Sorry my head is empty tonight. I have to work. Kisses everyone
So join us and let us know how you are, and say what you need to say..... this is the place we gather to stay sane.... well, sort of sane.... hugs to you
thank you for the hugs and prayers ,
means alot to me .
big bear hugs to you .
xoxox
rossella - ouch ! fallin off the chair . bet it woke u up lol ,
love you rossella . hugs and kisses to you dear xoxoox