This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I'm being asphyxiated and apparently I'm going to have to move. The col's dog jumped up on the opposite side of the bed and laid down.........okay, he's not bothering anyone. But then it's bad enough that he burps like a beer-swilling Bubba....now he is farting like one..............geez Louise this dog stinks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah I am loving ASG's posts, it's always a surprise.....
A great friend sent me some 'auto correct' stuff today, my fave is 'Jesus, Mary and Jerome", I laughed until I was crying.... so keep it comin ASG.... love ya....
I would say to oldwonderful that just because the NH is now the home of your loved one, it doesn't mean you are not still the caregiver-you are and your presence makes all the difference. The care is the same, it's the location that's changed.
I am very sorry for people who could be better if the drugs didn't cost 3000 dollars. I am starting to understand why Marie is bad tempered, sometimes.
I am sorry for those of you who have to take care of POA and legal and bureaucratic problems. As if someone didn't have enough to do already.
We don't have storms here but it's cold and we are all gathered around the stove.
Ladee take care.... If Diva is scared, let her sleep in your closet.
Good night! Rozella
Who is Lizard....did I fall asleep and miss someone......:) I love your posts ASG!
cmag, happy to hear you have found a Dr. you are feeling you can make some progress with.....and try not to feel any anxiety about telling the previous Dr. It is a sign of growth when you know you have outgrown your Dr. and it is time for a new one....
Hugs to everyone....
hadassah, fresh out of chicken soup, but have lots of prayers to send for you to feel better.... take care of yourself....
hope everyone had a good day, I'm feeling like Fri. can't get here soon enough.... Recently some things were referenced about paid caregivers getting to go home at night, we can detach, ect.... yes we get to go home at night, but just like ya'll sometimes we dread the next day.....
Here are some things we deal with that ya'll don't.... trying to get family members to listen when we feel something isn't right..... no matter where I have worked there has been at least one "power tripper", whether that be my charge or a family member... regardless of how we feel, what is going on in our lives we don't get to show that., we don't get to raise our voices out of frustration, or being tired, or being bored out of our minds..... depending on what mood our charge is in, we have to keep smiling and always be respectful.....and yes to some degree we detach, but at the same time, if we don't really care about these people we shouldn't be in thier home..... and no, we don't have a history with these folks,but being spoken to like you are stupid , the feelings that come with that are universal.
So yes we get to come home at night, unless we do a live-in job, then the family expects you to work for next to nothing, 8 hours off a week, and still do all the smiling and no complaining.....some of you know when I was workig with my lady Ruth, her daughter almost drove me insane... why didn't I seek other employment, because I knew when I wasn't there Ruth was being abused.... why didn't I turn them in... they had been turned in by a family memeber, the cop that came out knew BG so he bought her story, did I finally get a home health RN involved after Ruth broke my leg... yes, and she intervened , Thank God, so at least Ruth was put in a NH while my leg healed....then the NH RN would not listen to me when I was trying to tell her Ruth had a UTI, they treated her for behavioural problems.... the UTI ended up being what took Ruth's life...... I question to this day should I have done more to get someone attention.... what a f**ked up situation to be in, because after all, I was only the paid caregiver....
And don't get me wrong, I'm not upset at the perception of paid caregivers, but did want ya'll to know a little of our side of things.... we put up with a lot of crap, literally and pyhsically, and we have no voice.... it's more than a job to me.... or beilieve me, I wouldn't be doing it for lousy pay, long hours, no insurance, no paid holidays, verbal abuse, and on and on.... so if some of you are blessed with a caregiver coming into your home, please know that we are human, feel what you feel, think what you think, and we have no voice..... thanks for letting me share this.... many years ago when I first came to the AC sight, I was told I was not 'accepted' because I was a 'paid' caregiver.... I had to fight to have my place here, and admin stepped in and welcomed me... some still shunned me, wouldnt' reply, ect.... so I am very proud to say things have come a long long way, there are a few paid caregivers on the sight..... and I have some awesome friends here.... and I wouldn't want to put my heart and soul anywhere but here....
love, hugs, and angels....