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Austin, you are getting pieces of yourself back. You are not the same person you were when I first came on AC, hubby was still alive and you were soooo unhappy and tore down.... I felt relief when my dad died... but sorry, I didn't feel guilty.... sometimes so much damage can be done by that person, what is there to miss... what could have been??? We had already grieved that during the process of them dieing..... and we are left here to heal behind it all. You have made some awesome progress lady.... and happy you are still posting all over the place... you have a lot to offer, even after the fact... you have honesty and experiance on how to get on with your life and the struggles that come with that.... so hugs to you lady... you've come a long way.....
Sorry Stormy, I am a cat person, but othes have dogs, they'll have suggestions I'm sure....
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Hello to all those new to posting and to those who have just started again, River, I loved what you shared about saying "No" that is so important to remember. I find it really hard sometimes to remember it's ok to say "No".

Ladee, what is out there for you is just waiting for you to see it.. it's there as sure as the sun is going to come up tomorrow. Things are letting up a little for me, while the stress isn't gone, it's better.

Ya'll were talking about feeling relieved when a person passed on, I will have to stand and admit that when my Mom's 2nd husband passed, I was ready to throw a party. I did buy a black cocktail dress to wear to the funeral. Would have danced on his casket had I not considered that really tacky. Sounds evil of me I know, but when someone has abused you for so long, you can understand.

I hope that all are having easy nights, Big Hugs.
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hadassah414, it does sound you have plenty of material for a book and the drive to write it. I think it would be a very healing experience.
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Morning everyone,
River thanks for posting your story about saying no.
I had no problems with that saying that word to grandma. She'd want to give our cat milk or something and I would say, No, daisy don't like that stuff and she only eats her cat food and drinks her water. Grandma would throw a tantrum and either storm off to her bedroom or threaten to hit me or threaten to kick my hubby and I out of the house. I tried not to take in personal but it was hard not too. Other family members would just let her have her own way and that it was the right thing to do. Or the many times when grandma wanted cookies for supper instead of a real meal. I knew it was the demintia talking and not the grandma that I knew. People would ask us sometimes if we had any kids. I'd pipe up and say sure we do we have an 80-something teenager at home our grandma. I miss her daily but I know grandma is in a better place and I do miss the caregiving part but I do like my freedom. Just the other day, I left the foot rest up on her lift chair and the hubby yelled at me, Put your foot rest all the way in. lol
Ladeeda hugs to you.

As for me, I'm doing alright. I may end up taking an unpaid temporary leave of absence from work with all of the stuff going on. I need to get my health back in order and taking care of me for a change. I haven't talk with the hubby about it yet but sure am going to. I just need that extra time to heal especially with the heart issues that I have and doing the normal working 5 days a week just isn't helping the stress level.
Hope everyone has a good week.
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Morning all...thanks for the story Rivier...I am a yes person too..when I realize I need to say no ..I am already past the point of where I need to be. Also you are right on about that our no helps someone else to step up and feel needed or rewardedmformtheir talents and insights.. This I try to remember because I am taking away something from someone else...just because I don't know how to say no. Works in all facets of life. ...used to do things at work rather than ask someone else to do it because it wasn't done in "my" time...how selfish of me!
Thanks again a great reminder and a way to asses our day honestly!
As for us..dad has had three decent day and nights...waiting for the bottom to drop out (how bad is that!). Looking to hope instead and praying he will just be comfortable and at peace with his limitations.
Naps...well we all had one yesterday after church and lunch! Pray we all have the best day and that we can be gentle and loving despite their crabbiness! Love and prayers
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Oh and Mis...take care you! Hubby will understand...sure does tak a very long time for our bodies to heal...
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I can't say no either River, depending on the circumstances... I can tell Sonny no when he is about to hurt himself and things such as that.... I am learning to tell my son no... and that is one of the hardest and healthiest things I have done.... society has taught us if we say no it is selfish... we rarely if ever tell a boss no, that will get us fired.... good topic... going to pay attention today and this week on how many situations if I had said no how much my stress level would have come down....then start paying attention to really saying no....
mis, take that time off !!!!! I would take a week myself if I could afford it, but I know hubby will be ok with it....he wants you around for many years to come....
Ok, am going to work today with a different attitude, housekeeper it is.... does that mean I don't get to post now??????
love hugs and angels... everyone have a safe day....
Oh and vic, Marie always did great on the procrit shots.... so hope dad continues to improve and you get some much needed rest yourself.... tell your sweet hubby hi for me.... love and hugs
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Ladeeda -you better not leave this thread I will hunt you down you are a voice of reason-maybe that dates me but we need your good advice and more importantly your friendship.
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River, great story.....I think you got the gist down pretty good. I am a "yes" person which is what got me into caring for my mom in the first place, not that I would have traded it - I just would have gotten more help sooner.
Vic, thank you for the good wishes. We will go to dinner later at Red Loster, my choice. Three nights of sleep? Bet you didn't.....like I've said before, if they don't wake you up, you have to go check on them.
Mis, PLEASE take time for yourself. I had no idea how much I was affected by things until I went to visit Kathy's mom Saturday at the same NH/Rehab center my mom was in when she broke her hip. I swear I had PTSD when I walked through the front doors. Kathy talks about how tired she is after one week and it all comes back..........
Stormy, as soon as she bites, clamp her mouth shut until she squeals and say "NO BITE".....always worked for me, but she is going to go through that stage regardless. Watch Cesar Milan on NGO........love that man. Don't forget you have to be the "Big Dog"....Connor, too.
Starri, glad to see you posting. Going to Texas soon?
Ladee, I would feel demoted, too. Now that there is just housework for me, I don't want to do it. And I can find the damndest excuses not to dust..........I swear I'd rather take a beating.
Jam, you either have the best memory ever, or you have watched to see my profile flip to 60. That was one funny card. I played it loud so hubby could hear it........while he was in bed already. He worked last night again, so I will eb quiet all day.
Everyone make it the best day possible......ttyl
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Austin.......DITTO!!!!!!!
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"Without humor, life sucks. Without love, life seems hopeless. Without friends like you, life is nearly impossible."
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Ditto seeme...........HAPPY BIRTHDAY girlfriend! Do I see a special lunch or dinner in your near future?
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Happy Birthday Seeme Sue, wish I was there to give you a bday hug.... is hubby taking you out and about today????Love ya bunches,,, glad you made another year... saw somthing on FB that was hilarous... shows a cat stretching, then said everything went craaaaaaaack, so cat decided he wasn't getting old, he was just
"crispy".... so you are one fiesty little crispy critter.... love and lots of hugs...
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Happy Birthday Dear Seeme, hope that everything you wish for is granted.
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Seeme, just read back over some of the posts, isn't dust a protective coverage like the ice was on the ice cream as my Mom use to say? lol... I don't like to dust either, and here in Desert Hot Springs, I pretty much don't.. when the wind blows, dust and sand cover everything, we had a windstorm the other day, told Glenn I had to have the smoothest skin around as I had been seriously sandblasted.
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Good Morning. It's another day ladies and gents... here we go! Weeeeeeee! Here's another thought. I have been trying to figure out what being selfish is all about. As caregivers it is the rope that hangs us. People we care for throw that at us in a myriad of ways. A look, a stinging word, a pout, or cold shoulder-we all get the vibe that usually happens right after the no, I can't do that, or that will have to wait, or some other version of telling a person that their request won't be answered as they expected. Again, I think that selfishness needs a clear definition in our minds. A definition that will help us define our motives and thereby our actions. Nothing like knowledge. So, here is Mr. Webster's definition of selfish: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others And this: arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others a selfish act: I think I will memorize this and when I have to say no to something and I get slammed with the inward guilt of "i'm being selfish" or the outward bad vibe of "you're being selfish" I will compare my reason for saying no to this definition. I think in the end I will find that I am not a selfish person and that my saying no was healthy for all concerned-including me. Off to the great definition experiment! To all of you struggling with the burdens of caregiving just know that I for one do understand your struggles. I am in the thick of it all too. 6 siblings too far away to help, 2 parents to care for, financial and insurance work that needs my attention, I am unemployed and heading for bankruptcy, have my own health issues, have serious problems in my own family that has nothing to do with the parents...I know! and my heart and prayers go out to all of you. Be kind to your selves, be generous in giving to yourselves. Do kind thngs for your selves. You are precious and valuable beyond measure. Have blessed day everyone.
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Thank you all for the b/day wishes......dinner at Red Lobsster.....hubby is laready awake and we may ride around and see what we can find. My big present is the puppies......when we get them. Next month is our 40th anniversary and they will be our presents also. We are even thinking of getting some in MO is May if for some reason things don't work out with the ones in NC....so we have a plan B. Maybe we will go looking in the Pet store today.......still need a few things for them...............thanks again..................
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Seemee- happy birthday sweetie!!! I hope you have a wonderful birthday and eat some crab legs for me at red lobster. I love them!!! Love and hugs stormyyy
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Stormy, thanks for your wishes.....I am leaning toward calamari and lobster, but will wait to see just what is on the menu.....love crabs, but it is a wasted meal as they go right through me!! But then I DO know where the bathrooms are on the way home......what a thing to have to think about!!!!!
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Stormy, I'm not sure how old your puppy is. It takes a lot of consistency but the very best way to train him to not bite; NEVER allow him to put his teeth on human flesh. Smack his nose, just enough to get his attention, every time he starts to play with his teeth on you. He will start to give up and lick your skin, that's when you pet & praise! If all his 'people' will be consistent with this training, he will soon understand. I trained a puppy years ago to do this. It's a good thing, he grew to be 130lbs! He is long gone now but in his whole life, he never bit any person. If dog is large, also train him to never jump up on people, with the same principle. Good luck with your puppy! :0)
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stormy.......did you get my email this morning?
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I have been spoiled by going to Maine-I can only eat lobsters at the Lobster Shack in Lincolnville right off the lobster boats.
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Someone told me once that on the East coast you can get a lobster at a McDonald's....is that true? I bet it's a lot less expensive than what we pay for one here........it's a shame to love it so much and have to pay $25 for one. So we wait until our Vegas trip so we can get a special steak and lobster dinner for $9.99.....and they are delicious!
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River, you know it's not like we had any role modes to teach us about self caring as opposed to selfishness.... and it's the selfish ones making all the demands and we end up feeling guilty.... how messed up is that....
Seeme, hope your bday was a good one.... did I read right that you are not getting the puppies you were hoping for???? But you do have another place to go??? I sure hope so, if anyone ever needed puppies it is my Seeme Sue...
Austin, you know I'm not going anywhere, I might miss something.... and thanks for helping me feel valuable today, I am working thru another deep depression, so what you said makes me feel good... I appreciate you, thanks
Marie was just Marie today and I was just the housekeeper....

Hope everyone has a descent day.... love and hugs to you all...
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.... role models.... jeeez
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Jam- I didn't get your message. Love and hugs stormyyy
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stormy....did you change your email? I'm going to send another one...let me know if you get it.
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Seeme..lhope you have had a fantastic day..all laughs and a little jig or two! And you are right I did wake up these last few nights but heard him snoozing peacefully through the monitor! At least I didn't have to get up...
Love you all... The day has been pretty good..Praise God for his Blessings!!
195 Austin..mmmmmmmm. Maine lobsters!
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Happy Birthday Seeme!!! Hope you enjoyed your dinner. Thinking about taking the hubby to Red lobster too next month for his birthday,too plus it'll double as an anniversity dinner too.
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Happy B day Seeme and I do hope its good one with some sweet surprises if not a day off ...don't we all wish for something like that. Today I took the kids for a walk to wear em out some...hopefully it works and I didn't know my daughter didn't have any school today ...its been one of those days....hmm i prefer crab salad to lobster is actually like looking at a brain muscle tissue ...bleh but to each their own and if I am lucky i can get things ...can't file my taxes yet but man I am hoping for a good return this year...
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